Water
by the.israel.project107
Summary: Riku is washed up on the shores of Destiny Island after a terrible storm, only to find that nobody knows he exists. Worse, even Sora doesn't remember him, but the problem goes deeper than just memories. How did this happen, and why? RikuSora,Zemyx,AkuRoku
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I _could _claim to own Kingdom Hearts and all its worldly affiliates, but, le sigh, I would be lying. The pool of professional envy that I'm wading in says otherwise.

A/N: First fanfic. Only fanfic. The chapter length is frustratingly short, and I suck at third-person. See? With so much criticism already piled on me by myself, no one needs to be mean! Seriously though, I welcome all feedback.

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CHAPTER ONE

_Water. Water was everywhere, in every pore, filling every orifice. It flooded my lungs, my eyes, surrounded my skin until there was nothing left but the cold, the darkness. I didn't even try to breathe; it was already futile. The world was blue of the deepest nature, swirling in a suffocating storm of perfect stagnancy. Through my slitted eyes, I could see my hands in front of my face, floating on the ends of my arms. Silver hair eddied lazily in and out of my field of vision, until the slitted eyes slid completely shut. There was nothing left to see. Nothing left to feel. _

_No more cold._

_No more darkness._

Sora opened his eyes to rain. The curtains of his window were swept, as always, aside to reveal the new day, in all its depressingly cloudy glory. He groaned, thrusting an arm across his face. "Nuuu. No fair."

On tropical Destiny Island, the weather was ever-prone to change. As spectacular as the sunny, postcard-perfect days were, so too were the storms in their fury. Sensible architecture had all the houses upon the island standing three feet off the ground, for when the inevitable floods would hit. The wind would howl and lash, the boats and canoes belonging to children and fisherman would be splintered upon the shore, and coconuts would fly like wild canon-fire. To look out upon nature at its most raging was to offer your breath to be snatched away in reverence.

For Sora, the frightening glory of the storms was a constant irritation during the wet season. Currently, the Island was coming to the tapering end of the rains, but they still occurred every now and then, like determined last gasps. Soon the sun would reign for another three-quarters of a year, but that didn't change the fact that right here, right now, he was house-bound until the present storm fully abated. Oh, God, if he even _suggested, _even _thought _of suggesting venturing out before the clouds were all gone and the sun baking the world dry once again, he would be subjected to his mother's _entire _diatribe of the risks of tropical storms. He would be sat down at the kitchen table, and the newspaper clippings would come out, paraded one after the other, while she described in full, graphic, creative detail the fates of those who had previously thought to defy Destiny's more vicious face of Mother Nature.

Sora sat, the coverlet bunching at his hips as he crossed his legs and peered out, scowling at the gloom. Damn it, he'd been planning to see Kairi today, and then they were going to collect Selphie, and she in turn would nag them until they went and added Tidus to the group. Wakka would somehow have magically appeared the second Tidus touched the pavement, as if he'd been lying in wait in the dog house, then they all would have paddled out to the play island. Selphie would have pouted off by herself the instant Tidus and Wakka ignored her in favour of blitz practice in the beach shallows, and Sora and Kairi would alternately have laughed at her, comforted her, and suffered her clasped-handed visions of romance at seeing the two of them together. And then, with the usual procedures out of the way, the day would have been what it was – not – not this… _bland – rainy – USELESSNESS. _

Sighing in disgust, Sora flung the covers away, padding across the room to where his cell phone sat quietly on his roll-top desk. He picked it up, dialling Kairi's number.

She answered quickly, humour in her voice as she warned, "Your mom's not going to liiiike thiiiiis."

"Hush," Sora bit back playfully. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

Kairi laughed. "How do you figure you'll pull that off? Your mom knows ALL."

And sure enough… _"Sora, honey, I hear you talking – you're not on the PHONE, are you?"_

"Oh, snap."

Kairi giggled on the other end. "Busted. The woman has ears like a wolf."

"Whoa. HEY, MOM. KAIRI THINKS YOU'RE A DOG."

Kairi squealed. _"Holy shit! Sora! Take it back!" _

"I go, I take you down with me," Sora cackled. Then, "Oh, crap, she's coming. To you, Kairi, I bequeath all my worldly possessions – plus my brutally maimed corpse."

"_SORA! GET OFF THE PHONE, NOW!"_

"She's coming!" Sora whispered hysterically into the cell. "Hide me!"

"Oh, sure, Sora, I'll just tuck you away into a convenient corner of my room. No wait – once I inherit your brutally maimed corpse, I'll go taxidermy on your ass, and _then _tuck you into a corner of the room. No, wait, the closet! And then I'll tell Selphie I left her a present in there!"

"Oh, my _God _you're evil."

"Sora!"

Sora let out an 'eep' as his mother appeared in all her maternal rage in the doorway. "Say good-bye to Kairi, _now, _mister!"

"Good-bye, Kairi," he moaned funereally, and hung up without waiting for a response.

Sora's mother, while small in stature, had a presence which filled the room. Normally mild-mannered, once angered, the air around her rose and undulated, like an aggressive bird puffing up its feathers. Sora grinned weakly as she planted a hand on either hip and glared. He twinkled the fingers still wrapped around the phone and said, "Morning, mommy."

"Don't you 'mommy' me. Sora, _how _many times do I have to tell you not to use the phone during a storm? People get electrocuted that way! It happens, I've read about it!"

"Moo-ooom."

"You might think I'm being silly, but how do you think you'll feel when it's your _brains _being fried, just because you couldn't go five minutes without socialising? _Hmmm?"_

"Regretful."

"That's _right. _For the two seconds you have left to _feel _regret, and then you'll be dead. And that goes for the computer, too. I heard you last night, tapping away – Sora, computers _explode _during storms!"

"Okay, I give in! You got me!" He tossed the cell phone to the floor and staggered sideways to the bed, clutching his bare stomach as though shot. "Spare me. I have _seen the error of my WAYS!" _

His giggles are interrupted by a clip upside the head, making him yelp. His mother smirked. "That's better. Don't make me start confiscating your electronics."

"No, mother," he sighed, long-sufferingly.

"Good boy. Now, get dressed, I'm making breakfast, and then you can use your time in house-arrest to either, a) complete your homework, and I _know _it's not done yet, or b) clean out the attic like you were supposed to two weeks ago."

"Homework! I lied! I have _lots _left to do!"

"I don't get you and the attic," she muttered, leaving him alone. He followed her to the door, hanging off the frame as she headed downstairs and calling, "It's _scary _up there, mom! If you want it clean so bad, _you _do it!"

"Yes, dear," her voice floated back. "Mommy will protect you from the big bad dust-bunnies."

"Damn straight," Sora muttered, shuffling over to the closet. "Not just _any _dust-bunnies, _mutant _dust-bunnies. They multiply like… bunnies… fuck it."

Sora stripped off his pyjama bottoms and pulled on a pair of boxers, his ripped jeans, and a small red tee, looping two belts around his hips, one to hold the jeans to his slim hips, the other for decoration. Running a hand through his hair and likening it to a good comb, he trip-trapped down the stairs and into the kitchen, where the smell of fried bacon and poached eggs swam and tempted. Taking a deep, happy lungful of the delicious air, he sank down at the round kitchen table and watched his mother cook. She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Any thoughts on what you want for your birthday yet?"

Sora frowned, bringing his hands together and studying the steepled fingers. "I've thought about it… But I still don't know." He looked up, perplexed. "I don't need anything, mom."

"Need, no, but want?"

"I don't _want _anything. I can't think of a thing. I'm good how I am."

She pouted, turning the bacon with a hiss and sizzle. "Jeeze, you take the fun out of this," she grumbled. "I haven't been able to get you anything _good _for years now. I miss my baby's excited face when he realises he's got what he always wanted."

Sora shrugged, smiling beatifically. "I guess I just… already have everything I always wanted."

"You had better mean materially, mister, or I may gag on the sentiment packed into that small sentence."

Sora snorted, then laughed. "Fine, mom. Materially, I need, and want, nothing."

"But _Sora. _That's no _fun."_

"But _mom. _It's _my _birthday. Get me a box of sea air and I'll be happy!"

"You, my dear boy, are odd."  
Sora shrugged. "What's Aunt Serba getting Roxas for _his _eighteenth?"

"Hmm." Sora's mother tipped the bacon onto his plate, then went back to fish the eggs from their watery pan. "I think she said something about that new skateboard on the market – a McDuck?"

Sora nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, I can see that. Roxas'll be pleased. The board he has now is getting kind of worn-out."

"You used to like skating, didn't you?"

"Only with Roxas." Sora shook his head. "And only in Twilight Town. Destiny's got too many cracked roads to be able to skate properly."

"Well, I can't say I'm disappointed. It seems so _dangerous. _I don't know how that cousin of yours survives his life, between that skateboard he screeches around on, and those fights he gets into."

"The fights aren't dangerous, mom, it's to do with the tournaments he does. It's all done in a proper environment." He dug into his breakfast, practically inhaling it, while his mother rolled her eyes at his voraciousness, and disappeared off to do – you know – _mom _things. Cleaning and stuff. God knew Sora didn't make the house sparkle like it did. He could barely pick up after himself.

Once finished, he slipped his plate into the sink and snuck back upstairs before his mom could screech at him to clean it. He sat down at his desk with a _flump, _twisting the seat to look out at the weather. It persisted to be miserable, though the ferocity was dying down. Lightening flashed periodically, powerful enough to throb the air tangibly. It was times like this that Sora was grateful for the underground powerlines the Island Council had installed ten years previously. Sure, it meant that when the power _did _go out, it was for a damn messy reason that often took a couple of days to fix, in which everything in the fridge would die a terrible, smelly death, but it was vastly preferable to the days of yore, when storms like the present one left them shivering in the dark. Sora still had bad memories of those days.

Sighing, he dropped to his knees on the carpet and stretched over to where his cell-phone lay dark and silent. No new messages. Hmph – you'd think Kairi would at least check in to see if he was still breathing with both lungs. Some best friend _she _was.

Sora clambered back up onto the desk chair, and picked up his chemistry textbook with pronounced distaste. "Ick," he said, for emphasis, in case the book was still unaware of the minute space it occupied in Sora's usually all-loving heart. He slammed it down and opened it up, adding, "Double ick," as he scanned the questions he was required to answer on the bookmarked page. Face-desk moment! "Kairiiii," he grumbled, head lolling to the side. "Why are you not heeeeere, helping meeeee? Hmph. See if I leave you my maimed corpse now. I'll leave it to _Selphie, _and she'll turn it into a _moogle, _and every time you go to her house, you'll have to face the fact that I chose _eternal moogle-dom _over _you." _

Hmmm… how to further procrastinate…?

Sora rose from the chair and stalked over to the window, hands folded behind his back, glaring at the storm. From his room, Sora had a clear view of the ocean, chopping and foaming with frustration, lapping at the barrier of land. It was usually a sight Sora liked to avoid – if he stared for too long, he would end up having The Nightmare again when he turned in for the night. Capital T. Capital N. Sora had nightmares just like everybody did, ones where you fall into nothingness, ones where you suddenly realise you've been giving your English oral speech in your underwear (and that's if you're lucky – yeah, the naked one was _mortifying). _There were times when he realised he was dreaming, and stopped the bad things from happening, and times where he'd look on helplessly, forced to live it out until waking or slipping into pleasanter visions. But The Nightmare was different to those. It was vivid. It breathed. He felt the sun, smelled the surf, feet sinking an inch into the hot sand. And the tidal wave that grew, and advanced, it was real. It was coming. The water would recede from his feet, draining away to feed the gargantuan wave that would obliterate Destiny Island and all its inhabitants… Sora had been having this nightmare for as long as he could remember. He grew up with that fear imprinted on his soul. It meant that, when the others went surfing, he would stay on the sand. It meant that blitzball belonged to all others, but never him, he would never give himself so far to the water. It was difficult, being terrified of the ocean on a small island, but Sora had managed. He could still row over to the play island and have fun. He could still cool off on a hot day. He just wouldn't go too deep. And when the others inevitably did, he would close his eyes, or creep away to the Secret Place before anyone noticed him leaving.

When the wet season came about, and the waves began to tower… well, Sora didn't sleep too well during those months.

In a fit of defiance, Sora flipped the ocean off.

_Yeah, Sora… it's a-shakin' in its boots…_

He sighed, and drew the curtain across, hoping to block the morbid mental images just as easily. Suddenly, the mutant dust-bunnies weren't looking quite so bad.

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The storm grew worse again that night. It was as if the world was being torn asunder in a battle between the gods. The window vibrated violently in its frame, making Sora sink further into his bed, whimpering quietly. He squeezed his eyes shut, listening to the ocean pound out a metronome in the background. He didn't sleep – couldn't. He was too busy waiting for the silence, knowing that this time would be the time, tonight was the end of the world, of his world – the second the silence came, he would know that the tsunami was coming. The sea would cease to crash, and instead there would be a quiet hiss. The rain would continue, loud as ever, but in the absence of the ocean's ire, it would seem like a whisper. And then the hiss would become a roar. The roar would become the universe. And then, they would all just cease to be.

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Dawn arrived, at long last, surprising Sora. He sat slowly, gripping the covers around his body, staring at the curtains. He reached out, flicked them aside, and watched the sun rise. The storm was quiet now, the ocean calmer, and the sound of water dripping from the trees and gutters filled the room as Sora unlatched the window and pressed it out an inch. He caught a lungful of moist, earthy air, breathed it deep, almost swooning relief as the clouds, bit by bit, were dispersed by the climbing sun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Okay, presently, I own some cd's, an acoustic guitar with the hole bit broken after my industrial-sized fan was pushed onto it by my cat, and I definitely _can _claim to own Kingdom Hearts – but that's only because my mum bought it for me. Yeah. My KH ownage extends only as far as the PS2 cords will stretch.

**Belated warnings: **Spoilers. Swearing. Eventual man love, obviously. Riku in uber-emo mode. And some amounts of Kairi bashing, although I originally didn't intend to. Something about the girl just riles me up. Oh, and definite OOCness, I'm pretty sure. I blame that on the fact that you can't buy CoM over here.

A/N: This chapter will be improved at a later date, because right now it pretty much sucks.

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CHAPTER TWO

Destiny Island was back to normal; beautiful sunshine, clear, warm air, just a hint of a breeze. The only indication that there had ever been inclemency at all was the sparkling wet streets and the numerous new dents littering the pavement, cars and occasional houses from the coconuts.

Sora and Kairi picked up Selphie, and the three found Tidus and Wakka at the docks, sparring. Tidus had his old, roughly hewn wooden sword in hand, while Wakka laughed hysterically and bopped him yet again with his ever-present blitzball. Tidus was red in the face. "Damn it, Wakka! This isn't _baseball! _If you throw that fucking ball at me, I am _not going to hit it." _To prove this, he ducked as the ball went sailing at his face. It hit the ground with spin, and rocketed back to clobber him in the back of the head. _"Damn it, Wakka!"_

Wakka was having trouble standing, but still managed to dart in and scoop the ball away before Tidus could line up the sharp corner of the sword to puncture it.

"This is no good!" Tidus bellowed hotly, face shining with sweat. "I need someone who fights with a sword." He spied Sora, eyes lighting up. "Sora! Friend! Come here and let me hurt you!"

"No way, Tidus." The three meandered over to the boys. "You know I'm no good at sword-sparring."

"But you'll get better! No greater motivation than survival!"

"No, thanks," Sora grinned. "I'll pass."

Tidus groaned, huffed, then threw a mini-tantrum as Wakka's ball smacked him on the shoulder. _"That's it!" _He tossed the sword aside and lunged for the cackling red-head. They wrestled for a while on the wooden planks, before, with a hefty sigh, Selphie moved to separate them. Kairi caught Sora's eye and grinned. "I have a feeling this is going to be a very good day."

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The boats skimmed the water, cutting through the skin of the ocean with ease, as the sun beat down. Sora's muscles found familiar ground as he worked the paddle, propelling forwards, surrounded on all sides by the people he loved most. Yeah, he was cheesy. He was, like, the cheese of cheeses when it came to sappy thoughts, but damn it – he was happy. Kairi was right. This was going to be a _great _day. The weather was fine, not a cloud to be seen, and they were heading for the play island, their childhood hideaway. It wasn't like it used to be; they were grown now. They were nearly adults, nearly unleashed upon the world, and things could never be innocent and fun and simple like they once were. But they could pretend, for a while. They could regress. And when school started again, and they all left for Twilight Academy for another semester, these pieces of themselves would stay behind, and Sora, at least, would use the memories to warm him. He would cling to them, in the hopes that age would fail to steal this feeling away.

They grew close to the island, and the others, with shouts and whoops, tipped out of their boats to swim the rest of the way to the jetty. Sora stayed in his boat until the oar was digging into the sand like a shovel, then climbed out and sloshed through the calf-deep water to tie it along with the others. He followed Kairi ashore, and joined in as they all pried their now soaking shoes from their feet and left them on the wood to dry. Almost instantly, Wakka and Tidus were racing off, feet kicking up clouds of sand in their wake, sending the girls and Sora into fits of choking.

"You freaking _bums!"_ Selphie shrieked, eyes squeezed shut against the grains coating her wet face. She reached up with equally sandy hands to try and scrub them clean. _"Oooh. _Just you _wait," _she snarled, before stomping down the beach after them. Sora and Kairi raised an eyebrow at one another, before Sora rolled his eyes and found a comfortable place in the sun to sit and relax. Kairi washed herself off in the freshwater pool near the Secret Place, and joined him, sitting a little way behind on one of the rare patches of grass. Knees up, arms hanging over them, she squinted through the bright light, tucking a piece of wine-coloured hair behind her ear. "So," she started.

"So," Sora agreed, face angled back to catch the warming rays, eyes closed.

"You okay today? I figure you probably didn't sleep well last night."

Sora 'hmphed'. Kairi, of course, knew all about his problem. The others, well, everyone knew about his fear of the water, but they assumed it was just some kind of quirk, no big deal. Kairi was his best friend, though, had been since forever. They'd spent a lot of nights at each other's houses, and when he woke up screaming after The Nightmare, she would be screaming right alongside him, torn from sleep by his shrieks. Kairi was a smart girl; it didn't take her long to figure out the connection between the screams and the weather. After that, it was only a matter of time before Sora confessed to her.

"Yeah. Not too bad."

"Did you dream?"

He shook his head. "Didn't get to sleep."

"Ah. So that's why you look kinda like shit, huh?"

Sora cracked open an eye, turning to glare. "Kinda like shit."

"Well. You know. Not entirely. _Kinda."_

"Hmm. Yes. Kinda."

Kairi was quiet for a minute. "You ever notice how, the more you say a word out loud, the less meaning it has? _Kinda."_

"Kinda," said Sora.

"Kiiiinda."

"_Kinda." _

"…We're… strange."

"Very."

"So – what're you planning on doing today?"  
Sora shrugged. "Figured we could comb the shallows, see what the storm washed up. If there's any decent driftwood, we could collect it for the raft."

"I heard that the Chenoweth's boat got smashed during the storm," Kairi offered. "Maybe the debris will have got caught here."

Sora nodded, opening his eyes and staggering to his feet. "Let's go, before the others find it."

"You think we'll get it floating before semester begins again?"

"Maybe. Hope so. First, let's make sure it survived the storm."

The pair set off at a jog, circling the small island.

Halfway there, Kairi gave him a small shove, yelled, "Race you!" and took off. Sora gave a strangled cry and pounded after her. They passed Tidus, Wakka and Selphie splashing around in the water. Selphie gave a shrill cry of encouragement as they streaked by. Sora was grinning. This was exactly how life should be.

"Oh, Sora! Look!" Kairi thrust an arm out, grinding to a halt and pointing at the paopu island. One of the tall trees had fallen in the storm, and was lying drunkenly over several other bent trees. Sora nodded. "You go ahead and look for the raft, I'll go check out the tree." They parted ways, Sora backtracking slightly to climb up to the bridge connecting the play island to the paopu one. He jogged along, listening to the creaking wood, and slowed as he approached the broken tree. Hands on hips, he hummed thoughtfully to himself and circled it, eyeing it off. It would be too heavy to tackle alone – they would have to strip its bark, and then get everyone to help roll it into the ocean. The bark was priceless, with its natural sap making it virtually waterproof, adding it to the raft would also improve the buoyancy of the vessel. Once it was built, they weren't entirely sure what they would do with it – long gone were the days of dreaming of sailing to other worlds. Childish fantasies, they had nonetheless persisted with the raft's construction, long after the fancy had died. It was fun, if nothing else, and it gave them a sense of accomplishment.

Sora walked up to the tree and placed a foot on it, giving it an experimental shove. The trunk barely budged an inch. Sora could see that the upper branches of the tree were tangled rather wildly in amongst those of the paopu trees that had, over the course of years jutting out so close to the ocean gales, ended up growing bent over like graceful yoga contortionists. He pushed up imaginary sleeves over his tanned, lithely muscular arms, and climbed up onto the trunk with monkey-like alacrity. Fingers digging into the grooves between each slat of bark, he quickly scaled the angled tree to where it joined with the others, and sat back on his heels to survey the situation. The boughs looked to be twisted pretty tight together; seemed like maybe it had fallen on the first day of the storm, considering how snugly it clung. That probably meant he had a job ahead of him. He glanced over his shoulder, able to make out the main Island, and squinted thoughtfully. If he went back now, and rowed quickly, he could have the machete from the attic and return within the hour. Give or take about twenty minutes depending on whether or not his mother caught him. He gave a small nod, agreeing silently with the train of thought, and hopped down into the tangle of leaves, grabbing the small ladder hanging from the side of the island and clambered down. His feet touched the water, and he paused for a while, savouring the coolness, and the sudden shade from the sun. He leaned against the earthen wall, sighing tiredly. Perhaps, instead of coming back right away, he could nap for a while in his room…

Sora paused, mid-thought, not certain at first what put him on alert.

Something… caught his eye.

He frowned, head lifting, as something blinked out on the water. No – slightly under. He waded forward several steps, almost to his knees, and shielded his eyes to peer out. Some kind of reflection. Something out there. Debris? Something for the raft…?

Hair.

Sora's heart stopped. "Oh, my God."

Without even thinking, he surged forth, not feeling as the water rose up his legs, to his hips, his waist, his chest. He struck out, pulling himself with powerful strokes, eyes never shifting from the silver glinting at the surface. He reached the body within moments, grasping the hair with one hand, the other snaking down until it reached a chin, and together they dragged the body up. "Oh, my _God," _he sobbed, treading water, as the face emerged – a pale, thin boy, his eyes shuttered, lips blue. "No," Sora muttered. "No, no, _no." _He lifted the body up, hooking his arms under those of the boy's, laying on his back with the boy across his chest. He started kicking madly, struggling to keep his head above water with the added weight. Almost instantly, his face dipped down, flooded, brine entering his ears, eyes and nose. He gasped, inhaling a film of water, and choked violently. He twisted sharply, grabbing as the boy started to slip back under, and desperately pulled them along in a sideways crawl. His toes scraped sand. Sora dug his fingers deeply into the silver-haired boy, dragging him ashore, screaming for help.

From far away, the others heard, but no one realised what was going on. They started towards him curiously, all of them an aching distance from the wailing boy. Help wasn't coming any time soon. Sora slammed the silver-haired teen to the wet sand. His clothes clung to his body in a way that made Sora physically ill – as if they had been plastered to him for days. "Please," he whined, then slapped the boy sharply across the face. The teen's head rolled with the motion, and a mark was slow to form. He looked dead. Sora began to heave, great, dry sobs that shook his slender frame. He leaned forward, forcing the boy's mouth open and pinching off his nose. Inexpertly, he leaned down and breathed into the cold cavern of the boy's mouth. He pulled back and looked expectantly into the boy's face, waiting for the miracle. It didn't come. He whimpered, leaned down and exhaled roughly again.

Selphie arrived first, and let out a small, traumatised scream, hands fluttering up to her mouth. Tidus and Wakka were bare few steps behind. Tidus, upon recognising the situation, said, "Oh, _fuck," _and quickly shoved Sora out of the way. Sora landed sprawled in the water as Tidus dropped to his knees and pressed his ear to the silver-haired boy's chest, two fingers simultaneously pressed against his cold neck. Selphie buried her face in Wakka's arm. Sora scrambled to his knees, watching on fearfully as Tidus sat back on his heels, adjusted the boy, and started CPR in earnest. At last, a confused Kairi came jogging from the opposite direction. She saw Sora, kneeling, wet and in tears, and made a beeline for him. "Sora!" She ducked down beside him in the shallows, wrapping her arms around his trembling form and pulled him close, gazing at the still body in the middle of it all. Sora's breaths were harsh in her ear, hitching brokenly. He clutched at her dress, desperate for comfort, and turned his head to watch the drama unfold.

"Who _is _he?" Kairi wondered. Tidus was pumping down on the boy's chest. Sora shook his head curtly, not knowing.

"He's done for," Wakka said darkly, his arms around the weeping Selphie. Sora flailed violently, shouting, "Shut up, Wakka!"

"Sora!" Kairi tightened her hold on him, trying to calm him. He shook her off, and turned fiercely to Tidus. "You better not stop, Tidus! Don't you stop until he's breathing!"

"I'm trying," Tidus snapped, preparing to exhale again into the boy's mouth.

"I can't watch!" Selphie wailed suddenly, withdrawing from her hiding place in Wakka's grasp. "I hate this!" She turned and ran down the beach.

"Selph! Wait!" Wakka followed the distressed girl, and soon their voices faded away, and the only sounds were Tidus' grunting efforts to revive the mystery teen, and Sora's loud breaths. He started to panic. "Why isn't he breathing? You're not _doing it right!"_

"Sora, that's enough," Kairi reprimanded tersely, squeezing his arms. "Tidus is doing his best!"

"Of course _you'd _say that," Sora snarled in response. "You're fucking in _love _with him, _that doesn't mean he's doing it right!"_

"Of course he's doing it right!" she yelled. "He's a goddamn _blitzer, _Sora! They get trained in CPR every _year!"_

Sora pushed her away, sloshing to his feet, clothes heavy with water. She grabbed at his wrist, dragging him down before he threw her off. _"GET OFF ME!"_

"_Sora!"_

Sudden choking filled the air. He whirled, wide-eyed, as the silver-haired boy leaned over and vomited water from his bloated lungs and stomach, coughing and screeching. Sora ran to his side, clutching his shoulders to hold him steady as he shook and struggled to breathe, Tidus slapping him helpfully on the back. One of the boy's arms snaked around Sora's neck, fingers clutching the skin painfully. His face was down, strings of hair obscuring his features, except for the gaping 'o' of his mouth as he drew in gasp after gasp. "It's okay," Sora assured him worriedly. "Everything's going to be fine now."

The boy turned his head to the side, and Sora found himself looking into clouded depths of the most pure shade of aquamarine he had never thought could exist in a set of eyes. "What's your name?" he asked softly, making soothing circles on the boy's back. Silver eyebrows knotted together, the expression on his face one of perfect bewilderment. His mouth worked silently for a moment, body still heaving in each breath, before panting, "Huh?"

"I'm Sora. What's your name?"

The boy looked down, hunching over at the pain in his chest, fingers spasmodically tightening and loosening around the back of Sora's neck. He looked… lost. He raised his eyes again, and Sora met them with an encouraging, concerned smile.

"S-Sora?"

Sora nodded quickly. "Yeah. Who are you? Where do you live?"

The boy blinked, a pained expression tearing his features. "I – I – I'm Riku," he said.

Sora grinned. "Hi, Riku."

"_Riku," _the boy said again, more insistently this time. "I'm _Riku."_

"And I'm Sora!"

This, apparently, was the limit of what the boy – Riku – was capable of. With one last dazed, baffled look, he went limp in Sora's arms. "No, wait!" Sora cried, panicking.

"Sora, it's okay." Tidus lay a hand on his shoulder. "He'll wake up. We need to get him to the hospital."

Sora wound his arms tighter around the boy. "Riku," he breathed, frowning.

"Don't worry," Kairi said softly behind him. "Everything's going to be fine."

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Somewhere, elsewhere, a tall blond woke up in a cold sweat. His breaths seemed to ricochet in the darkness, the blankets falling around his bare torso as he struggled out of bed and stumbled into the small adjacent bathroom. He made it just in time, exploding the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. He stayed there for several minutes, retching and moaning, until at long last the feeling faded. He pushed away from the toilet, lying flat on the cold tiles, pressing his burning forehead to the coolness with a whimper. How long he stayed there, he didn't know, before a small, gentle hand stroked his cheek. His eyes cracked open, and the pain and sympathy he saw on the face near his wrenched a sob from his lips. "Ssh," said the other man. He wrapped his arms around the blond, and curled into his side on the bathroom floor. The blond buried his face into the chest of the other, and they slowly rocked.

"Th-there's another." His voice cracked, his words sounding unnecessarily loud in the silence. "Ssh," repeated the other, running soft fingers through his hair. "It's out of our hands now."

"Zexion, I'm sorry," the blond moaned brokenly.

"It's okay, Dem. I understand. Don't worry about it now. Everything's going to be fine."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Even if I _had _been clever enough to come up with the KH concept, it would never have been as superbly epic as the real thing. I'm going to leave it to the professionals. :D

A/N: Writing this chapter was like stepping into a warm bath on a cold day. I do first-person perspective much better than third, or at least, it feels a lot more comfortable. Hopefully there's an improvement, as far as any readers are concerned. Also – major kudos to my first reviewer, Is-Simple! It made me gleeful. xD All you other hits, review for me, too! BTW, all first-person is Riku-centric, just to let you know.

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CHAPTER THREE

"_Huh?"_

"_I'm Sora. What's your name?"_

"_S-Sora?"_

"_Who are you? Where do you live?"_

"_Riku. I'm _Riku."

"_And I'm Sora!"_

_But… I knew that already… Sora? What's going on?_

I opened my eyes. Dim, afternoon sunlight filled the room, filtered by the blinds hanging over the window. There was a pain in my chest, dull and persistent, swelling with each breath. There was a lesser, but more immediate pain in my left arm. I turned my head slowly, wincing as the base of my skull throbbed with the motion. I located the pain: a needle feeding me intravenously, splinted in place. My eyes slowly followed the tube up to the fluid bag, the dosage controlled by a small machine that whirred and clicked at regular intervals. I was in hospital. I knew straight away. I remembered these peach walls from the time when Sora fractured his wrist, and when Kairi kept getting blood noses one spring and had to come in for an allergy shot. I knew… vaguely… why I was here. I remembered the water. I remembered the drowning feeling. I think I even remembered what it was like to die, all alone, where nobody would ever find me. Yeah. I remember that despair. But – the events leading up to the drowning… they're a blur. A literal mess inside my mind, where nothing makes sense. There's no clear line of action, point A leading to point B leading to me vomiting a lung on Tidus' shoes. There's… some random thoughts and images… but I'm clueless. I don't know what happened. All I know is, all I can _think _is… Why did Sora say the things he said?

"_What's your name?"_

"_Huh?"_

What was that supposed to mean? What's my _name? _

"_I – I – I'm Riku."_

Why does Sora have to ask that? Why did he? He doesn't remember me? And Kairi – Kairi was there, too. Why didn't she speak up? Why didn't she say, _"Sora, you bum, it's Riku, duh? Hey, Riku, you okay?"_

And – and Tidus. Tidus was the one who brought me back. Why didn't he tell Sora to stop fooling around?

Why did no one call me by my name?

I don't… I don't understand.

I closed my eyes again, breathing deeply, welcoming the pain. I wondered where my parents were.

It had been two years since Sora and I had returned together to Destiny Island. Somehow, between to the death of the Island when it was first devoured by darkness, and then its rebirth when Kingdom Hearts was opened, Sora and I kind of… ceased to exist, as far as the Islanders were concerned. Because we weren't on the Island when it reformed, nobody remembered us. Even Kairi, it turns out, struggled to remember, but then, a lot of that was because of Naminé. In the end, though, when Naminé rejoined Kairi, the spell of her interference was broken, and so Sora and I returned to a home that, much to our relief, both remembered us and yet had no idea that we had ever been gone. It made things so much easier. I can't imagine how it would've been, trying to explain away a two-year absence. Naminé was a blessing.

But now, here I was, and it was as though Naminé's gift had never happened… no, as if she were now working against me. Was this what had happened…? But then, that would mean that Naminé had separated from Kairi again. And I knew that was impossible, because there hadn't been a Heartless around in years, and as a result, Nobodies couldn't exist either. Kairi sure as hell couldn't do the 'witch' thing on her own.

So once again, I found myself wondering what, how, and why. I knew that whatever was going on was genuine – Sora wouldn't screw me around like that. Not after… not after everything we'd been through together. Everything we were to each other.

A new, sudden realisation settled over me, like a cloud of suffocating smoke.

_Sora doesn't remember me._

Sora doesn't remember… _us. _

I think… I think my heart just broke.

It was that moment that the doctor decided to make his appearance. I struggled for a moment, then forced back the frightened grief and snapped a mask in place.

"Ah, excellent, you're awake," the man observed. He came over to the bed, picking up my chart and glancing over it. "So." He sat on the bed and clicked open a ballpoint pen. "How do you feel?" He took my pulse as I replied.

"I feel okay," I hedged. "My chest hurts. And I have a headache."

"Do you know where you are?"

"Destiny Island hospital."

"Good." The man's gaze was glued to his Rolex. "And can you tell me your full name?"

"Riku Utada."

"And where are you from, Riku?"

I was silent. See, this was Doctor Crescent. He worked part-time at the hospital, and ran a general practice clinic from his home. I had a file in his office from when I was pre-natal. He should have _known _who I was. And he should have had my parents in the hall, waiting for me. "I…" The man's faded-blue eyes narrowed. I swallowed hard, and looked down at my hands. He didn't remember me. My parents wouldn't remember me either. "I don't… remember," I said softly, not looking up. Dr Crescent was silent for a moment, frowning. "Can you tell me your parents' names?"

I shook my head, wincing at the pain it brought. "I just… I can't remember. I don't know."

"Tell me what you think the date is." I rolled my eyes up, thinking briefly, and told him the number with a sigh. He nodded. "Do you know any phone numbers that we can call?"

I hesitated, shook my head. "I'm sorry. I… can remember who I am, and I know that the sky is blue, and all the rest. But… I don't know anything about myself." Just like you. Just like everyone. Apparently. "I guess I have some kind of amnesia."

Dr Crescent nodded slowly. "We'll have to run some tests. Don't worry, Riku, I'm sure you'll remember soon enough. It appears you hit your head harder than we thought. We'll figure this out, son."

I let out the breath I'd been holding. "Yeah," I said. "Sure we will." I looked up as he moved to leave. "Um," I said quickly. "Do you – do you know what happened to the people that brought me in? It was some kids – uh, S-Sora was there."

Dr Crescent nodded. "I know who you mean, and I'm glad you remember them. They've been worried about you. I'll let them know you're awake, but it would be best if they didn't visit until tomorrow. You need all the rest you can get, and I'd like you to have some peace and quiet to help recover any memories that might come."

_No! I need to see Sora!_

"O-oh, okay. Thanks, Doctor – "

"It's Doctor Crescent, son. I'll take good care of you."

I nodded feebly. "Yeah. I know." Have been since birth, why stop now?

"The nurses will be in to check on you every now and then. Make sure to get plenty of sleep."

"Yes, doctor."

The door closed behind him, and again, I was alone.

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That night was the loneliest of my whole fucking life. I spent over a year wallowing in darkness itself, and even that couldn't compare to how small, insignificant, and lost I felt lying by myself in that hospital bed. I hadn't slept alone in nearly two years. I always had my hot-Sora-bottle to keep me warm. I swear to God, he's like a hot-house. It baffles me how one person, and a small one at that, can generate so much personal heat. Without him, the bed was cold. Without him, I felt sick. Without him…

And he doesn't… even know… _I exist._

I spent most of the night reminding myself to breathe. It was hard.

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Morning came softly. I was exhausted, mentally, physically. Emotionally, I was balled up in the corner of a very dark room with my eyes closed. When the nurse came in, I was already sitting up in the elevated bed, dressed in awful those green pyjamas, my elbows resting on my drawn-up knees. The IV trailed off to the side, and I was gazing at the curtained window sightlessly. My hair was still stiff from the seawater, still salty, and every time I moved my head, I got a strong whiff of the ocean. The nurse checked the machine regulating the IV, made a slight adjustment, smiled at me, took my temperature with an electronic ear thermometer, took my pulse, then took my blood. She attached a small canister to the IV attached to my arm, closing off the valve to the fluid bags, and let the draining process reverse itself to sufficiently fill the reddening canister. She reopened the valve, getting the fluid pumping back into me, sealed the canister, scribbled on my chart and left, without once saying a word. I was grateful.

Not long after that, Doctor Crescent came, surprising me. I didn't have a clock in the room, but I had been awake since before sunrise, and it still felt early enough that regular hospital hours wouldn't start up for a while yet. I eyed him curiously, and he, me, inscrutably. "Good morning, Riku," he greeted quietly. His attitude was… unnerving. There was nothing _to_ the feeling, the man wasn't going to scream, 'J'accuse!' and suddenly attack me for unknown reasons – but his behaviour held a distinctly different flavour today, one I couldn't put my finger on. It would all reveal itself soon enough, I was certain.

"Doctor," I replied, inclining my head. I watched him warily. He checked my chart with an automatic air, but his eyes just sort of skimmed everything without taking much notice. "Riku," he commenced carefully, "did any memories come to you, overnight?"

I shook my head, silver hair swinging around my shoulders. "No. Nothing."

He nodded, humming a distracted monotone. "A pity. I was hoping you would remember where your parents were. No doubt, they'll be worrying where you are."

"I guess," I ventured dully.

"You don't happen to know if your last name is correct, do you?" He shook his head at my incredulous expression, waving his hands to clear the air. "No, no, I put that all wrong. You see – " He sat beside my legs, sighing. "Every temporary residence on the Island has been checked for your family. The police were working well into the night to try and locate the Utada's, and we imagined they must be tourists here, since you're certainly not recognised as a local boy. But there aren't any Utada's anywhere that are… missing a son." He sounded remorseful. He was the bearer of bad news to the boy with no memory. "Every couple of years, a tourist is injured during one of the storms because they're unaware of the dangers of being out in one." Bullshit. Actually, during the wet season, all members of the community go to great pains to alert visitors to the risks, since Destiny Islands has a reasonable tourism economic turnover – but, like the man said, every few years someone figures us island folk are just too pussy to go out into such a 'fantastic natural experience' and either gets hit by a coconut or other such flying debris, swept into the ocean and away, or, even once, struck by lightening. "This," Doctor Crescent continued, "is what we assumed was the case with you, Riku."

"But you haven't found any tourists to match me," I supplied. He shook his head sadly. He was distressed on my behalf. I offered, cautiously, "Perhaps I'm related to someone on the Island. Maybe the Utada's here will know what to do with me." They might not remember me, but I was honestly surprised that no one had thought to draw mental lines between my colouring and that of my mother. The silver hair came from her side of the family. Doctor Crescent looked at me blankly for a moment. _Come on, _I coaxed mentally. _Connect the dots. _He shook his head. "There aren't any."

What?

"What?" I blinked stupidly.

"There's no one with that name living here. Still, it's a worthwhile theory. I'll tell the police to move their inquiries to the locals. Mind you, no one has issued a missing person's report, and any Islander with half an ounce of common sense wouldn't have let you venture out while it was storming."

"But – but – surely… Surely there's _someone _on the Island that… that looks like me?" I stammered, trying to rein in the desperation leaking through my words. Doctor Crescent smiled crookedly. "No, if there was anyone else on Destiny Island with your colouring, believe me, we would have checked simply as a matter of course."

My mother wasn't native to Destiny Island. She moved here to be with my dad, who she'd met at college on the mainland. She was considered almost like a type of exotic bird by the locals, and I, her rare and beautiful offspring. If she wasn't here, then no, there was no one similar-looking to me on the whole Island. "Did…" I swallowed thickly, closing my eyes for a moment. When I spoke, my voice was rougher, deeper than a minute ago. "Did they move?"

"Did who move?"

"Ah – maybe there was… I – I don't know." I trailed off, bewildered. If only I could remember the events leading up to my being stranded in the ocean. But the more anxious I got, the more mixed-up everything appeared to be. And it seemed as if this wasn't just a simple case of misplaced identity – my parents weren't here on Destiny Island anymore. I had to be careful with my words, in case I ended up sounding more knowledgeable than my amnesia would allow. I took a deep breath and tried again: "Maybe I used to have family here, but they moved away. Did anyone with colouring like mine used to live on the Island?" I watched him nervously as he mulled this over. I saw the conclusion in his features before he even opened his mouth to speak. His words were wasted breath.

"No. Not for as long as I've been around, at any rate. But perhaps, as you said, you were here visiting someone, friends of family, even, perhaps. That would explain why none of the younger ones recognise you, and why no tourists have claimed you." He smiled with what he thought was encouragement, but served only to drive me deeper into a rapidly clawing confused depression. He clapped me on the shoulder, making my whole body jerk, but didn't seem to notice. "I'll get right on it, right away. I've been helping with the search effort as much as possible. Now that we've thought of this, I'll go and call the police station immediately. I promise you, Riku, we will get this mess cleared up. You'll be home in no time." I nodded faintly, not really present in the conversation anymore. My mind churned, trying to come up with explanations, guesses, wild theories – all to no avail. My parents, it seemed, didn't exist here any longer. They never had, as far as the GP who had prepared my mother to bring me into the world was concerned. A thought occurred to me, after Doctor Crescent left the room, making me laugh a bitter, sharp, frantic bark – I had become my own Nobody.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I can't afford the lawsuit that would eventuate should I start announcing that the rights to Kingdom Hearts belong solely to me. SO IT'S NOT MINE.

A/N: I get the feeling I'm updating a little fast, but I'm an impatient person, and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me to hold onto a complete chapter but not post it. I don't want to put pressure on myself by not having a buffer, but eh. Progress is good so far, so why not? **Please review!** I love to hear your thoughts, and yay to the almost-200 people who've checked Water out so far – just go the extra mile and let me know, kay? I thrive on feedback.

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CHAPTER FOUR

Sora bounded up to the hospital reception desk and announced himself by slapping the palms of both hands firmly on the desktop, startling the receptionist out of a phone conversation mid-word to stare at him with wide eyes. He served her with a wide grin, and said, "We're here to see Riku Utada."

Small place that it was, the receptionist obviously knew of whom the boy spoke, because she covered the receiver momentarily and spluttered, "Room eighty-three."

"Thank ya!" Sora bounced off again, with three others in tow. Kairi, Selphie and Wakka crowded into the elevator after Sora. Tidus' father had him scraping the barnacles off their sometime houseboat, in preparation for the dry season, and he'd apologetically stayed home when they'd gone to collect. Kairi, being closest, pressed the button for the second floor. The doors slid shut, and suddenly it was stifling in the small space, tension vibrating between the two best friends. Sora lost some of his bounce, acutely aware of how close Kairi was, her body language small and submissive, but with an undercurrent of anger. He sighed. Now wasn't the time for resolving conflict. They were here to see Riku – the mystery boy. Kairi could… she could wait. The elevator ride was short, the doors sliding open with a cheery _bing! _The four friends trooped out and turned left down the long hallway, Sora in the lead, Kairi at the back. Selphie was nervously clinging to the side of Wakka's tank top, twisting and plucking at the hem, uncharacteristically silent. Wakka patted her small shoulder reassuringly as she tugged particularly hard, making him stumble. The sound of four pairs of flip-flops echoed in the quiet hallway, a subtle scattering of sand left in their wake. As they grew nearer, Sora started to spring again, his excitement becoming almost palpable. It wasn't every day that someone new came to Destiny Island outside of the tourist capacity, and especially not in such a dramatic manner! Sora had been thinking of the aqua-eyed boy constantly, had even dreamt about him the night before. It had been… an odd dream. Not like the sort he usually had, which typically revolved around food and ninjas. Sometimes a hybrid of the two. No, this one had been entirely out of the ordinary, he had –

"Sora!"

Sora paused, twisted around inquisitively. The other three were stopped several steps back, Wakka slowly pointing at the closed door they were in front of. "It's this one, ya? See the number?" Sora blinked, grinned, and dashed back to them. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "Right. Sorry. Spaced out for a minute."

Normally, this would be the point for either Kairi or Selphie to roll their eyes and make some smart-alecky comment about what a space-cadet Sora could be, but the silence seemed to ring when neither made a move to. Sora frowned at Selphie. "You okay, Selph?" Kairi was pissed at him. Selphie, as far as he knew, wasn't. She realised she'd missed her cue, and forced a bright smile, head bobbing. "Uh-huh, uh-huh! Everything's super-duper cool. We gonna stand out here all day, or are we gonna go see the dead guy?"

"Sheesh, Selphie, he's not dead. Well, not anymore, anyway." Sora hesitated for a moment, then put his hand on the doorknob and twisted.

They entered the room slowly, quietly. It was dim and cool, like in a library, and the figure on the bed had his eyes shut. For a second, it was all Sora could do to not stare. Riku's hair pooled on the pillow around his face, creating a silver aura. Even after two days in hospital, it looked shiny and clean, and if Sora were to run his fingers through it, each strand would be like… Sora blinked, giving himself a hard mental shake, and piped up, "Hi, Riku."

The boy's eyes shot open, his face turning to the door. For a second, some strange, unnamed emotion flitted through the aquamarine depths and across his features, but it was gone too swiftly for Sora to take note. The boy smiled a little.

"Hey, Sora." His eyes slid past Sora, to the others, the smile becoming a little more strained. "Who're your friends?" he asked lightly.

Kairi stepped forward shyly, giving a small wave. "Hi, I'm Kairi, I'm Sora's best friend." A little muscle twitched in Riku's eyelid, unnoticed by the visitors. "I'm Wakka," Wakka volunteered, poking a thumb at his chest, "and this little mouse is Selphie."

Selphie puffed with indignation, and for a minute seemed to be herself again. "Little mouse? Screw that – I'm a _tiger, _baby!" she crowed.

"Yeah, a tiger that comes up to my armpit, ya?" Selphie pouted, crossing her bony arms, and turned away from Wakka. "Just coz you're some blitzing _giant…"_

Sora laughed. "And you already know me, of course!"

"Of course," Riku replied with a tired grin. "Who could forget?"

Sora bounced over to the bed and hopped up, settling close to Riku's legs. He grabbed the edge of the bed and smiled brightly at the silver-haired teen. "So! We hear you lost your memory. Sucks, huh? I can't imagine what that's like."

"Uh, yeah. It's weird, I guess."

"Sora, you're being insensitive," Kairi scolded. Sora's eyes widened.

"What? Me?" He turned to Riku. "Am I being insensitive? I'm sorry if I am!"

Riku laughed softly, shaking his head. He sat up, drawing his knees to his chest. "It's fine, Sora. It's normal to be curious."

"Yeah!" He turned back to Kairi. "See? I'm just being curious!"

She shook her head, frowning slightly, but didn't argue further.

"So, uh, Riku," Wakka started up. "What _do _you remember, if you don't mind my asking, ya?"

"Oh, um." He tore his eyes away from Sora. "I remember everything about my_self. _Just nothing about my life. I don't know who my parents are. I don't know where I live. Things like that."

"Well, we don't know anything about _you," _Kairi said, smiling encouragingly, "so why don't you tell us about yourself?"

"Oh, like what? Um. I'm eighteen – "

"Did you just turn eighteen this year?" Sora demanded excitedly. "Because if you did, you're a senior just like us! If you never get your memory back, you could come to school with us!"

"Sora! For God's sake, Riku _wants _his memories back, stop acting like he's got no hope." Kairi was angry now. "Whatever this is, it's only temporary. Get your head out of the clouds for once!"

Sora deflated abruptly, looking crushed. "I – I'm sorry, Riku." Cringing cerulean eyes met aquamarine, clear today, and piercing, darker than before. "It's okay," Riku said firmly. He broke his gaze away, and turned to Kairi. "Kairi, I honestly don't mind. Let Sora say what he wants, he's not going to offend me. I have thick skin, and he doesn't mean any harm." Seeing that neither Kairi nor Sora were convinced, he reached out and ruffled the brunet's hair. "Seriously, Sora. It's fine. Don't get all worked up over _me."_

Sora eyed him uncertainly. "Well, if you're sure… But if I do say anything that upsets you, just – just tell me to shut up or something. I can be… pretty dumb sometimes." Riku shook his head, forcing a smile.

"No," he said, sounding almost serious. "You're not dumb at all. Maybe a little oblivious," he teased, "but very far from dumb. I mean it. Don't sweat the small stuff."

Sora brightened, minimally at first, but it grew. Before long, he was jabbering away, telling Riku about life on the Island. Wakka chimed in from time to time, and both Kairi and Selphie made an effort, but there was an awkwardness in the air that had nothing to do with Riku. Eventually, things started to wind down. "So, when do you escape this hell-hole anyway?" Sora asked cheerfully. Riku blinked.

"I don't know. No one's said anything to me about it. They're all just… concentrating on finding out where I belong."

"Well, we'll talk to Doctor Crescent before we leave and see what he says," Sora affirmed. "And then we can plan your coming out party!" Everyone pretty much simultaneously choked. A split-second later, Sora's brain caught up with his mouth, and he blushed. "Uh, I mean, that is to say – your party for _getting _out, not, not coming out, as such… Um, a bonfire! On the beach! With people! To celebrate the fact that you're not cooped up anymore!" Riku grinned lopsidedly.

"That sounds cool, So."

Sora looked surprised. "No one's ever called me that before. I've never had a nickname."

"Unless you count 'douchebag' and 'hey, you fucking kid, stop fucking dancing on the tables, this is a family restaurant'," Selphie piped up happily. Sora shot her a wicked glower. "That was _one time, _Selph. I was sugar-high."

Riku was laughing hard, gripping his chest and wheezing, "Ow, owww, my lungs."

"_We do not speak of the table dancing incident."_

"Well," Kairi broke in, smiling through her teeth, "we really should get going, I think we've bothered you enough, Riku."

Sora immediately sobered. "Awww, I don't wanna go yet."

"Riku's still recuperating, Sora, and Doctor Crescent already said we couldn't stay too long yesterday." Sora pouted.

"Fine. But I'll be back!" He shook a finger sternly in Riku's face. "Don't _think _I won't be back!"

Riku batted him away, laughing quietly. "I'll hold you to that, Sora." He hesitated. "It was nice meeting you all. Thanks for visiting me. You don't… even know me."

"Psssh," Sora snorted, flailing a hand dismissively and hopping off the bed. "Come on, Riku, you're already practically family."

Riku's smile was warm. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Good-_bye, _Riku Utada!"

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_Well… that was… tense_. Long after Sora's joyful tones faded down the hallway, leaving silence to fill the gaps in the air, I sat staring at the door, thinking. My right, unsplinted hand ran through my hair in a constant, comforting motion. My chest still kind of hurt after laughing so hard at the image of Sora – who gets sugar-high like regular people get stoned – tabletop dancing in some Burger King place. It was a good hurt. Under that, though, was… a bad hurt. A really bad hurt. The kind that felt like three knives gutting me six different ways. Because Sora had been funny, he'd been goofy, he'd been charming in his own peculiar way, and it was so much of it for my benefit – but not because he loved me. He didn't love me at all. He wanted to know me, he wanted me to have friends and not be lonely. He was probably even attracted to me, because he always was, since we were old enough to find sex and kissing interesting. But in the face of a love so deep that just looking at him made me want to die and go to heaven, attraction was a spit in the ocean. So what if he found me good-looking? Plenty of people find me good-looking. Me and Sora, we had something special, something based on years upon _years _of mutual love and respect. This Sora, this version of him… He didn't know all that. He didn't feel the years extending behind us. As he sat on my bed, his smile sparkling and his eyes shining, it felt like at any moment I was going to break. My mask was strong, but underneath it, I was a desperate man with a razor held to my own throat, screaming, _Look at me! Love me! _

As much as I hated having so many people crowded into the small room, they at least distracted me from him. I spent a lot of the time, smiling and nodding while Sora dribbled on about God only knows what, trying to evaluate the tension between he and Kairi. One hideous thought that had occurred to me was, what if it was some kind of lover's tiff? I mean, they don't know they grew up with me. Something happened to wipe me from the face of the Earth, and that meant that Sora was open to her now. There was no _me_ in the way anymore. I stopped, thought about it, really _thought _about it, even though it made it hard to breathe. Kairi – she always had a special place in her heart for Sora. I mean, obviously I had my own room in there, too, but… Well, there's no comparing anyone to Sora. He is the sun. You might love the moon, its silvery essence, its dark beauty – but once the night is over, and the burning sun rises high, the moon is a distant memory. It doesn't go away, it's always there in the background. But the sun, simply by being itself, will always outshine it. The moon will never be anything but a grateful reflection of its light. And Kairi, she… she's always loved the sun. She just… knew… that her place was on the earth, while Sora and I… we danced through the sky together.

I covered my mouth and nose with one hand, the other wrapping around my knees, pulling me into myself. My eyes squeezed shut, chest burning with a suppressed cry. _I won't break down. I won't. _I had to be strong. I wished I was… numb again. Like I was, so long ago, in the darkness. If I just – just closed my eyes, I could pretend I was in darkness, steeped in it, where the pain couldn't touch me…

But the true agony of it is, Sora never stayed long in the darkness, even when he was searching for me. I can't hide there. If I do, he might never find me again. So I've got nowhere to go.

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I got out of hospital three days later, after the concussion I don't remember getting settled down, and living arrangements were made for me. It was with a twisting sense of irony that I found myself escorted to mayor's house, Kairi's adoptive family. Who'd have thought, all those years ago, that people would be discussing my mystery appearance in the same way that Sora and I gossiped over Kairi's. The clothes I had been washed up in were clean and pressed, and felt good after the hospital pyjamas. I had a small case of personal effects that Doctor Crescent, Sora and the others, and the mayor himself had given me during my stay, personal hygiene products mostly. This felt… really weird. And way too depressing. We – we passed my house on the way there. It was empty, boarded up. It's like, if I can't have it, no one can. It was ominously parallel to the reality of my situation. I sighed as we, being myself, Sora, Kairi, Tidus, Wakka and Selphie, approached the white stone steps to the mayor's home.

Sora had been visiting for a few hours each day in hospital, with and without the others. He brought videos for the ancient tape playing system wired to the small black and white TV they wheeled in, and books, and decks of cards so we could play games together, or I could by myself. He told me everything again that I ever knew about him, and I learned new things, too, about this pseudo-Sora. For example, he's got this deep, abiding fear of water. I never would have guessed, not for a minute. My Sora, he loves water. So, did this then mean that this wasn't _my _Sora? Regardless of whether or not he remembered me, was this Sora a different person to the one I fell in love with? It was thoughts like this that made my head hurt. Even using the term 'pseudo' to describe him… it made my skin crawl.

"Well, here we are," Kairi chirped, far more peaceable today than she ever was in the hospital. Selphie, too, had made a full recovery after that first odd day, and was bouncing alongside me, holding my arm and shaking it every now and then for emphasis as she chattered. I was paying attention as much as I could, but between my confused thoughts and Sora walking beside me, so close, so far, I found myself missing chunks of conversation. Selphie released me and went running up ahead to the front door of the manor. Of course, I knew my way around the manor blindfolded. I knew where the spare key was, and the second spare key in case the first went missing or got stolen. It was amusing, on some distant level, that I was being introduced to it as a stranger.

Kairi opened up the large oaken door and stepped aside, ushering me in with a wide smile. I stepped through into the cool interior, one of the only centrally heated homes on the Island. It had tall, sweeping ceilings and pastel walls, with simple furnishings. It was just Kairi and her dad living here, the mayor's wife had died before Kairi came along, but Kairi still considered her the mother she had lost. Her father had often regaled us with stories of the woman, and Kairi kept a photo album under her bed of her father and never-mother in their younger years. It was sweet, and sad.

Kairi led the way, conducting the general tour, while Sora took Selphie's place, hanging off my arm and bouncing up and down as he tacked on what he considered helpful tid-bits of information to Kairi's lecture. A lot of them I already knew, and no, they wouldn't have been helpful even if I hadn't. I didn't say anything much, just relished the feeling of his skin on mine, even if it was totally innocent on his part. I was happy when he was near, but it was a shallow, wistful emotion.

"And this," Kairi concluded with a flourish, swinging open the door of the guest room, "is your bedroom, Riku. Father had the maid set it up for you. It's a bit bare, but – "

"It's fine," I said quickly. I smiled for her, glancing around. "It's great, Kairi, really. I'll have to thank your dad when he gets home, he's doing so much for me."

Kairi laughed prettily. "You certainly are easy to please, at any rate! If you don't mind wearing those clothes for just a while longer, you can wear a pair of my father's pyjamas tonight, and tomorrow morning Poinsettia, our maid, will have picked up the clothing father requested from the tailor's. They won't be very fashionable, I think, but it'll tide you over until we can take you to the mainland."

"Yeah!" Sora exclaimed, grabbing me again, my face turning automatically to beam at him, "We can take you shopping! It'll be _so much fun!" _

"Okay, someone's been feeding Sora a little much sugar," Kairi called with a laugh, but beneath the humour was a harder note. I blinked, surprised and curious. She was covering it up well, but right then, I knew she wasn't happy with Sora.

"Gimme a break, Kairi," he complained, settling for a moment, his fingers still burning into the bare flesh of my arm. "I'm just happy to have Riku around."

"Well, he won't be around forever, Sora." Her voice was light. She came over and disengaged Sora from me, taking my case as well and setting it on the bed. "So don't get too happy."

"I know that," Sora frowned. "But just because Riku's going to leave someday doesn't mean I can't be happy to have him while he's here."

My heart soared a little, and I gave him a gentle smile, sensing the undercurrent of disquiet in his words. "Even if I do leave, don't think I'll just forget about this place. You're my friend, Sora, you've been so great to me. All of you," I amended at the last moment, including Kairi in my gaze. She smiled and took my arm in hers. What is it with these people and their clinginess? I swear, no one hung off me this way before.

"That's so sweet, Riku! I know I'd hate it if you jetted away to some other place and just forgot about us here on Destiny Island!"

"Never," I stated.

"So sweet," she reiterated, and for one awful moment touched her head to my shoulder. I stiffened. Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, don't tell me the girl had the hots for me? I'm Sora's, damn it, _Sora's! _Now and forever!

"Ahahaha," I spluttered nervously, using my free hand to spatula her off. I did it classily, though – she didn't notice the rejection, just beamed happily and mentioned something about lunch. "Don't eat too much, though," Sora added, hanging back once she had left. We were standing alone in the hallway. I stared at him, resisting the urge to do and say everything I ever could. He met my gaze with a comfortable smile. "Why's that?" I asked, voice slightly husky. The smile graduated to a bright grin, as his hand grabbed hold of my elbow. "The bonfire's tonight, remember? We're going to cook hotdogs and marshmallows. Gotta save room, Riku!"

"Oh, sure, of course." I laughed a little inanely as an afterthought, and felt him squeeze me slightly. I didn't realise at first that he was doing it to encourage me to move, just stared some more. His eyebrows rose a little, and he jerked his head in the direction of the kitchen. "Coming?" he asked. Blushing faintly as I noticed my mistake, I lowered my head and nodded. He let me go, much to my chagrin, and skipped ahead.

-------

I think if it was possible, and not a prime example of blatant cannibalism, Sora's mom would've eaten me up by now. Two hours before the party on the beach, Sora took me back to his place, and 'introduced' me to Senna, who went into mother hen mode so fast I think I actually saw some feathers go flying. Despite the fact that she's about a head and a half shorter than I am, she managed to sweep me up into this crushing embrace, and all but bawled into my hair, with the occasional intermittent, _"So brave… so brave!" _Sora, looking like he could just die on the spot, managed to pry me loose and dragged me upstairs to his room. Once the door was safely shut, he let out an apologetic huff.

"I like your mom," I grinned, before he could excuse her.

"Yeah, she's – she's something _else _all right." He rolled his eyes, but was pleased by my words. He went and sat on his bed, leaning back on his hands and kicking up his legs. I stood at the doorway and stared. "So," he said, not noticing my intensity, his eyes glancing around the room curiously, seeing it from my point of view, "what do you want to do?"

"Er, weren't we meant to be getting ready for the party, So?" Kairi had released me into Sora's care, having somehow appointed herself my primary keeper, with express instructions and a threat to be on time or else. Sora shrugged, folding his legs on the bedspread. "Well, yeah, but I don't take a whole two hours to get dressed, and you're already wearing your outfit." It was true, Sora thought that five minutes deliberating your wardrobe and actually using a brush counted as dressing up. He was so fuss-free. I could only imagine the hysteria going on in Kairi's room as she and Selphie used the excuse to plaster themselves with cosmetics to within an inch of its life. It was always like this, they went into this frenzy of beautifying, even though they usually wore a small amount of make-up anyway. It wasn't even like they needed it, they're both pretty girls, but trying to tell them that was like going walking through a hyena pit with steaks tied around your torso. Somehow, by telling them they _didn't _need make-up, you offended them and made them think they needed it even _more. _It's like, "You look good as a natural," is man-code for, "You look like an ugly whore, go cover it up or something, _please." _Thank God Sora's male.

So I sat on the bed beside him, feeling my heart beat a little faster in its cage, and asked, "Well, what do you want to do then?"

"Nu-uh, I asked first. And you're the guest. You decide." He leaned over and poked me in the forehead, laughing at my expression. I responded quickly, "In that case, I decide that you have to decide." He scowled quickly, but couldn't wipe out the underlying grin. "Man, you play dirty, Riku. No fair."

"Nonetheless…" I waved a hand for him to continue. Smiling, he shook his head and rolled his eyes in thought.

"Weeeell… You could always help me with my chemistry homework," he said hopefully, flashing me teeth and a sweet, eyelash-fluttering look. I regarded him dubiously. "…You want to spend the two hours before a party doing schoolwork?"

"Sure!" He bounced off the bed and over to the desk, pulling a thick textbook out from under a scattering of pages, and flapped it in my general direction. He then scrambled back and leaped up beside me, his thigh against mine, our shoulders bumping as he shoved the book under my nose. "I know, I know, it seems totally weird, right? But I _cannot _do these by myself, and my professor will _murder _me if I don't get it done, not to mention my _mother _if she gets another phone call about how I'm not doing my out-of-class work properly." He looked up at me anxiously, his face a bare inch away, and begged, _"Please, _Riku, you look _so smart. _You know this stuff, right? I mean, you're a senior too, so you've got the same curriculum, right? Can you help me?"

"I, uh, I – " Couldn't he see what he was _doing _to me?! I cleared my throat, stood abruptly, and paced to the other side of the room, under the pretence of looking at the sheets on his desk. "Oh, uh, I see what you're trying to achieve here," I forced out, struggling to keep my voice even. "Yeah, sure, Sora, I can help."

"Yaaaay!" He flew across the room, and the next thing I knew, his arms were wrapped around my waist, his face pressed into my arm. Oh, God, it felt so good to be held. And we were right here in his room, and we had two hours to kill, three before Kairi would come hunting for us, there was so much I could do to him in that time… I hissed out a curse and tugged free, leaving Sora swaying in surprise. "Riku?"

"Don't touch me," I snapped. He was stung. "I – I mean…" I twisted my head to the side, eyes squeezing shut briefly. I took a deep breath and composed myself. I met his gaze, blue eyes shimmering with uncertainty. "Listen, Sora, you really shouldn't touch me like that. I don't… I don't like to be touched." _Liar. _"Not by anyone." _Liar! _

"But people have been touching you all day," he said hesitantly. "I didn't notice you freaking out then."

"I'm not freaking out!" _Don't shout! _"I – I just kind of noticed it now. You took me by surprise, Sora, and I just reacted. I'm sorry for startling you. Please…" I faltered. "Don't be offended, please."

_If you touch me like that, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from hurting you. _

"I'm sorry," I add, trying to not sound as frantic as I feel. Sora's eyes widened.

"No, Riku, you don't have to apologise! Not at all! _I'm _sorry, I had no idea… and, well, neither did you, but I promise it won't happen again. I won't touch you at all! I'll tell the others not to, either."

Gun, bullet, meet foot.

"Fuck," I moaned, unintentionally, hitting the heel of my palm hard against my forehead.

"Hey, whoa!" Sora grabbed my hand instinctively to stop me, then yanked back as if burned. "Sorry!" he cried. "I didn't… I shouldn't have – "

"No, it's me," I groaned. "I'm sorry – "

"No, _I _am! I'm so sorry, Riku! And I won't tell the others if you don't want, I don't want you to hit yourself in the head again, you just got over a concussion!"

And suddenly I was laughing, and it was a hysterical sound without control, which frightened me. But Sora, he didn't hear that part, he just saw me bent over giggling like a bitch, and being the happy soul he is, found himself following suit only seconds later. So there we were, gasping and coughing and laughing fit to bust, with tears rolling down our faces. Mine burned trails on my cheeks, tasted bitter on my tongue, and it was all I could do to not race down the hall to the bathroom and be boot-wrenchingly sick. At long last, we controlled ourselves, on various different levels, and I found myself sufficiently calm enough to say, "Come on, let's look at that chem. work."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **It is waaaaay too late for my brain to handle any attempt at wit (oh, so _that's _what she calls it!). I. Don't. Own. The. Rights. To. Kingdom. Hearts. However, they're being very nice, and are sharing for my amusement.

A/N: Oh, maaaan. I wrote half of chapter four this afternoon and this evening, and have stayed up way past my bedtime to finish chapter five. I blame this on, and dedicate the chapter to, Desolate Nightmare, who reviewed like, two hours ago when I was more than ready to stop. Her words were great, and I couldn't help but dive back in. Cheeeers to her! Hope everyone is enjoying the fic so far, _please _review for me, you have _no idea _how encouraging it is. And I _know _you're all out there, the hit meter is well over two-hundred now, so be good to me! Give me your opinion!

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CHAPTER FIVE

The night that Sora and I first kissed was about two months after we got home, after everything with Kingdom Hearts, on a bonfire night just like this…

-----

It had been warm. Halfway through the festivities, we'd decided to go for a walk, get away from the noise and the heat of the fire. We both were wearing long shorts, mine khaki, Sora's red. I had on a white button-up shirt with the sleeves pushed up to my elbows, and Sora was in a black tee with a band logo on the front. Hands in pockets, we'd waded through the shallow water until the light of the bonfire was a wink in the distance, and the night sky surrounded us on all sides. All you could hear was the gentle hush of the ocean.

"It's nice," Sora had murmured. I'd looked up from my feet, eyes lingering on him as he stood with his head thrown back, blinking slowly at the stars.

"Hm?" I said softly, not wanting to break his reverie. He gestured with his shoulders, and then just shook his head. "All this peace," he explained. "It's… nice."

I'd nodded, just a little, and said, "Yeah."

There were no real words to describe it. Any eloquence would have cheapened what he was trying to convey, and I knew this. So I didn't try to elaborate his words for him, didn't try to sound clever, and minimise with arrogance what we both felt deep inside. Because it was just _nice_. There didn't need to be anything more than that.

I'd tilted my own head back, to survey the heavens, for once not seeing worlds, just stars. And the stars were pretty. They were blinking, and sparkling, and some were larger, and others more colourful. There was a simple beauty in standing in the ocean watching them. At my side, Sora inhaled sharply, very softly, but in the cricket-murmuring silence, it was enough to bring my gaze down. What I saw took my breath away, infinitely more precious than any cold, distant star could ever hope to be – Sora's eyes, reflecting their grace, Sora's lips, parted slightly, Sora's throat, tense. We stared at one another intently. I don't think he realised how sharp his gaze was. After a while of drinking him in, I asked, in a whisper, "What?"

"You're beautiful." He didn't mean to state it so baldly, I could tell from the way his eyes shot wide an instant later. I chuckled. "Beautiful? Isn't that more a Kairi thing?"

"No," he'd said quickly, unable to stop himself. "It's not. It's a Riku thing. You're… nice."

I stopped laughing as fast as if he had slapped me. "Nice?" I murmured. He flushed, but didn't look away. Neither did I. I pulled a hand out of my pocket and extended it, running my knuckles carefully down his cheek. His eyes slipped shut of their own accord, and he shuddered. Pulse quickening, not daring to think, I gripped his chin tightly and his eyes flashed open again. My eyebrows drew together, furrowing as I allowed my gaze to pierce him. "What do you mean, So?"

He glanced down and away. "Nothing. Forget it." His burning cheeks spoke otherwise.

"If I told you," I breathed, "that you were _nice_, what would you say?"

He blinked rapidly, refusing to look up, and I got the feeling he was fighting tears. "Sora. Answer me."

"I would… I would say…" I saw the drops slide down, and brought out my other hand, using the thumb to wipe them away. My breaths were growing shakier by the moment, harder to come by. I ran my free hand through his hair and said, "So, I think you're nice." He sucked in a deep breath, trembling in my grasp. Then he lifted his own hands, which up til then had been bunched into fists in his pockets, and placed them over my wrist, leaning his face down slightly to sigh and better feel my touch. His hands were hot and clammy, and shaking so badly. I was, too, by then. I was breathing through my nose, loud and staccato, lips pressed thin. "I would say," he'd whispered, "that I love you, too." I was silent. He continued. "And if you laughed at me, or got angry, I would run away, and later on, I'd tell you I'd been joking, and maybe you'd buy that, maybe you wouldn't. But that wouldn't change the fact that I'd go home tonight, and a lot of nights to come, and cry myself to sleep." He was weeping again. He was so frightened.

"And what would you do," I asked gently, "if I kissed you, instead of laughing?"

He breathed in, and opened his glittering eyes to mine. I rubbed my thumb over his chin, let it play up to his lips and touch them. He had no words, just fear, and pain, and hope. How could he not realise how I felt? I decided to show him. I leaned down – when did we end up so close? – and took away my thumb, to replace it with my lips. Softly, softly, I kissed him, and he stood there, unresponsive, but when I opened my eyes I saw that his were closed, and his features were peaceful. I drew back a moment later, but, without opening his eyes, he reached for me, hands twining around my neck, and pulled me back. Our lips met for a second time, softly, softly, and this time I felt him return it. On some level, I was astounded at the sweet chastity of it all. My fantasies had been rougher, more impassioned, we had thrown ourselves at one another and vowed to never let go, all teeth and tongues and burning lips. But this was better.

It was nice.

------

"Riku?"

I took a deep breath, and turned to Sora with a tight smile. It felt more like a grimace, and considering the way he was regarding me, it must have looked like it, too. He was worried. "Are you okay?"

I was full of memories, the irony not wasted on me. "I'm fine, So. Just a little light-headed."

His brow furrowed as he studied me with concentration. "If you want, we can take you home. It might be too soon, we can easily just – "

"No, seriously," I said easily. "It's gone now. Must just be the fresh sea air. I'd rather stay."

He nodded slowly, still frowning. "If you say so."

"I do," I replied. "Now, what was it you said earlier about marshmallows? Because I have been on hospital food for days – barring, of course, the lovely lunch today by madam Kairi – and my body is crying out for sugar." I gave him a winning smile. "D'you think you can help me out?"

It worked. He grinned, and forgot. "Have you ever tried s'mores?"

"I do believe," I said airily, "that I've forgotten. I'm afraid you'll have to remind me, So."

He laughed. "Come down by the fire, I'll give you a refresher in Junk Food 101."

"Ah, yes, the emperor of 101's."

We had been standing out of the way, the others hadn't noticed us yet, but as Sora took off over the sand, Kairi turned at the movement. She came over to me, as I followed more sedately, and smiled broadly. The sun was setting by this point, casting a light which made her hair gleam and shimmer, her eyes bright, cheeks flushed by the fire. "Riku!" she exclaimed. "I'm so glad you're here, I was afraid Sora would end up making the two of you late."

"Why would he do that, Kairi? He's more excited about this than I am."

She turned on the spot, arms folding, and watched as Sora scuttled around the fire, collecting various ingredients. "Well, he's definitely excitable," she commented, but this time there was a fondness in her voice. I was relieved. Things felt more normal now.

"It's part of what makes him special," I said, and she nodded, taking my arm and leading me down to the others. Selphie saw me and squealed, rushing over to leap on my back.

"Giddy up, pony," she hollered in my ear, nearly deafening me. Then she crushed my larynx in a backwards hug I couldn't protect myself from. I wheezed, eyes bugging out, and a moment later she was tugged away. I could breathe! A wondrous luxury.

"Jeeze, Selph, don't kill him, we need him for a while yet." Sora was there, empty-handed, his sweets obviously abandoned back on the sand while he raced to save me. His eyes found mine, questioning, and I nodded, feeling guilty. "Just let Riku breathe, hmm?"

"Riku," Kairi chimed in, touching my arm, "do you remember blitzball? Because if not, Tidus and Wakka are giving a pretty good demonstration in the water over there. You should join them, have some fun."

It sounded like as good an idea as any, and it would get me away from all these tactile females. I loped across the sand and down to the water. My clothes were going to get wet, but I didn't mind. I could dry off by the bonfire later, when it was too dark to see the ball anymore. I enjoyed blitzball, from time to time, and was eager to work out some of the kinks I'd earned during my days lying in bed. I turned to say something to Sora, only to find he wasn't right behind me. I squinted back up to where he stood, more or less in the same spot. "Sora!" I called. I gestured widely with my arms, urging him down. He just waved back. It was then I remembered his fear of water, and cursed myself soundly for leaving him there. I started to slosh back out, but his voice floated down to me: _"Play, Riku, have fun!" _I hesitated. He sounded genuine, not at all put out. And… I guess I'd have plenty of time to be with him later tonight. _"Quick, while it's still light!"_

The sun was dipping lower, shades of twilight casting across the beach. I nodded, waved one more time, then returned to the water. Tidus and Wakka welcomed me, and we set up a three way game of sorts, splashing and fooling around until things grew to be too dark. The fire was looking more and more inviting, and we swam back to shore. For a few minutes, we sat panting on the hard sand, squeezing the water from our clothes. Tidus threw me a grin. "The last time you and I were on the same stretch of beach, I was performing CPR."

I threw a shoe at him, lazily. "Thanks for that, man, I owe you. So, like, what happened with that, anyway? Did I go floating conveniently by while you guys were practicing?"

"No, man," Wakka said, surprised. "Didn't Sora tell ya? He's the one that dragged you out. Saw you by the paopu island."

"But I thought So was afraid of water?"

"He is, dude, he is." Tidus rapped me on the head with his knuckles. "That's what makes your continued existence such a goddamn miracle. Sora swam out to get you."

"That's bravery, ya?" Wakka remarked simply. "Doin' something even though you're scared."

"Yeah," I breathed. "I had no idea. I just figured it was Tidus…"

"Yeah, right. Like I'd interrupt blitz practice to haul _your_ sorry butt out of the water." He laughed and skipped out of range as I playfully swiped at him. "Say that again, punk," I dared, jumping to my feet.

He was already running away, cupping a hand to one ear and yelling back in a sing-song, "Sorry, I can't _hear _you!"

Wakka and I carried our shoes up to the fire, setting them down so that they would dry off, and took our places on the heavy bits of driftwood ringing the site to make benches. Kairi waved me over to where she and Selphie sat, patting the wood beside her. I acknowledged her with a wave and a smile. "Sora's going to make me s'more's," I offered as way of explanation, as I took the seat further away, beside the spiky-haired brunet instead. "Growing boys need their sugar," Sora chirped, not looking up as he, with great concentration, speared marshmallows on a stick.

Kairi rolled her eyes and laughed. "Fine, Sora, just steal him away again."

Again? Excuse me? Was that jealousy I detected in Kairi's dulcet tones? Shit. I didn't want this. Sora must have noticed my discomfort. "Relax," he said lightly, softly. "She's just still mad about something I said the other day. She kind of finds ways to pick on me when she's pissed. I'll talk to her later, sort it all out."

"I kind of thought something was up," I replied quietly, my eyes following his nimble fingers as they worked from a bag of marshmallows situated in his lap.

"Well, don't worry about it. It's my fault. I'll take care of it, we'll kiss and make up, and all will be right with the world."

Kiss… and make up?

"Right," I said lamely. Sora then showed me the finer points on how to roast the perfect marshmallow without turning it into a flaming ball of glory in the meantime. He was very patient in his method, making sure no part of the sugary treat was subject to direct flame for more than a second. I was always more a stab-and-burn kind of guy. The night grew deeper around the edges of the bonfire site, making the lit area feel cosy and warm. Everyone was chatting, cooking either 'mallows or hotdogs skewered on random sticks (Tidus' cursing growing ever louder each time he lost something into the coals), and Wakka had pulled out a small radio and tuned it in to a mainland station. Music mingled with voices. I was pretty close to happy.

"…and then you put the chocolate bar on the other side and just, sort of, squish it together." Sora laughed hysterically at my expression, the one I _knew _I was making, because every time he made me s'more's I couldn't help but be a little grossed out by the 'smooshing' stage. "And then you eat it!" he concluded proudly. "Go on, take a bite!" He watched me eagerly. I drew the moment out, keeping my amused eyes on his, and took an experimental bite of the wild, Sora-ish confection. I chewed thoughtfully, knowing he was just about jiggling off his chair in anticipation. I smacked my lips, just to torment him, and tipped my head to the side. "Well?" he squealed. I looked down at my hands.

"My fingers are getting all sticky and gross."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Ri-ku!"

"Okay, okay." I laughingly held up my hands in surrender. "It's good, I like it. It's, um, very sweet, not something I could have all the time, but I definitely like it."

"Silly, you don't have it all the time, it's a bonfire thing."

"Oh, yeah? So I guess that _isn't _you who sits at home and makes them over his mother's gas-fire stove?"

He gaped at me, comically. "How did you know that?"

Whoops. "Oh, Sora, you're so transparent."

He scowled and punched my shoulder. "Ri-ku!" The jolt made me drop my s'more. We both stared at it, all sandy, and then I cracked up. Sora dropped to his knees, fists balled up at the sky, wailing, _"Nooooooo!" _He wiped away an imaginary tear. "It never even stood a chance," he lamented. Everyone, by this stage, was watching. It was hilarious. Then Kairi had to ruin the fun: "God, Sora, just make another one." She sounded really irritated, and the smiles on everyone's faces dimmed. Sora had gone pale. His lips pressed together as he got to his feet and brushed away the sand. Then he crossed the site and bent down by her, whispering into her ear for a moment. When he pulled back, she nodded curtly, then flashed a bright smile my way and said, as she got up, "Everyone, we'll be back in a few minutes. Make sure to have fun without us, but not _too _much fun…!" They walked off into the shadows. The mood was pretty sombre around the bonfire, the radio jarringly loud. "Hey, Riku." Selphie had got up and come over to me, without my noticing. "Can I sit?"

My eyebrows rose, and I waved her down. "Sure, sit, sit. Don't have to ask."

"Cool." She fidgeted for a minute, playing with the hem of her bright yellow dress. "So, um, don't worry about Kairi and Sora, okay? They're just going through a, sort of a rough patch."

"Yeah," I said slowly. "Sora was saying that he needed to talk to her sometime tonight, kiss and make up."

She brightened. "Oh, well, that's good. They don't fight often, but when they do, oh boy, duck and cover."

I nodded silently. After a while, in which there was no more conversation, I amused myself by kicking sand over the discarded s'more.

"It's a pity," Selphie sighed, as Wakka and Tidus finally started talking again on the other side of the fire. "Sora really makes a mean s'more. Nothing so superbly-sweet should have to suffer such an ending."

I laughed a little. "As opposed to being ground up, mixed with spit and swallowed?"

She looked blank for a moment, then giggled. "Well, when you put it _that _way…"

Kairi chose that moment to reappear, striding back into the circle with a slightly more placid expression, although, judging by the tenseness in her bearing, I'd say things weren't quite yet resolved. Sora hung back on the edge of the light, hovering uncertainly, his eyes on Kairi. She came over, smiling, and sat on my other side. "Hi, Riku."

"Hey, hope things are all okay."

"Oh, sure, don't worry about it. Say, feel like a hotdog?"

"Actually, I'm feeling kind of warm. Hey, Sora." I raised my voice, drawing his attention. "Come for a walk with me? I need to clear my head."

He nodded, circling the site, as I got up and dusted off. "Ladies." I bowed and took my leave, hopping over the driftwood bench and joining Sora on the flickering edge. "Come on," I said, and strode out into the night. We didn't go far, just found a dune to sit on a little way away, where we could sit up high in the soft sand and gaze over the bonfire and the ocean. We were far enough away to remain unheard, but just close enough to hear the strains of music drifting up. "So, what's up?" Sora asked.

"I was going to say the same to you," I responded casually.

"I asked first."

"Then I yet again use my guest capacity to force you to speak." He didn't say anything. "Is everything… okay with Kairi?"

He sighed, scratched at his head in a way that spoke volumes, and placed his chin glumly on his knees. "I guess."

"Doesn't sound like it." I hesitated. "You two seem close. Are you…?"

He lifted his head to look at me, eyebrow cocked. "…Together? No way, Kairi's like a sister to me." Oh, my God, _thank you! _"She's my best friend. We've known each other for, like, ever." He eyed me suspiciously. "Why? Interested?"

In you? Yes. In Kairi…? "Ah – well, I've always wanted a sister."

He chuckled to himself, reseating his chin. "Heh. You wouldn't want a sister like Kairi, I don't think. She's been making eyes at you all day and night."

"Oh." Shit.

"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" he asked me. God, what a question. It's a fucking _hideous _situation.

"Um, well, I'm not about to ask her out, if that's what you mean. I mean, she seems nice and all, but… Well, who knows? Maybe… somewhere out there…" I stared at him sideways. "…there's someone who loves me." He was looking down on the campfire, but I saw his eyes widen. He looked at me quickly, appearing stricken.

"I didn't even think of that! I'm so sorry. For you." I took note of the clarification, filed it away.

"I'm surprised Kairi hasn't," I murmured. "After all, she's the one who keeps reminding you that I won't be here forever."

"Yeah… guess it slipped her mind…"

This Kairi is different to my Kairi. I'm sure of it. Has my absence turned her into a bitch? I never thought I made that much impact on the lives around me, but I guess, without me to make us a trio, the dynamics would be different between she and Sora. And it's allowed this person to evolve?

"I feel sorry for the person, if it's true," Sora said. I was confused.

"What person?"

"The person that loves you. If there's someone out there, who loves you and doesn't know where you are, I feel really sorry for them."

I shrugged bitterly. "I don't know. Maybe they've forgotten about me. Living their life as though I was never even born."

"Don't say that, Riku." He looked so concerned, so earnest. "Don't think like that. People who love, they don't just forget each other. Even if you're gone, even if nobody finds you for another _month_, do you really think love is so easy to just brush aside and forget?"

I was quiet for several beats. Then, softly, "Hey, Sora?"

"What is it, Riku?"

"If you loved someone… and then something happened, and you forgot them without even knowing you had… what would you do?"

His face was scrunched up, lacking in comprehension. "I don't understand the question," he said helplessly, after running it through his mind a couple times.

I thought it through. "Imagine… that you love someone… with all your heart. But then, something happens… and you forget, like, in an instant, not over time, but from one minute to the next, that you love them. Does that mean that the love doesn't exist anymore?"

Sora was silent for a long time. I started thinking that maybe he hadn't heard me, even when I knew that he had. His voice, when he spoke, was hesitant with its words, but sure.

"I don't think it wouldn't exist anymore," he said quietly. "Let's say, for example, that I forget the person I love most in the world. That would mean that something out of my control had happened to make it like that, right? Well, that's not the same as falling out of love. There'd be no time for that. The love would still exist, but it just… Ah, I don't know." He scrubbed his hair in frustration. "I'm not making any sense."

"…What advice would you give the lover who had been forgotten?"

He seemed surprised, glanced at me, then frowned at the ocean, deep in thought. "I guess, not to lose hope. Like I said, the love still exists. The forgotten person would just have to cling to that, knowing that nothing _real _has torn them apart, that the relationship isn't over or anything because… Well, you know that theory, or saying or whatever, that nothing ever just disappears? It gets misplaced. Or is it displaced? Displaced, that's the one. The love has been displaced. That means it's still there, somewhere, just that it's been pushed somewhere different. They've been forgotten, sure… but not by choice. Never by choice. And love, it doesn't just die. It's still there, somewhere. The other person just… needs to be patient, and remember that, if the one that's been affected had a say in it all, none of it would have ever happened in the first place." He looked at me uncertainly, brain still obviously working the idea. "Does that make sense at all? Does that help? _Riku." _He breathed my name compassionately as the tears rolled down my face. I was silent, I was still, and still they came, slow and gentle. He looked so sad. Without wiping the tears away, without moving, I whispered, "Can you hold me? Just for a little while?"

He hesitated. "I thought you didn't like being touched."

"Just for a little while. Please?"

He didn't move. I took this as his answer, and closed my eyes. I heard the low rustle of his clothing, then felt a cautious touch on my shoulder. I leaned into him, before he could change his mind, my hands clasped tightly between my knees. I tucked myself into his chest, and breathed deeply of his scent, as his arms wound around me ever so slowly. He held me loosely at first, but when I made no sign of going ballistic, his grip tightened. He pulled me close, and I didn't know if I was dying or flying. Neither, I guess. I needed comfort. I needed Sora. And until I could get him to remember me again, this would have to do. I felt a little better, I guess, although only in a detached sort of way. After all, he'd just admitted that he still loved me, even if he didn't know it. That would have to be enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I suppose it's a good thing I never had the chance to get my grubby paws on KH during the creation process… If I had, we'd all have to buy it from a sweaty man with a leer, blushing profusely all the while. Thus, I'd have lost Disney a _lot _in retail.

A/N: So glad I didn't post this last night. I finished it around eleven-thirty, but realised, when I noticed during editing my eyes skipping over entire paragraphs with the background thought of, 'I know what happens, it's fiiiiine,' that maybe I could use a night to distance myself from the chapter. It is, as a result, muchly improved from what it was. A big shout out to my lovely, wonderful **reviewers**, who I love fit to bust: **Is-Simple, Desolate Nightmare, Katraa, Recall** and **marsh king's daughter**. The hits are now up to over five-hundred, which is awesome, but to all the other silent readers, please take a minute to tell me what you think of the fic, it really is helpful, not just an ego-boost :P My little sister returns to school tomorrow, after two weeks of holidays. Not sure yet if this means production will increase, or decrease.

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CHAPTER SIX

I didn't want to go back to the party, even if it _was _in my honour. I didn't think I could handle Kairi anymore, not tonight anyway. And oh, mercy me, I was living with the girl.

After a while of sitting in silence, we decided to go for a walk. There weren't a lot of words between us; we were each too full of our own thoughts. I spent a lot of time gazing at the stars as I meandered through the soft, sinking sand. The bonfire was left far behind, and eventually we steered away from the ocean as well. It seemed like an unconscious move on Sora's part, connected with his fear, because his steps veered gradually over the course of an hour, until we suddenly found ourselves standing on the edge of the road heading back into town.

We paused, our bare feet on the rough asphalt. I curled my toes into the heavy blanket of sand coating the stone, feeling my nails scratch the hard surface. The lights of Destiny Island twinkled in the distance, little people leading little lives in their little homes. The left side of the Island was brighter, where the tourists hung around, and you could make out where the cinema stood from looking at the single bright blur in amongst the smaller ones. At my right, Sora sighed. "We should head back," he said. "The others will be wondering where we are."

"They know we're out walking," I reminded him, aiming for casual. "Just because we take a little longer than they expected, doesn't mean we have to scurry back."

"Uh, Riku? The beach ends here. We have to turn around anyway."

"Says who? Are we bound to the beach?" I took several long strides, hands in pockets, to where the sand thinned out. I turned back to him, shrugging. "Let's keep walking, we can go into town, see a movie or something."

Sora took a few small steps, looking dubious. "We don't have our shoes."

"Oh, come _on, _Sora," I groaned, leaning my upper body to the side. "Don't be such a wet blanket. Your feet could use the toughening."

He looked indignant. "Why? What's wrong with my feet?"

I couldn't help but laugh at him. "God, So, do you always take life so seriously? Where's your sense of adventure?"

If anything, the indignation rose, and he started _pouting. _His arms crossed over his chest defiantly. "I have plenty sense of adventure. What did you have in mind?"

I regarded him with twinkling eyes, hand on my hip, the other tapping my cheek thoughtfully. An idea came, and I lost a bit of my sparkle. My hands dropped to my sides as I said, "I want to see that empty house on Keays."

Whatever he was expecting, this wasn't it. His eyebrows rose, then the left one furrowed in bewilderment. "Keays avenue?"

I nodded firmly. "The very one."

"…Why would you want to go there?"

I shrugged flippantly, swivelling on one foot and starting down the road. "Why not? It looks like a pretty cool place to explore. Saw it on the way to Kairi's this morning."

"Well, yeah, but…" He jogged to catch up, the sound of shifting sand silencing as he transferred over to the bitumen.

"But?" I prompted. He shook his head, having no decent argument.

"Whatever you want, Riku. If it makes you happy…"

Hmm. Happy? I doubt it, a lot. But I wanted to see. I had to make sure it really was deserted. The thought hadn't really occurred to me before now, it was pretty far down on the list of priorities, but here we were, a twenty minute walk away, and suddenly I was consumed by it. I grew quiet, tense, as we trekked down the beach road and passed into the neighbourhoods.

"I hope the others don't get worried," Sora said softly. I dismissed the thought.

"We're big boys. It's not like anything could happen to us."

He glanced at me as we walked, the light cast by the streetlights alternately illuminating and throwing him into shadow. "Why do you want to see this place anyway?"

"Why do you _not _want to see it?" I demanded, frustrated. I stopped, throwing my hands up in exasperation. "Look, Sora, if you want to go running back to the beach, fine, go ahead. I want to see the damn house, and I'll do it whether you're with me or not. Are you really so timid and weak that you can't survive _five seconds_ without your little friends holding your hand?" I know that I hurt him with this, and I half-expected him to turn and either run or stalk away. But he was freaking me out a little, he wasn't acting like my Sora, and I wanted to push him to find out. His face darkened. "You are so bipolar, Riku."

"I'm not acting bipolar, So, I just want to know why you're so fucking dependent on the rest of the world."

"I'm not _being _dependent, you _ass." _His fists were clenched, he was speaking through his teeth. "I'm _being _courteous, because I _don't _want my friends to worry. Maybe you don't remember what it's _like _to have friends, _but I do. _I never forgot! And if you're so keen to be friends with us too, _maybe _you should try a little harder to _remember." _

We glared at each other. Sora lost his patience. "Well?!"

Aha. So. Same Sora after all. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I testing him?

"Okay, I'm an ass," I admitted. "It's true. I'm sorry." He blinked at me.

"Why was that so easy?" he wondered. I grinned crookedly.

"Because… a couple years ago, I made a vow to myself to not ignore the truth, even if I want to. I guess that's the sort of thing you just don't forget."

"And the truth is that you're an ass?"

I sobered. "Yeah. Sorry. I can be stupid sometimes. I'm not always so good at seeing things from other people's perspectives. I can guarantee that I will piss you off like this every now and then. So I guess the question is, is that okay with you? Can you handle having a friend who's also a complete jerk thirty-percent of the time?"

He was giving me a weird look, and I could see him really contemplating the question. I fidgeted under his gaze, as the silence stretched.

"Make it fifteen percent, and you've got yourself a deal."

I was astounded, to say the least. I couldn't help the delighted peal of laughter from bursting forth. Sora just watched me, smiling a little. I gasped, wiped away a tear of mirth, and stuck out my hand. "Shake on it."

He grabbed me without hesitation, and we sealed the pact. I quietened. "If you really want to, you can go back to the beach. I won't get all pissy again, I promise. But… I really do want to go look at that house."

"Why?" he asked again. I dropped my gaze down to my feet.

"I don't know. I just do. Sorry I can't be more explicit."

Sora regarded me pensively, before saying, "It's okay. Sometimes, you've just got to follow your heart, you know?"

I paused, still looking down, and smiled. "Yeah," I agreed, voice warm. "Yeah, you do."

"Okay, then. Let's go check it out," he said enthusiastically. Just like that, the argument was done, the air was clean again.

"What about the others?"

"I think they can survive a couple hours without my radiant presence," he breathed airily, twirling his hands around his face. I chuckled.

Brighter now that some of the churning darkness had been exorcised – albeit, regretfully inflicted upon Sora – I started walking again. We were pretty close to Keays avenue by now, and once we reached it, it was only a short distance to my house. We stopped at the end of the driveway. My eyes wandered, absorbing the loneliness surrounding the building. It was dark, and dead looking.

"No one's lived here for years," Sora told me. "Not for as long as I've been alive, at least. I don't know any stories about the people who used to live here. Some of the Islanders think that it's owned by some businessman for tax reasons or something. Makes sense, when you think about it."

"Sure," I said flatly. "Come on, I want a closer look."

We padded down the drive, gravel crunching and slipping, and somewhere a few houses down a dog began to bark. My house was comprised of two stories, and while we owned it, it was white-washed regularly, had a well-kept garden and lawn, and had, to make it truly gag-worthy to perfection, a neat white picket-fence encasing the perimeter of the property. This version of my house was falling apart. Shingles had fallen from the roof, littering the ground, from the years of storms and strong winds. Tree roots ruptured the earth, snaking under the cracking garden path in amongst the forest of weeds. It wasn't totally overgrown, I think the council probably had it mown semi-regularly to prevent snakes and fire-hazards from building up, but it was utterly unkempt. Old paint peeled from the sides of the house, revealing the rotting wood beneath. Typical haunted house material.

"You guys ever dare each other to go in?" I asked, picking at a splinter on the porch rail.

"Sure, when we were kids." Sora smiled. "We used to be a gang, like a club thing, and to be in it, you had to spend an hour inside by yourself."

I smirked. "Did you all do it?"

"Yeah."

"So that means I'm the only non-member, then, huh? We'd better remedy that."

He watched me, amused, as I went boldly up to the front door and tried to open it. "Locked, hm?" I stepped back, looked left and right along the building. The only window was the bay window. I sauntered along the porch, rubbed a portion of the glass clean with my hand, and pressed my face against the gap. The interior was gloomy, with murky shadows pitched by lumpy, ancient furniture. I knew the window around the side of the house had a faulty catch, so I decided to try that first. Sora saw where I was headed and chuckled to himself. I jumped off the end of the porch and rounded the corner. He joined me. "That one won't open," he warned. "It's been jammed shut forever."

"Find me something to stand on," I commanded, smiling cockily.

"There's a box around the side that we used to use, but it's already at a window that opens…"

"But I want _this _window. Get me the box, Sora!"

He shrugged. "Oookay, stay here. I'll be back."

I stood back, gazing up at the black eye of a window, hands on hips. I listened as Sora tramped through the long grass, cursing every now and then as he stumbled. He disappeared around the back of the house, and for a while all I heard was the crickets. I sighed, tipping my head back and closing my eyes. There was a cool breeze blowing. My body, cooling down after the walk, developed goose-bumps, and I shivered.

"Hey, Riku, do you think…" Sora trailed off. I lowered my head and looked at him. He was staring.

"Hm?" I said simply. "Do I think? On occasion. Why?"

Sora caught himself, rolled his eyes. He hauled a large wooden box around the corner, letting it drag and bump along the ground behind him.

"Do you _think," _he started again, "that this box will hold your weight?"

"Sora, are you _trying_ to be affronting?"

His eyes rolled a second time. "Sure, Riku. I'm subtly trying to tell you that your thighs are getting chunky."

I lifted one leg, balancing easily, and wrapped my hands around the thigh. "Hm," I muttered, peering from under the curtain of my hair, "maybe you're right, So. I'm sure I used to be more _willowy _than this. Must be that s'more you made me eat."

He laughed, his cheeks a little flushed. "Here. Have a box." He hefted it up and tossed it to me. I let go of my leg and snatched it out of the air with both hands. I lowered it carefully next to the wall beneath the window. "Now, to see a master at work."

Sora shook his head, canting his hip to the side with his arms folded over his chest, and informed me, "That window doesn't open, Riku. Believe me, we tried. It's the easiest one to access, but it's stuck tight."

"Oh, really?" I was smug. I placed a hand on the wall and gingerly stepped up onto the box. It was pretty rotten, and complained under my weight. "Too many muscles," I assured Sora, over my shoulder. He snorted in response. My chest was now level with the window. I inspected it, then twisted my trunk, keeping my feet steady, and said, "Hey, So, you got your wallet with you?"

"Um, yes?" He dug it out of his pocket, holding it up for me to see.

"You got that gamer's discount card?"

"Uhh… Did you go through my wallet?"

"Yeah, totally." Shut the fuck _up, _Riku! Why don't you ask him if he still keeps that letter from _Santa Claus_ under his pillow while you're at it? "Going to give it to me?"

"Um… yes?" He ripped open the Velcro, flicked through the card carrier, and tugged out the thin laminated gaming card. He shuffled over and held it up for me between two fingers. "Thank you," I said with satisfaction. He watched curiously as I flipped it over, testing its resistance between my fingers, then used one corner to cut through the initial layer of grime caking the seal between window and sill. I scraped it clean with my thumbnail, then did it again, pushing it deeper this time. The dirt that came out was almost black. The card caught a couple of times, and I worked away at the blockages until they broke free. At last, after a few more swipes, the join was clean and clear. Now for the genius to set in. I wiped the card on my jeans a few times, polishing it up so Sora wouldn't get mad at me. Then I forced it under the join, until it stuck. I adjusted my position on the box, making it creak ominously, and hooked the fingers of both hands under the part of the card still poking out. I licked my lips, narrowed my eyes, and pulled sharply. The was a sharp sound, which may or may not have been Sora's gamer discount card snapping in two, I don't know, because it came free from the window and fluttered out of my grasp. "Whoops! Shit."

"I see it!" Sora loped through some of the long grass, bending down and plucking it out. He held it up for me to see. Still whole. I was hopeful. I turned back to the window, slid my uttermost fingertips into the miniscule gap, and yanked upward. There was a few moments of resistance, then – _scraaape. _It opened.

I sang triumphantly, "Ta-daa!"

Sora nearly bowled me over, leaping up onto the box beside me and pushing in front. He flashed me a devilish grin, then hauled himself up and through the window, leaving me blushing after having had his butt pretty much in my face. I waited a few seconds, reminded myself to keep breathing, then followed up and over.

The house was musty. Dust layered every surface in a slippery carpet. I hopped agilely to the floor, sending up a puff of resentful, dirty air. I coughed, knuckles up to my mouth, and held my breath until the cloud settled back down. Taking a few cautious steps, I nearly lost myself in the gloom. "Sora?" My breaths were loud in the silence. I couldn't see him anywhere in the stagnant darkness. I felt my way forward experimentally, hands held out, searching for an anchor. "Sora!" No reply. I found the back of a sofa and held on, fingers digging into the sagging material. My tone sharpened. "Damn it, Sora, if this is a joke – "

"It is." His voice was soft, nearby, making me jump about a foot in the air. He heard the explosion of my breath and laughed a little. "Sorry. Didn't think you'd get scared," he teased.

"God, Sora," I gasped. "Now who's being the ass?"

"Oh, definitely me."

I gave a panting sort of chuckle. My eyes were growing accustomed to the dark, the looming shapes becoming clearer. Why anyone would abandon furniture here was beyond me. The previous owners, as far back as they were, hadn't even bothered to use sheets to protect against the dirt and mould. They'd just left it all here to rot. "So, I have to stay in here for an hour then?" I asked. "Is that it?"

"Technically, you have to stay for an hour by yourself," he corrected. I saw the glint of his teeth, reflected by the minimal light entering through the window. "But the only ones who'd know you'd cheated are you and me, and I'm _very _corruptible."

I smirked, crossing my arms. "Sora, are you asking me to _bribe _you?"

"I never could say no to a pretty face," he said lightly, and with a tinkling laugh, he went away. I heard his footsteps go down the main hallway, towards the staircase. Of course, he was expecting me to keep up and not know where I was going, but I grew up here, duh. I could move around as I pleased. It was just like stumbling around in a power outage. So I stayed and grappled with his words, running them through my head, analysing each twist of his tone. _I never could say no to a pretty face. _Said face was blushing hotly. I pressed my hands to my cheeks, chastising myself for acting like a schoolgirl with a crush. What I felt for Sora was _more _than a crush, and – and he was just finding me attractive, was all, and – and – did he just flirt with me?

"Riku?" His voice echoed in the empty house. I jogged after him, going as much on memory and instinct as limited vision. I met him at the foot of the staircase, his arms swinging loosely by his sides. "So, what do you want to do, now that you're finally here?"

"Um… I don't know. Just check the place out, I suppose." I went to the light switch and tested it. No power. "Guess the businessman doesn't need the lights going," I murmured. "I don't know if anyone pays a power bill for this place, but even if they do, it wouldn't make any difference. The fuse box is a mess," Sora offered.

"I want to go see… upstairs." I'd almost said 'my room'. We gripped the banister and mounted the steps one by one, creaking, groaning creations that sounded about a hundred years old. Finding the way to my room was automatic; after all, it hadn't really been so long since I'd last slept there. When I opened the door though, into the bare, dusty box, it seemed to really bring it home to me just how much things were amiss. The last few days, I'd been so wrapped up in Sora and my suddenly unrequited feelings, that I hadn't given much thought to the situation as a whole. But here I was, in a room that only a week ago I'd slept in, with the boy who stood at my side clutched in my arms, and suddenly I just felt this wave of helplessness wash over me. _Why? How? What do I do to fix this? _

I drifted over to where the moonlight pooled on the floor through the window, and sat in it. Sora ambled around the walls, kicking at dust bunnies, picking at the paint and muttering about termites. I took my head and gently cradled it in my hands, glowering at the floor.

"If the wind changes, you'll be stuck like that, you know," Sora joked, glancing over at me.

"Would you not like me any longer if it did?" I retorted gruffly. He scuffed over to me and entered the light, sinking down cross-legged. He placed his chin in his hand, and tried peering under my long obscuring bangs.

"So, do you like exploring old houses because they make you emo?"

I glared up, not appreciating the interruption. "No. I don't like exploring old houses because they make me _emo."_

"Well, if you don't like it, you shouldn't do it!"

"So-_ra."_

"Ri-_ku."_

"Are you purposefully being annoying?"

He slowly reached out a hand, my eyes tracking its movement – then flicked my nose. "Mmmmmaybe."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm just thinking, Sora. Try it sometime, I'm sure the results will astound you."

"I'm trying to preserve my brain for science," he said importantly.

"Sora?"

"Yes, Riku?"

"You really are a huge dork."

"So are you disappointed or something?"

I blinked, not quite following. "Disappointed that… you're a dork?"

"Disappointed in the house. You were all jazzed up, and now you've turned quiet."

I turned my gaze downward, started drawing shapes in the dust. "I don't know."

He watched me for a while without speaking, before lowering his eyes to my creation.

"Hey, a paopu," he noticed. I frowned, looked at the picture.

"It's a star."

"No, see, it's a paopu. Look, you've done the lines coming out from the centre, and the corners are sort of rounded…"

I brushed the floor clean before he could protest. "You know, I think I might just go back to Kairi's place and get some sleep. I'm not feeling too great."

"But… we just got here."

"And now we can just leave."

I didn't want to stay here. It felt like the walls were pressing in. I was in my never-room, with my never-Sora, and suddenly it was hurting more than I could stand. I didn't know what I'd done to get here. I didn't know what I'd do to fix things. I was so disgustingly helpless.

I stood abruptly, and went for the door, leaving Sora to scramble in my wake. "Riku, wait up!" I took the stairs quickly, hand skimming the banister, and headed straight for the front door. "Riku, hold on, you can't – " It was dead-bolted. I hit my head against it, hard, and let my hand slide off the doorknob. Sora caught up with me, stumbling in the dark.

"Riku, what's wrong? What is it? Why are you being like this?"

"I just – I don't want to be in here," I grated. He grabbed my elbow.

"Then come on, it's this way." He led me back to the window. I grabbed the sill and swung myself out, dropping to the grass outside. I didn't stop moving until I reached the road again. Only then, did it feel safe to turn back. I stood there for a long minute, staring at the abandoned behemoth, docile and hollow. Sora turned up beside me. "Closed the window again."

"This whole idea was ridiculous from start to finish," I said dully.

"Yeah, but who knew you were claustrophobic?"

"I'm not, So. I just had to get out of there." I turned away, to face the street, eyes running over all the other houses. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "You know, this is completely your fault," I informed him. His eyebrows shot into his hair.

"M-my fault? Who, me?"

"My first idea was to see a movie, you do remember that, right?"

"Well, _yeah, _but – but – ! See, now you're being a jerk. I distinctly remember the agreement being fifteen percent."

"Are you saying I have overfilled my quota?"

"I – _you…"_ He let out a growl. "Weren't you supposed to be going to bed or something?"

A cool breeze picked up, ruffling our hair, our clothing. "Walk me home?" I asked simply.

He smiled. I knew, right in that second, that if I hadn't been such a moron earlier in the day, he'd be bowing and offering his arm now. "What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't?"

So he walked me home.

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The next morning, I was woken by loud voices. And they must've been real loud, because they weren't even outside my door. I reached up to rub my face, scraping the sleep from my eyes, and just lay there blinking at the ceiling for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out who the heck was being so goddamn noisy. I detected a hint of Kairi. The girl can pierce _time_ with her vocals when the mood suits her. I groaned and sat up, mumbling and muttering about hysterical females. I checked the time. Hm. Eight in the morning. Frickin' sweet. I felt the need to inflict pain in hefty doses.

I opened the door with a bang, and shuffled down the hallway. Out here, the intensity of the screeching tripled, drilling into my skull. I couldn't make out the cause of the ruckus yet, my sleep-addled brain incapable of translating wailing to English any time soon. I stopped at the doorway to the sitting room, slammed a hand against the frame, and snarled through my slumber-roughened throat, "Shut. The fuck. Up."

There was silence. My eyes were shut, finding the bright light of day too much to tolerate. So when Sora timidly said, "Good morning, Riku," I nearly fell over.

"Fuck," I groused. I let one hand go of the doorframe, and used it to scrape the hair out of my eyes. I unglued my eyelids, and the room swam into view. Kairi was standing over near the window, while Sora sat at the piano, his elbows resting on the cover, looking fed up and tired. Kairi was blushing, her eyes firmly to the ground, while Sora kept glancing back and then away. "Mmmmornin'," I muttered. "What're you two fuckin' fightin' 'bout?"

Sora laughed suddenly, the sound ringing in my ears. "I see now why the nurses wouldn't let us visit you before nine-thirty," he said happily. "Are you always this much of a morning person?"

"I was woken up… by _screaming." _

"I – I wasn't screaming," Kairi argued, arms folding over her stomach, flush intensifying. She stole a look at me, violet eyes widening, then returning resolutely to the carpet.

"Mmmmfuckin' screaming, Kai."

"You always swear this much in the mornings?" Sora asked curiously.

I grumbled a little louder. "…by _screaming."_

"Oh, so it's the screaming that makes you like this?"

"I wasn't screaming," Kairi insisted. "Look, Riku, sorry you got woken. Just head back to bed, I won't yell anymore."

"But I'm _up _now," I complained, and staggered to where Sora sat, collapsing beside him with my back to the piano. I made an effort, a real concerted effort, and shook the hair away from my face. "So what's up?"

"I just…" Kairi didn't know what to do with herself.

"Kairi was just a little concerned after we disappeared last night," Sora explained to me. "I decided to go home too, after dropping you off, and she didn't even know where we were until she came home and found you in bed."

"Hmf. Thanks for not waking me," I said, flipping my hand slightly in gratitude. Then I shook my head. "But, wait, this is what the screeching is about? Kai, it's not Sora's fault, it's mine. I wouldn't let him go back."

"Wouldn't _let_ him?" she echoed sceptically.

"I wanted…" I swiped a hand over my sleepy features. "I just wanted some alone time, okay? Sora didn't want you guys to worry, but I sweet-talked him into staying with me." Sora snorted. "I was feeling down, and I didn't feel like being around people anymore."

She started to speak, then bit her tongue. "Okay, Riku, I understand," she said at last, calm and patient. "I really do. I'm sorry I didn't think of it first. I knew the party was a bad idea anyway, but I guess Sora just got carried away."

"No, shit, don't be like that. God, what is _up _with you two? On the one hand, the pair of you prance around telling me how you're best friends, and on the other, you're vacationing in cold-shoulder world. I never thought – " I cut myself off, frustrated. Damn it, I _knew _these two, they were my family, I knew that things weren't right. I just wished I could tell them to stop being idiots and get over it.

Just then, Kairi's dad came in. He'd been in to visit me in the hospital, twice. He was a good man, but I guess that was evident in how he kept taking us strays into his house without a second thought. He hesitated upon seeing me, then broke into a warm, amused grin. "Riku, it's good to see you up and about. I'm sorry I wasn't able to welcome you properly yesterday, but things have been busy in the storm's aftermath. How've you been?"

"I'm feeling good, thanks, sir," I said politely. "I'm really grateful for everything you're doing for me. It sure beats staying in the hospital."

"I must admit, I'm not too fond of them myself. Are you comfortable here? Anything we can do to improve your stay, please don't hesitate to ask." The man was a _saint. _

"I'm fine, honestly. Everything's great."

"Excellent, excellent." He turned to his daughter. "Kairi dear, uh, perhaps you could show Riku the clothes Poinsettia brought in this morning? Unless, that is, you prefer him as he is in his current, er, attire." Kairi turned crimson.

"Dad!"

My current attire?

Oh. The bare-chested look. Great. I've been parading half-naked around the mayor's house, in front of both Kairi _and _Sora, and not in the 'you've-known-me-since-child-hood-so-what's-it-even-matter?' capacity. "Whoops," I said out loud. I was wearing only a pair of the mayor's chequered pyjama pants, having deemed the shirt to hot to wear to bed last night. I had the grace to feel slightly shamed. The mayor laughed, and came over to clap a hand against my shoulder. Sora tensed, watching me alertly, then relaxed when I didn't try and push the man over for daring to touch me.

"Well, Riku, how about you go and get your clothes, grab some breakfast from the kitchen, and be back here in twenty minutes. I've got a car scheduled to take us to the docks."

Sora suddenly tuned in to the conversation. "The docks? You're taking Riku to the mainland?"

"Yes. We've got a long day to get through."

Sora turned to me, beaming. "So we can take you shopping today! I mean, I'm not normally a shopper, it's really more the sort of thing Kairi has to twist my arm _and _my ear to do, but we can totally get you set up with all your stuff, and – "

"Hang on, Sora." The mayor held up a hand, cutting him off. "Breathe for a minute. You and Kairi won't be coming."

Kairi looked scandalised. "But _dad!"_

"I told you, we've got a long day. I will take Riku to some clothing stores, and allow him to purchase some personal items, but before that we have appointments at both the police station and at a child-psychologist's office."

"Psychologist?" I raised an eyebrow. Sora looked offended on my behalf.

"Riku's not crazy."

The mayor chuckled. "Of course not. But Riku's memories aren't coming back as fast as Doctor Crescent would like them to."

Sora puffed up. "But this whole time, everyone's been saying, 'take your time, Riku, they'll come when they're ready'," he argued, aggrievedly. "And then we find out he's not doing it right, so you're sending him to a _shrink?"_

"So, relax," I said in a pacifying manner. "I'm sure it's not as black and white as that."

"That's right," the mayor agreed, sending me a grateful glance. "Sora, the reason we're taking this option is – well…" His eyes flicked to me in a way that made me frown. "Doctor Crescent is starting to wonder if the damage to Riku's head is worse than we initially thought. Head-trauma-related amnesia generally clears up within a few days. For Riku to have forgotten his entire life, and for it to not be coming back even in dribs and drabs, it's a real cause for concern. We're hoping that by talking to a professional, Riku can find ways to access those lost memories. If they don't start coming back, it might end up being that he has to go to a hospital on the mainland for them to perform some more in-depth tests."

And there, the flaw in my plan. I shouldn't have been guarding my memories so rabidly. I am an actor in this drama, and I've been messing up my part all along. I blanched.

"I vote child-psychologist," I said in a strangled voice. They couldn't take me away from Sora. I wouldn't stand for it.

"You're not a child," Sora scolded. Kairi spent the whole conversation standing across the room, watching us, watching _me. _I became aware of her gaze, and met it, only to have her flicker her eyes away at the last moment. I grimaced. I would have to keep track of this little crush, make sure it didn't go too far.

"The man we are taking Riku to see is very professional, very esteemed within his field. He is accustomed to working with older teens as well as children, Sora. We feel that Riku has a better chance at familiarity with him than with someone who works expressly with adults."

Sora sulked a little, but I wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't just because he couldn't take me to the mall. I nudged him with my knee. "Hey. We'll go shopping another time, okay?"

"…Sure," he said, features drawn in consternation, and I knew he was wondering how much longer I would even be around. Especially now that people were actively trying to coax my 'lost memories' out. I sighed. The mayor checked his wristwatch. "…Fifteen minutes, Riku. Kairi, get the boy his clothing, I'm going to go freshen up."

Kairi jerked back into animation, smiling as if ten minutes ago she hadn't been bitching at Sora loud enough to wake me from down the hall. I was seriously uncertain about her. I didn't want to dislike her. She was my best friend, and I owed her that. I couldn't try to fix things with Sora and not with her. Imagine if they all woke up tomorrow with their memories intact again, and she realised all I'd done the whole time was ignore her? I'd have to find some familiar ground, try and re-instigate the trio we worked so well as. I'd just make sure I was careful about it, that was all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, all you other fanficcers would be in my employ, and we _would _be making money off these things, cause they're just so darn cool.

A/N: I actually haven't yet posted chapter six. I've been trying, all day, but something's up with FFnet, I think. I hope it's them, and not me. However, obviously if this is being read, the problem has been solved, so I really have nothing to complain about. A return to the third dimension in this chapter, and I think I've gone into full-swing mode, because it feels a lot smoother this time around. Give me your thoughts and theories, people, they're always appreciated.

PS: Yay. Everything's working. This was a desperate last-ditch before unconsciousness, and it woooooorked. Two updates at once!

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CHAPTER SEVEN

"_Good-_bye, _Riku Utada!"_

-------

Sora and Kairi waved until the sleek chauffer-driven car passed out of sight. With one last burst of sunlight against the back window, it was gone.

"I hope Riku has a good day," Sora sighed, lowering his arm at last. When he turned to look at Kairi, her expression was cold, and the memory of their argument came rushing back in full force. It had been cut off with Riku's abrupt and somewhat violent appearance in the sitting room, but Kairi's countenance spoke volumes, letting him know that things were far from being resolved. He shuffled uncertainly on the spot, scratching the back of his neck. "So, uh, what're we going to do today?"

Kairi let out a short bark of a laugh, arms crossing over her chest, before turning back to the house. "No, hey, wait!" Sora gave chase, catching her on the porch. She whipped around, throwing his hand off her arm, and glared. "Forget it, Sora. If you can only find the time to be with me when Riku is gone, then I'm not interested."

"Kairi, we've been _through _this already – "

"No," she steamed. "We haven't. You've given me your excuses, sure, but I never said they were okay."

Sora sighed, closing his eyes for a minute, and leaned against the porch rail. "So, what then? You're just not going to talk to me anymore?"

She cocked her head to the side. "I don't know, Sora. You think we can have a conversation that doesn't revolve around the _wonderful_ Mr. Utada?"

Sora glared. "That's low, Kairi."

"It's true! Just because he's new and interesting doesn't mean he's all anyone wants to talk about. It's boring, Sora!"

"Oh, I'm sorry that my trying to help a new friend is _boring _you, _Kairi."_

"You have other friends that need you, too, you know," she argued. "Not to mention a _best _friend. But ever since Riku showed up, you couldn't care less about me!"

"That's not true and you know it," Sora said firmly, struggling to keep his rising anger in check. "You do realise, don't you, that we're the only people Riku even _knows? _Like, in existence? As far as he knows, we're the entire universe! He doesn't remember _anything, _Kairi. Can you imagine how frightening that must be? He needs us!"

"Yes!" Kairi exclaimed, shooting her hands down to her sides and creating fists. _"Us! _Not just you, you, you, Sora! There's five other people who want to help Riku as well, but the second anyone gets near him without you hovering in the background, you act like a kicked puppy. You're being selfish!"

"Selfish?" Sora's eyebrows shot up, he sneered a little. "What, am I _hogging _him, Kairi?" His expression hardened. "Riku makes his own choices, and I can't help if they involve me. He likes having me around, is that so awful?"

"Yes! Because when you're with him, it's like all his attention has to be totally on you! I'd like the chance to get to know him, too, you know."

"Jeeze, Kairi," Sora said coldly. "Make up your mind – are you jealous of _me, _or _Riku?" _

He might as well have slapped her, for the look that appeared on her face. She stomped over to the still open front door, then turned, eyes swimming with unshed tears, glaring. "You," she stated shakily, "are such a huge jerk."

The door slammed shut before he could formulate a reply.

Sora tipped back his head and sighed, then bowed it. He leaned back against the porch rail, scowling at the door for a few minutes longer, waiting to see if Kairi would reappear. When she didn't, he gave up and went home.

-----

"Sora, honey?"

Sora lay on his bed, hands folded behind his head, ankles crossed, gazing at the ceiling. He listened as footsteps came up the stairs. "Hey, mom," he said quietly, when she appeared at the door, leaning on the frame. She was panting slightly, and pushed the curls of brown hair from her face. "Hey, baby. What're you doing home? I thought you were out with Riku and the others today."

"Riku went with Kairi's dad to the mainland." He turned his face to her. "Aren't you meant to be at tennis?"

Senna held up her hands, displaying the sweatbands on her wrists. "Had to run back. No good without these, I couldn't see a thing."

"Ew," Sora offered. She walked over and sat down on the bed, reaching out a small hand to feel his forehead, and then cheeks.

"Okay, so Riku's gone to the mainland, but you're not sick. What're you doing in bed? School's going to start up again soon. Thought you'd be soaking up the sun as much as you can before purgatory resumes."

Sora shrugged, averting his gaze. Senna frowned, eyes wandering over the ceiling.

"So… I noticed Kairi hasn't been around much lately. You two arguing?"

"It's fine, mom," said Sora wearily. "Forget it."

"Hmm." She leaned down, until their faces were almost touching, forcing his eyes up. "What?" he asked bluntly.

She poked him in the forehead. "You know who you haven't been to see in a while? Selphie. I'm sure she'd love to see you."

"I think Kairi's probably there," he replied dully.

"So call and see," she said simply. Sora frowned, looking away again.

"I don't really feel like it."

Senna straightened, furrowing an eyebrow. "You guys are really having a fight, huh? Well, look, I need to get going, or I'm going to lose my slot on the courts. What I think would be best for you, young man, is to stay well away from this house. I'm declaring a sulk-free zone, starting here and extending to every room in the house. You want to continue, you'll have to go sit on the curb."

Sora sighed in a blustery way. "Why can't I just lie on my bed?"

"Because I said so. Go on, out. If you're so keen on being alone, go for a walk or something."

Sora groaned. "Fine. I can't take it anymore. You people are driving me insane, did you know that?"

"Only _more _insane, Sora, dear. You were already crazy all by yourself."

"Wow, my mother is so encouraging."

Senna smiled, mock-proud, and ruffled his hair. "Isn't she, though?" She stood, bounced to the doorway, shot a stern finger his way. "I want you up and out of here. See you at dinner!" He heard her thunder down the stairs, and moments later, the door to the house slammed. He sighed again, and sat up, folding his legs and looking gloomily out the window. The day really was perfect out there. Beautiful weather, cool shade, the ocean, though feared, sparkling in an enchanted sort of way. This was a day made for fun and happiness, not moping around. Besides, he couldn't trust his mother not to call Selphie to check on him. If he stayed within the non-sulking zone after she had declared it as such, she'd no doubt twist it in such a way that would find him cleaning out the attic as punishment. At least, if he was going to brood, he could do it while improving his tan.

So, feeling heavy, he rose and followed his mother's path, down the stairs and out into the sunshine. He stood blinking owlishly in the bright light, then dug his hands into his pockets, and started towards Selphie's house.

------

Selphie was surprised when Sora turned up at her door. "Sora! Hey!" Her expression morphed into a wide smile. _"Soraaaaa!" _She lunged for him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, sending him staggering. They fell in a heap on the path, and Selphie sat up, straddling him, and sparkled. "Hiya, Sora! Whatcha doing?"

"Selphie," he groaned. "Off. _Now."_

"Whoops, is that blood I see? Come on, come on!" She pulled him up and brushed him down. Then she stood back, hands on hips. "So, what can I do you for, Sora-friend? I haven't seen you in, like, _aaaages."_

"Yeah, sure, because last night was just _forever _ago," Sora responded sarcastically. Selphie's eyes widened dramatically. "I _know," _she squealed. "I never thought I'd see you _again!" _She suddenly fell to her knees, arms flailing, and wailed, "Oh, Sora-kins, my loveth, where fore hast thou gone-est to-ith?"

Sora blinked, once, twice. "Okay, Selphie. Where's the sugar?"

She beamed. "It comes in the form of ice cream, and is currently melting in the kitchen."

"Take me to it."

Selphie leapt up, agile like a squirrel, and ushered him inside, slamming the door shut behind her. She led the way, bobbing and weaving, humming the theme tune to _Mission: Impossible_. Triumphantly, she bounded to where a tub of Cookie-Cream-Commotion sat sweltering on the counter, the contents of the bucket half excavated, a spoon stabbed deep within the rapidly softening mixture. "Grab a spoon, Sora-friend, and follow me to the den!"

Sora opened the cutlery drawer, withdrew a spoon, wiped the blood drooling down his forearm with a dishcloth, and hurried to the den, where Selphie was already setting up a movie. The disk inserted, the TV on, she snatched up the remote and barrelled into the sofa beside him. "Eat!" she cried, and together they dug in. The movie was from Selphie's much-adored B-list collection, or possibly C-list. Sora wasn't sure what the classification was when you could see the fishing wire suspending the alien space-ship over the town of screaming black-and-white baby boomers. Selphie took great delight in shrieking and jumping at the 'scary' bits, which in turn made Sora yelp and start, until it became a game of screaming loudly every time the poorly-budgeted monster crossed the screen. By the time the movie was finished, Sora was buzzing pleasantly.

"Hey – Selphie?"

"Yeeees?"

"Have I been – have I been neglecting Kairi since Riku came along?"

"Yeeeees."

Sora frowned, cutting her a glance, and scraped at the soft ice cream. "What, like, really?"

"'Fraid so, Sora-friend. I mean, you guys _have _been arguing pretty much since he came along, so I guess it's only natural that you'd want to hang around Riku more than Kairi. But, remember, she _is _your best friend."

"Well, yeah, I know that, Selph. But she doesn't want me around. She thinks – she thinks I only want Riku for myself, and that I'm shutting everyone else out of both our lives."

Selphie hummed thoughtfully, tapping her chin with her spoon. "Well," she said slowly, "I _can _sort of see what she's saying – but!" She flicked the spoon up, forestalling his protests. _"But, _I can also see that she's feeling kind of jealous."

"Of who, me or Riku?" he asked curiously. She shrugged.

"Both. Enter Riku, super-hot and all mysterious, and _oh, my God, that voice! _He takes a shine to you, you take a shine to him, and suddenly Kairi's got a space where she used to have a best friend, and the super-hottie is totally not even _looking _at her, even when she went to, like, a _lot _of trouble to prettify herself for him."

"But – I thought Kairi liked Tidus?"

"Oh, sure, but Tidus isn't going anywhere, is he?" Selphie smiled a little crookedly, a little sadly. "It's so easy for her to go chasing after Riku, because when he goes home, Tidus will still be there for her. That makes it all the more fun for Kai, you know? She's not trying to be mean, or fickle or anything. She's just feeling flirty. She wants some attention, and I guess she's feeling a little put out that, not only are you and Riku all but ignoring her, but Tidus is getting pissed with her for ignoring _him." _She shrugged a little, focusing on the inside of the ice cream barrel. "Call me bitchy if you want, but I'm actually kind of pleased things are working out this way. Maybe it'll teach her to be grateful for what she's got. Poor Tidus always gets left behind, because he doesn't know how to stop worshipping her, and she knows it."

"It's – she really likes him, though," Sora said, feeling guilty and defensive. "She's not just stringing him along."

"I know," Selphie agreed simply. "But she likes it when he trails after her like he does. They both talk to me, Sora. I know a lot about it. I mean, Kairi's one of my absolute best friends, I'm not saying all this to be catty, and if I thought she was horrible I wouldn't hang out with her. It's all just a bit teenage-angst romancing, you know?" Sora nodded. "Just make sure you don't get caught up in it, and you'll be fine," she said lightly. "Kairi's angry because you're not her loyal puppy anymore. That said, you _have _been letting her down in favour of Riku. If he wasn't around, you'd be practically prostrating yourself in front of her to gain her forgiveness. Give her time to come to terms with the downfall from her princess-dom, make sure she knows you still love her, and things will start getting back to normal. Friendship is a two-way street, ya know?"

"Yeah." Sora felt a weight lift from his chest, started smiling again. "Yeah, Selph, thanks a lot." He cast her a side-long look. "When did you get so wise, anyway?"

She giggled. "Oh, you know, I find it on sale every now and then."

Sora grinned and ruffled her hair. Selphie yelped. "Hey! Don't touch the 'do!"

"Huh." Sora gazed down contemplatively at the ice cream container, then shook it, listening to the hollow thunk of their spoons. "We're out of ice cream."

"Ah, Sora-friend, you need not fear. For you are in the presence of – _the sugar-meister!" _

"M-m-_meister?" _Sora spluttered with laughter. "What? What the fuck?"

She rolled her eyes. "Duh, Sora. I'm like, calorie-girl today. I just spent my entire allowance on junk. Do you really think I'd tease you with ice cream and not have anything to back it up?"

"You, dear Selphie, are a domestic _goddess."_

"I am the sugar-meister. Never doubt me again."

------

The sun was low in the sky by the time we were in the car headed back to Kairi's. I was exhausted, leaning my head against the window, letting the vibrations through the glass lull me into a listless doze. The mayor sat at the other end of the seat, flipping slowly through a file he'd brought to keep him occupied during the day. He hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said it was going to be a long one.

First, after the ferry ride, we were expected by one Sargent Wallace at ten A.M sharp. After that came three mind-numbing hours of questions lacking answers, queries leading nowhere, and a list of names I was forced to scour and actually pay attention to, in the search for my parents. In a way, I really was interested – I wondered if maybe they were waiting for me elsewhere, in which case I could say, "Hey, mom, hi dad, love you, moving in with Sora. See you at Thanksgiving!" But the attempt was fruitless, and by the end of it, everyone in authority was patiently restraining their frustration. It was a miserable venture.

After the police station, the mayor and I got something to eat at a small restaurant, and he took me shopping to buy some new clothes. I felt guilty using his munny like that, but I didn't have any of my own, and I really needed them. The outfit from Poinsettia was fine, it was made by Destiny Island's tailor, who was good at what he did, but it was nice to find some threads of my own again. The mayor also insisted that I buy enough hair and shaving product to sink a ship, evidently picking up on my grooming complex, as well as a really nice cologne. I think he felt bad that the inquiry into my past was so ineffective. He was trying hard to keep me cheerful, and I felt guilty all over again, because what he took to be disappointment was actually just extreme boredom, with some pining for Sora thrown in.

After the mall-crawl, I had my appointment with the child-psychologist, one Doctor Penumbra. He asked that I call him Jack. Being the idiosyncratic creature that I am, I kept things formal, with a smirk. To be honest, I was kind of panicking. The hour and a half with Penumbra was a terrible strain, as I struggled to keep the man, who was used to dealing with difficult little assholes from morning til late, from spotting my lies. You'd think that pretending to lose all your memories is sort of a fail-safe, you just keep repeating the mantra, "I remember nothing," until everyone gets the picture. But his questions were like honed arrows seeking the cracks in my façade. He would lull me with regular conversation, about my friends and the conditions I had encountered on Destiny Island so far, then pierce me with a query when I least expected it, and I would almost blurt the answer. Of course, now that I knew what the ultimatum was, I would have to make sure to start 'remembering' things from my previous life – however, since it was a life no one acknowledged, I'd have to make stuff up, and I wasn't ready to do that just yet, especially not in front of this sharp-eyed physician. When the session drew to a close, I was a perfectly composed nervous wreck. I asked to use the bathroom, while Penumbra proposed another appointment some time later in the week to the mayor. I used the alone time to take apart and reconstruct my mask, and while splashing my face with cold water, I noticed ribbons of red swirling down the sink. Straightening up, I looked at my reflection and nearly cried out. Blood flowed from one nostril, thin from the water, but a steady stream. I balled up some tissue and smeared it away, blowing my nose hard to try and get it over with. The paper turned a nausea-inducing red, and it took almost a full five minutes for the flow to stop. Embarrassed at the length of time I had been gone, suspicious of what Penumbra could be saying about me, or thinking about me, I'd emerged and rejoined the two men without explanation.

At five-thirty in the afternoon, we caught the ferry back, and now here I was, slumbering lightly, dreaming fleetingly of Sora.

When the car finally pulled up, the mayor shook me gently, and we vacated the vehicle, yawning and stretching in the cool twilight air. I rolled my head, kneading the back of my neck with my knuckles. The driver unpacked the shopping and took the bags inside, then collected his pay and left. I stomped up the white stone steps and into the invitingly warm manor, swinging my arms to get the blood flowing properly again. Kairi greeted us with a smile. "Poinsettia's got dinner ready, daddy. Riku, how was your day?"

"Long and pointless," I grumbled, out of earshot of her dad. Her expression dropped sympathetically.

"Tough, huh?"

I shrugged. "It was okay. Everyone's working hard to get me home. Your dad is cool." She beamed at the compliment, and hooked into my arm, escorting me to dinner. I allowed the gesture, but kept the contact friendly, not letting her body touch mine. Through subtle repositioning, I turned clinging into an elegant entrance. We sat, with her father and Poinsettia, the maid, and the four of us ate dinner.

"Did Sora say anything about coming to see me?" I asked, as Poinsettia bustled about fixing hot chocolates. Kairi flattened slightly, then forced a smile.

"No, can't say that he did, Riku. I'm sure you'll see him tomorrow, though."

"Yeah, sure."

I excused myself after dessert, claiming fatigue, and showered and changed in the en-suite adjacent to the guest room. I used the opportunity to test out some of the various lotions the mayor bought for me, and lay on my bed in the darkness, smelling nice and feeling drowsily content. I picked up the bedside phone – the guest room had its own line, for when official visitors to the Island came to stay – and dialled Sora's cell. He answered curiously, obviously not recognising the number on the display.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Riku?" I sensed his surprise.

"Yeah. How's things?"

"Oh – fine. Great. Where are you?"

"Back at Kairi's. I told everyone I was going to bed. And, well, I am. I just wanted to say hi to you first."

"Oh." He was cautiously pleased. "Well, hi."

"Hi," I breathed.

"Um… So, how did everything go today?"

"Oh, you know, same old routine – talk to the cops, talk to the shrink, convince the world you're not a freakish psychopath and everybody goes home happy."

"Heh, sounds like it was quite a day, then."

"Ugh. It was boring. I spent the whole time wishing I was with you." Oh, fuck. "I mean, with everyone. Here. On Destiny Island. Among friends."

He laughed lightly. "I'm surprised you didn't fall in love with the big city and beg to stay."

"There are better things to love than some dirty old city." _Like, say, you. _

"Cool. I spent the day with Selphie. She injured me."

"Selphie injures everyone. She's a scarring experience."

"Hah, it's funny you should mention scars…"

We talked for a while longer, until I forcefully reminded myself that all this was being charged to the mayor's account, not to mention the fact that, being a separate line, he'd know perfectly well who was ringing around on his dime. I made myself cut the conversation short, pleading lack of sleep.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?" Sora said hopefully. I smiled, exhaling through my nose. "Of course, So. Who knows, I might even wake up first, and be the one to pick _you _up."

"Yeeaaah," he said uncertainly, laughing a little. "But I don't think my mom would appreciate the 'before-nine-super-swearing-Riku'."

I laughed. "Good-night, So." _I love you, baby, sleep tight._

"Good-night, Riku. Sweet dreams."

-----

At nine o'clock precisely, the guest room door sprang open, and Sora bounded in. He leapt on the bed, making sure to bounce it hard, and yanked me from my slumber.

"_Son-of-a-bitch!" _I sat up sharply, glaring around wild-eyed, until I settled on one spiky-headed boy with a shit-eating grin.

"Goooooood morning, sunshine!"

"_I will cut you," _I swore, voice like a pit monster. If I'd started shooting laser-beams from my eyes, I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised.

"Come on, Riku, the day is calling! Can't you hear it?" He cupped a hand to his ear, making a show of listening attentively.

"I hear," I snarled. "It sounds like death on the wind." I lunged, collecting him in a tackle that took us both tumbling to the floor. I pinned him beneath me, locking his wrists to the carpet, knees clamped to his sides as I leaned close.

Sora laughed nervously. "Ahahaha, Riku?"

"Hush," I cut him off, sounding like crunching gravel. "No – more – talking."

"Uh, okay."

I closed my eyes, took a slow breath through my nose. "Sora."

"Yes, Riku?"

"You talked. After I said 'no talking'."

"Oh. I was just – "

"Sora. Stop. Talking."

"Yes, Riku."

My eyes flashed open. He smiled innocently beneath me, but was starting to squirm, whether because the excess energy was building up like steam inside his skull, or the breath-close proximity of our faces, I wasn't sure. Either way, I myself suddenly became aware of the miniscule span between us, and for a moment, I froze. I think the entire world stopped spinning. I just stared into his eyes, smothered by them. When I broke free a moment later, jumping to my feet and running a hand through my hair, it took every ounce of my self-control to not be panting. There was a buzzing in my cheeks that signalled a slight blush, which was echoed in that which I could see on Sora as he climbed slowly to standing. I cleared my throat, pacing to the other side of the room. "So, uh, um, what's on the agenda for today?"

"I, uh, jeeze, I don't know," he replied, flustered. We stared at each other. Then I forced a laugh.

"While you figure it out, I'm going to shower and get dressed."

"Oh, okay."

He kept standing there.

"Well, uh…" I shook myself suddenly, smirked, cocked a hip to the side with a loose fist resting on it, and steadily looked him up and down. His eyes widened, having been glued to me the whole time, and the flush in his face intensified. I had gone shirtless again during the night, and he was having a hard time keeping his gaze exclusively on my face. I took a few sauntering steps towards him, working my hips ever so slightly. "Well, So? Are you going to leave, or did you want to stick around for a show?"

He nearly inhaled his tongue with mortification. The blush spread magnificently to encompass the tips of his ears and his neck. I could practically _see _the steam shooting from his ears. "I'll go now," he squeaked. He scrambled for the door. I stopped him before he could quite disappear, with a silkily executed, "And Sora?"

He whipped around. "Yes?" he desperately asked my right nipple. I fought valiantly to keep from busting out into loud guffaws.

"My face is up here." I pointed.

With one last, horrified squawk, he was gone, the door shaking resoundingly in its frame. I let loose my laughter, howling with it. This was _definitely _worth the wake-up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **Me and Tetsuya Nomura, we used to be like _this _(crosses fingers, waves 'em around). Now, we're more like… _this _(waves forlornly from five-hundred feet away). That restraining order put a real wedge in our relationship.

A/N: Okaaay, um, I'm starting to freak myself out slightly. See, I don't normally work this fast. Ever. I started writing this, what, uh, eight days ago? Actually it feels like less, but oh well. Eight days fifty-nine pages. Huh. Now that I look at it, that's kind of average actually. Anyway, it feels like a lot, and I'm almost scared to slow down, in case that triggers some kind of killer mental block. I'm getting kind of paranoid about it. Either way, progress was good today. Chapter eight, for your delectation, and hopefully some reviews? Anybody? I am a starving artist, and your words, they are my soggy ramen.

Note: Anon. reviews have been enabled, I didn't even realise they were off. So I wasn't being snobby, rejecting randoms, only ignorant :p

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CHAPTER EIGHT

Sora's birthday was rapidly approaching, and with it, the end of vacation. Finding the perfect gift became a whole lot harder when the person in question didn't know you existed a week ago. Add to that the fact that I had no munny of my own, and wasn't willing to ask Kairi's dad for a loan, and I had myself a problem.

At this point, it felt like things were beginning to snowball. With only a few days left until school resumed, life on the Island was speeding up. I felt a twisting in my gut that came from the realisation that life was going to change, and I didn't know what would happen to me when it did.

The others had changed gears into 'desperation mode', trying to milk the last of the dwindling days before responsibility caught up with them, yet again.

I was surprised when the mayor called me into his home-office for a talk, nine hours before Sora's early birthday party.

"Now, Riku, you know that we've all been trying hard to find your parents," he intoned, his hands folded on the handsome desk. We sat on opposite sides, he leaning forward, me slouching down with my elbows on the armrests and my legs stretched out. He fiddled with his wedding band. "The police have been scouring the missing-person's archive for days. You might think that you're being overlooked, but I promise you, that isn't the case." The poor guy was so earnest. I had the feeling he'd been losing a bit of sleep over this.

"Believe me, sir, I'm aware of what you're all doing for me," I said firmly. "And I appreciate it. I don't feel overlooked at all. In fact, I feel more like a burden than anything."

His eyes widened. "Oh, no _no. _Anything but, Riku! You're… you're a sensible, mild-mannered young man, and you've been very reasonable throughout this entire ordeal. I think, and Jack Penumbra agrees with me, that there are very few who, in your position, would be reacting with such maturity."

I am _not _going to start manufacturing freak-outs to make myself more believable. I am _drawing _the line.

"Well, thank you, sir," I said, shifting a little uncomfortably.

"You're not a burden at all, no! But, well, the reason I called you in here is because – Riku, the new school term begins in just three days' time. After more than a week with no sign of your parents or other contacts, we're doubting that you'll be claimed in time to avoid that deadline. The best case scenario would have had you safely back home and starting the term in your own town, but it simply isn't feasible to cling to that ideal anymore." I eyed him warily, waiting. He took a deep breath, fixing his gaze on mine. "Now, one of the options we, being myself, Doctor Crescent, Doctor Penumbra and the officers in charge of your case, have been given is to send you to an orphanage on the mainland. There, you would be given a steady home environment with peers and authority, and receive a decent education until such a time as when you may be claimed." The feeling bled slowly from my hands, as I gripped the arms of the chair tight enough to almost splinter the wood.

"Wh – why can't I go to Destiny High with Sora?" I asked, voice cracking.

The mayor frowned. "Riku, Destiny Island only caters for kindergarten, elementary-, and middle-schoolers. There isn't a Destiny High. They tried it a few years back, but they simply couldn't make up the numbers, with so many students sending away to better schools on the mainland."

_There is fucking so a Destiny High, _I desperately wanted to yell. _I was a graduating _fucking _senior last year!_

Yeah. I lied about my age. Mainly because, like Sora said, I'd get to go to school with him, and no one was any the wiser. But also, I found that people were more inclined to be accommodating to a high-schooler, they treated me more like a kid than an adult, and that worked out for me in the long run. But now, yet again, my lies became my coffin. If I had allowed them to view me as a college-age adult, they probably wouldn't have thought of sending me to a _fucking _orphanage.

"But… but I – "

He held up a gentle hand. "I understand that this is probably not an idea that sits well with you. That's why I've come up with another plan, which all parties are apparently quite reasonable with: I want to take temporary guardianship of you, Riku." My mouth hung agape. I sat up slowly.

"You… do?"

He nodded briefly. "If I am granted the status of temporary guardian, I then have the power to make the choices in your life without outside interference, until such a time as when your pre-existing legal guardians arise. The guardianship will last until you turn twenty-one. I will house you, feed you and clothe you, and the world will recognise you as my charge. I will educate you as I see fit." He smiled faintly. "That means sending you to the same school as my daughter. I see no reason to differentiate between the two of you."

I – I didn't know what to say. I couldn't speak. My – my mouth was open, and there were words there, but… my brain had gone blank.

I blinked away tears.

"Now, the only question is – do you accept? It is entirely your choice. I won't be offended if – "

"I accept," I blurted, somehow managing to turn those three syllables into a slurred mess. I took a deep breath, then repeated myself more calmly, but with no less emotion, "Please, sir. I accept."

The mayor smiled.

"But – but does this mean I have to call you daddy like Kairi does?" I asked feebly, smiling lopsidedly. "'Cause that'd be so weird."

He laughed heartily, his fidgeting hands breaking apart to lay flat against the desk. "Riku, you can call me whatever you like, so long as I don't have to tell you to keep your devil-music down." We both chuckled a little inanely, wiping our eyes, coming to terms with our sudden new plateau of relationship. The mayor sighed, a contented sound.

"Well, then, all we have to do is find a witness, sign the papers, and send them off. I have them here, you know." He opened a drawer and pulled out the folder from the other day. "Jack Penumbra and I have been speaking since I first found out about your condition. He's the one that secured these for us. He spoke with Kairi, years ago, when she first came to the Island, and I trusted that he would help me with you just as he did with her."

"This is… I can't believe you're doing this for me," I muttered, my voice low and rough. I raised my eyes to his. "Thank you, sir. I won't let you down, I promise."

He nodded solemnly, a small smile in the cast of his eyes. "I know, Riku. I trust you. Now, if you don't mind, would you please find Poinsettia and bring her here?"

"Sure, of course." I leapt to my feet, had to take a moment to catch my balance, and went searching for the maid on wobbly legs. She wasn't far; she smiled at me knowingly as I entered the laundry room. "Is it time?" she asked. I just nodded dumbly. She placed a hand on my shoulder, and we returned to the study. The mayor was bubbling happily. He waved me over to his side of the desk, placed a pair of delicate reading glasses on his face, and guided me through the signing, reading everything out loud, and translating the legalese into layman's terms so I would understand fully what I was getting into. He left nothing to chance, left no inch of each page unexplored, so that when I finally scribbled my signature alongside his, we were left in no uncertainty that this was what I desired. I repressed the need to start blubbing. I wanted to find Sora, and sob into his chest, and tell him I was finally home.

Poinsettia added her own neat scrawl in the required places, adding an initial here and there, and suddenly, without fanfare, it was done. The mayor turned to me, grinning broadly, and my face was nearly cracking in its efforts to outdo him. It was over – the uncertainty was finished. I belonged again, and no one was going to take me away. I wasn't just a guest anymore – I was a legal occupant of the manor. There was no need to dance the fine waltz of deception anymore. I wouldn't have to leave Sora. And now – now! Kairi and I were siblings! I could – I could fix things. She wouldn't be able to touch me with a barge pole, because now I could scream incest! So many different levels of relief came crashing down on me, and when the mayor invited me to retake my seat, I sank into it gratefully. It was an effort simply to hold my head up. He folded the papers carefully, and slipped them into a pre-addressed registered envelope. He gave them to Poinsettia, with instructions to have them mailed immediately. She closed the door quietly on her way out, and I was back to grinning.

"Now, Riku." The mayor sat forward at his desk, far more at ease than he had been at the beginning of the conversation. I engaged him enthusiastically.

"Yes, sir?"

"Education: You are a senior, yes?"

"Yes, sir, I am. I'm the same age as Sora." Give or take a year. Age is _so _relative.

"Then I see no problem in sending you to school with the others. They'll enjoy having you along. From what you said earlier, it seems you're unaware of the method of schooling you'll be undergoing. As I mentioned, there is no high school on Destiny Island."

I frowned slightly, wondering at this. See, this is what made a simple mass memory-lapse the unlikely affliction: first, my parents being missing, and my house an abandoned wreck. Now this. I wasn't so arrogant as to believe my lacking presence caused them to shut down the _school. _And there was a fine student population, last time I checked. There was no reason for such an anomaly to have occurred. I didn't understand these digressions from reality.

The mayor continued. "This is because most high-school age students take their schooling on the mainland. Those that remain on Destiny are home-schooled. There is a portion of the populace that takes the ferry to and from the mainland for school each day, but the majority of students send away, boarding at their facility of choice." I raised my eyebrows.

"So everyone's going to boarding school? We'll be leaving the Island?"

"That's correct. How are you with that idea?"

Still disturbed, I shrugged. "It's fine, I guess. I mean, I don't have a problem with that."

"Excellent, then. Again, I have come prepared for you…" He ducked down for a minute, shuffling through one of the drawers, before letting out a triumphant exclamation and bringing out a stack of sheets paper-clipped together. "These are the entrance exams. Don't worry," he added, seeing my expression drop in consternation, "they won't impact upon your acceptance into the Academy. These will be solely for judging your academic capabilities, and catering to them accordingly."

"So, basically, just to see how smart I am and what classes I'll be taking?" I picked up the sheaf uncertainly.

"Bingo. Twilight Academy focuses highly on the needs of the student, and rises to meet those needs."

I blinked, looking up from the scary papers a second later, as my brain caught up with his words. I leaned forward, suddenly attentive. "I'm sorry – what did you say it was called?"

"Twilight Academy. It's very well-renown."

"Uh-huh, and… I'm not sure I remember that name, _where _is it again?"

"In Twilight Town."

"Tw… Twilight Town…"

As in… _Twilight _Town?

"Um… how will we be travelling to the… Academy, sir?" By _Gummi?_

"Well, first you'll catch the ferry to the mainland, and then the train to Twilight. It's about a three-hour trip."

"So it's… it's well within, uh, visiting distance, then."

He smiled fondly. "Don't worry, Riku, you'll fit right in. Once you get there, it'll feel like home in next to no time. That's not to say you won't be happy to come back, after all, that means you're on break. But Twilight Academy, and Twilight Town itself, both are wonderful places to be. I doubt you'll be wanting to come home anytime soon. Especially since seniors are allowed to roam the town during all after-school hours. You could even eventually get a job somewhere, if you'd like. I'd prefer you took the time to settle in, first, though, just to make sure you're not pushing yourself."

"Uh… yeah." I felt dizzy, and weak.

Twilight Town. I don't… There's no such place as Twilight Town. Twilight Town is – it's on another world. As in, not existing under the same stratosphere as Destiny Island. As in, King Mickey and keyblades and a long Gummi ship ride away.

You don't catch a _fucking train _to _Twilight Town! _Not unless it's from Sunset _freaking _Station!

And the last time I was even there…

"Riku?" The mayor sounded concerned. "Riku, are you all right? You've gone pale. Do you need a drink?"

Oh, God. Scotch. On the rocks. Make it a double.

"Water," I mumbled, closing my eyes and massaging the bridge of my nose. "Please."

He stood and went to the small bar, where a pitcher of ice-water sat on a tray with some glasses. He poured me a tall drink and squeezed some lemon into it, adding, with a series of clinks, some ice cubes as well. He brought it to me, and I gulped it down frantically, the cubes clacking against my teeth. I placed the glass gingerly on the coaster the mayor provided, trying to control my trembling hands. I shot him a glance. He was watching me with a mixture of worry and wariness. I licked my lips, and smiled thinly.

"Thanks," I offered hoarsely. "Dehydrated. And… I didn't eat much breakfast. So, my blood sugar…"

He accepted this explanation. "Of course. You need to take better care of yourself, Riku, you must remember that it wasn't so long ago that you were hospitalised."

"Yeah… Yeah, I know. So, uh, about these, um, the entrance exams. I, uh, I just do them whenever?"

"Sooner rather than later. Don't worry about not having time to prepare, it's just a rough estimate of your base knowledge. You're an obviously intelligent young man, so I doubt you'll have much trouble. Much of it will be common-sense."

"Yeah. Right. I've got… loads of common-sense."

He smiled. "Well, listen, now is as good a time as any. I'll leave you alone for a couple of hours, and when I come back, we'll have Poinsettia post them off. That way, the Academy administration will have plenty of time to line up your classes."

"Okay. Sure. Fine. I'm ready."

I was falling the fuck apart.

------

I couldn't deal with this. It just didn't make sense. I mean – I _mean… _How? This was more than just an anomaly. This was… What the hell was it, even? I mean, _aside _from utterly impossible. _Aside _from insane. Was that it? Had I gone insane? Had there been a new species of algae in the water that I inhaled that twisted the proteins in my brain and caused an aneurism of some sort? Because I didn't know anything anymore. I had a never-home, a never-Sora, a never-Kairi even – and now, I had my very own never-World.

To top it all off, I still had no idea what to get Sora for his birthday.

Life was officially sucking.

"_Riku! Hey!"_

I turned. Huh. Speak of the devil.

I had done the exams as quickly as possible before the mayor could return. I wanted to do well, but I needed to get out of that room. I couldn't handle the walls anymore. I had snuck out, keenly alert to any noise that indicated imminent discovery, and fled to the beach. I was sitting on the sand, up away from the water near the vegetation, to keep from being noticed by any passers-by.

But there's just some people you can never hide from.

Sora came jogging over to me, his shirt clinging around his waist, his arms and face flushed and sweaty. He was barefoot, sand caking him from the shins down. He was panting, and grinning, and I just sighed and looked away. His expression fell.

"Riku?" He watched me for a minute, then came and sat beside me. I averted my gaze, swirling nonsense shapes in the sand with my finger. A star – a _starrrr – _a circle, a triangle, a love heart... Wait. Scratch that.

"You seem unhappy," Sora observed. I shrugged.

"I'm fine, So. Forget about it."

He let out an exasperation exhalation. _" 'Forget about it,' _he tells me," he muttered as an aside. He gave me a pointed look. "Well, I'm sorry, but I can't just forget when one of my best friends looks miserable."

I started, turning to face him at last, eyebrows drawn together. "You – you count me as a best friend? Already?"

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter how _long _we've known each other, it's how we _feel _that makes us friends. And, well…" He blushed, angling his eyes away to the ocean. "Maybe I've jumped the gun by claiming you as a bestie, but you're one of my favourite people, Riku. And I guess for us to be best friends, you need to want it, too, but I can't help… how much I l-like you." I stared, in awe. He was still sweating lightly from the sunshine and the physical exertion of catching up to me, his fingers were wringing each other with nervousness. In that moment, I didn't trust myself to speak of what I 'felt' for Sora. So instead, I gruffly said, "I'm going to school with you. The mayor's temporarily adopting me."

The expected hoot of joy didn't come. Instead, "Ah," he said shrewdly. His expression was sympathetic. "I see now. No wonder you're down."

I blinked in confusion at him. "Huh? I thought you'd be… happy."

"Well, of course I am. But this isn't about me, is it? It's about you. I'd be happy if you were around forever and a day, but that would mean that for all that time, you wouldn't have regained your memories, and your parents still wouldn't have found you."

It's easy, for Sora, to affect an air of general obtuseness. People take one look at that smiley, happy face, they hear his bright voice extolling the virtues of everyone and everything, and they think to themselves, 'Poor, vapid boy, lucky, naïve, clueless boy'. But they're wrong. I couldn't have ever tolerated Sora if he was an idiot. I'm not so shallow that I could fall in love with his looks and ignore that there's supposed to be a brain to even it out. But sometimes – sometimes, as ever-present as the unwitting deception is… sometimes I forget how sharp he is. I insult his intelligence by thinking that he's simple enough to not notice the more intricate layers of life. That is my arrogance. And here, again, I find myself snapped back to the reality of his depth, and am shamed.

"I'm… I'm really okay, So. I just… I'm confused." Close enough to the truth to save me from feeling like the world's worst… never-boyfriend.

He drew his knees up and rested his ear on them, facing me. "You know," he said simply, sincerely, "you can talk to me about anything, okay? I don't care when or where. I'll always listen for you, Riku, and if I think I can help, I will."

"I know," I said quietly. "That's what makes you such a good best friend."

His smile could have coaxed the birds from the trees, had it been directed their way. But it wasn't. It was all for me.

I stretched out my arms, and asked him the question I knew he hated most: "So, what do you want for your birthday, mister is-almost-as-old-as-me?"

He groaned, banging his forehead against his knees. "Not you too," he complained. He sat up, grabbing bunches of brunet spikes, and shrilled, "I can't take it anymore!"

I grabbed his hands, gently detangling them from his punished scalp, and said, "How about this: due my awesome lack of funds, I can help you set up for the party, totally free of charge."

He shot me a weird look. "Riku. _Everyone's _doing it free of charge."

"Maybe," I laughed, slipping my fingers past his and holding our hands above our heads. "But no one will be doing it with as much love as I do! That'll be my present to you: _lovingly _hung decorations, as opposed to _resentfully _hung decorations."

He blushed, turning his face slightly to the side so that we weren't quite so nose-to-nose.

"Well… okay. That sounds like a… a nice present."

I stopped, sighed, and released him. I folded my arms around my legs, and smiled his way. Looking slightly confused, maybe a little disappointed, he copied the movement, and for a while we just looked at each other, resting our heads on our knees. The crashing surf provided a background, so as not to make the moment uncomfortable.

"So… this means you're coming to school with us?"

"Uh-huh."

He smiled. "Good. I didn't want to lose you yet."

"I won't be going anywhere you don't want me to, So. I promise."

He laughed a little uncertainly. "That's… a pretty big promise. Don't say if you don't mean it, Riku."

I regarded him seriously. "Who says I don't mean it? We're best friends. That means we don't run away from each other."

"Going home to your family… that's not running away," he said softly. "It's normal. It's what's going to happen."

I shrugged carelessly. "My family is here now. If my parents want me so bad, they'll have to come live here. If they don't want to, well, I'm old enough now to take care of myself."

He shook his head, not exactly denying my words, but assuming, incorrectly, that things could never be that simple. I was the only one who knew just how precisely simple it was. "Right now, no one is more important to me than you," I insisted gently. "That's not going to change, So, no matter what memories I come across along the way."

He attempted a smile, but it didn't sit quite right. I wanted to kiss it until it did, but I knew he wasn't ready yet. Whatever he was feeling for me… I'd just have to be patient. I'd have to be understanding. I was the only male he'd ever loved romantically. It's kind of a big step to make. But I felt like I had the advantage of at least _knowing _he was predisposed to loving me. Until he was comfortable with his attraction to me, which seemed to be growing more obvious, less containable each day, I would just have to wait. And I could, now. I wasn't going anywhere. At least, not alone.

------

The reason Sora was having his birthday two days early was because the actual date fell the same day that we went back to school. None of the parents would allow us to be out partying the night before school started, and we sure as hell weren't just going to skip his eighteenth. We were leaving Destiny Island in the morning, would be spending tomorrow night at a hotel on the mainland, and would catch the train early the next day to get to… ugh, _Twilight Town. _I was still having difficulty wrapping my head around that. So, instead, I chose to leave it well alone. Didn't get it, couldn't figure it out, didn't want to know anymore. Self-imposed memory loss. Twilight Town? What's that? Never been _there _before!

It was head-in-the-sand-esque, but it meant I didn't need to start repeatedly whacking my skull against conveniently hard surfaces any time soon to maintain equilibrium.

As promised, two hours before the party was scheduled to start, I turned up to help decorate the house. I also harboured a secret hope that Senna would let me help frost the cake. Which meant being taste-tester. I really, really loved Sora's mom.

It was going to be semi-big, this party. Sora had his close group of friends, sure, the ones he always hung out with, but there were more teens on the Island than just us. Sora always made friends easily, which meant that a lot of people wanted to pay their respects before we all went away to our various places of punishment and education.

Senna greeted me with glee, seizing my hands and leaping us around in a circle, before Sora lunged through the room, wailing, _"Moooom!" _and dragged me upstairs to freedom. Breathlessly, he slammed his bedroom door shut, pressing against it with his whole body as though at any moment she would start throwing herself against it. I took the moment to get a good look at him. He was wearing long black shorts and a dark blue button-up shirt. He was also wearing a silver ring on each thumb, and a couple of wrist-bands. Very sexy.

When all seemed calm, he turned, flopping the hair out of his face, and said, "Phew! Nearly lost you there."

"Yeah, I was scared," I joked. "Every time I'm near your mom, I get the strangest feeling I'm about to get stuffed and mounted for all to fawn over."

"Well, she definitely likes you. She thinks you're a good influence on me."

"Who, me?" I peered at him curiously. "Why's that? What have _I _done?"

He shrugged a little, smiling as he went to the desk and picked up a comb. "I've been happier since you came along. I don't know why – I just have been. I wasn't even _un_happy before, but I don't know – I guess you've improved me." He turned, leaning back and combing his hair. I wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this. I stared at him, mutely, and he accepted this. His smile softened, and, grooming complete (all two-point-five seconds of it), he said, "Come on, I think it's safe to go back down. You're a little early, so the others will be here soon."

We tramped back downstairs, to where Senna was frantically trying to make some paper-chain stick to one of the cornices. It resolutely refused to play the game, and her frustrated half-growl, half-scream reverberated through the house as yet again she found herself picking it out of her hair. She spied me. "Riku," she whined. "You're tall. Can you _try _and make this stupid chain _stick?" _

"Sure thing, Senna."

I lumbered over and took her place, stretching up on my tiptoes. "Hey, is there any more tape? This piece has almost lost its stickiness."

"Sora, you get it, okay? I have to go monitor the cake…"

_The cake! _

"Hey, Senna!" I bellowed past my arm, as she scurried out of the room, "I call dibs on the frosting!"

"Deal!" she called back. Sora chuckled.

"How'd you know to get in first? No fair. It's my cake, and I don't even get to lick the spoon now."

"Well, Sora," I said sagely, voice slightly strangled from having my arms so far above my head, "birthday cakes and birthday _boys _are very similar to the bride and groom of a wedding. It's bad, awful luck to see each other before the ceremony. The ceremony in this case would be you blowing out the candles – so really, I'm doing you a favour. You are, quite technically, indebted to me."

He poked me in the side, hard, and handed me a long piece of tape. "Considering it's a win-win situation for you, I _don't _see how I'm in your debt."

"Alright then," I grinned, uniting the colourful paper-chain to the cornice at long last. "Consider it – _bribery."_

"Bri – " His mouth formed an 'o' of dawning realisation.

"I save you from a whole year of pre-ceremony-birthday-cake-viewing-induced bad luck, and you don't tell anyone I had company in that old house the other night."

He was looking _highly _sceptical. "I don't see how I benefit from any of this," he said doubtfully.

I stared like he was out of his mind. "A whole _year _of bad luck, Sora. Evil, _evil _bad luck. All because you're too greedy to let your new best friend, who might I point out has never, as far as you know, had the opportunity to try one of your mother's cakes, _ever, _take the ever-so-tasty bullet for you."

I had successfully confused the hell out of him. I straightened up, beaming. "Oh, look!" I pointed out. "It stuck!"

"Oh…" he said dazedly.

I am so nefariously awesome.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," I trilled, in high spirits. I went back to the entrance hall and opened the door.

"_Riiikuuuu!"_

Selphie leapt on me, ramming me into the wall.

Ah, so karma _does _exist. And it's even instantaneous.

"Hi… Selph…" I choked out.

"Hey, Riku."

"Hiya, Riku."

"Heeeeey, Riku, when'd you get here?"

"Earlier," I groaned, as Selphie slid off and went bouncing into the sitting room. I felt the back of my head surreptitiously for blood. Wakka clapped me on the back, and we all trooped into the sitting room, where Sora was steadfastly blowing up balloons. He was draped with Selphie, looking very patient, giving me a quick eye-roll as she jabbered directly into his ear. Kairi was standing beside me, watching me shyly. "So," she said softly. "My dad says you guys signed the papers today."

I looked over, surprised. "You knew about that?"

She lifted one shoulder briefly. "Daddy asked me for permission. I said, 'yippee'."

I smiled warmly. "Thanks, Kai. He'd have listened, you know, if you'd said not to."

She nodded. "I know. But why would I want to do that? Now, you don't have to leave."

I nodded and slung an arm around her neck, making her blush. Sora, on the other side of the room, became distracted from balloon-blowing. "You know what this means, right?" I asked her. Her eyes were wide, staring determinedly at the ground.

"N-no, what?"

"We're brother and sister! We're totally related by, um, whatever. Papers, I guess. We're relatives!"

She blinked in confusion, darted me a sinking look. "O-oh. I never thought of it that way..."

"This is cool. I can definitely get used to have a little sister," I grinned, reaching up with my free hand to tweak the end of her nose.

"Augh! What do you think you're _doing? _Get off!" She slapped my hand away and slipped out from under me, glaring. "I – I'm not your little anything!" She stormed from the room, leaving me gaping. I turned to find everyone watching me with wide eyes, except for Tidus, who had his narrowed almost to slits.

"I – er…" I swallowed thickly in the hush. "I guess she wanted to stay an only child."

"Only…?" Selphie trailed off, eyes widening. "You mean…? Uh, what _do _you mean?"

"The mayor adopted me today," I said quietly. "Sort of. It's a temporary guardianship. This way, I can go to school with you guys. It was this, or an orphanage."

"_Orphanage?" _Sora was horrified.

"Yeah. So, I guess, um, Kairi didn't really… I don't know." I didn't want to say too much in front of Tidus. He seemed to get the message, when my eyes guiltily flicked up to his. He nodded slowly. "I think I'm going to go talk to Kairi," he said. "Make sure she's okay."

I nodded, eyes to the floor. "Good idea."

Tidus left the room, and suddenly, it was even quieter. I studied the carpet as though fascinated.

"Well, _I'm _glad," Wakka said. Selphie nodded, smiling, and though the expression was slight, it was genuine.

"I agree with Wakka. Welcome to the gang, Riku."

"Huh! He was already part of the gang, Selph," Sora piped up. He threw me a wink. "After all, the night of the bonfire? He spent a whole hour in the abandoned house on Keays avenue."

"Whoa, Riku, I'm impressed," Wakka grinned. "Bin a while since anyone went in there. Guess you really _are _part of the gang."

I laughed a little awkwardly. "I think… I'm going to go stake my claim on the frosting now…"

"Aw, what? Riku got in _first?" _Selphie pouted as I exited. I couldn't help but smile. Senna was waiting for me, leaning against the table. She smiled gently.

"I hear you're one of us, now. Congratulations. No wonder you knew to get first dibs, it transfers via osmosis the instant you're converted."

"Yeah. It felt tingly."

She shook her head and waved me over. "Come on, come get sugary with me. Party starts soon, and I want it to set in time."

In companionable silence, we frosted and decorated the still-warm cake, and I just revelled in the scent of baking, and of my second mother.

-----

Three hours later, the party was in full swing. The house was packed, people were spilling down the staircase and through every doorway. Senna had long since retreated to a friend's house, muttering something about someone named 'Serba' who would just _love _to meet me in the morning before we boarded the ferry. This way, she informed me, she didn't need to turn a blind eye to the alcohol.

I grinned to myself, weaving through the throbbing crowd with a dickie cup of beer, nodding to people that I knew and not caring when they stared blankly back. After all, it was a party; I was having fun. I located Sora in the kitchen, sitting on the counter with his legs swinging, talking to a girl with long black hair, and zeroed in. He saw me, and called my name happily. I shot the girl a mild glare – she'd been flirting outrageously, and I saw him first – and she vacated with a twinkling wave. Sora belatedly tore his gaze from me to acknowledge the gesture, by which time she had melted into the general mass of humanity. I leaned an elbow on the counter beside him, taking my chin on my palm, and said, "Hello, mister is-almost-the-same-age-as-me."

"Hello, yourself, mister is-almost-the-same-age-as-me," he responded, smirking.

"So how do you like my birthday present?"

"I saw the paper-chain not long ago. It's still sticking," he reported merrily.

"You know why, _riiiiight?"_

"Because… it was hung with love?"

I smiled. "Lots of love."

He beamed, looking a little nervous, a little excited. He nodded to the dickie cup.

"You had many?"

I shrugged. "One or two. Or four. It's okay, they're only little."

"Me, too."

"Little?"

"Fuck!" he exploded, trying to contain his laughter behind his glare. He punched my shoulder. "I'm going to pretend you didn't _say _that. I have had _one or two or four _drinks, _also."_

I regarded him suspiciously. "The difference between us being that you're oh, say, a lightweight?"

"Am not."

"Are _too."_

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am," he said solemnly, then giggled at my expression. "Kidding, kidding! Jeeze, does anyone actually ever say that?" He took the sides of my face and brought us nose to nose, eyes glittering. "I'm not drunk."

"If you say so," I responded hoarsely.

"_Sora! Sora!" _Selphie came elbowing through the crowd. _"Soraaaaaa! _Move it, pipsqueak," she snarled at a junior. She spotted us, and came scuttling over, banging into Sora's knees and seizing his hands. _"Sora!" _she squawked.

"What?"

"You should go outside! You need to go outside!"

He eyed her dubiously. "And I want to leave the kitchen where the cake is setting in the fridge not four feet away… why?"

"_It's a surprise!" _she shrieked, full-blast in his face. I reeled from the auditory molestation, and that was just a glancing blow. Poor Sora. He was looking kind of dazed. "Okay," he found himself saying. His eyes found mine, clearing slightly. He reached out a hand to me. "Only if Riku comes too!"

"Yes! Riku comes too!" Selphie squealed, jumping up and down. She wheeled away and cleared a path to the kitchen door, which led to the backyard. I clutched Sora's hand and helped him off the counter, and he clutched back to keep me from withdrawing. I hesitated, glancing up from under my bangs, and he smiled cautiously.

"Come on," he said, before I could speak. "Otherwise she'll be back."

We followed Selphie into the yard, yellow light flooding the green grass and the smokers. It was slightly quieter out here, the loud music muffled by the walls. I trailed after Sora, joined to his hand as he trailed after Selphie. She turned, to make sure we were still coming, and crooked both index fingers at us. "It's just around here!"

We exchanged glances. "Well," I muttered, "it's now or never."

"How about never?" he responded, under his breath. Our hands instinctively tightened, sending a buzz through to every particle in my body. Then we caught up to Selphie, and rounded the corner.

Two men were standing there, one leaning against the house, the other back a little so that the wind blew his cigarette smoke away. They were talking quietly, voices soft.

The one leaning against the house, short with messy blond hair, glanced over as we came within range. The other, a tall, skinny redhead, grinned.

"Well, well," Axel smirked, "if it isn't the birthday boy."

"Oh, my God!" Sora shrieked. "Holy shit!"

Roxas grinned and pushed away from the wall, sauntering towards us.

Sora let go of my hand.

I pushed in front of him, and punched Roxas in the face, before he even had a chance to stop me.

The world erupted.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the guys and gals, I just whore them out. For free. Which, when I think about it, doesn't earn me a living.

A/N: Okay, chapter nine, up and running. Thank you to all my reviewers, you guys light up my day. I've actually become quite sad, I like pressing the refresh button every now and then to watch the hits rise. We're at over a thousand now, but I do accept that as the chapters build, those numbers mean less, since it counts one hit for each time a chapter is visited. I added to the last chapter's A/N, and will say again for all those non-ffnet'ers who might be reading this new chapter and are unlikely to look at eight again anytime soon, I've enabled anonymous reviews, wasn't even aware they were off, so I now extend my nagging especially to you, because you've been let off the hook _all this time! _

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CHAPTER NINE

Roxas staggered back, Axel lunged forward, and Sora clung to me as I tried to charge forward and finish the job. He swung in front of me, screaming, _"Stop," _his fingernails digging painfully into my arms.

I lowered my hazy focus to him and demanded, "Why, Sora? They're scum!"

Axel snarled and darted in, but I ducked the blow he swung at me, and countered with one of my own. "Riku!" Sora was sobbing. He leapt on me, his arms around me, and tore down on a handful of my long hair.

"Ow, fuck, _damn it, Sora! You're not helping!"_

"_You have to stop," _he wailed. _"Why are you hurting them? Roxas is my cousin! He's my cousin!"_

This cut through the growing wildness. I jerked to a stop so suddenly that we swayed together. My hands shot out, grasping Sora's shoulders. "What did you say?" I demanded, gasping for air. Tears rolled down his cheeks, frantic desperation in his eyes.

"He's my cousin. Roxas. And Axel is his boyfriend. Why – why are you _hurting _them?"

I released him abruptly, taking a stunned step back, and ticked my gaze past the brunet to the blond, who nursed a bleeding nose and glared at me resentfully. Axel, more fiery in his fury, flailed his long arms and roared, "What the _fuck _was that about?" He started towards me, then retreated back to Roxas, who had bent over to allow the pooling fluid to cascade to the grass. I heaved in each breath painfully, the sweat cooling on my forehead.

The last time I saw Roxas… was in the World That Never Was. That intense, brutal fight.

I knew now, that Roxas was part of Sora. I knew now, that Roxas had merged with Sora. It had been a long time since my battle with number Thirteen – but that obviously hadn't interfered with my gut instinct to hurt him. And, fittingly enough… despite the fact that they now appeared to be separate, independent entities… by hurting Roxas, I hurt Sora.

_Cousins._

"But that's… impossible."

"What's impossible, pretty-boy?" Axel snarled, his hand on Roxas' back. "Huh? What the fuck is so fucking impossible that you had to smack my _fucking _boyfriend and make him bleed like a _bitch _from his nose?"

My mouth worked, searching for words, excuses, explanations that simply wouldn't, couldn't come…

"Yeah, Riku," Sora said tremulously. "What?" I didn't respond, just gazed at him slackly. He took a deep breath, hands forming fists. "I – I take you into my home. I – I make you my – my best friend. I – I go _everywhere _with you, and you – you – " He screwed up his shoulders, his face, then burst out, _"Why did you do this?" _

"S-Sora, I – I'm – "

"Don't tell me you're sorry!" he cried, voice ringing in the silence. "Just tell me why you _did_ this!"

"I…" I looked over to where Roxas and Axel watched on, glowering at me. Roxas was wearing a white button-up shirt. It was now horribly stained. Axel's arms were wound around his shoulders. They were both still breathing hard. I returned my gaze to Sora's blue eyes and said, "I don't even know anything, So. I don't know what's going on anymore. I'm lost. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Everything I thought was real…" I shot my eyes to Axel. "What does the number Eight mean to you?" I demanded in strangled tones. They all just stared at me. "Huh? Eight! Not ringing any bells?" I switched to Roxas, and Axel's grip tightened imperceptibly. "What about Thirteen? Huh, Roxas? Nothing. It means _nothing _to you, does it?" I placed the heels of my palms over my eyes. "It means nothing, because you're Sora's cousin. And Axel's your boyfriend. And I sound so fucking crazy right now, but I need to get out of here before I make an even bigger mistake tonight." I ripped my hands to my sides, and met Sora's gaze with pain. "I'm sorry for ruining your party, So. I doubt I can ever make it up to you." I looked over to the other two, hesitated, then added in their direction, "I apologise."

I walked away quickly, before anyone thought to call me back.

Not that they even tried to.

-----

I sat in my room, in the moonlight, drawing shapes in the dust on the floor. In my mind, the bed stood along the far wall. In my mind, the dresser was at my back. In my mind, I was home again, and my mom was downstairs cooking dinner, and Sora was coming over tonight. We'd eat. I'd help him do his homework, so that next year we could go to the same college together. Then we'd fall into bed, and everything would be wonderful.

But the room is empty. There is no furniture. There is no warmth. There is only me, and my confusion, and my loathing, and my madness.

Tears ran unfettered down my cheeks, catching on my eyelashes, dripping onto my jeans-clad thigh. I was stupid. I was fucked up. And Sora hated me.

My breath caught in my throat, and suddenly I wasn't drawing anymore, I was pounding the floor with my knuckles, harder and harder, screaming, _"Why, why, why?!"_

Why me?

Why now?

I drew in a deep lungful, let it out in a wild, wordless bellow.

I held up my hand. It was broken, bruised and bloody. I started to sob.

Hours passed, before I heard the footsteps coming up the stairs, slow and steady. I was lying along the wall, my head where my pillow would have been. I waited, gazing out from under half-lids at the doorway. He appeared, not long after, and stood there. At first, he didn't see me. He sighed and entered the room, staring at moonlight on the ground. When his eyes passed it to settle on me, he froze. I heard his breath catch. Then he relaxed.

I watched, the few threads of platinum hair that hung over my face blowing out gently with each exhalation.

Sora rubbed his arms, looked out the window, and said, "You're not afraid of being touched."

I blinked slowly. He chuckled.

"You never were. Only hours after you pushed me away, you made me hug you."

"I never _made _you do anything," I spat suddenly. He went still for a moment, then shrugged.

"I suppose not. I have free will, after all."

"What's your point?"

He looked at me curiously. "What is it about this place that keeps calling you back? Why are you lying like that next to the wall?"

"Keep your questions, and I won't lie," I responded dully. He nodded.

"Yeah. Guess I should've kept my mouth shut from the start. Not touched you. Not looked at you. If I'd never pulled you from the ocean, I wouldn't have had to spend all this time swallowing your lies."

I gave a short, harsh laugh. "Great. He doesn't only hate me, he wishes I was dead. Nice, Riku. Well done." I closed my eyes, then said sharply, at myself as much as him, _"None of this was my fault!" _I sat up, swivelled to look at him. "You want a truth, Sora? _I don't know how I got here. _I – don't – _remember."_

"I don't wish you were dead," he said quietly. "I don't know how to." His eyes flickered to mine. "Same goes for hating you."

"Another truth: I don't hate being touched."

"I noticed already. Considering your temper, if you really did hate it, Selphie would be dead already."

I sighed, massaging my head. "What do you want, Sora? I'm tired."

He stared at me. "You're… tired." He glanced around the room. "So, what, you're planning on sleeping here?" His hands twitched. "You're on an island, Riku. You can't hide forever."

"Then maybe I should return to the water, and hopefully I'll wake up back where I came from!" I snapped. "What do you _want _from me, Sora? You didn't want me to say sorry, so what _do _you want?"

"I want you to come home." His voice broke, halfway through. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I don't _want_ you to go back to the water." He lifted his hands to his stomach, stared at the outstretched fingers. "I just – I just – I don't want you to lie to me anymore. You're my… best friend… Kairi is my sister… but _you _are my best friend."

"Kairi is _my _sister," I said sharply, "and she hates me for it."

"She doesn't… she likes you… and she's being stupid… But she's better again now. She talked to Tidus, and she's beginning to realise that she's been wrong these last few days…"

"She treats you like _shit, _Sora. You deserve better. You deserve better than a friend who treats you badly, you deserve _better _than a friend who lies."

"But then I'll have nobody!" he cried. He was in tears. "I don't _want _better, I want Kairi, and I want _you." _For a little while, the only sound was his sniffling. "Please… Please come home, Riku. Please let me walk you home."

I raised my eyes to the ceiling, asking bleakly, "Isn't this my home?"

Sora followed my gaze, looked around, shook his head wildly. "This place is dead. You don't belong here."

"How do you even know _where _I belong?" My eyes were narrow, my inflection hard.

He lost patience. _"'I won't be going anywhere you don't want me to, So. I promise,'" _he mimicked suddenly, angrily. "So get up and get out, because I don't want you in _here." _

I fixed him with a long look. "Are you serious?" I drawled.

"Yeah, I'm really, really serious," he insisted. "If that meant _anything _when you said it, get _out."_

I thought about it. Then I shrugged and stood without bothering to dust myself off.

"So how's your cousin?" I asked flippantly, in a last-ditch attempt to push him away. Instead, he just grew sad. "He's okay. He and Axel are both bruised, and they're angry at you. They don't understand."

"Neither do you."

"No. I don't." He looked at me for a while, then shrugged. "Come on. I'll walk you home."

I stayed where I was. "What are you doing, So? Things can't go back. Everybody thinks I'm crazy now, and violent. You think Kairi's dad is going to want me anywhere near his family anymore?"

"Nobody's telling," he replied simply. He allowed a minute for this to sink in. "You, me, Selphie, Roxas and Axel. We're the only ones who know it all. All anyone else heard was shouting. By the time they saw anything, it was over. Roxas got hurt because he was drunk. He and Axel started arguing, he punched him, and Axel hit back without thinking. You didn't want me around them, and when I wouldn't leave, you stormed off." He eyed me. "Now you see why Roxas and Axel are angry? Roxas hates to lie. Axel hates the fact that everyone will think he hurt Roxas. Selphie considers you a friend, and she won't tell anyone what really happened, ever. This is why you need to come home now."

"And you?" I asked croakily. "What about you, Sora?"

"I'm the one that made the story up." He waited a few beats, then turned for the door. "Let's go."

------

He walked me to the end of the drive, and stopped. There were still a couple lights on in the mayor's house. Sora turned to me. I looked over, wearily.

"This can never happen again," he said. I hung my head, fighting back the exhaustion, the tears, the confusion. My hand was hurting so bad.

"I know."

He hugged me, hands slipping past my arms and around my waist. He held himself to me, while I just stood there, in a bewildered haze too thick to allow me to hug him back.

"I'm glad it was just a lie," he whispered. He withdrew, and headed for home.

------

The next morning, I was woken by a quiet knock on the door. I was too subdued to fly into a rage. Figured I'd done enough of that already.

"Come in," I called softly, hoping whoever it was wouldn't hear me, and leave. The door creaked open, and my eyes slipped shut. Kairi came and sat on the bed by my feet.

"Hi," she said. I grunted. She fiddled with her hands.

"I… heard about the fight last night."

My eyes slipped halfway open. "Oh?"

"Roxas isn't… usually like that. I hope you don't judge them, it's just… I know – it would mean a lot to Sora – if you got on with them. He loves Roxas."

I took a slow breath. "I know," I whispered.

"You, um…" She rolled her eyes upward, sucked in through her nose, steeling herself. "You like Sora – don't you?"

I lifted my head slowly, and just _looked _at her. She had the decency to blush, but didn't glance away. "You can – you can glare at me all you want, but…" She blinked rapidly in an effort to hold my gaze. "I'm your sister now," she stated firmly. She nodded to herself, repeated it: "I'm… your sister now. We're related. By paper. And like – like any – self-respecting younger sister… I demand answers!"

My head dropped back onto the pillow. I laughed softly.

"Kairi…"

"I'm sorry for how I've been acting." She said it in a rush, eyes suddenly squeezed shut, then sucked in a breath and waited for me to bitch her out.

"…What's changed?" I asked quietly.

"I – _I_ have. I… You don't under_stand," _she finished miserably.

"So enlighten me."

"It's a long story," she warned.

"And I'm in bed, which means I'm not moving unless absolutely necessary. You woke me up. Let's get this over with."

Kairi sighed, drawing her legs up onto the bed and crossing them. She was still wearing her pyjamas, white cotton pants and a purple spaghetti-strap top. She picked at a loose thread glumly. "The day that Sora found you in the ocean… when you were on the beach, and you weren't waking up, Selphie freaked out and ran off, and Wakka followed. Selphie's older sister drowned when she was little. She couldn't handle seeing you like that. Sora realised that was the reason… and he started freaking out from the reminder. He yelled at Tidus for not doing the CPR right, even though he was, and I told him that Tidus was doing his best, and…" She trailed off into mumbles.

"Didn't quite catch that," I said mercilessly. She glared at me.

"Sora yelled something like, 'Of course _you'd _say that, _you're _in _love _with him'."

I waited, eyebrows raised. She was taking her time. "…Uh-huh, and?"

"Oh, Riku!" She was frustrated. "I was stupid, okay? I was every kind of idiot I could ever dream of being. I – I've liked Tidus for a while now, but I was… I never told him, because… The last person I asked out was…"

Kairi _always_ loved the sun. "Sora."

"Yes," she whispered, sighing a little. "And he said no. And I was shattered." She blinked suddenly, glancing at the ceiling. "God, this is so cliché," she muttered.

"And yet, I'm still listening," I reminded her.

"Well, after that, I was too scared to ask Tidus out, okay? And when Sora just _said _it like that, I got scared all over again, and it'd be too weird flirting with Wakka, and you were right there, and so I _decided to go for you instead." _She almost shouted it, all her words running together.

"All this decided while I was still unconscious?"

"No! Obviously! I decided to like you because you were new and mysterious and good-looking and I thought that some day soon you'd be going _back,"_ she said crossly. "But you like Sora, and I like Tidus, and it'd never work out between us."

"You're shattering my hopes and dreams, here, hon."

"Fuck you."

"Paper-related, paper-incest, it's _still incest."_

"What – but – " She spluttered. "That doesn't even make sense! If it was paper-incest, we'd be, like, writing down dirty shit and throwing notes to each other in class. You are such an ass!"

I grinned, eyes closed. "Only fifteen percent of the time."

"I notice you're not denying liking Sora," she observed craftily.

"So, you rejected Tidus before he could reject you, then what?"

She allowed herself to be distracted. "Well, I was still mad at Sora, and it only made it worse whenever you were there and simply _refused_ to look at me… I tried." She shrugged. "I tried to convince myself you liked me, but in the end, it fell apart, didn't it? I would have agreed anyway, but I thought that if I could get us officially living together, it'd make it all okay. It didn't. Suddenly," she added dryly, "I'm a sister."

"So, you throw me off, shriek at me a little, run away in a temper… Enter Prince Charming, stage right – and _then _what happened?"

"He liked me back."

I opened my eyes, studied the ceiling. "Kairi?"

"Hm?"

"I like Sora. A lot."

She patted me through the blankets. "I know, sweetie."

"…Kairi?"

"Yeah?"

"I've got dibs on beating the snot out of Tidus if he hurts you, right? I mean, I am your big brother now."

"…You're older than us, aren't you?"

I jerked up to sitting, looking at her wildly. Today, I was wearing a white t-shirt as _well_ as pants. The one time I want her sidetracked. I attempted to smooth my hair down from its pillow-struck condition, aiming desperately for casual. "What makes you say that?"

She was amused. "It's just the way you come across. At least, as far as I can tell. And it really is true, isn't it? You don't just seem older – you are. How many years?" I stared at her blankly. "Come on, I won't tell. How many?"

"Just… one…"

"You sure?" she asked sceptically. I nodded.

"I turn nineteen in three months."

She nodded slowly. "Okay. I understand. But when your parents finally come, the school might not be happy."

My gaze lost its focus. I started picking at my thumbnail. "Kai? I don't think anyone's coming to get me. I don't think they exist anymore."

"Anymore?" She looked puzzled. I nodded.

"I think this is it. This is final. You guys are all I've got."

She appeared saddened. "Sora was right about you. We're your entire universe, aren't we? We're all the people you've ever known."

My lips trembled. I'd forgotten to renew the glue holding my mask in place, and I couldn't stop it from slipping just this once. "Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"M-my hand r-really hurts." She gasped as I held it out to her.

"Oh, my God. We have to clean this. What did you _do, _you absolute _moron?" _

It felt good… to have a sister.

-----

My bags were packed. My bed was made. I had showered, shaved, and washed my hair, which still clung damply to the sides of my face and neck. I smelled clean. My hand had been disinfected, band-aided to within an inch of its life, and then wrapped in a pressure bandage to relieve the swelling. Kairi had even slipped me a couple of painkillers from her dad's 'the-stress-is-killing-me' stash. I wore clean jeans, a simple white tee, a belt and a wristband Kairi had procured from somewhere and forced my uninjured hand into.

I think she's enjoying herself with this, now that all the tension and ridiculousness is done with. She likes being mother-hen, and she's damned near psychotic all of a sudden in her determination to hook me and Sora up. I very gently, very lovingly, very threateningly, warned her to leave me to my own devices. I knew what she was capable of. If I didn't get in first, she'd be scheming off in the corner and tripping me after showers so that a conveniently placed Sora could catch me.

No freaking shit. She's done it before.

After all, it's not the first time she's picked me up on having feelings for Sora.

After all the drama of last night, today feels surreal. It's as though the universe hiccupped, and now everyone's going around as if nothing ever happened. Kairi doesn't know the truth, and Sora… I was wondering why he didn't press me last night. Why every time he asked a question, he let it slide when I asked one back. He didn't fight for answers, just… aired his questions. It was as though that was enough.

I felt strange, and shamed. My behaviour last night was… Ugh, I can't begin to describe it. All I knew was that every time my thoughts even glanced those events, my cheeks would burn, and my eyes would shut, and I'd have to force my mind elsewhere until the clutching in my gut went away. I didn't know how I was going to face everyone today.

I expected Sora to come and see me before we left for the docks. When the tap came at my door at around nine-thirty, I answered breathlessly, only to find my other best friend, my new sibling, waiting meekly, knowing that she didn't measure up to my hopes.

"It's time to go, Riku," she said softly. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, meeting my gaze awkwardly. "You want me to help with your bags?"

We carried them out to the porch, where the driver was already loading Kairi's things into the trunk of the car. The mayor was waiting as well, a small case of his own in hand, speaking on a cell phone. He brightened when he saw me. "Riku! Hold on one second." He talked a few minutes more, while my bags disappeared into the car, then snapped his phone shut and turned to me. "I don't mean to spring this on you, but you'll be having your second appointment today with Jack Penumbra. He thought it would be a good idea before you left for Twilight Town."

Oh, _man. _"Okay," I said tiredly.

"It won't be until this afternoon, so you'll have plenty of time for exploring the city before the hotel tonight." I nodded. "I'll be coming with you all, just to make sure everything goes okay and you all get onto the train tomorrow morning, but I'll mostly be doing work."

"Dad, we hardly need a babysitter," Kairi interjected, rolling her eyes. "We're a group of mature, responsible adults, I _think _we can manage ourselves."

"I trust no teenager charged with getting him- or herself to school," he replied dryly. "I haven't forgotten your sophomore year, Kairi, and the police record in my drawer ascertains that I never will."

I spluttered with sudden, jarring laughter. "Excuse me? Kairi has a _police record?"_

"It's _not _a police record," she said touchily, "and besides, Sora has one too."

"The kids decided, their second year at the Academy, to take advantage of the trust we bestowed upon them to take an extra day or two on the mainland," the mayor explained, fixing Kairi with a beady look. "Needless to say, they failed to think things through, and were collected twenty-four hours later, spending a night packed together into a containment cell at the police station."

"What, _all _of you?"

"All for one, and one for all," Kairi responded weakly. The mayor glared.

"And, as a result, _babysitting."_

"We wouldn't do it again," she complained. "That was years ago!"

"I don't know if I can trust you to take yourself to _college _next year, missy. A few more trips with Dad isn't going to kill you."

She sighed, shot me a long-suffering look, then climbed into the car, which was now waiting for us. The mayor clapped me on the shoulder. "After you, Riku."

I folded myself into the soft seat, buckled my seatbelt at Kairi's nagging insistence, and ten minutes later, we were at the docks.

------

"Oh, God," I moaned. Kairi elbowed me sharply. Roxas was glaring. Axel was glaring. Sora was smiling uncertainly.

Senna erupted out of nowhere and flung her arms around me, almost in tears. "If you need anything, anything at all, just you call me, you hear? I will talk to you, I will bake you cookies, I will write letters."

"Mom. He's not going off to execution." Debatable, considering the death-glowers coming from the blond and the red-head. "It's school. We'll all be there. We'll take care of him."

"You'd better," she shot back fiercely. She stroked my hair, squealed momentarily at its silkiness, then dragged me to the other side of the pier. "There's someone you simply _must _meet, Riku, honey." She slammed to a whip-lash stop, then shoved me forward, into a carbon-copy of herself. This slightly more sedate woman smiled, shook my hand, and said, "Hi, Riku, I'm Sora's aunt Serba, Roxas' mom."

I sighed internally. Shoot me now and be done with it. I was fraternising with the mother of the boy whose nose I broke.

"It's nice to meet you," I offered politely. Senna squeezed me like a squeaky toy.

"We're sisters!"

"I… figured as much," I wheezed, when she allowed my lungs to reinflate. Serba was smiling indulgently.

"Such a handsome young man. Kairi's a lucky girl having you in the same house."

Kairi was within earshot. "Serba!" she cried, affecting appal. "We're _siblings _now!"

The two women laughed, and Senna, who clung to me still, gave my arm a quick rub and said quietly into my ear, "It's good to see you're fitting in. Have a good semester, honey." She released me, and went to join her sister. I smiled gently.

"Riku, come on, we're boarding." Kairi took my arm, and we ambled to where the others waited. Sora's eyes were fixed upon our joined limbs, an odd expression on his face. I smiled at him, but he turned away. Roxas, on his other side, hand in hand with Axel, was pointedly ignoring me as we were showered with last minute good-byes from the assembled parental units.

The docks were crowded with milling students, voices ringing through the air, and it seemed that half of Destiny Island had come to see them off. It was a twenty-minute wait before we finally boarded the ferry, which by that point was sitting low in the water.

"Let's go onto the deck so we can wave good-bye," Kairi enthused, gripping my hand.

I wormed free, saying, "You go on ahead, I'll meet you there."

She nodded happily, and was lost in the crowd. I turned, rising up onto my toes in my search for the spiky brown head. Locating it, I pushed my way through the crowd until I found him, my hand hooking his elbow. "Hey," I said quietly. "Can we talk?"

He hesitated, and my stomach dropped. He really looked like he wanted to say 'no'. But then he shrugged. "Sure, Riku." We both winced as a loud horn went off, signalling the imminent departure of the ferry, and the under-levels of the boat suddenly cleared as most of the teens hurried onto the deck. We went to the lounge, a large common room that would soon be filled with yammering voices, but for now was hushed. I could hear footsteps thundering overhead. I led the way to a long sofa and sat, gesturing for him to do the same when he hovered uncertainly. He joined me, lowering gingerly, not looking at me. I stared, hard. "Okay," I said abruptly, "so you're mad at me. I understand. I just hope you can forgive me. I thought last night that you had, but it seems I was wrong."

"Are you going to hurt Roxas or Axel again?" he asked evenly, sitting stiffly with his hands on his knees. He was faced forward, away from me.

"No," I replied. "I swear I won't. Last night… it won't happen again. I was confused, Sora, and, well, let's just say I didn't know what I was doing." He still didn't look at me. "Can we blame it on the alcohol, please?" I begged. He snorted.

"You weren't drunk at all, not even a little bit. Little cups, remember?"

"But you and I are the only ones who know that. If you told Roxas that I was drunk, maybe he wouldn't hate me so much. I don't want him to hate me, So, he's important to you. He's your cousin. I – I was confused."

"So, I got everyone to lie for you, and now you want _me_ to lie to _them?"_

I sighed irritably. "Fine, then, whatever." I slouched down, folding my arms roughly. "You know, if you were going to be pissy with me, you could have, like, not misled me last night into thinking otherwise."

"I wasn't pissed last night. I was scared for you." His voice was a monotone, distressing me.

"So, what? Now that you know where I am, you can treat me however you like?"

"Riku." He finally, finally looked at me, fixed me with a reproachful look. "Last night was last night, all right? I get that. Whatever happened to you with Roxas – who, I'd like to point out, has never seen you in his life – "

"I know, we've never _met," _I interpolated.

" – I _know _it was a mistake. That was pretty obvious in the way that you stopped almost instantly. Whatever went through your head – you know better now."

"So… if you aren't mad at me… then what?" I looked over beseechingly. "What've I done wrong since then? You – you didn't even come to see me this morning."

"My mom and aunt were helping us pack. If you've never seen them together like that, you don't know what a disaster it is," he drawled. He shrugged, sighed. "I wanted to come over, but then I figured, you know, we'd see each other here."

"And then… you realised…?" I prompted, confused. He gave me a flat stare.

"You and Kairi."

My brain died, flickered, came back to life – still didn't compute.

"Me… and Kairi…"

He shrugged again, lightly saying, "I guess I just didn't expect you guys to hook up in the end. I figured you understood about her and Tidus, but it seems the two of you figured it all out between yourselves."

_Ding, ding, ding! What the hell?_

"Me and _Kairi?" _I exploded, nearly frightening him into falling off the couch. "You think I got together with Kairi? You think, even if I _liked _her that way, which I _don't, _that after last night I was feeling frisky enough to go _hook up _with her?"

He was wide-eyed, mouth hanging open slightly. "Um… it looked that way? Before? On the docks?"

"Okay, Sora – Sora, look…" I almost laughed, almost coughed. I held up my hands, pacifying. "Okay, look – Kairi and I? We have decided to be siblings. Like, as in, brother and sister. Because, you know, we're both under the legal care of the same man. And it feels good this way. She's over me, I was never even _into _her, and we're both very happy with the arrangement. She and Tidus? Yeah, _they _hooked up. And _they're _happy with _that _arrangement. I knew all along how Tidus was with her, you think I'd try and steal his girl away from under his nose? That's not me, So. That's, like, seventy-five percent ass. I was never that much to begin with."

He blinked at me. My words sank in slowly. His features relaxed minutely. "Oh," he said.

"Yeah. Oh." I eyed him. "Was that it? That was the whole reason you've been mad at me?"

"Well… I, I thought you'd… and Tidus is my friend, so…" He trailed off, looking trapped. His eyes blinked several times in succession. "So, uh, so, what happened to your hand?"

I held it up, surprised. "Oh. That. I, um, that happened last night. You didn't see it because it was dark, but I got hurt a bit. Kairi… Kairi cleaned it up for me this morning."

"Yeah. I recognise the pressure bandage from their first-aid kit."

"Yeah. So, uh…" I scratched my head with one finger. "Did you ever get to try the cake?"

His answer was drowned out by a cacophony of noise as, seemingly out of nowhere, half the students from above-deck came flooding into the common room. We shifted closer without thinking, wide-eyed as, within seconds it seemed, our peaceful little sanctuary was turned into an idiot circus.

Our own personal idiots located us after about ten minutes. "Hey, you saved us a couch!" Selphie exclaimed gleefully, bouncing into the seat next to Sora. Then she leaned across him, and gave me a squeezing hug around the neck. "Never telling nothing," she whispered quickly.

"Thanks," I muttered back. She let go and sat back, beaming.

Kairi took her place next to me, scolding, "You never came up. I was waiting for you."

"I got distracted," I said, indicating Sora, who was engaged in a discussion with Wakka. She smirked. "Oh, did you now?"

I fixed her with a stern look. "You keep your goddamn mouth shut," I growled.

She flashed me an innocent expression, dragging her finger twice across her chest, intoning, "Cross my heart and hope to die."

Tidus sat gingerly on her other side, watching us carefully. I gestured his way, alerting Kairi, and she turned, lavishing attention on him. For a little while I observed them, and when Tidus' gaze met mine again, mid-conversation, I sent him a smug nod.

I noticed a flash of red out of the corner of my eye, and looked up to see Axel leaning over the back of the couch. His glittering green eyes were an inch away.

"Yes?" I said coolly. His gaze narrowed.

"Come for a walk, pretty boy."

I nodded. He pulled back, allowing me to rise. "Back soon, guys, going for a walk," I said, flipping a hand casually. Sora frowned, made as if to get up, and was restrained by a hand from Axel. "Relax, small-fry, me and Riku are just going to discuss some things. I'll have him back in a jiffy." Nervously, Sora stayed. Axel and I weaved our way through the crowd until we reached the stairs, where I waited for him to take the lead. We went up on deck, a blast of fresh sea wind send my long hair spinning. Clothes rustling and snapping, we made our way to the bow, where Roxas was leaning forward over the rail, enjoying the strong breeze. His hair was swept wildly in every direction, giving him an exhilarated look, but when he turned to meet me, his gaze was cold.

I sighed. He really didn't look good. He had a shiner over his left eye, and the bridge of his nose was still angrily swollen, mottled with bruising. Axel's bruise, which hovered over his cheekbone, was faint in comparison.

As Axel went to stand beside him, I stayed where I was, then, when they both glared at me, spread my arms slightly.

"What do you want to hear?" I asked, raising my voice over the slicing spray of the boat through the water, the ringing of metal hitting metal as the currently empty straps banged against the ferry's unused mast. Neither of them said anything.

"I'm sorry," I attempted, shaking my head as their intensity made no sign of diminishing.

"What happened to your hand?" Roxas asked suddenly, nodding at it.

"I hurt it. Unrelated."

He seemed to agree. "Didn't think you could hit that hard and be whiny enough to bandage your sore knuckles after."

For a minute, there was no talking. I breathed deeply of the salty air, enjoying the sudden, cold contrast to the stifling innards of the boat.

"So, why'd you do it? Who'd we remind you of?" Roxas demanded. I couldn't possibly tell the truth, but it was easier lying to Roxas than it had been with Sora. With Sora, I dodged questions like these. With Roxas and Axel, I was compelled to make shit up.

"I don't know. You've heard about my problems, right?"

They nodded, Axel dryly tacking on, "The ones related to your almost-drowning, yes."

I shrugged, as if this explained it all. "Well, then, you can see how I can't answer you. I guess you guys looked familiar or something, and I couldn't help but go for you. Once I realised what I was doing, I stopped."

"Yeah, after shrimpy hung off you screaming and crying," Axel said, biting off each word. Roxas nudged him.

"He's not a shrimp. We're the same size, remember?"

"Sora is _a _shrimp. You are _my _shrimp," Axel corrected, and earned an elbow to the gut.

"Basically," Roxas said impassively, as if the exchange hadn't occurred, "we're worried more about Sora than ourselves. We get the whole memory-loss thing, we understand that whoever you thought you were attacking last night wasn't us, because neither of us has seen you before in our lives. What's _concerning_ is that it may happen _again_, with someone _else_ you can't help but attacking, and that Sora will once again be caught in the middle."

I nodded. "I understand. I'm kind of wondering about it myself. But I've promised him it won't happen again, and I'll stick by that. Even if I turn around tomorrow and find myself face to face with – " _Xemnas, Maleficent, Saix, Sephiroth, _" – someone I feel the weird urge to attack, I won't do it. I'll stop myself, and I'll ask for help, instead of – "

"Instead of screaming that they're scum and knocking them in the face?" he cut me off, a single eyebrow delicately arched. I nodded slowly.

"Yeah. That."

Roxas narrowed his eyes, then nodded. "Okay. If you control yourself, you and I can be fine. If you hurt my cousin, or any of his friends, things will not be so friendly."

I met his gaze for a long minute, wondering – was this what had merged with Sora? That is, when the two of them had actually been merged. Was this hard, quietly intimidating personality really a component of that gentle, happy boy? I snorted to myself. Of course he was. I had seen it myself. It was just surprising to see it now, after so long of being dormant.

"One last thing, pretty-boy." Axel's almost-nasal sneer gave me pause as I moved to leave. He stepped forward, gripping my shoulder tightly, and I tensed. He lowered his face until we were eye to eye, studying me intently. I waited. "When you said last night that we were scum, what'd you mean?"

I tilted my head slightly. "I told you. I didn't know what I was doing. Whatever it was that triggered me off, I didn't mean it about you – as such."

"Uh-huh. You know that me and Roxas are together, right? As in boyfriends. We kiss and shit. We're in love, and we're two guys."

"Your point being?"

He scrutinized my bored expression. "I thought maybe the scum comment was related to our sexual preference, pretty-boy. In which case, I just might find myself having to return the favour in a dark alley when you least expect it."

I reached up and peeled his hand off, finger by finger, holding his gaze coldly. "First of all? If you were going to beat me up in a dark alley, _I would now be expecting it. _You just ruined the element of surprise. Second of all, I'm in love with Sora." His expression jumped. "I'd appreciate if you kept your big mouth shut about that, because I don't want to freak him out when he's not ready. Even if I didn't love him, unless I found out you were molesting little kids, I don't give a fuck about your sexual preference. It's as simple as that." I threw his hand to him. "I'm going back down to the others. It was nice meeting you both, and I'm sorry again about last night." I turned and walked away, head swimming with just as many questions as always, ingrained instincts yelling not to turn my back on the enemy, but feeling like maybe things were salvageable.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **If _I _owned Kingdom Hearts, not only would I own a copy of CoM (eBay won't even let me _sneeze _near it without a credit card), but I'd _also _own Final Mix, and it'd be in _English. _God damn it.

A/N: Chapter ten. Cool. Tomorrow's chapter may be delayed, my pretties (and handsomes? Anyone?). I hurt my wrist the other day, slipped on a patch of water near the kitchen and just about drove my fists through the floor catching myself. I thought it was okay, but there's a very real possibility that I've fractured it, since it's being a _bitch _and won't stop hurting. If it hasn't got any better by tomorrow, my mother has suitably horrified me into going for an x-ray with stories of my brother's remanipulation of a broken arm when we were kids. I refuse to let any fucker with a mallet and intent anywhere near me. Reviews! They're picking up, and they make me soooo happy. You guys are the coolest.

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CHAPTER TEN

Selphie was hurling by the end of the ferry ride. We all stood dutifully out on the deck with her, along with several other empathetic groups in similar situations, while she joined the ranks leaning over the rail blowing chunks. You'd have figured a girl who spent half her life paddling from one blot of land to another would have better tolerance.

The arrival at the mainland was a mess, and an irritating one at that, as I attempted to keep at least three familiar faces within sight at all times. Eventually, I resigned myself to clinging to Selphie, who was still feeling wobbly. People kept stepping on her heels, because she wasn't moving fast enough, and the poor girl was white as a sheet.

In due course, we managed to all locate one another, and stood shivering on the wharf as the mayor called on his cell phone to see why the cars he'd commissioned hadn't arrived yet. At last, after some argument, he sighed and ended the call.

"Pick up your bags, kids, they're parked around the other side."

There was a general chorus of complaint.

"Daddy, why can't they come to _us?" _Kairi whined. "All they have to do is _drive, _we have all this _baggage!"_

"Apparently, they can't get in, something about road-blocks and one-way-streets."

Everybody groaned, realising that no cavalry was coming. Fuck it, we'd have to walk.

"After this," Kairi seethed, face like thunder, as she carted along her two massive suitcases and a toiletries case slung over her forearm, "we'd better be eating somewhere _damn _nice."

Pretty soon, conversation was useless, and all you could hear was panting and the constant rumble of little wheels over pavement. We no doubt made an interesting sight, especially with Axel's eye-catching head of hair, as we tramped down the busy main road, past the park full of screeching children, and around into the second parking lot. It took about thirty minutes.

"I'm _dying," _Tidus gasped, as we finally dropped out luggage next to the two cars. We left the packing of the car to the slack bastards who hadn't managed to traverse a couple of goddamn streets, and tumbled into the air-conditioned interiors, whereupon an argument ensued concerning the seating arrangement.

"Daddy! There's not enough fucking seats!"

"Kairi, for God's sake, be quiet. Someone will have to sit on someone else's knees."

We went silent, deliberating. "Selphie gets a window seat by herself because she's sick," I ordered, and no one tried to contest it.

Sora looked sly all of a sudden. "Kairi can sit on Riku. After all, they're siblings now, right?"

"No, Sora," said the mayor from the front. Then Kairi proceeded to look just as equally evil.

"Sora, why don't _you _sit on Riku? You guys are close."

We blushed in unison. Not that I'd have minded, but I knew _he _did. Sending Kairi pain via ESP, I gritted sweetly, "How about _no one _sits on Riku?"

"Well, then, Kairi can sit on Tidus, after all, now they're – "

"_No, _Sora. No co-ed seating arrangements."

I glared over at the other car, where Axel lounged comfortably in the front seat, and Roxas and Wakka sat spread across the back. Suddenly, Selphie piped, "Hey, where'd Wakka go anyway?"

"In the other car, Selph," I sighed. "He's apparently smart enough to realise that _we all don't need to be in the same car."_

"You know, you're all really quite ridiculous," Kairi's dad said cheerfully. "But you're highly entertaining."

"Sora, go sit with your cousin," Kairi commanded.

"I'm not going to sit on Riku," Tidus protested.

"_Nobody is sitting on me!"_

"Look – " Sora cut in. "Seeing as how you're both girls, Kairi, you sit under Selphie, that way she won't overheat and can still barf out the window if the occasion arises."

Kairi made a noise of objection, but was quickly glared down. Sulkily, she climbed out of the car and went around to Selphie's door. They sorted themselves out.

"Now _I _will go sit, as Kairi so pleasantly suggested, with my cousin. Riku, you're in the middle."

"Why can't I go in the middle?" Tidus demanded.

"_Because you only started going out with Kairi last night, that's why, and I'm not having you two playing footsie in the car while I'm not here!"_

"Why, do you like to watch?" I asked into the stunned silence, smirking.

"Excuse me, kids," the mayor cut in smoothly. "But what was that I heard about my little girl and a certain blitzball fanatic?"

Kairi sighed. "Sora, get out of the car."

"Yes, dear." He clambered out, we arranged ourselves accordingly, and buckled up.

------

We ate lunch at a nice restaurant about ten minutes from the wharf, and even Kairi was suitably pacified, although she didn't relax entirely until her dad brought Tidus back unharmed from their little 'man-to-man' chat that came under the guise of Tidus being forced to escort the mayor to the bathroom.

I toyed with a breadstick, thinking distantly of the appointment I had with Penumbra in a few hours. Sora poked me. "Penny," he said.

"Dime," I responded like a smart-ass. He rolled his eyes.

"Gimme your thoughts in a paper bag."

I shrugged, biting the tip off the breadstick. I tapped him on the end of the nose with it. "Ugh, this thing is dry," I commented. "And crumbly," I added, pointing to the crumbs now on his face. He mock-glared, and brushed them off.

"I'm pretty sure breadsticks are _always _dry. So what's with the long face? And if you say _anything _about horses, I will _scour _this restaurant _until I find _a rusty spork, and I _will stab you." _

"What about donkeys?"

"Don't tempt me," he warned. I placed the breadstick down.

"Just thinking about later with the psychologist. And tomorrow with the school. In Twilight Town."

"Ah." He nodded sympathetically. "We're here for you, seriously. No one's going to let you get beat up."

I snorted a laugh. "So, I don't think anyone's going to try to beat me up. I'm not exactly small and defenceless."

"Yeah, but there's a couple of people you'll need to watch out for. Seifer's – "

"_Seifer! _Don't mention that asshole," Roxas growled from three places around the table. Axel, apparently in agreement, started playing with his knife in a vaguely threatening manner. I was glad for the interruption. I had almost choked out the name myself.

_Seifer._ I remembered him. Never encountered him personally, but it didn't mean I didn't think he was a moron. So it seemed that Twilight Town came as a set. It had a Roxas, a Seifer – no doubt Seifer's cronies and Roxas' other little friends, whose names escaped me. Not that they had technically been his friends… after all, Roxas' Twilight Town had been a computer simulation…

I shook myself out of the shock, firmly thinking that it didn't matter. I couldn't, and at this point _shouldn't, _be surprised by anything.

Except for the fact that I was. I had a sinking feeling that I was very far from home, and each new revelation made it stronger.

I looked over at Sora, who was laughing at something Kairi was saying across the table. I felt sad. _You're not my Sora… are you? _And yet, he was. With his every breath and heartbeat, he was my Sora – just a Sora who had never grown up with me. Things had changed in the world. Something, somewhere, had shifted, reality maybe. The seams of the universe. Everything big, like planetary topography for instance, was different. But the people – they _were _the same.

I suppose I had a decision to make. That was all.

------

We went on a last-ditch shopping expedition, in which the girls – all two of them – squealed with glee, whilst the rest – a good seven of us – trailed along rather miserably. Sure, we got some cool stuff. I got to see Sora in the changing room, so I'm not all complaint. And by no means are all men opposed to shopping, that's not my point at all. But _we _were all opposed to shopping, unless for a specific purpose. I like looking good as much as the next guy, but I did _not _like being part of a human train dribbling through Bath & Body Works behind a couple of midget females who thought bath bombs were the awesomest thing since platforms. The fact that my main emotion was relief when the mayor quietly informed me it was time for my appointment should be indication enough. I'd be jittery as hell by the end of it, but at least I'd be sitting.

The others stayed at the mall, although Sora did pull me aside and beg me to either take him along or end his misery. I smiled indulgently, and shook my head.

"Sorry, So, crazy people only."

"But my mom says I'm crazy," he said desperately. I gave him a quick, sideways hug.

"Be strong. Take notes. We'll form a war-court later and figure out their crimes and retribution."

He nodded sadly, caught my sleeve as I was leaving, and said, "Be careful. Don't let him bully you. You're perfect how you are."

I blinked, nodded slowly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"And please – " He stopped me again, fingers tightening in the material. His large cerulean eyes gazed into my own, with a shadow of fear. "Don't tell him about last night. They wouldn't understand. It's already been dealt with – no one needs to know."

I unpicked his fingers from my shirt, frowning, and lowered myself so our faces were on par. "Sora?"

"I don't want anyone to take you away."

My eyebrows rose slowly. I shook my head. "I won't tell."

He smiled hesitantly, then stepped back to break the tension. As he rejoined the others, and I went over to the mayor, I saw him put some spring into his step. They all greeted him like he'd never left. Only I could see the stiffness in his shoulders lingering still.

------

He asked me about my hand. I considered blaming it on a shaving disaster, but it occurred to me he might think I was cutting, so instead told him a winding version of the truth.

"Sora took me to explore an old house on the Island, and I ended up getting hurt. It was my old stupid fault," I shrugged. I didn't want him blaming Sora.

"It seems you've developed quite a strong friendship with Sora."

"Yeah. He's…" How to trivialise myself for this man? "He's a good guy. We get on well."

Penumbra nodded. "It's important, at this point in time, for you to have strong relationships, I feel. I'm pleased that you are so open to other people. In many cases similar to yours, patients have felt the need to shut themselves off to allow their memories to ripen without interference from external sources." He scribbled something on his notepad. "Speaking of memories, how are yours?"

"They're starting to come back, a little. I don't remember anything useful, but I've started having dreams."

"Tell me about them," he commanded, folding his legs and leaning forward, paying me his full attention.

Ah, fuck. A dream, a dream… "I think," I said softly, "I had a dream about my home… I was with my best friend, and we were fighting…"

"Fighting with your best friend?" His eyebrows rose. He started to write something.

"No!" He paused, looking at me blandly. "I mean…" I recovered. "Not proper fighting. Play fighting. We were… on the sand. And we had wooden swords. And my friend, he…" I fought back a smile. "He was really determined to beat me, but I was too strong for him. He got faster, though," I admitted with a chuckle. Penumbra was interested, the old leech.

"What was the boy's name?"

"Um… I don't remember."

"About how old were you in the dream?"

"About… fifteen. And my friend, he would have been fourteen. Uh, I think," I tack on.

"That's good. I like that, it's very good…" We talked for a while longer, Penumbra making notes all the while, unnervingly. The appointment was scheduled for an hour and a half again, thirty minutes longer than what was usual, because of the 'severity' of my 'condition'… Woe is me.

"And how do you feel about the thought of school, Riku?"

I tilted my head back, to hide my disquiet. "It seems like a good idea. After all, I can't just stop my education. Who knows, maybe the new environment will trigger something…"

He chuckled. "That's my line," he reminded me. "You sound like you're reading from a textbook, Riku." He leaned towards me, suddenly predatory. "Tell me how you feel about school."

"It's… school," I replied, hedging. "I feel what every normal kid feels about school."

"You're not every normal kid, though. You are a young man who has very few memories, none so far as you've told me about school itself, which makes tomorrow a very new experience for you."

"My friends will take care of me," I said, an edge lacing my words.

"How do you _feel _about school? How do you _feel _about going to Twilight Town?"

"Are all psychologists as aggressive as you?" I demanded.

"I am persistent, Riku, now tell me how you feel."

"I'm not going to tell you how I feel simply because you demand it," I snapped, then closed my eyes and bit my tongue. "I mean…"

"_Finally."_

"Huh?" My eyes flashed open.

He had a smug expression. "I was wondering where you were, underneath that cool exterior."

Oh, you arrogant son-of-a-bitch. "There's no exterior," I said, suddenly tranquil. "I'm a cool sort of person. You just… irritated me now." I'm pretty sure I just got duped. I don't know why I couldn't just make something up, render some 'feelings' out of thin air, but about the subject of Twilight Academy, I was uneasy. And the last thing I wanted was for him poke and prod and try to find out why.

"Tomorrow," he said, "you are going to be saying good-bye to the mayor, your benefactor and, dare I say it, _father-figure, _and will not be seeing him for four months. How does that make you feel?"

"Like I should encourage him to visit."

He smirked. He liked my new game. The freak.

"How do you feel about being part of a household with an attractive young woman who is also your peer?"

"Dude, no." I held up a hand, stopping him right there. "Kairi and I have already had this discussion. She has a boyfriend, and I'm not interested. We have very firmly labelled that scenario of events as technically illegal."

"How very mature of you both. What sparked that particular discussion?"

"The realisation that we'd be, in the worst case scenario, living together until we're twenty-one," I said testily.

"But you'll both be going to college next year, and I doubt you'll find yourselves rooming together even if you choose the same institution. I'm curious as to why you would have a discussion over a subject that doesn't hold any immediate concern."

"_You _thought of it, didn't you?" I pointed out coolly. He smiled, condescending bastard.

"I am a professional, Riku, it is my job to cover every aspect of such situations."

"We're a pretty mature couple of people, Doctor Penumbra, and we wanted to make sure we knew where we stood," I said smoothly. "We've been living together so far without having wild sex every other night, and figured we might as well make that a permanent state of affairs."

"Riku…"

"Besides, even if we did end up romantically involved, I really don't see how that would be of any interest to you anyway."

"Riku."

"It's no mar on my sanity or reputation to fall for someone I happen to be living with, and even the mayor would be understanding if we went about it in a sensible manner, which I assure you, in the highly unlikely chance of that ever occurring, we would be – "

"Riku, your nose is bleeding."

I stopped, mouth open, poised to keep relentlessly telling him in the most polite tone I could muster to, in all effect, fuck the fuck off, when a dribble of blood slid straight onto my tongue. I choked, spluttered, pawed at my mouth to swipe it away, and came back with shining fingers. Penumbra tore some tissues from the box at his side and offered them to me. I snatched at them, wiping my upper lip clean of the pooling viscosity, which was showing no signs of slowing.

What was it about this man that ended up with me having a nose-bleed? If this was anime, it'd be because I found the guy crotch-burstingly hot, but _ugh, no. _Seriously, oh, my God, no. The guy was, like, fifty. And a _child-psychologist. _Wrong on so many convoluted levels. Just – ew. No.

I clutched the tissues to my nose, reaching my hand out for a second wad he pressed my way, as the red seeped steadily into the paper. He was frowning, concerned.

"Does this happen often?"

"No," I muttered, with a retarded inability to properly pronounce the 'n'.

"Has it happened before today?"

"No," I lied.

He studied me intently, hands clasped, elbows on knees. "Riku, if you're taking any illegal substances, now would be the time to tell me. You wouldn't be in trouble, I assure you, but you – "

"I'm not taking drugs," I half-shouted, muffled by the tissues. He narrowed his gaze, and I met it accordingly, not backing down until he nodded.

"All right. Has it stopped yet?"

I pulled the tissues away, and a dollop of blood landed on the arm of the chair. "Shit. Sorry." He waved the apology off.

"I tell you what, we'll stop the session here." He was still frowning. "Go to the bathroom and get cleaned up, knock on my door when you're ready to leave, and I'll escort you to the waiting room."

I nodded and got up, stumbling down the hall until I reached the harshly-lit bathroom. I looked a mess, blood had smeared thinly across one cheek, and around my upper lip and mouth. I got the water running, fast and hot, and methodically wiped the skin clean. I angled myself over the sink, wearily shutting my eyes, and waited until I couldn't feel the tickle in my nose denoting movement. I looked up at my reflection from under my bangs, which glinted in the fluorescence. I looked like shit. The ring around each nostril was bloody and raw-looking. I washed myself again, washed my hands vigorously with soap, and scraped the underside of my nails clean of the rust-coloured flakes, scowling all the while.

Once I was sure it wasn't going to resume, I returned to Penumbra's office, knocking with two knuckles on the closed door. He opened it almost immediately, and I saw him scrutinising me. Probably thought I'd used the alone time to whip out the needle, spoon and lighter strapped to the inside of my ankle and got hiiiiigh, baby. This was an unwelcome complication.

Looking almost naked without his ever-present notebook in hand, he walked me to where the mayor sat waiting, his reading glasses on and a look of concentration creasing his features as he looked through a file, pen in hand. He looked up at our entrance, smiling wearily. Penumbra placed a hand on my shoulder and steered me over.

"We're finishing early today. Riku got a bad blood nose, and it's probably wise for him to get plenty of rest before tomorrow. It's very possibly stress-related."

Huh. Thanks for telling me first.

The mayor looked startled, but promptly packed away his things and stood. He shook Penumbra's hand, saying, "Thanks, Jack, I owe you." It was only then that I remembered his part in setting up the temporary custody, and felt a mild stab of guilt for having been a shit-head. But, oh well. It was very short-lived.

Penumbra gave me one last, searching look before we shook hands and parted, and I got the feeling I'd be taking a three-hour train trip sometime during the semester, to see him yet again.

The mayor and I were picked up outside Penumbra's office building and, instead of going to dinner with the others, I was dropped off at the hotel, with no small measure of relief. It was nice, to be by myself for a while, and the mayor even gave me his queen-bed suite to sleep in, as opposed to the doubling-up everyone else would be doing. When I went to protest, he cut me off, saying he'd suffered sleeping in the same room with Sora before, he'd manage again. I mentally kicked myself for messing up my chances of sleeping near Sora, but then again, perhaps it was for the best. I was tired; I didn't know how well my resolve would hold, seeing him dripping after a shower. I was strong, but only human.

-------

I was dragged from sleep by a rapid tapping at the door. I unstuck my eyes, blinking stupidly at the ceiling, not knowing, for a second, where I was, or why, for God's sake, I was suddenly conscious.

The knocking continued. I clawed myself up and swung my legs out of bed, tottering to the door. I unlocked and opened it, to find myself face to face with Sora. He looked surprised to see me. "Why do you look surprised to see me?" I mumbled, too tired to work it up into a growl. "You're knocking on my door."

He grinned. "I wasn't expecting to see you for another ten minutes yet."

"You were prepared to spend ten minutes knocking on my door?"

"I have a surprise for you."

Yawning widely, I stepped back and waved him in, letting him be the one to close the door as I staggered back to the bed and flopped down sideways on it. I hadn't seen him since the shopping trip. I had ordered a burger from room-service, and slept the rest of the evening away. The mayor must have warned them all off, allowing me my rest. And yet, here he was.

My face pressed into the comforter, I asked, "Why do you have a surprise for me?"

"Don't you mean, what _is _the surprise?"

I grunted in affirmation, then pried myself up and wondered, "What's the time?"

"Ummm…" Sora glanced at the clock next to the large bed. "Twelve-fifteen."

"It's past midnight," I muttered. Then, after a few cog-grinding moments, I added, "Happy birthday."

His beam was beautiful, if not a little blinding for this time of night, but I found myself smiling in return. "Hello, mister is-now-the-same-age-as-me."

"Hello, yourself, mister is-now-the-same-age-as-me," he responded happily. "I brought you something."

I tilted my head to the side, scratched it. "Isn't it traditional for me to give _you _something on your birthday?"

"Do you _have _something for me?"

"Uh, I lovingly – "

"Hung decorations, yes, I remember. And the amount of love was even more than my mother has for me, apparently, because only _you _could make the paper-chain stick. I'm considering putting myself up for adoption."

"If you go near the mayor, I will shoot you. I'm not having you as my brother."

"What, would I not make a good brother?"

"I don't want a brother."

He looked momentarily put off. I decided to monopolise his feelings: "Sora, would you really want us to be _siblings? _Like me and _Kairi?" _

_Come on, now, think it through… There you go. _

His cheeks faintly stained with red. He refused to address the matter further, instead swinging up the cold bag he'd been toting since he entered and dropping onto the bed in front of me, legs tucked under himself. "So, I know things got kind of messy last night, and no – I'm not bringing it up again, so don't start glaring at me. I'm talking about something different now. Now, since you ran off before the party finished, it meant that you missed out on the most important bit!"

My chin dropped to my chest. In anguished tones, I said, "Please, So, don't make me sing that song to you. I can't. It's _midnight."_

"Well, I was considering forcing you to, but since you asked so nicely, we'll just skip ahead to the next bit."

I looked up, face scrunched in bafflement. "Next bit?"

He unzipped the cold bag with a flourish, and withdrew a large, perfectly preserved slice of cake. I stared at it, then looked up into his shining countenance. "So…"

"No birthday is complete without cake," he said proudly. He pulled two forks out of the bag, and held one out to me. "Go on. Take it."

I reached forward tentatively, eyebrows drawn. When I took hold of the fork, I clasped his fingers, too, very deliberately, making him stiffen. I met his eyes, which were now wide beyond comparison, the stain slightly darker. He swallowed. I removed the fork, gently sliding my skin against his as I withdrew, and murmured, "Thank you."

He took a moment to respond. His voice was strangled. "For what?"

"For thinking of me. For sharing this with me."

"Oh." He blinked quickly, to try and break the spell. "Y-you're welcome."

I focused on the cake, leaving him to gasp and flounder, digging the fork in and breaking off a piece. I speared it, held it up, and said, "Try it."

He full-out flushed. "Um… um…" He started to reach forward with his fork, but I stopped him with my other hand, gesturing with my own. His eyes lowered quickly, and I saw his breaths speed up in the quickening of his chest. The fork was trembling in my grasp.

"You're the birthday boy," I reminded him, lightly. "You have to be the first to taste it." Never mind the fact that he'd probably made himself sick on it the night before.

In a snap-decision, his blush intensifying, he closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and leaned blindly forward. I moved the fork to meet him, watching as his lips closed over the metal. My fingers tightened over his, which spasmed slightly under my grasp. He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, then drew back, sliding from the fork, chewing hurriedly and then swallowing. His eyes blinked open, owlishly, a look of almost confusion within their depths. I gently released my hold on him.

"Is it good?" I asked softly. He licked a crumb from his lower lip.

"Yes," he said, voice almost guttural. He cleared his throat. "It – it…" He glanced around desperately. "Your turn!" He stabbed a piece of cake from the mass. Looking at me fearfully, he hesitated, then held it up. I smiled, delicately taking hold of his wrist, and ate the cake. He sucked in another breath, shaking slightly. I used my thumb to make small circles on the soft inner flesh of his arm, and the fork slid from him fingers.

"I – I – "

My hand slid into his, twining our fingers together. I couldn't help myself; I leaned forward, kissing him sweetly on the lips. He didn't respond, but I didn't expect him to. I drew back, allowing an inch to come between us, and whispered, "You what?"

He inhaled sharply, eyes fixed on mine. It took him a while. "C-can I – s-stay in here, tonight?" I straightened a little. He scrambled to explain, half horrified. "I – I mean! N-not for – for any – particular reason, but – but the mayor snores, and… and I c-couldn't sleep at all with him in the, in the room, and…"

"You snore, too," I said quietly. He blinked rapidly.

"How do you know that?"

"I don't mind, though. You can stay, So." I took the cake, wrapped it back up, and placed it with the forks into the cold bag. I lowered it to the floor, and stood up. "We might as well get some sleep," I said softly. "I'll just quickly go to the bathroom. You get comfortable, okay?" He nodded, looking torn between emotions and desires I didn't even want to contemplate. I went into the small en-suite, closed the door, and leaned back. I lowered my head, struggling to control my breathing. My hands went to cover my face, as I slid down to the cold tiles.

"Jesus," I whispered, digging the heels of my palms into my eyes. My heart was thundering, I could feel the reverberation through every cell in my body.

_I suppose I had a decision to make. That was all._

I sniffed, removing one hand to stare wildly down at the floor. I moved it up to take hold of a hank of hair, tugging hard. Sora would be in bed by now. He'd be under the blankets in the dark, because we'd never switched the light on in the first place, better to hide our thoughts with.

Sora was in my bed. And he let me kiss him. And he brought me cake. And he let me _kiss him. _

_A decision._

A… decision.

I lowered my hands to the floor, used them to push myself up onto my feet, slowly in case I fell. I straightened bit by bit, and, when I finally lifted my chin, I found myself staring at another Riku. A never-Riku. He looked every bit as pale as I, every bit as conflicted. His eyes were wide and crazy and desperate. I could see the pulse jumping at his throat.

We approached each other, equally slow, equally skittish. There was a tormented, excited, dreading, happy look to him. We each of us rested our hands gingerly on the counter, and whispered, "What should I do?"

We each of us hoped the other had the answer.

I leaned forward, touching my forehead to the glass. We stayed that way for a moment, communicating solidarity.

Then I turned from my reflection, and exited the room without a backwards glance.

Sora was in bed, a small huddle made thicker by the comforter, turned away from me. I went to my side, and carefully peeled back the covers, watching him warily. He didn't move, didn't twitch. I slid in beside him, taking care not to bounce the mattress. His presence had already warmed it, I felt the heat radiate to meet me, and bit my lip.

I lay on my side, facing him, forcing my breaths to be calm and slow. "Are you – are you asleep?" I whispered hopelessly. For a long minute, he didn't react. I knew he was awake. Even on the most peaceful nights, it took him a while to fall into slumber. Sometimes, he asked me to rub his back to help it along. He had trouble fully relaxing.

"No."

I closed my eyes in gratitude. "Are you – okay?"

Another long pause. Then, "Yeah." He slowly rolled over, wriggling his body around until his cheek was flush against the pillow, where he could stare at me from two feet away. Neither of us said anything. My eyes roamed the planes and contours of his lovely face, drinking in the smoothness, the roughness, the pits and perfections. He seemed to study me with just as much absorption.

"Was it… really a lie?" His voice was small, and soft. I thought his words through circumspectly, taking care not to say anything that would spoil this unsure connection.

"_I'm glad it was a lie."_

"Yes," I answered truthfully.

His gaze ticked between each of my eyes. "…Why?"

My fingers tightened into my palms. I momentarily bit my lips together. "Because… I wanted you to."

He blinked, with understanding, with confusion, with wonder.

_I had a decision to make. That was all._

He shifted closer, narrowing the chasm between us inch by inch. Cautiously, he extended an arm, and touched my waist. I closed my eyes, fought against the shudder that frantically wanted to break free. I held it in check. His hand slid past my side, around to the small of my back, and he pulled himself closer. I lowered my nose instinctively to his hair, inhaling deeply, my arms automatically curling around him. He was so close to my heart now, close enough to feel it pound. Minutes passed, and he settled into my body. I gently stroked the back of his neck, uncertain, frightened that at any moment he would realise his position and yank back. But he didn't. He stayed. He relaxed, and he drifted off to sleep.

And so, I made my decision. It was now, now was the critical moment, now was the turning point in which I would either ultimately reject or accept.

I made the choice.

This was reality. Home.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I wouldn't be rich because of the _game – _hell no. I'd be charging fangirls five bucks a go to see the various yaoi-ified cast members lip-locking. A perverted sort of circus. I'd be wealthier than Gates. :D

A/N: Hello again, my lovlies! Turns out I was dislocated, so now all is right with the world, and it doesn't hurt to type. Not that that's necessarily a good thing… /_scowls/_ I am saying, right now, that I'm not too fond of this chapter. Don't be surprised if it downright sucks. I _hate _transitional chapters, and this is one of them. Absolutely _loathe. _Hopefully it'll pick up tomorrow, but I'm wary. I'm not so good at writing their day-to-day lives, you might notice that I've avoided it so far. I mainly focus on plot development, but there comes a time when you simply have to write crappy descriptions and allow the characters to grow accustomed to their surroundings. Chuh – they ought to be more adaptable. Then I wouldn't have this problem.

**Review, review, review!** I love them, I love the people that give them!

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CHAPTER ELEVEN

When I woke up, Sora was gone. Everything... feels more intense at midnight than it does during the day.

-----

Sora was sitting on his suitcase, kicking his legs slightly, listening to the noises of the station. People talking endlessly, the booming of calm announcements overhead, the low squeal of metal as the trains alternately powered up and down. He was wearing baggy jeans and a red button-up, short-sleeved shirt. He was wearing shoes, and a belt. Couple of wrist bands. A ring.

He was also wearing a party hat.

Damn that Selphie.

People were gawping as they walked past, while Selphie, who'd been holding out on him and had consumed sugar when no one was looking, danced around in a progressive circle. And, yes – she was singing the birthday song. Over and over. And over.

And the train was running late.

Sora's hand found his face, rather hard.

The others were standing several feet away, looking amused despite their attempts to be otherwise disassociated from the spectacle. Even Riku, who had been quieter than usual that morning, wasn't able to keep the smirk from his face. Sora sighed to himself, ignoring Selphie's seventh circuit, her arms flailing dangerously close to his face. Last night was…

Last night was wrong. He didn't know what he'd been thinking. Riku was… Well, a great… great… person. And Sora couldn't… use him like this. Or was it, Sora wouldn't allow himself to be used this way? Despite Riku's insistences, Sora knew that someday, probably soon, somebody was going to come for the platinum-haired teen. They would take him away, and reboot his head, and he would return to the wonderful life he had been living – before Sora.

Sora was scared of being forgotten. He was also aware that ignoring Riku was going to solve nothing. But when he'd woken up with the first strains of daylight that morning, and looked over to where the pale boy slept, his chest had hurt. A lot. He'd had difficulty breathing, and no, it hadn't been love. It had been dread, and disappointment, and anger. How many nights had it been since the very same boy had wept against him, at the thought of having forgotten the one person he loved more than anything else in the world? How many?

Days had passed, and Sora was acting as if what happened in the past, stayed in the past. As if this wasn't all going to come back around, and the day would arrive where Riku would find himself saying good-bye. So, Sora had carefully risen from the bed, picked up the cold bag, and fled. Kairi's dad had still been asleep; it was easy to slide into the single and close his eyes, and when the mayor finally woke up, pretend he had been slumbering all the while.

When he saw Riku in the hallway, as they all trailed to the hotel restaurant for breakfast, he had smiled and waved, and ignored the resigned understanding in those incredibly-coloured eyes that just made it all seem worse.

The part that really bothered Sora was the time period in which all this had developed. It had been a week and three days since he first saw that silver hair drifting in the water. A week and three days was hardly enough time to develop feelings for someone. He was acting foolishly. It should've been easy to quash them, to tell himself that they were shallow and unfounded. It should've been fine.

Sora's main problem was the dreams. It was one thing to try and avoid his thought processes during the day, but at night, when the conscious mind had no control over what spewed forth, he found himself in trouble. Because Riku was simply everywhere. Riku was running with him, sparring with him, laughing at him. Riku was swimming – _Sora _was swimming – they were crawling through the tunnel to the Secret Place, they were… It was never-ending. It was as though someone had taken all his memories, and ones he'd never even experienced, and injected Riku in technicolour surround-sound, right into the middle of them. And it came with micro-Riku, too – it wasn't just memories of the present-day Riku. It was like he was watching them grow up together. Like he was starting life again from scratch, only this time, there's Riku.

And then came reality.

"_The train to Twilight Town is now arriving at platform eight." _

Selphie jerked to a halt, managing, in the process, to knock the party hat off. Sora quickly jumped off his suitcase and onto it, pounding it flat. He smiled sweetly at Selphie, who was caught somewhere between horror and outrage. "Oops!"

Riku was there to save him. "Come on, So, you're my tour guide in this. Let's get your case on the train and go."

Sora had only wanted to share the birthday cake. He hadn't asked to be kissed.

------

"Sora?"

He started out of a deep reverie, arms falling from their crossed position over his ribs, turning from the broad window to see Kairi coming towards him. Her hair shone a rich burgundy in the morning light that filled the carriage. They were in the observation car. He had been watching the countryside flash by, absorbed by the blurs, eyes ticking from side to side without ever really seeing. Kairi stopped beside him, one hand cupping the opposite elbow, other hand playing with the hem of her skirt.

"You just kind of disappeared," she said, flicking her violet gaze towards him cautiously.

Sora shook his head absently. "I just wanted to watch the world."

She swivelled her head, frowning pensively at the passing scenery. "It's pretty," she offered. "So different from Destiny Island."

"I like it," Sora murmured. "It's like leaving one world, and entering another."

She gave him a small smile. "That's awfully poetic." For a while, they gazed outward, content with the silence. "So… What's up with you anyway?"

Sora arched an eyebrow. "What's up with me? Nothing's up with me, Kairi."

She nudged him with one hip, smiling knowingly. "Soraaa. Come on, I'm your best friend. I know when things are weird with you."

Sora huffed, recrossing his arms, returning his focus to the window. "Well, you're wrong. Nothing's _weird. _I'm fine."

"Mmm." She glanced sideways. "Riku's been pretty quiet this morning."

"Has he?" Sora replied, with dejected disinterest.

"He has. And when Riku's quiet, and _you're _quiet… it kinda makes people wonder."

"Wonder?" Sora echoed sharply. He was suddenly paying attention. Ignoring the little smirk she wore, he pressed, "Wonder what?"

She shook her head, hair swishing around narrow shoulders. "Oh, Sora, are you really this clueless? Or did you hit your head recently? It's kind of obvious what's going on."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sora bit off.

"Ever since Riku came along, you've changed, Sora."

"You're the one who's changed, Kairi," he snapped. Then he caught himself, swaying visibly, placing a hand tenderly to his head. "I mean… I didn't mean that." He sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I understand." She was watching him carefully. "But I know that something's not right inside that head of yours. You might be able to fool the others – and trust me, that's only through stupidity and blind luck – but you can't fool me, Sora. You shouldn't even try." When he didn't respond, she added softly, "You know all I want is for you to be happy. And… I'm sorry, too."

Her footsteps, as they faded away, were light.

Sora bowed his head, scowling, fingers digging into his elbows. He didn't want people to wonder. He didn't want them to think. But… he had been suffocating in the compartment. Riku had been sitting beside him, quiet, like Kairi said. It wasn't like he was a loud person, but he had an energy about him, a quick, sharp wit, a clever conversation, a ready, rich laugh. Whereas this morning, he had been pale, and contemplative. And every time the train took a corner, or hit a rougher patch of tracks, sitting side by side as they were, their knees would knock, their thighs would brush, and it was driving Sora crazy. He couldn't handle that kind of contact, innocent, intimate or otherwise. Even though it had been he, the night before, who had initiated it… He wanted to punch himself. Repeatedly.

"Passed Kairi on the way over. She looked worried."

"_Jesus!" _Sora leapt, clutching his chest. He whipped around. "Roxas! When the hell did _you _become a goddamn ninja?"

Roxas smirked, ambling to stand beside him, in almost the exact position Kairi had been only minutes before. "Sora, please. The love of my life is a pyromaniac with a short fuse and a lighter. I learned the art of silent fleeing long ago."

"Could you maybe _warn _me next time?" His heart was still pounding.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "When did _you _become such a mopey _girl?"_

Sora drew himself up, uselessly, since Roxas had already mimicked the movement, and neither of them was a half-inch taller than the other. "I am _not _being a mopey girl," he hissed. He threw up his hands. "God, what is with all you people and questioning me? Am I not allowed to be quiet? Would you all feel better if I ate some sugar and joined Selphie in tormenting the rail guards?"

"For someone who's not a girl, you sure are throwing one heck of a hissy fit."

"Oh, just – just – _shush. _And if you say anything about Riku, I'll – "

"Riku? Who said Riku? Did _I _say Riku?" Roxas put a hand on his hip, looking smug for a second. At Sora's expression, he grew serious. His hand dropped. "Did he do anything to you, Sor? Was he an idiot? Because if he did, I'll kill him. And that's not an exaggeration."

Sora groaned, throwing his upper body to the side, shoulders drooping. "Just what I need," he moaned to the general air, "an overprotective family member threatening me."

"I threatened Riku."

"Well, don't. Riku didn't do anything." He hesitated. "It was me. I'm the idiot."

Roxas was looking at him sceptically. Sora nodded weakly for emphasis.

"It's true. I'm an idiot. I did something I shouldn't have done, and I – I think I regret it."

Roxas' eyes narrowed, his lips pulled back from his teeth. "Anything you did, he _let _you do. I knew I couldn't trust that _person. _What happened?"

Sora stared. "Roxas. Down boy. Jeeze, I didn't sleep with him."

Roxas pounced. "But you _did _do _something, _right? You automatically assumed that _I _automatically assumed that you'd slept with him!"

Sora stared some more. "Do you ever listen to yoursel – "

"What happened, Sora?" the other boy demanded sharply. Sora glared.

"Being my cousin doesn't make me accountable to you, you know."

Roxas slapped him across the back of the head. "You can start calling me 'daddy' if it makes it any easier. Now spill the beans, and maybe I won't have to go castrate your new boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend!" Sora hoarse bellow echoed through the carriage. The occupants, some of which were also students at the Academy, turned to gape. Sora squeezed his eyes shut, blossoming red.

Roxas was back to looking amused. "Well," he murmured, "at least we got _that _cleared up."

Sora's eyes flashed open. He seized Roxas by the hair and dragged him, yelping and cursing, out into the corridor. "Way to embarrass me, _cousin," _he hissed. "See if I ever speak to you again!"

"You're speaking to me now, you little tramp, and pulling my hair is just building my case against you that you are, in fact, a total five-year-old _girl."_

"Roxas, can you please just shut up!" Sora was upset. "I'm serious. Please, shut up. Stop calling me a girl, stop embarrassing me, and stop asking questions about Riku!"

"Sora…"

There was a brief silence, and that was the exact moment that Riku was trying to make his quiet getaway. They heard the step of his shoe as he backed off, and twin spiky heads twisted to look. Riku froze. Sora looked like he was going to burst into tears.

"What're you doing here?" Roxas asked coldly. Riku help his hands up slowly in front of his chest.

"I was just coming to check out the observation car."

"Sure you're not prowling the train looking for my cousin?"

"Roxas!" Sora snapped angrily. "Will you just be _quiet? _Go back to the compartment. I don't want to _talk _to you."

Roxas' eyebrows shot up. "Huh." He locked his gaze for a long moment, then pushed past Riku, who passively flattened against the wall, and stalked away.

There was a hush. Riku was staring at him. Sora had his face down, eyes closed, struggling to breathe calmly.

"Sorry about that," he muttered at last. Riku cocked his head to the side.

"Sorry about… what?" he asked after a beat, watching Sora carefully. Sora stiffened, the fading blush returning in full force. One thing was for certain – his face hadn't suffered this much _before _Riku came along. He was surprised he hadn't developed a permanent ruddiness. God, trust Riku to read in between the lines.

"I'm just… sorry, is all," Sora repeated, hopelessly. He had yet to meet the other boy's gaze, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see the silver hair.

"…I didn't mean to overhear your conversation. I was just walking."

Sora nodded. "I – I know."

"Roxas was asking about me?"

Sora thought for a moment. "Actually, no," he answered, a little surprised. "But then… I didn't really give him the chance to. I just… made him jump to conclusions a little…"

Riku frowned. "What kind of conclusions?" When Sora didn't respond, he prodded, "So?"

"I don't know," Sora mumbled. "Conclusion… conclusions."

"Ah. Those sorts of conclusions."

"Sorry, Riku."

Riku took a step closer, studying the miserable figure. "Again, I've gotta ask why."

"Well, because…" Sora straightened up a little, chest quickening with distress. "Just… just because. I just…"

"Sora." Sora looked up, at last, cringing. Riku hesitated, then reached out slowly, settling a hand on his shoulder. "Look, I don't expect…" He frowned at the ground, swallowed before continuing, softly: "I don't expect anything from you. I know that… that maybe you're feeling overwhelmed right now. I can understand that. I won't… push you. I won't force you into anything. I won't even… I can stay away if you'd like," he said gently, but the frown deepened, as though saying those words was costly. "Things that happen at midnight… seem a lot more intense than they do during the day. Things that we feel… can fade." He met Sora's sad, stricken gaze. "We don't need to make this complicated, So. Whatever you want, I'll go with."

Sora had stopped breathing. His stomach was leading his vital organs in a mutiny, he figured, because everything was screaming, and hurting, and pulsing, and jumping.

"Riku…" His voice cracked. "I – "

A deep voice interrupted. "Excuse me."

They turned, each with their own level of dismay, which quickly turned into almost identical scowls. One of the rail guards was standing there, his expression carefully schooled into looking merely irritated rather than furious. Both hands tightly gripped a squirming, pouting Selphie. One side of her hair was sticking up, and they noticed that the guard, too, looked rather dishevelled. She let out a hissing, wildcat mewl.

"I believe this belongs to you."

------

People do things for the people they love, even if it hurts them. Because sometimes, that's what love is.

Sometimes, true love is the worst kind of all, because it hurts so much more than a simple infatuation ever could. All this time, I had been patient. I had watched Sora from afar. I had allowed him to come to terms with his growing attraction to me. And now that something had happened with that, he was withdrawing like a frightened turtle, throwing up walls to block out not only me, but everyone close to him, while he attempted to wrestle his emotions into submission. I could see it, I can read him, I think I knew better than anyone what was going through his head. It hurt, but I allowed it. After all, what was the alternative? Demand it? Demand his love, and all its benefits, sexual and otherwise? Demand it, and let him wither while I grew fat off the discharge? It wasn't going to happen. I'd sooner hurt myself than him, any day, in any situation.

I had few choices as to how to behave, now that that spark had been ignited between us. I wasn't going to be aggressive. I wasn't going to plead. Even though both were clamouring for dominance, my decision was to simply let him breathe. It was all I could do. He was – a bird. I could either crush him in my grasp, and break his little wings so that he'd never fly away – and believe me, as reluctant as he was acting, he had still offered me enough to be able to do so – or I could hold out my palm, be still, be gentle, be watchful, never making any sudden moves… and maybe he'd trust me enough to alight on me. And maybe, when I let him flutter away, he'd just as quickly flutter back.

------

Arriving in Twilight Town was, I have to admit, a total freak-out. I kept expecting to hear DiZ's voice in my head, calling me back to the basement lab under the mansion. I had to keep my eyes fixed firmly on Sora, even though I knew he felt my gaze and was uncomfortable, because I was seized with this sudden, irrepressible fear that nothing was real. I would reach out to touch him, and he would freeze and be sucked away in a flurry of swirling pixels.

It was mid-afternoon, which in Twilight Town meant that its namesake was drawing close, enshrouding the town building by building, street by street, in purple shadow. A large, mountainous hill was the cause, killing the sight of the sun long before it was truly gone, its ghost spreading like some kind of plague as it grew silhouetted. Around the other side, Sunset Station bore the full brunt of every minute of sun, earning its own name. In the winter, they were worthy of envying. In the summer, we were.

We hurried along in the rapidly cooling twilight, coloured pink and purple, the clouds overhead blazing, for the moment, golden. It was beautiful, I'll admit.

We had three trolleys for our cases and bags, Sora, Tidus and Axel dragging one each, while the rest of us helped steer from the back whenever the ground got too bumpy. It was a fifteen minute walk to the Academy from the train station, which, to my surprise, no one complained about. However, looking around, I didn't see a whole heap of cars, or even a bus. There was a tram at Sunset, but little good that did us.

It seemed like a real pedestrian town, there were people walking everywhere. A lot of kids, I noticed, got around on skateboards. Roxas was watching them longingly. I wondered if he lived at home or on campus while he attended the Academy. After all, this was his home town. I wasn't stupid enough to ask. He'd been shooting me dirty looks ever since the encounter on the train. Even Selphie was acting subdued, but then, _everyone _was giving her dirty looks within our group. She'd been put on a sugar ban. Kairi had gone through all her bags before we left the station, and repacked them, minus the contraband. Her sulking was being pointedly ignored.

I personally wanted to kick her, but that was well beside the point.

Twilight Academy resided on the far edge of town. It was a sprawling, university-type campus, with clusters of multi-storied buildings looking like they'd sprung out of a gardening catalogue, for all that they were crawling with ivy. It was probably bad for the foundations, but it looked good.

The grounds were swarming with students in casual dress, though tomorrow we'd all be assuming uniforms. The ages ranged from fifteen to eighteen, and somehow the younger ones managed to look about three years younger still again, I swear, kids are getting shorter. There was also a decent smattering of parents and regular adults I took to be administrators and teachers.

We fought our way through the ebb and flow of flesh, clumped together, everyone with a hand on a trolley, until we were several yards from the heart of the mess, the welcoming hall. Kairi released the trolley, grabbing Tidus, and called over her shoulder, "We'll be back soon." They disappeared inside, weaving through the crowd. I was grateful. The only reason we were making the stop-over was so that I could find out my dorm room details. With it, would be my class schedule. The others already knew where they were staying, of course, but no one was willing to leave me behind, except for Axel and Roxas, who had gone ahead to settle in.

Eventually, they returned, looking ruffled. Kairi gasped a few times, smoothed down her hair, and, grinning, thrust some papers into my hand. "Welcome to Twilight Academy, Riku Utada."

I smiled back, a little weakly. We went off to find my room.

------

Oh, for God's sake.

Roxas glared at me. Axel glared at me.

"Haven't we done this before?" I drawled.

"I don't know, pretty-boy," Axel said, annoyed, from his fortunately still clothed position on top of Roxas. "Do you often walk in on us during intimate moments?"

I waved my piece of paper through the air. "It's my room. I'm your room mate, uh – Roxas, I'm assuming, due to the lack of melted appliances."

Roxas patted Axel in a comforting manner as he spluttered indignantly. "It's okay, I swear I didn't tell, Riku's just being a jerk."

I glared at them impatiently. "Look, you guys, sorry for walking in on your alone time, but seriously, I'm sweaty, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I'd really just like to unpack my shit and pass out somewhere."

Roxas scowled. "Well, as long as it's here and not in Sora's room."

I slammed my case on the bed and crossed my arms. "Is this going to be a problem with us?" I demanded. "Because believe me, I am _not _going to put up with your shit. _I've had enough." _

Axel looked mildly interested. "Looks like pretty-boy is reaching boiling point," he observed.

"You know," I said, tiredly massaging my right temple, "it's really hard to pull off being a smart-ass when you're sprawled on top of your boyfriend with your fly half-undone."

"Oops." He zipped up.

I raised my eyes to the heavens and asked, "Why? Why do you mock me? Haven't I suffered enough?"

"Dude," Axel muttered, clambering to his feet and straightening his shirt, "you live with Roxas now. The true suffering hasn't even started."

"Hey!" Roxas yelped. He picked up his pillow and threw it hard. Axel staggered slightly, whining.

"Jesus, Rox, you left your copy of _Pride and Prejudice _in there. It hurt!"

"It was supposed to," he shot back. He fixed his gaze on me. "I want to know what happened last night with you and Sora."

Axel paused mid-faux-sob and brightened like a neon light. "You and shrimpy got it on? When?"

"Give me back my pillow," Roxas shouted. "I'm gonna kill you! And then," he turned to me, eyes blazing, "I'm going to kill _you. _What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything," I said angrily. "What are you, his father? Anything Sora and I ever do is completely none of your business. He's not a kid, Roxas, stop treating him like one. He's capable of more than you'll ever know!"

Axel said, wide-eyed, "Oh, boy. Pretty-boy's going to _get_ it."

I very calmly flipped him the finger, said, "Grow the fuck up, Roxas," and left the room.

-----

Unfortunately, storming off after my little fit of defiance wasn't really a good idea, since I had no clue where to go next. I didn't know where anyone else's room was, they'd just dropped me off and said they'd come get me for dinner after everyone had unpacked. The girls weren't even in this building. I decided to go look for them, hoping to get away from idiots and hormones for a while. I descended two flights of stairs to the ground, and emerged into a calmer atmosphere than before. Most of the parents were gone now, nearly all the students busily setting up in their rooms for the next four months. The sun had disappeared, leaving the world a deep blue, and cold. I wasn't dressed for the cooler weather, all of my clothes still inside my suitcase. I cursed Roxas all over again, arms tightly folded over my form-fitting muscle-shirt to try and preserve some heat. I stomped across the grounds, with no real idea of where I was headed, hoping vaguely that a burst of giggles would alert me to any nearby mass female presence.

I found myself, with some unsettling, deep-seated instinct, shifting away from the lights. The darkness swallowed me up, but it was a while before I noticed. My footsteps slowed. I stopped, and looked around. I didn't know where I was.

"Shit," I hissed. "Just fucking perfect, Riku."

"Utada?"

I jumped, gasping, not expecting to find a deep, disembodied voice murmuring my name. I whirled on the spot, eyebrows furrowing, and demanded, "Who's there?"

The voice came again, not answering my question. "Riku Utada?"

"What do you want?" I snarled, fists bunching, shoulders lifting, preparing for a fight. I wished I could summon the keyblade. I had found, though, early on, that I couldn't. I tried, in the hospital. My hand had stayed empty, and I had wept a little, denied my final comfort. Whatever happened to me, whatever I had suffered before Sora found me in the water, it had robbed me of the keyblade.

Right now, that pissed me off. I had already had a difficult enough day. I listened keenly, shifting slowly on the spot. No longer asking, just waiting. Heart pounding, waiting for the fight.

A noise, behind and to the left.

I swivelled quickly, arm drawn back, muscles bunching, fist flying forward – and was stopped. I was fast, but the enemy was faster. Long fingers wrapped around my knuckles, immobilising that hand with dangerous pressure.

"God fucking _damn it," _I hissed. I lashed out with a kick, again finding the blow caught, and a second later I was pushed roughly backwards. I staggered and fell, landing hard on my back. I started to scramble up, then paused. For the first time, I got a look at my attacker, and the bottom dropped out of the world. I felt fear.

"You…" I croaked. He took a step towards me, and I scrabbled back, crab-style. _"Stay away from me!"_

Meanwhile, a little voice started caterwauling in my head. It was easy to ignore; panic was stronger. _"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus," _I hissed, flipping over and hopping up. For a split second, I was poised, as my muscles alternately contracted and stretched, preparing to shoot me off into a sprint – and in that split second, he grabbed me. His hands gripped my shoulders, pulling me off balance, my centre of gravity already three paces away. I struggled furiously, until the fingers dug in hard enough to bring a gasp of pain to my lips. I froze. The little voice gained a foothold, blaring.

"What are you doing out here," mellifluous tones breathed in my ear, "so far from the cafeteria and dorm rooms? I was of the opinion that you were a new student here. Are you lost?" The menace left me shivering.

"Let me go, Sephiroth," I yelled, sounding strangled. Much to my surprise, he complied, and for a second time I found myself in the dirt, as my own efforts dragged me over. I stood quickly and turned to face him, dirty knees and palms.

He looked just as he ever had, the times that I had glimpsed him. Tall, almost toweringly so, making me look like the teenager I was in comparison. His silver hair, similar to mine, was long enough to brush the backs of his thighs as he slowly, slowly circled me. His face was angular, predatory, and even in the shadows, his eyes seemed to glow. His skin was darker than mine, and with his black clothing, he could pass for a darting flash of moonlight. I waited for the attack to resume, fingernails digging crescents into my flesh. My breaths were loud and thundery.

"I wasn't aware that we'd met," he said at last, one eyebrow arched high. I didn't respond. "I'm surprised you were able to recognise me, in the dark like this." I watched him through narrow eyes. He paused in his stalking, the tails of his long coat settling around his ankles. "Why," he asked dryly, "are you looking at me like that?"

"What do you want, Sephiroth?" I burst out at last, sick of his games. The little voice demanded attention. I caught maybe a word of two of what it was saying. It wasn't making much sense.

Sephiroth's countenance was calm, but anger laced his words. "I'm aware that the Academy is somewhat laid back, what with you children being allowed to address we teachers so informally, but that really is no excuse for you to take it that bit further and be rude. I can have you calling me 'sir' if I so choose, _Mister _Utada."

The breath caught in my chest. The little voice sighed, slapped its forehead, and asked, 'Remember your promise to Sora? Let's not freak out. Okay? Okay.'

"Okay," I whispered. Sephiroth nodded curtly.

"Come. I will take you back to your dorm."

I jumped back as he approached, causing him to hesitate, eyeing me suspiciously.

"I can find my own way," I said hurriedly.

"I'm sure you can," he answered impatiently. "After all, you got here just fine, didn't you? Although you don't seem to have any idea where 'here' even is, Mister Utada."

"How do you know my name?" I asked. He grew irritated.

"You are in my English Literature class, Mister Utada. I heard you mutter your name aloud when you were walking, and decided to come and help what appeared to be a hopelessly turned around new student in unfamiliar surroundings."

"You – you're my _teacher?" _I shrilled incredulously.

He glared at me coldly. "Mister Utada, I don't understand or appreciate your behaviour. Now is not the time to be lurking around campus. I suggest you accompany me back to the dorms, before dinner is over and you find yourself hungry for the night."

I was dumbfounded, to say the least. Right now, Sephiroth, the General, the psychotic, the tormentor of Cloud, about whom Sora only ever murmured with reverence bordering on awe, was sounding remarkably like an anally-retentive English teacher. And that, apparently, was precisely what he was. Or was claiming to be.

I know I said I'd be accepting. I know I scolded myself for being continually thrust from astonishment to astonishment – but really, this was getting a bit much.

"You're my _teacher?" _I repeated, feebly.

"Yes, I am your teacher. And you are getting on my nerves. If you don't come back with me, right now, I'm going to give you detention."

"But… school hasn't even started yet," I was compelled to argue. In any other incarnation, the man could have skewered me on the end of his abnormally long sword, and I was whining about a fucking detention threat. He glowered. I had a second of turmoil, in which I had to decide whether to run, or accompany… but, I realised resignedly, I made that choice last night, in bed with Sora. So I nodded reluctantly, keeping my feet rooted to the earth as he walked to come alongside me. I couldn't keep from flinching with his every step. We trekked across the grassy campus, back towards the light. On the edge of it, he glanced down at me.

"I don't know what you've heard about me," he murmured, "but keep in mind, I can _always _be worse." He drifted away, hair floating in his wake. I noticed a group of aforementioned giggly females go gooey-eyed as he passed them without a single glance. Girls are definitely crazy.

------

Fine. Right. Okay. Whatever. So, let's add a _Sephiroth _to the mix. That's not too weird. What the hell happened to reality that ended up with _the General _as an Eng. Lit professor?

I toyed dejectedly with my food. We all sat at the same long table, with a few extras thrown in, namely, Roxas' little friends. I still didn't catch their names. I sat as far away from them all as possible. Sora kept throwing me curious, pathetic looks. I was getting a little sick of them. But then, that's just me being pissy.

At length, I sighed, placing my fork down beside my largely uneaten meal. The cafeteria was full of noisy teens, and a good number of the teachers were lined up serving food, some kind of 'getting reacquainted' method or something. Most of them looked pretty bored. Especially Cloud and fucking Leon. Again, I only ever caught glimpses of them during my time in the darkness, but even if I hadn't, Sora's tales on the long warm nights on Destiny Island were enough of a description to recognise super-emo and his best friend, emo-junior. I wasn't sure which was which, except that Cloud, being the shorter of the two, might eventually get landed with the latter. How was it that I was encountering all these people? I was going to a school that housed members of the Restoration Committee, Organisation XIII, and a controller of Heartless. I didn't even dare pose the question, 'Who next?' because God knows I'd already done it, and it had come round to bite me in the ass. This was _beyond _coincidence. It was beyond anything I could possibly struggle to comprehend, outside of the fact that somehow, between consciousness and consciousness, every fucking world had decided to be best fucking friends and have a love-child comprised of all their fucking attributes. _Fornicating fucking planets. _This is where my head-state was. Worlds having sex and producing little baby worlds, where no one had a clue what was going on except for poor little chromosome me.

I wanted to go back to Destiny Island. Things were so much easier to deny there.

------

My dorm room was empty, Roxas off somewhere, no doubt with Axel, and for the first time in what felt like hours, I was finally able to put a barrier between me and the world and inhale. And then I sobbed, but only once, and it was dry. I caught it, before it could become hysteria, and placed it somewhere deep in the corner of my churning mind.

------

Music played, a single acoustic guitar. It was out of tune, but the player wielded it skilfully enough to still sound good.

Demyx was sitting on a table, with his bare feet on the chair he should have been sitting in, plucking at the strings. His gaze was intent on his long artistic fingers scaling up and down the neck of the instrument. The melodic strains drifted through the lab, reverberating through the glass equipment. His bare stomach was warm where the wood of the guitar sat pressed against it, but the rest of his skin was cold to touch.

He hummed a few bars, harmonising with himself, then started to sing words, softly. He felt the eyes upon him, and closed his own against the prickling that started, shutting the tears away before they could fall.

He hated the lab. He hated this place with every part of his being. But he loved Zexion; and so he stayed.

And so, he played.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **If I owned it, I'd lose it – my mother says I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on so tight.

A/N: So, I'm thinking the first chapter must really suck. I've been checking out the reader stats, and Ch1 has 527 hits, while Ch2 _plummets_ to 201. I'm turning people off! If that's not a message, loud and clear, I don't know what is. Anyone feel like beta-ing it for me when they get a spare minute? I'd kind of like those other couple hundred people to _keep reading. _On another note, for those who haven't run off screaming just yet, I adore your reviews, they make me endlessly happy. Because of the time zone differences, I'm usually a few pages into the next chapter by the time the reviews are trickling in, and it just makes me want to keep going that extra bit more. And today, we've hit a hundred and one pages! Thank you all so much for all your support so far! Love!

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CHAPTER TWELVE

I woke up to a dampness on my cheek. It was… pervasive. Once my vaguely woken mind became aware of it, I couldn't get back to sleep. I fumbled up, lifting my head and feeling the pillow. It was wet, slick. Puzzled, cursing softly, I staggered out of bed and groped the light switch. I let out a groan as the piercing light met my eyes, pinching them shut. I heard a grunt from the other bed, as Roxas attempted to keep snoring, disturbed by the luminosity. After a minute of adjustment, I pulled my fingers away from my eyes, blinking a couple times, and looked at my bed.

"_Holy fuck!"_

I slammed backwards, into the wall, an instinctive reaction to seeing the enormous volume of blood coating my pillow. The person in the other bed sat up with a cry, and he was _not _Roxas. I shrieked again. "Who the fuck are you?"

He saw me, and gave a replying half-scream: _"What happened to your face?!"_

I reached up. "My face?" It was covered in blood, dripping with it. It slid down my neck, smeared my jaw. It was in my hair, deeply staining the silver in clumps, and it was only then that I became aware of the thick, repugnant stench of it all. I bent over, gagging out of reflex. The guy in Roxas' bed had scrunched up fearfully into the corner of the wall, the blankets clutched around his neck, wide-eyed.

"Wh-what's going on?" he bleated.

I glared, a horrifying vision, judging by the way he cowered and shrunk. "Who _are _you?" I demanded through my teeth, furious and frightened. "Where's Roxas?"

"I'm Pence!" the boy cried, on the verge of tears. "I met you at dinner. I'm one of Roxas' friends, and I'm Axel's room-mate. They sometimes get their roomies to switch, so they can sleep together."

"Oh, and of course Roxas would want to be as far away from me as possible," I snarled. Then I gave a small keen, as threads of blood shook from my nose onto the thin, worn carpet.

"Jesus," Pence gasped. "We have to stop it. You're like, bleeding an artery."

I used my arm to stop the flow hitting the floor. "Do you have an artery in your nose, Pence?" I demanded, not above sarcasm despite my horror.

"Maybe it's from your brain!"

"That's right," I bellowed. "Make me _feel better!"_

He started to pull off his blanket, hesitated, then threw it aside and slid off the bed. "Look, let's get you to the bathroom. Then we can see the nurse."

He wadded the blanket up and held it to my face. I took it in my arms, finding a measure of comfort in having something soft to cling to, and he opened the door and ushered me down the hall. I appreciated, on some level that wasn't busy being scared, the urgency that he allowed, not even bothering to throw on regular clothes.

All I could taste was blood. All I could smell was the despicable, overwhelming scent of metal with a fleshy undertone.

We slammed into the bathroom. He took me straight over to one of the showers and shoved open the door, wrenching the taps around and feeling the water until it was inhabitable, while I hovered by the entrance, choking into his comforter.

"Okay, the water's good, get in."  
I dropped the blanket onto the tiles near the sinks, and hurried into the shower cubicle. I didn't bother taking off my pants. I tilted my face back, and let the water wash away the evidence of my fear. The water that swirled down my chest and around my feet was tinged a powerful pink. The smell receded, bit by bit. Tears of relief stung my eyes.

Pence, looking pale, had gathered up the comforter. "Will you be okay if I go get your clothes?" he asked. I nodded wordlessly, and he vanished, slamming the door into the wall in his haste.

I leaned against the cubicle wall, an arm extended in the small space to hold myself up. I angled my clean face down, and watched through half-lids as ribbons of my existence joined with the water. My breathing slowed as my pulse returned to normal, and the flow of blood abated. I scraped my wet hair into a loose ponytail with one hand, holding it far back from the source of the mess.

Pence returned after a couple of minutes, features knitted with worry. He placed the bundle of my clothing on the counter in front of the long mirror, and peered into the shower recess. "Hey," he said, raising his voice over the hiss of water. "You okay?"

I nodded jerkily. "I think… it's stopped," I rasped. I gathered the saliva in my mouth and spat a red glob into the drain, sickened. I turned off the taps, stood in the dripping silence, making sure nothing more was coming.

"I brought you a towel," Pence proffered. I felt the rough material touch my skin, head pulling to the side to stare dazedly at him. Anxiously, he wrapped it around me, and led me out of the cubicle. "Are you okay?" he asked a second time, in awed tones. I closed my eyes.

"Do you know what time it is?" My voice was rough from the tackiness in my oesophagus.

"Uh…" He checked his wristwatch with wide brown eyes. "Three in the morning."

I heaved a sigh, eyes still shut. "I'm really tired," I murmured.

"We'll get you to the nurse…"

"No." I shook my head with feeling. "Please. Just take me back to the room. I just want to sleep."

He was worried. "What if this happens again? Man, that wasn't normal."

I opened my bloodshot eyes. "Pence, was it?" He nodded quickly. "Pence, I just want to sleep. This is a stress thing. It's happened before. If I could just… get a bit more sleep? I'll be fine in the morning."

He looked uncertain. "I don't know," he said doubtfully. "I might tell the nurse anyway…"

"It's really unnecessary," I insisted. "Honestly. Please, I don't want any bad attention. I'm new here, it's my first day tomorrow, I'm just stressed. You don't need to tell anyone." A pause. "I'd rather you didn't tell anyone," I rephrased. He appeared conflicted, but slowly began to nod.

"But if it happens again…"

"It was just a bad reaction." I moved on unsteady legs to where my clothes were, a pair of silk boxers and a t-shirt. "I'll get changed. Meet you in the hall."

He recognised his cue, and reluctantly left me alone. I dropped the towel, shakily peeled off the soaked, clinging cotton pants, and changed into the dry clothes. I took the pants back to the shower alcove and wrung them out over the drain, taking care not to slip. I folded them, folded the towel, then met Pence outside.

"Hi," I said, forcing a thin smile.

"Hi," he replied, uncertainly.

We walked back to my dorm room. He had stripped my pillow of its saturated case, and I could see now why he was so nervous – there's so much blood, everywhere. There was a little of it on the sheets, but it was minor compared to the pillow slip. I could definitely sleep with it, in any case.

Blood had soaked through the pillow itself, but Pence had flipped it over, either in anticipation of my return, or Roxas' in the morning.

"Well… If you need anything during the night, just hit me," Pence said awkwardly. I offered him a smile.

"Sure thing. Thanks a lot for your help, sorry for scaring you."

He nodded, waving me over to my bed. I climbed in, the cool sheets a luxury, and mumbled good-night. I was asleep moments after he turned out the light.

-----

"Holy shit. Someone's been menstruating in _my _bed. And he's still here!"

I cracked an eye. "Axel," I growled, "do your cohesive English skills a favour: analyse that sentence and spot the flaws."

"Let's see – you're a guy, and it's not my bed."

"It's not even your fucking dorm, jerkwad." Wait, menstruating?

With a grunt, I shoved myself up onto my forearms, automatically checking the pillow. It was clean, on this side. I twisted, to glare wickedly at the red-haired abomination.

"_What_ do you _want?"_ I snarled. He held up his hands as though pacifying a dangerous animal.

"Whoa, relax, pretty-boy. I'm here for Roxie. He needs his uniform. So do you, come to think of it. School starts in thirty minutes. So what's with the bloodstains, silver-locks?"

"I got a blood nose."

Roxas straightened on his side of the room, pulling on a pair of charcoal pants under his white shirt. "Are you coming to breakfast?" he asked. I scowled. He rolled his eyes.

"Look, can we forget about yesterday? I really don't care enough for this to become grudge material. If you want to carry it on, you're on your own."

I sat up distrustfully. "You mean that?"

"Yes. God. We have to live together, don't we?"

"Don't remind me," Axel moaned, hooking his long arms around his boyfriend's waist and clinging with mock-desperation. "I thought we'd be able to finally room together this semester! I feel _so neglected."_

Roxas slapped him affectionately. "Get off me, you bean-pole freak."

"Aw, I love you, too, baby."

"Please," I croaked, covering my eyes. "Some of us are waking up. I don't need my first images of the day to be of you two playing tonsil hockey."

Axel stuck out his tongue. "You're just jealous you don't have your own shrimp to wrestle with." He yelped as Roxas punched him. Then he punched him again. "Roxas, what the fuck?"

"One for each mistake," he smirked. His eyes caught mine, and he stared coolly. "So, I'm just going to keep my mouth shut for a while, at least where Sora is concerned. But if I find out anything about you hurting him – I _will _come after you."

"If I found a way to hurt Sora, I would be waiting for you," I said impatiently. "And I would allow you to beat me to a pulp, because anyone who hurts Sora deserves nothing less. Including me. Feel better?"

He sniffed, draping his tie around his neck, tucking it under the collar. "We'll see," was all he said, before scooping up his shoes and taking Axel's hand. "We'll see you down there."

The door shut. I wondered when Pence had left. Sighing, wiping the sleep from my eyes, I climbed out of bed. Glancing back, I could see why Axel had commented; there were random stains dotting the sheets, from where I had touched them. They made me feel vaguely nauseous. Turning my gaze resolutely elsewhere, I went to the small chest of drawers on my half of the room and pulled out the items of my uniform. The school had arranged for three of them to be here before I arrived, had got my measurements from Poinsettia before we left Destiny Island.

I pulled on the charcoal pants, looped a belt into them and cinched it, buttoned on my long-sleeved white shirt, and, like Roxas, draped the tie around my neck while I sat on the bed to fix my socks and shoes. While I struggled vainly with the half-Windsor knot in my deep scarlet tie, a knock sounded. I shuffled over, cursing softly as my blind fingers made another mistake, then swung the door open. Sora stood there.

"Hi, Riku," he said, a little timidly. I stood staring at him in surprise.

"Uh, hi." We looked at each other for a long moment. "You, uh – you want to come in?" I remembered the pillow, and sheets, the pillow case stuffed somewhere not quite out of sight. "On seconds thoughts," I interrupted, as he started to answer, "let's go to breakfast." I darted back to grab my school bag, shoving the soiled pillow slip firmly under my bed, then rejoined him in the corridor, locking the room behind me. Slinging the messenger bag with all my books over one shoulder, reattempting the mess which was at that point claiming to be my tie, I asked, "So what brings you here?"

He looked at me uncertainly. "Well, I was – I mean, I'm your friend. I'm not going to just abandon you the second we get to school. I'm going to show you to your classes. And… I was wondering if you were… you know, okay?"

"Okay?" I spared him a glance. "Sure, So, why wouldn't I be?"

He frowned. I could see that he both noticed and disliked my evasion. He pursued. "You seemed pretty unhappy last night. And you were thinking a lot, I could tell. You weren't even talking to anyone, and I don't think you heard when people tried talking to you." People spoke to me? "I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he concluded, looking up at me. Then he sighed, rolling his eyes, and commanded, "Stop." I stopped, swaying forward with leftover momentum. He stepped in front of me and took hold of my tie. "Have you always been this useless?" Then, muttering, "Don't answer that, sorry."

I smiled. "I remember being even more useless than this, I think. This might have to be a daily occurrence."

"I'll teach you." If it means having Sora this close to me every morning, his fingers brushing my neck, the adorable look of concentration and exasperation on his face – I think I may be a very slow learner. With a final tug, he completed the knot, standing back to inspect his work with a satisfied nod. I picked up the end, looking down, and grinned.

"Thanks, So – you're great."

He blushed a little. "You're welcome." We started walking again. I adjusted my bag so it sat more comfortably on my shoulder. We crossed the grounds in silence, but it was more companionable and less awkward than it had been, and hope began to rise, just the slightest amount, in my chest.

------

The cafeteria was noisy, filled with identically-attired bodies, except that the girls wore plaid skirts instead of the pants. Today, the teachers had been replaced with actual lunch-ladies, who served with far greater aplomb than the mostly-resentful educators ever had the previous night. Then again, none of them wore leather either, and I have to admit, emo or not, bad mood or not, I still found that pretty hot on… the gentlemen who were going to be my first two teachers of the day. Damn.

"Remedial math? I have _remedial math?" _I stared, appalled, while milk dribbled off my spoon and onto the table, where it had jerked to a halt en route to my mouth. "I mean, I know I kind of rushed the test, but…"

"And why did you do that?" Kairi scolded, using her napkin to wipe up my mess. "Riku, you're getting it on your shirt, eat your goddamn cereal."

I dropped the spoon back into my bowl, and sat glowering at the schedule in my hand.

"Why on earth did you rush the test?" Kairi demanded again. I shrugged sullenly.

"I don't know. But you can stop acting all motherly, it's not like I'm not paying for it." Damn it, where'd my natural smarts go when I needed them? I must've been more out of it that day than I'd realised. "And now," I bemoaned, "I have _Leon _for _remedial math."_

Leon – stoic bitch number one, as Sora delighted in calling him. I mean, he was obviously a good enough person, he'd helped Sora after all, and he'd battled the Heartless and Nobodies along with everyone else, and he even smiled occasionally, or so I'm told. But I didn't want the man as a teacher! I already had _Sephiroth _for English. And Sora wouldn't even be in the class with me, which meant – oh, God. I'd spend the entire time staring at his ass. Sora might not have noticed guys aside from me – and just as well, I'd have rearranged the face of _anyone _he showed interest in who wasn't me – but I had pretty much resigned myself to being gay. I _noticed _guys. I also _noticed _their finer features. And Leon, in his tight leather pants, had very fine features.

The others looked bemused as I started rhythmically dropping my head against the table. I had forgotten how painful school could be.

Sora stopped me by gently taking hold of some of my hair as I reared back for another go. He turned my face to his, smiling perplexedly, amused and faintly concerned. "You really shouldn't do that. Besides, Leon's a great teacher. Really patient. I have him for algebra."

"I should _be _in algebra."

"Maybe you could ask to take another test," a brunette girl offered from several spaces along. I shot her a curious look, noticed Pence beside her, and realised she was with Roxas.

"Oh, uh, yeah, that's definitely an option…"

"Olette," she smiled. "I kind of noticed you weren't paying attention last night. My name is Olette. I think we have music together."

"Oh, I have music after math. With… _Cloud." _I tapered off to a mumble. Sora, still holding my hair, turned me back to him, looking far more amused this time.

"What is it with you and our teachers?" he asked. "I heard you muttering about Sephiroth last night."

Oh. Had I spoken out loud?

"Sephiroth? Oh, you poor fucker." Another blond, on the other side of Roxas. "Hayner," he informed my mystified expression. "And I have Eng. Lit, too. My _mother," _he said the word distastefully, "forced me into it. Apparently, I passed the exam for it really well. I swear to God, I was just _bullshitting _like, the _whole time. _And I passed! By a lot! So now, I've had that fucker for four years, and it _never gets prettier."_

I sighed, digging resentfully at my food, no longer interested in eating. If the day ever came where Sora asked me if I truly loved him, I would call his attention back to this period of our lives. Because if this wasn't unconditional love, I didn't know what was.

He prodded me in the side. "Come on; I'll get you to your first class."

We said good-bye to everyone, with Axel blowing kisses and shrieking that he'd miss me, and exited the cafeteria. My math class was in the second building over, on the second floor. Sora showed me to the door, then waved and went on his way, promising to be back in time to walk me to music. I steeled myself, tightening my fingers around the shoulder strap of my messenger bag, then pushed open the door.

Leon was sitting behind his desk reading a novel. The classroom was empty, since the bell hadn't rung yet. He glanced up briefly, muttered, "Welcome to Twilight Academy," then returned his attention to the book. My footsteps were gunshots in the silence, as I walked to the back and took a seat. I pulled out a pencil, a pen, and a piece of paper, then sat there and stared at my teacher. He turned a page, noisily.

"You suck at fractions."

I blinked. "Excuse me?"

He hadn't moved, hadn't glanced up. I started wondering if it had been my conscience.

"It's why you're here," he said at last, having obviously finished the paragraph he was on. I pieced this together.

"I'm doing remedial math because… I suck at fractions?"

"Big time."

"Oh."

Another long pause. "I've seen grade-schoolers do better."

I was annoyed. "You know, you're not exactly encouraging."

He shrugged, very slightly, and went on with his novel. I sighed gustily. Students started to dribble in, one at a time. I got a lot of curious glances, but kept my gaze firmly on Leon, waiting to see if he would even _look _at me. He didn't. Even after the bell rang, until every single student had taken their seat, he didn't even bother to welcome anyone else, even though some threw him greetings, just kept on reading. At last, he carefully dog-eared the page he was on, then folded the book shut and tucked it into a desk drawer. He stood.

"We have a new student. His name's Riku. Play nice." That was it. My introduction was over. He picked up a file, flicked to a certain page, and, pen in hand, started calling attendance. The lesson was pretty straight-forward from there. I was bored stiff. The only reason I was here was because I'd fudged the test. Everything he was outlining, I had done at least three years previously. And yes, I was weak on fractions, but I was better than a goddamn grade-schooler. I should have been with Sora.

"Utada. Pay attention." His deep, sombre voice cut through my sulking melancholy, but other than the initial reprimand, he didn't pursue me. It seemed like forever until the double period finished, by which stage my brain had all but vacated my skull, leaving an airy, somewhat icky space in its wake.

"Utada." I blinked, looking up from where I'd been randomly doodling on my notepad. It took a second for me to notice that I was the only one left. I cursed quietly, and started packing away my things. Sora stuck his head around the door.

"Hey, Leon," he said cheerfully. Leon was back to reading his book. "Hey, Riku," he tried next, with better response. I smiled warmly.

"Hey, So." I jogged to the front of the class to join him.

"See you later, Leon," he chirped with a wave. Leon's thumb absent-mindedly smoothed the crease from the dog-ear. I rolled my eyes.

"He's such an asshole," I grumbled, as we were walking down the hall. Sora shook his head.

"He's a nice guy. Just anti-social. I figure, one of these days, he's going to say hello back to me."

He led me to the arts and performance building, which had an auditorium attached to the side for plays, shows and galleries. All seniors were required to take part in at least one of these by the end of the year. The music room was in the basement of the building, soundproofed, which didn't bode well. Sora touched my arm and went, leaving me tingling slightly. I pushed open the door, to find a surprisingly quiet and well-structured classroom. There was a jumble of instruments shoved toward the back of the room, a collection of brass, silver, necks, canvas and wood. Tangled in amongst all these were the occasional jutting music stand. Cloud was standing at the front of the room, wearing a small pair of thin-framed glasses, reading a goddamn novel. I chanced a look at the cover. It was, to my disappointment, a different book. I had expected better synchronisation from the emo-twins.

Olette was waiting for me. She shot me a wide smile and waved me over. "Riku, come on, come sit with me," she called, causing Cloud to look up.

"New student. Old students. Old students, be good."

It was like experiencing déjà vu, only blonder. I worked up a glower, and went to sit by Olette, who giggled. "Don't worry about him," she whispered. "He's just distracted."

Stoic bitch number two. Not that Sora didn't have sympathy for Cloud, and I shared in that, especially since he was a teacher at the same school as Sephiroth – but in this place, I wasn't sure precisely of what, if any, history preceded them, and was less inclined to be compassionate. "How was math?" Olette asked, then laughed outright at my expression. She patted my arm. "It's okay, things will get better. Leon's very astute, I'm sure he'll see where you belong." I had my doubts about Leon's mythically observant nature.

"New student." Cloud's dry voice travelled to me. "You play an instrument?"

"My name is Riku. And I play a little guitar."

"Really? Where'd you buy one of those? All I can ever find are the regular ones."

"Oh, my fucking _God."_ I slapped a hand to my mouth. Oops. Didn't mean to say that. The class erupted into giggles. Cloud had the slightest smirk. It hurt, really, that _hurt _me when he said that.

"Language, newbie. Maybe later you can serenade us. For now, we're doing theory. Everyone take out your stuff."

Okay, so he talked more than Leon. He even, apparently had a sense of humour, agonising though it was. It didn't keep me from pouting.

I never did end up having to play in front of the class, much to my relief. The extent of my skills had been garnered on bonfire nights, after copious amounts of alcohol had rid me of my own minor 'stoic bitch' inhibitions. I don't sing, though. Only ever hum.

By the time the lunch period rolled around, my energy was flagging. Last night's drama was taking its toll, and I wanted to do nothing more than roll back into bed and cocoon myself in the covers.

Olette and Sora walked with me to the cafeteria. We got a selection of food to share, and ambled out to where the others sat in the sunshine. All seniors had the same lunch period, so everyone was there. Axel's hair in the bright light could have been a beacon for lost ships. I told him so, and had an apple thrown at me, then promptly requested back. I might have kicked it, resulting in bruises.

I have to admit, it was… nice, sitting there, Sora on one side of me, Kairi on the other with Tidus' head in her lap. I had my best friends with me, other friends by association filling us out into a large, amiable group. The sun was bright above us… It was good. Even with the hiccups Sora and I had suffered, even with the confusion swirling and eddying in my mind, I wasn't above enjoying simple pleasures. Nothing seemed as urgent or difficult anymore.

I ended up copying the motions of the other guys, pushing my shirtsleeves up around my elbows to negate some of the burning heat. The breeze on my sweating forearms was cool and fresh. We spent a lot of the time talking about inconsequential things, and the lessons we had endured. I caught Sora, more than once, watching me. Each time, I would smile, and by the end of the period, I had him smiling back.

------

My final lesson for the day was a double of Eng. Lit. Sephiroth recognised me the moment I stepped through the door, and I had the unnerving sensation of being sized up.

The English Literature room was more like a small lecture hall, with long, tiered desks that sat ten students apiece. Down the bottom, Sephiroth simply stood and waited, perfectly calm, perfectly patient.

Hayner, by my side, performed a little shudder, pulling me by the sleeve until we reached the very last desk. "Is it just me, or is he looking at you like fresh meat?" he muttered, unpacking his stuff. Now _that _was a reassuring thought. I concentrated on not squirming lower into my chair. Teacher or no, he was still _Sephiroth. _I couldn't shake the feeling that he was dangerous.

"Class," he began in his deep voice, once everyone was seated, "we have a new student today. Riku," he smiled thinly, "stand up and tell us about yourself. Your old school, where you're from, hobbies and such."

I frowned, then suddenly realised what he was playing at: all the teachers today had been treating me with a slight amount of caution. It occurred to me only now that they had probably, in the interest of my own safety, been informed about my condition.

Sephiroth _knew_ I didn't have many memories.

Absolute goddamn malicious son-of-a-bitch.

I glared, remaining seated, and said, "I really don't feel comfortable doing that."

He smirked. "I'm afraid you don't have much choice. You see, this semester we're going to be working on oral presentations, the performance of poetry and such like things. Think of it as practice."

There was a long, pregnant pause. "I'm from Destiny Island," I said grudgingly.

"Stand."

_Fucking… _I stood, drew a breath, aware of the stares of the class, keeping my gaze fixed solely on Sephiroth. "My name is Riku. I'm from Destiny Island. My best friend Sora goes to this school. I'm eighteen. That's it."

I sat again, sharply. Sephiroth was amused. "That's it? What a boring little life you must lead, Mister Utada."

Oh, how I wished he was still dead. I kept my expression blank.

He continued with the lesson. It dragged on; I had difficulty keeping focus, with the building rage distracting me. He called on me often for my opinion, for answers, no doubt hoping to catch me off guard in my 'forgetful' ignorance. I shot him down every time, keeping my answers neat and concise. By the time we were gathering our books to leave, I was a fuming mess. I stormed from the classroom, ignoring Hayner's calls to wait up.

I didn't even notice Sora until I had got halfway to the dorms. Panting, he cut in front of me, holding my shoulders to slow me down. "Riku!" He was confused, worried. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"That _bastard _was trying to humiliate me," I exploded. His eyes shot wide. He let me go, startled by the force of my fury.

It wasn't that I feared being exposed – I didn't. Whatever he thought people would do or say if they knew I had supposedly lost all my memories, that didn't matter to me. The only opinions I cared about were chiefly Sora's, and to a lesser extent, Kairi's. I'd be severely saddened if something changed between me and the rest, but it just wasn't the same. No; what mattered was the principle of it. The fact that, in his mind, the way to treat me after our encounter last night was to try and publicly debase me. I was sickened.

Hayner caught up with us. "Jesus, dude, you okay? I don't know what was going on in there, but I've never seen Seph zero in on anyone like that. Well, not for a while, anyway." He thought for a minute. "Okay, so, not this semester, which doesn't say much, I know, since the semester has only been, like, today, but…" He shrugged. "You get the idea."

"Yes, Hayner, I do get the idea. It doesn't change the fact that he is a gigantic _asshole."_

Hayner held up his hands. "Hey, didn't I tell you? I'm pretty sure at breakfast, I mentioned the fact that he's a fucker."

Sora was following this with growing alarm. "What'd he do to you?" he demanded, preparing to become irate on my behalf. "What'd he say?"

I sighed sharply, shook my head. "I'll tell you later, So. Right now, I want to just lie down or something. Scream into my pillow maybe." Oh, wait, I can't. It's _blood soaked. _

Sora brightened. "Well, how about a movie?"

I looked at him blankly. "What?" I said tiredly. He nodded eagerly.

"Yeah. Everyone's heading into town to see a movie. You have to come, Riku!"

"Hey, yeah!" Hayner slapped me on the back. "It'll be cool. We can go see something with lots of gore, that'll take your mind right off Sephiroth!"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "I don't know…"

"C'mon, Riku, it'll be fun," Sora urged. I wasn't convinced. He hesitated, then added quietly, "I want you to come." I stared.

Hayner's eyes flicked between us. "Oookay, I'm gonna just go now. I'll get ready or something. See you guys later." He jogged quickly away towards his dorm building. Sora was flushed. It was a common sight by now. I sighed, gesturing for him to walk with me.

"I'm just really tired, So, I don't know about doing the whole social thing. I've got a lot on my mind."

"But… we can get coffee, and eat a popcorn dinner, and…"

"And you want me to come?"

Again, the hesitation. Then a nod. I shook my head, not saying no, just clearing it of the cobwebs. "Tell you what – let me go have a shower and get changed, and I'll see how I feel. What's the time?"

"Well, since classes just finished, it's gotta be about four."

"When are we leaving?"

"Uh, five-thirty-ish?"

"Okay. I can probably do that. But I'm going to take a nap first, I'm beat. Come get me when it's time, and I'll be there, all right?"

He nodded again, happily this time. He walked me to my room, which was empty, and when I turned to say good-bye, he was fidgeting.

"Can I, maybe, um, come in to do some homework? I won't bother you. I just… I like to have company."

I frowned. "Don't you room with Wakka?"

"Well, yeah, but, you know… I think he has blitz practice today."

"Oh. Okay, I guess. But, seriously, I'm going to be unconscious." I unlocked the door to let him in. He bounced through, cheerful again. "So who gave you homework on the first day anyway?" I asked, as I undid my tie and unbuttoned my shirt.

"Leon," he replied gaily. "I don't mind. I kind of like algebra."

"Huh." I dug through my suitcase, which I hadn't got around to unpacking yet. "Did you have chemistry? You brought that work, right? I nearly broke my brain remembering all that."

"Yeah, I didn't forget. I have that second period tomorrow. You do, too, so you can _always _help me from now on. See? I was doing you a favour, getting you into chemistry mode before the term even began!" He had all his books already laid out on Roxas' bed, a pencil in hand.

"Yeah, So, I'm grateful," I said wryly. I pulled out some clothes. "I'm going to go grab that shower before everyone else gets the same idea. Just… make yourself at home, I guess. Back soon, hopefully smelling less sweaty."

"I like sweaty," Sora murmured distractedly, frowning down at one of the homework problems. I left before he could freeze and start to choke.

------

I felt fresher after the nap. It really made a difference to my mood. Especially waking up to the sight of Sora.

I was lying on my stomach, arms wrapped around the pillow, hair a curtain over my face. I could feel that, during my sleep, my shirt had ridden up, exposing my ribs. Through the pale strands, I had a perfect view of Sora stealing peeks at me every now and then. I grinned slowly. At length, he must have noticed the sparkle of my eyes, because he looked at me, and stopped very suddenly, mid-perv.

"Hi," I said thickly.

"Hi," he squeaked. He knew I'd been watching for a while. I chuckled softly, the motion travelling through my body, and his eyes were automatically drawn back to my bare skin. I lay still for a while, letting him look, the smile lingering on my lips.

"When do we leave?" I asked. He ran a hand through his hair, leaning forward to check the alarm clock.

"Uh, about now, actually. I guess I lost track of time…"

"It happens," I said with a glimmer of humour. I wriggled around onto my back, scraping the hair out of my face, and sat up, aware of Sora's eyes tracking every second of it. I preened a little, enjoying the attention. He was toying with his pen, work long forgotten. I tugged down my top, gesturing to his spread on Roxas' bed. "Did you get much done?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so." He blinked, shook himself. "Yeah. I've almost finished. I stopped for a while, though…"

"I admire your work ethic," I smirked. I swung my feet over onto the floor, reached down for my shoes and slipped them on, quickly tying the laces. "So where are we meeting everyone?"

"Out by the front of the school."

"Cool. You, uh, going to pack up anytime soon?"

He jumped. "Oh! Right, sure." He started clearing the bed. "Hey, Riku? What's with the blood?"

"Hm? Oh." I spared a glance over at the exposed sheets. "I just got a blood nose during the night. It got on my hands. Must've touched the bed."

"Uh-huh, yeah, no, I was looking more at the pillow case." Shit.

I bent at the waist, tipping my head upside down to see that, yes, I hadn't been as thorough as I'd thought this morning. From Roxas' bed, he had a pretty good view of it. It was a pale blue case, which meant that the stain was very evident. I closed my eyes. Damn.

"It's just a reaction to the stress," I found myself reciting. I straightened up, meeting his gaze carelessly. "Really nothing to worry about."

He looked dubious. "It's kind of a lot of blood, isn't it?"

"Nah. Looks worse than it is. It's just spread through the material. It was pretty light."

Here's to hoping he doesn't think to check the pillow itself. Part of the reason I went to sleep on my stomach was so I could pin it down. He seemed to accept my lie, though, and finished packing away his things. "Jeeze, if we don't hurry, we're going to be late," he fretted. "You mind if I leave my stuff here? I'll pick it up later."

"Sure, no problem. Let's go."

We walked quickly, skipping down the stairs and breaking into a run, to be there before the others decided to leave. We caught them just in time.

"_Wait!" _Sora wailed from fifty yards, waving his arms erratically and nearly knocking me over.

The sun was setting over Twilight Town, turning everything cool and dark, while still light enough to see. I had come prepared this time, pulling a turtleneck sweater over my zip-up sleeveless black shirt. I hooked a lackey band out of my pocket and tied my hair back, so it wouldn't irritate my neck while I wore the turtleneck. That's when I noticed Sora beside me, shivering and rubbing his bare arms. He obviously had planned to pick something up quickly while he dropped off his books. I rolled my eyes.

"Organised as ever, hey So?" I murmured affectionately. I extended an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. "Relax," I said as he stiffened. "I'm just keeping you warm." He loosened up gradually, even going so far as to take hold of a little of the sweater at my back, to make our position more comfortable. We were towards the back of the group, making our behaviour less obvious, for which I was glad. The last thing we needed was for someone to start hooting suggestively.

He kept glancing at my face. "What?" I asked.

"I've never seen you with your hair up," he said curiously. Sure you have, So. Plenty of times. "It looks good." You always say that.

"Thanks," I said. I held him loosely, all the way there. He was starting to flutter back.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **It's probably a good thing I don't own KH. Being the Australian that I am, I'd get them all eating Vegemite (you guys all know what that is, right?). Well, a well-known fact, at least to us, is that foreigners have this compulsion to spread Vegemite, which I'll admit is both nasty-looking _and _smelling, as thick as you would Nutella (is that Australian, too? It's chocolate-hazelnut spread). This is, naturally, what the cast of KH, right down to sweet little Naminé, would do. They would subsequently all die of yeast poisoning. Bam, there goes the game.

A/N: I'm aware that at the moment, it's a lot of talk with not much happening. Like I said, this is a lot of it a transitional period. Wheels are being set in motion, etc, which means a bit of inactivity for a while. We're coming close to changing gears, though. Stick with it, my dears! And your reviews are spectacular :D Keep 'em coming!

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The movie sucked, but it was fun. We didn't end up seeing anything gory; the girls objected vehemently, as did Axel, surprisingly enough. The _girls _wanted a chick flick, which we pretty much had to make a stand over. Axel wanted to watch something arty. We settled, in the end, for your typical action-adventure. Lots of special effects, not a lot of story, but enough desperate romance to satisfy the sappy hearts in the audience. Selphie was glad for the turn of events – she leapt up roaring every time something exploded, pumping her fists in the air. In the end, we had to confiscate her Skittles. People were starting to grumble.

I spent the whole time sitting breathless, because for an hour and twenty minutes, I was in the dark with Sora, and for the last quarter of the movie, he had his head on my shoulder.

I frickin' love the movies.

Afterwards, we went for coffee, and I got my first good look at Twilight Town. It was pretty at night, all lit up. There was a pretty busy social scene, lots of restaurants and cafés and a couple of bars. Axel wanted to try and sneak us in to one of them, to which the rest of us were staunchly opposed. For one, it's kind of obvious, especially with shorties like Sora, Roxas and Selphie in the group, who are going to be asked for ID even after they're thirty, that we're from the Academy. The other, quieter objection, which I noticed Roxas felt very strongly, was the strong suspicion that maybe Axel wasn't after the alcohol for getting plastered. I'm pretty sure the words 'flammable substances' were running through his brain, from the gleeful, and then sorely disappointed, look on his face. I didn't like to think what he was capable of, powers or no powers.

We chose a cute sort of café with chequered tablecloths and little candles in glass containers in the middle of each table. We all huddled around the one table, stealing chairs from other empty ones, creating this sort of cosy, familial atmosphere. The waitress didn't mind us taking chairs or being noisy; we were good for business. She took the order for our cappuccinos and hot chocolates, and a mocha for Roxas, and disappeared. I noticed her giving me some particularly special looks, and the frown that formed on Sora's face made me want to break into giggles. I was practically giddy. This whole evening was such a great idea.

I saw that Sora was shivering again, and peeled off my turtleneck to offer him. His eyes widened. "Oh, no, then you'll be cold," he objected. I thrust it towards him, nonetheless.

"I'm already warm, So, I'll be fine. It's getting a bit stifled, anyhow." A slight lie. My beautiful warmth in the cold night just added to my overall pleasure, but I was happier seeing Sora feel it instead. He reluctantly took my sweater and slipped it on. It was a little baggy, and the sleeves were slightly too long, but the colour, along with the way the long neck framed his face, made his eyes look spectacular. I found myself grinning broadly as he sank into it with satisfaction. He burrowed his lower face into the thick neck and inhaled, saying on the sigh, "It smells like you."

Feeling bold, I draped an arm over the back of his chair and leaned closer. "How do you know what I smell like?" I teased. "You've barely been close to me."

He played with the sleeves that covered his hands, looking a little embarrassed, but similarly daring. "I've been close enough," he mumbled into the sweater. I reached up with the hand that hung behind him, and ruffled his hair, then started sifting through the strands, shaping them into their natural spikes. He sank down a little, eyes fluttering shut, enjoying the sensation. My expression sobered as I looked at him. God, but he was beautiful. And to think, I had wanted to stay in my room and sleep. I mentally kicked that part of me for ever being so stupid. Anywhere with Sora – anywhere – in any mood – was better than sleeping alone.

We were, again, towards the outside of the group, which was how we were able to get away with so much without attracting comment. I knew that if Axel had glimpsed any of it, we'd no doubt be getting cat-calls by now. I desperately didn't want Sora startled out of this inviting state.

His lips were curved in a soft smile. He looked like he was about to fall asleep.

Our drinks came, on a couple of deftly balanced trays by the same girl. She showed off for me, flashing bright smiles, and I honestly could have kissed her with gratitude for causing the jealous scowl that darkened Sora's features. I don't think he even knew he was doing it. When she handed him his cappuccino, her expression dimmed a little as she took in his face. It was fantastic.

Once the drinks were there, we all quietened down a bit, nursing our steaming mugs and cups. I had a hot chocolate, with a pink marshmallow, and a white marshmallow. It made me think of s'mores. The warmth spread through me, helping expel some of the chill that had started to seep through my skin.

Of course, nothing so sweet could possibly last forever.

"Well, well, well – if it isn't the chicken wuss. And look! He has _friends!"_

We all looked up, frowning at the saccharine sweet derision. "God fucking damn it," I cursed loudly. He faltered mid-swagger, glancing at me with a raised eyebrow. He didn't know who I was, of course.

"Seifer, will you just piss off?" Roxas growled. "I know you must be jealous of the fact that _I_ have more than two friends, but really, there's no need to spoil the fun."

He recovered swiftly, smiling in a cocky manner. "Whose fun, loser? Because I'm having plenty of fun right now."

"Where's your little cronies?" I asked loudly. Both he and Roxas shot me looks, each telling me in his own happy way to fuck off out of the conversation.

"They're around," Seifer said coolly.

"Fuck that," I scorned, lounging easily in my chair. "You guys are joined at the hip. So how about you just locate them and leave us alone."

His eyes narrowed. He strutted towards me, so much façade it was laughable. I crossed my legs, propping an elbow on the back of Sora's chair. Sora's eyes were getting wider and wider with every word I said. In fact, the whole group was staring. They weren't used to this turn of events. Usually, I knew from observation, it was Seifer shit-talking, Roxas getting steadily angrier til he was heaving with fury, and then either a fistfight or a general storming off. Usually, Roxas came out worse-off. At least, in simulation he did.

I tilted back my head arrogantly as he approached. I was glad for the opportunity to face-off with him; after all, Roxas had been part of Sora. Anyone who messed with Sora, messed with me. And seeing as how this time I wasn't donning an all-over black hooded coat, I could behave however I liked.

Seifer paused a few feet away, sneering. "What, you think you're a tough-guy, huh? You're looking awful smug for someone on a fast path to getting his ass kicked."

"I'm sorry, my hearing must be off, _whose _ass was getting kicked?" I smiled icily. "Because I don't recall the last time someone like _you _could lay a _finger _on me."

That's right – the physical confidence of a keyblade master. Suck it.

I, unlike he, was not a poseur. And he could taste it in the air. His eyes flicked to somewhere behind me, over near the side of the building. I twisted in my seat, murmuring, "Oh, so _that's _where they're hiding."

The moment my back was turned, he lunged for me, his knuckles ramming the back of my skull. It was well-executed – the force of it drove my throat into the hard back of the chair. I choked, eyes popping wide. It wasn't the pain so much as the sudden inability to inhale that bothered me. I turned back, clutching my neck, mouth working uselessly. I wanted to jump up and pound the guy – but everyone else had beaten me to it. Everyone, including Selphie and Kairi, had leapt to their feet. Pence and Olette were the only exception; they sat gaping at the general chaos, as eight people attacked one en mass. I appreciated Hayner's involvement; could understand Roxas' and especially Axel's, since I had now essentially defended his boyfriend from his greatest aggressor; my people from Destiny Island I loved glowingly in that moment. They were reacting so violently because of the trauma I had suffered; they weren't just leaping to my rescue, they were foaming at the mouth – it was amazing. I'm pretty sure it was Kairi's claws that raked those marks down Seifer's face, and I know that Selphie was the culprit when I heard him shriek, _"Ow, you bit my fucking ear!" _

I was all warm and fuzzy inside, and it wasn't just the pain-induced adrenaline.

It was a pretty short fight, all in all. I mean, how long could it have stretched, with so much ferocity involved? Fuu and Rai had long since leapt from the shadows, but their main goal was to retrieve their leader and run like hell. They left a quivering mass of rage behind them, many raised voices and fists. In the silence that fell almost immediately after, as they all collectively paused to take a breath, the choked sounds of my laughter could be heard. They turned to gape. I hadn't yet recovered from the blow to my throat, but I couldn't help it as wave after wave of hopeless chuckles shook my body. They will never know how they lit my heart that night.

-------

The high feeling still hadn't faded by the time we all got back to the Academy and broke off to our respective dormitories. I left Roxas and Axel saying a long good-night outside the building, Axel draping his long coat over Roxas' form to shield them from the wind and any observing eyes. Wakka and Sora lived on the fourth floor, and Tidus was in Hayner's building. With a bounce in my step, humming under my breath, I pushed open the dorm door and started shedding myself of clothing. Barefoot and belt-less, I paused in the act of dragging off my sweater, which now smelled like Sora, noticing the bulky backpack sitting against Roxas' bed. Sora's books – he was meant to pick them up.

I yanked the sweater off and tossed it onto the bed, messing up my ponytail so that it hung sideways a bit, and wisps tickled my skin all over the place. I brushed my escaping bangs to one side, and scooped up the bag, debating whether or not to return it.

It was a good excuse to see Sora before bed. I'd had an excellent track-record for the evening so far; why not push my luck?

I slung the backpack over one shoulder and pulled the door open again, bounding down the hallway and ascending the two flights of stairs to Sora's level. I found the right number and paused, palms suddenly sweating, curling my fingers in and out of fists. I exhaled slowly, then knocked.

There was some murmuring from inside, then the door swung open to reveal a surprised and sleepy Wakka.

"Riku? What're you doing here?"

From somewhere behind him, Sora's ears perked. "Riku?" He came over and slipped in front of Wakka. He was puzzled, but pleased to see me. I smiled.

"Hi, So."

He took my arm, pushing me back a couple of gentle steps into the hall. He closed the door to give us some privacy. He was dressed in his pyjamas already, light blue flannel pants with a fluffy cloud motif, and a rumpled white wife-beater. I could see the definition in his shoulders and chest, the narrowness of his waist.

"So what's up?" he asked brightly, arms wound around himself in the coolness. I hefted up his backpack, grinning.

"You forgot something."

"Oh, man!" He slapped himself in the forehead. "I totally forgot those. Thanks, Riku."

The bag exchanged hands. He set it against the wall, then recrossed his arms, cocking a hip to one side. A shyness filled the air.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," I said softly. He smiled quickly, easily.

"Me, too."

"I'm glad you got me to go. Much better than sticking around here all night."

"Yeah. I'm glad, too. It wouldn't have been the same without you." He grinned. "Seifer didn't know what hit him when you started talking. I couldn't believe it. You're definitely not lacking in the confidence department."

I laughed a little. "Yeah, well, I can spot a fraud a mile off. The guy's all talk."

"Yeah." We both nodded a couple times. The silence grew awkward. "Well…" Sora unhooked an arm, scratching the back of his head. "Thanks for… you know, bringing my books."

"No problem. I was happy to."

Another couple of nods. "Well, I guess I'll say good-night then," he said. He smiled, looking nervous. I smiled back, feeling warm through every part of my body.

"I guess so," I replied, my voice low. I took a step towards him. His eyes widened, but he didn't move away. I could practically hear his heart pound. I bent down, lowering my face to his, hovering a half-inch away. His eyelids were flickering, preparing to drop, and that almost ever-present red stain heated his cheeks. I could feel his quick breaths on my lips. I brushed him with a kiss, and it was like everything in him relaxed. He leaned against the wall, a hand fluttering up to my shirt. I kissed the corner of his mouth, then leaned forward and whispered against his ear, "I'm not going to leave you, So. Nobody can make me. So don't be scared…" His fingers tightened their grip on my shirt. He went rigid.

"H-how d'you know?" he croaked, and I could hear, just as I'd suspected, the deep sorrow and loss that hadn't even happened yet. I kissed his earlobe, making him shudder.

"Because," I breathed, "you're all that there is, in any life I lead."

He shuddered again, lowering his head. I pulled back, studying him from an inch away, watching him struggle. "But…" he muttered at last. "But you – might…"

I shook my head, running a finger along his jaw line, encouraging him to look at me. "No. I won't. I'm yours, and you're mine, and that's all there is. I promise." I paused, taking in the depth of his fears. "I couldn't lie to you, So. You'd see straight through me." He angled his head to the side, lips pressed tight. I tightened my grip on his shoulders. "There's no one else, you know," I swore. He looked up quickly, baffled, as if I'd reached in and plucked the very thought from his head. "I can remember that much. I can remember being alone before you, Sora. I'm not lying, I can't." His wide blue eyes looked straight into me, eyebrows knitted with worry. He swallowed, throat bobbing. I kissed him one more time. "You are all that there is," I reiterated throatily. I hugged his stunned body briefly, then flipped him a wave and walked off. I figured he needed some time to think things over. Then maybe, everything would be fine. If he could just accept…

I think I was closer to telling him the truth tonight. Am I, by not revealing the true nature of my feelings for him, lying through omission? I just… I don't want to scare him off. His feelings are still so delicate where I'm concerned. At this point, one wrong move could shatter everything. But I felt like what had just happened was a positive thing. His fears had been addressed, and I had dismissed them.

Now, all that was left was for Sora to decide it was safe to love me.

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The next day, I had my first class with Sora, chemistry. He really wasn't too good at it, but I already knew that. The teacher was a bit of a hardass, but the simple fact that I had never seen him before in my life made me want to kiss his feet and sing praises. I wished I could have been Sora's lab partner, but he was already coupled with Tidus. I ended up with Fuu, of all people. Nobody had wanted to partner her all year; this was the only class she had without Seifer or Rai. I resigned myself to the stony glares she sent my way every now and then, but wasn't overly bothered. She was an arm, as far as I was concerned. A limb without its head is just a sad piece of dismemberment.

After chemistry was P.E, with a man named Gippal. He was, like, the epitome of cool. The second he opened his mouth, the girls started swooning, and even some of the guys. There was a lot of hero-worship around this teacher. He was very definite, very persuasive. But even he couldn't get Sora into the pool for a blitz mock-up game.

Sora sat in the bleachers looking depressed, his arms folded over his thighs as he huddled into himself and watched the rest of the class fool around in the small dome-pool.

I walked over to him, still fully clothed, the dancing light that reflected off the water flickering over the pair of us. This was the first time I had managed to find myself alone with him all day. After P.E was lunch. I knew if I didn't talk to him now, I might not get another chance for several more hours.

"So I see that phobia of yours extends to swimming pools," I observed as I approached, hands in pockets. He glanced up unhappily, shrugged.

"It's too deep," he said. "I can't do it."

I climbed the bleachers to where he sat, settling down beside him, folding my hands together and resting the side of my face against my wrists, looking at him. "Even in the shallow end?"

He turned sour. "You can laugh all you want. I can't _help _it."

"Am I laughing at you, So?"

He studied me. "I guess not," he admitted begrudgingly. "But everyone else does. Even Gippal pokes fun at me sometimes."

"I don't get it," I said, honestly puzzled. "You're okay back home. I mean, you at least go in up to your knees."

He sighed. "Riku, open your eyes. It's a _dome pool. _We're not paddling, we're playing blitzball. At home, I can go up to my waist sometimes, but that's only if I'm feeling, you know, _brave. _But I am _not _getting into the dome. The closest my head gets to water is when I'm in the shower. I don't even much like baths," he confessed. He suddenly seemed to notice the fact that I wasn't getting wet with the others. "Why aren't _you _in there? I thought you liked blitz."

"Sometimes," I said, shrugging one shoulder lazily. "I didn't really feel like it today. I just told Gippal I wasn't comfortable with the water, and he understood. They all know about how I nearly drowned."

"Ah." He frowned. "So, you lied to get your own way, huh?"

I stiffened. "It's not like that. Don't say it like I did something wrong. I wanted to sit with you."

"It's still lying to get something you want." He eyed me warily. "You kind of like to lie a _lot."_

I straightened. "Don't _say _it like that, So! I don't like to lie at all, but sometimes I bend the truth, and sometimes I have to protect myself. I'm just like everybody else." He was suspicious. I scowled. "Sora, I wasn't lying to you last night, if that's what you're thinking. You should know that. I'm not cruel like that."

He averted his eyes, nodding slowly. "Okay. I know. I mean, I knew that. I just…"

"I know what 'you just'," I said, growing angry. "What kind of person do you think I am? You think I just pour myself out to people all the time? You think I see something I want and just _go _for it, and fuck the consequences? God, Sora, do you know me at _all?"_

He was breathing faster, distressed. "Look, just – forget I said anything, okay? I don't think those things about you. Not at all! And I _do _know you, Riku, I think I know you better than I _should, _I know things about you… It's like I'm remembering _for _you, but it's _my _memories and you're right _there…" _I stared throughout his rambling, not knowing what on earth he was talking about. He turned to face me full-on, desperately. "I _do _know you, Riku, and I know you wouldn't hurt _anybody _like that. I just… I don't trust…"

My eyebrows shot up. "You don't _trust _me?" I demanded in injured tones. He waved his hands frantically.

"No, no! That's not what I'm saying at all!"

"Then _what _are you _saying, _Sora?"

"I don't trust… life…"

I blinked, frowned. "What do you mean?"

He lowered his head, was silent for a long while. I just waited, and watched. At last, he said haltingly, "Do you know… why I'm afraid of the water?" He looked up. "You've never asked. You just… accepted. But… there's a reason I'm so scared."

"Okay," I said slowly. "What is it?"

He turned to look at the dome-pool, his expression haunted. "I've been… having this nightmare, for as long… as I can remember. It's not all the time. If it was… I think I'd be crazy by now. Especially living on an island… where the water is _everywhere…" _He shook his head. "It comes when the weather is really bad," he muttered. "I guess I get scared. The nightmare… it's always the same, and Riku, it feels _so real." _He turned to look at me, anxious for me to really understand. "It's like you sitting here next to me, it's like the chlorine in the air. It's _so – real."_

"What happens in your dream, So?" I asked quietly.

"Not a dream," he said firmly. "It's a _nightmare. _In it… I'm on the play island. I'm the only one there, and I'm standing on the shore. The tide is being sucked away, but at first I don't know why. Then, I look up, and there's this monster wave coming. It's huge. It's enough to… to kill everyone on Destiny Island. It'd wipe away the play island in an instant. And it just keeps coming. It… it finishes then," he added. "It probably sounds lame, but… I've been having this nightmare since forever." He took a deep, shaky breath, attempting a smile. "I guess, around about now, you're wondering how this applies to you, right?" I hesitated, nodded a little. He turned his gaze to his hands, playing with them nervously. "I just… I guess I don't expect things to last. One of these days… the nightmare is going to be real. I – I can _feel _it." There was a growing sense of horror building in me, creeping through my veins. "I don't trust… _life. _I don't trust it to, to make me happy or whatever, because – because someday, it's all just going to – to _end. _I've been… _tortured _with this for forever. And you… you're not going to last, either," he said quietly. "You might be part of my life for now, but… you won't last. You'll be taken away from me. I can't control that, any more than I can control the water…"

I just… I just _stared. _I didn't know what to do, what to say. I had never in my life thought I could be having this sort of conversation with my Sora. My heart was hurting, burning up in my chest. He was frightening me, with the eerie certainty that he proclaimed the doom of our island, our home, of us…

I looked over to the dome-pool, to see what he saw. And it really didn't look so innocent anymore. This conversation had altered my perception. Because Sora was in tune to things no one else necessarily felt, or heard, or saw. He listened to the world with his heart, and acted accordingly. And my never-Sora's heart had been telling him since birth that he was going to die in a brutal wave of nothingness. No wonder he was scared.

I turned back to him, chilled. He was watching me closely. I saw surprise light his features – he saw the change in me. He saw that I understood. He gasped a little, tears filling his eyes. We reached our hands simultaneously, grasping and twining fingers hard, staring at each other. I nodded slowly.

"It's okay, So. I'll be there. I won't leave you, ever." He closed his eyes, pained. "You can't control the water. And you can't control whether I stay or go. But I _can _control myself, I can control where I go, who I'm with. I controlled things so that I didn't have to swim, didn't I? So I could come sit with you?" He opened his eyes, bewildered by this strange new theory. "You can't control my movements any more than I can control the awful dreams that plague that beautiful mind of yours…" For once, he didn't blush, determinedly meeting my gaze. "But we can still be together. It's up to us, no one else. Life doesn't have a say in this. It's just _us. _And you _know _you can trust me, Sora." I didn't ask for confirmation. I didn't need it. "You _know _you can trust me. I will stay. Until the water comes, I will stay."

He burst into tears, leaning in to cling to me. I felt years' worth of fear rolling around him, radiating from his being, and wondered how he could possibly smile the way that he does.

I stroked his hair soothingly, holding him close. A barrier was crumbling, for me to walk over the pieces. It happened so fast – one conversation, and it all falls apart. I think he was waiting for this. He wants to break down.

"It's okay," I said, tranquilly. "I'm here now."

------

He recovered pretty quickly, and found himself embarrassed by the outburst. There was a change between us from here, though. He didn't suddenly proclaim his love, and throw himself into my arms, but the possibility felt a lot stronger. He wasn't trying to shut me out anymore. I'm aware that I caught him off-guard when I first kissed him at the hotel, that maybe I pushed before I should have, but I'm simply not iron enough to be able to always hold back. And it was worth it. Maybe all Sora needed was a gentle shove every now and then, because the results so far were working in my favour.

P.E ended, and it was lunchtime. We got our food from the cafeteria, and bought a large fruit salad to share, before ambling out and collapsing onto the grass under the graceful weeping willow the others had long since claimed as their own. Things were comfortable between us. Sora's face had dried, so no one needed to know about what had gone on. Kairi noticed a difference, but for once in her mostly tactless life, kept her mouth shut about it. Perhaps she sensed the way the air between us almost wavered, so many thoughts and feelings, a new rapport.

We were quiet, picking at our food, our fingers getting sticky as we forwent the plastic fork that came with the salad. I spent most of the period just listening to the chatter, laughing softly from time to time. Everything felt good, it felt _clean. _I was here. Sora was here. What more did there need to be? I still wasn't sure what was going to happen. And I waited with no small amount of trepidation for the next jarring surprise to hit me in this new reality I had asserted as my own. Things were new to me, and no matter how accepting I was, it was going to take time to adjust. But it felt more attainable now; it was like, now that Sora had stabilised, so had I. Our hearts are connected – something he never tired of telling me before he forgot me. Our hearts will always be connected. When one of us is fine, so too is the other. There's a door that swings between us, keeping us irrevocably together. The recent events were proof of this; it had been not even quite two weeks, but already Sora was swaying back to me. He learned of my existence, he liked me, became attracted to me, liked me a bit more, a bit differently – and now, the like is turning into something deeper. In anyone else, I'd have deep reservations over how quickly it was all progressing, but this was _Sora. _I wasn't, I'm sure, accepting it so eagerly simply because I wanted my boyfriend back. I'm pretty certain that's not the motivation. It's just that – well, it's to do with the 'our hearts are always connected' thing. They _are…_ No matter where we are, no matter how we feel, or what we think – or remember – we're always connected. And even if Sora's head is taking its time getting reacquainted with me, I'm pretty sure his heart never forgot me in the first place. He swam out to me. The boy who fears water above all else, for an almost ghoulish reason – he went into the water for me.

That's why I don't think I'll ever lose hope, no matter how long it takes for him to love me.

------

------

Zexion glared hotly through his hair, one eye almost entirely obscured. His teeth were gritted together. Demyx had his gaze turned away, on the ground, breathing quickly.

"Tell me you didn't lie again, Demyx."

Demyx swallowed, shut his eyes. He pressed his lips tightly together and shook his head hard enough to sway his whole body.

They were in their room, the one they were so graciously allowed to share. Demyx was in his usual, meandering attire of forest-green cotton pants, no shirt, no shoes, no socks. He fought valiantly against the tears that stung his eyes, as Zexion's rage flowed over him. He didn't need to be looking at Zexy to know his expression. They had spent a lot of time alone together, and Zexion wasn't big on talking; Demyx had learned to read the air around him. He shuddered and gulped, hating to be the victim of such powerful black emotion.

"Z-Zexy…"

"Shut _up," _Zexion roared. He slammed Demyx's arm with a fist, making the blond man cry out. Demyx staggered back a step, no longer able to keep the tears from flowing. He sniffed pathetically.

"Zexy, _please, _I didn't _mean _to, I – "

Zexion froze just as rapidly as he had fired up. "Didn't _mean _to?" he hissed. "Demyx – _how can you not mean to knowingly lie?!"_

"I don't know," the blond wailed, weeping. He was rubbing his abused arm. "I just – I _couldn't – "_

"What about _you, _Dem? What about _us?"_

"I'm sick of – " Demyx clapped a hand over his mouth, muffling the one or two more words that spilled out. His blue eyes widened in horror. "Wait," he whispered. "I didn't mean…"

"Of _course _you meant it," Zexion spat acidly. "Of _course _you're sick of this, of _me! _I don't _blame _you, Dem, I just wish you'd every now and then _think _instead of just _acting."_

He stormed away, not very far, only into the next room. Demyx gave chase, almost blinded by the water in his eyes.

"No," he sobbed, _"wait, _Zexy, I swear I wasn't going to say it like that. _Please!"_

In another sudden mood swing, Zexion turned to regard him wearily. "Please what, Dem? What were you hoping to even achieve?" He sounded hopeless. Demyx squeezed his eyes shut, knuckles jammed between his teeth.

"I don't know," he whispered brokenly, past them. "I thought – maybe if I gave him more time…"

"You thought he'd escape?" Zexion was mildly surprised. "Demyx, I'm surprised at you. Surely after last time, you'd have learned that it's not as simple as that. You don't give someone a spare week and suddenly they're a master at hiding themselves. He doesn't even know he _has _to hide himself. He's living his life… and they're getting closer."

A silence fell between them, filled with helplessness.

"And now, they're going to hurt you for lying."

Demyx sobbed inwards, a screeching, breathy noise. He nodded, blood started to break from his skin as he bit down ever harder.

Zexion sighed. His fury was gone, even the fear was ebbing dully away. All that was left was a hollowness. He crossed the room, touched Demyx gently. "I wish you'd listen to me," he murmured. "I wish you'd let me protect you, Dem."

Demyx's eyes flashed open. He straightened, tearing his hands from his mouth as he snarled, _"No! _I _told _you that wasn't what I _meant!"_

"I know. I know what you meant, Dem. I'm sorry for yelling – I didn't really think that that was what you were saying – I was just looking for a reason to run." He gathered the blond into an awkward embrace, so much shorter than the other, so much firmer in his actions. "I just…"

"I know." Demyx closed his eyes, leaning into the hug, winding his arms around the other. He clung to Zexion like a child. He pressed his nose into his lover's neck, breathing deeply, taking comfort in the heat on his nose, his forehead, his lips. He memorised it for later. Demyx wouldn't be feeling much of anything in a few hours' time. "Are you okay?" he whispered against the skin. He felt Zexion's elegant shrug.

"I'll survive."

Demyx dug his fingers in, hard enough to draw blood.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **Nnnnnope. Not me. I spend _my _money on nougat. I have nothing left with which to purchase the rights to our Dearly Beloved.

A/N: I wrote most of this last night in a white heat, after doing a walk. It was great. I walk around and around my house, coz I'm a mutated freak who can't go outside (actually, I take care of my sick sister, the source of my inordinate amount of spare time, coz there's only so many times you can play My Little Pony without going stark fucking nuts) and I recommend it to any and all. The ideas just flood through. And then, if you go straight from that to writing, it is, though mildly sweaty, highly productive.

You guys are spoiling me with these reviews! (However, if you stop, I will cry). I encourage all readers to follow their example, because it really spurs me on. And, before I forget: The very last bit of this chapter is dedicated to **A Beautiful Breakdown, **who reminded me so very luckily that I had completely forgotten that part of it. It's little, but it _matters._

_Note: _Try downloading and listening to 'One Crowded Hour' by Augie March, if only for the first line of the chorus. I was just listening to it, and it struck me as something I wish I'd thought of for Riku's inner monologue, at any point. It's a beautiful sentiment.

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Demyx was curled on the floor, fists bunched against his stomach, whimpering soundlessly. Zexion sat beside him, deft fingers gently brushing through the blond hair, doing his best to provide a measure of comfort, however meagre.

"I wish you hadn't done this," he murmured, closing his eyes against the pain of seeing his lover twisted with so much agony. Demyx drew in a ragged breath.

"Everyone deserves… to die in peace," he gasped out. Zexion let out a humourless laugh.

"You call this peace?"

Demyx's eyes slipped shut. "Fine, then…" he whispered. _"Free, _then."

Zexion pursed his lips. "It really means that much to you, doesn't it?"

Demyx didn't respond. It hurt to breathe.

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The week passed relatively seamlessly. I worked on my fractions, was forced to play some guitar, and suffered Sephiroth several more times throughout. Sora and I spent a lot of time together, but since that first night in Twilight Town, there hadn't been any intimate contact between us. I was content with this, for the moment; having Sora get to know me better was more important right now. It was gratifying that, even the second time around, he was more interested in me as a person than the face and body that seemed to hook in the rest of the world. I could've got physical satisfaction anywhere I wanted; I'd certainly had enough propositions from a steady stream of students in my few days at the Academy. It always delighted me on some smug level when they did it in front of Sora – he was about three more flirty people away from going berserk and ramming someone's head into the wall. I could get used to this possessive side of him.

As Friday went through its motions, I found myself held back at the end of math at Leon's request. Sora, hovering outside, insisting still on walking me to each class, had to wait.

"So," Leon said, leaning back in his chair, rocking two of the legs an inch off the floor. He was studying me. "What were you thinking of when you took the test? A girl?"

I arched an eyebrow. "I'm sorry?"

"Your results on the exam aren't adding up to the aptitude I'm seeing you exhibit in class."

I was floored. He was stringing together sentences. Big words. Astuteness!

"Uh, right. Well, I kind of knew I wasn't in the right class," I said awkwardly. "I should probably be in algebra."

"Like Sora?"

I sent him a sharp, wondering glance. "Yeah. Just like Sora."

"Huh." He rocked back and forth, playing with a newly sharpened pencil, squinting at the pointy tip. "So, I'm thinking, maybe you should retake the test. And keep your mind off your hormones long enough to make it accurate, this time."

I was offended. "I wasn't distracted by hormones."

"Whatever. Either way, your test sucks, you don't. Take it again, and we'll see what happens. See you Monday." I was dismissed, his attention already elsewhere.

I left the room feeling almost dazed. Sora was waiting expectantly, after having yelled an unanswered greeting through the door to Leon. "Well?" he asked, as we walked. "What'd he say?"

"I'm retaking the test. If I don't fuck up, he'll move me into a higher class."

"Excellent!" Sora was genuinely pleased for me. "You can be with me, maybe, and you'll actually get a chance to use that massive brain of yours."

I snorted. "The only thing that's massive on me is my – "

"Ego, pretty-boy?" Axel sweetly cut in, falling into step on the other side of Sora, having eavesdropped the last part of the conversation. I rolled my eyes.

"Of course, Ax, what else was I going to say?"

Sora, meanwhile, was blushing at the innuendo.

We walked to the cafeteria. School was now officially over for the week, and an entire weekend of relaxation and, well, homework, stretched in front of us. It wasn't too tough for me to get back into the scholarly habits; I had spent a lot of the past year helping Sora with his homework most nights anyway. My thinking at the time was that it would keep me sharp for college – I hadn't really counted on repeating senior year.

We were preparing to grab some snacks, then go to the student common room and play a few rounds of air hockey, having booked the table three days in advance. It would have been great – if, of course, I had made it as far as the common room.

I was accosted in the caf by a pissed-looking, but trying to hide it, Kairi.

"Riku." She had her hands on her hips, toe tapping, the very image of hell hath no fury. I might have gulped a little, and hidden behind Axel. He laughed, quickly side-stepping, unwilling to be caught in the line of fire. I shot him a glare, then smiled feebly at the small, scary girl in front of me. "Kairi. Dear. How are you?"

She huffily blew some hair out of her eyes. "I'm fine, Riku, just great. How are _you? _Because I haven't seen you almost the entire week, so _I have no idea."_

"…Oh?"

She smiled sweetly at Sora and Axel. "Boys, as much as I'm sure Riku would love to run off and do guy stuff with you today, I'm afraid he's mine until further notice."

She hooked a hand in my elbow and simply started pulling. "But Kairi… Tidus…?"

"Tidus can survive one afternoon without me," she said crossly. "Honestly, Riku, all you've done this whole week is fawn over Sora. I'm your sister! I'm feeling neglected!"

I was kind of surprised. I hadn't thought she was taking this whole sibling thing as seriously as all that. "Well, uh, okay, I guess."

She stopped, turned, giving me the evil-eye. "You _guess? _You have no idea what it means to be related to me, do you?"

Apparently, thirteen years of practically-family hadn't prepared me for the real thing.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

"Coffee," Kairi scowled. "I'm deprived. I haven't had a cup in, like, days. You and me, we're going to get caffeinated, and we are going to _catch up. _Go get changed; I'll meet you out front in twenty minutes."

Jesus.

I went to my room, found Roxas already there, half-dressed. He glanced over his shoulder as I came in. "Oh, hey. Where's Axel?"

"Uh, going to the common room. I thought you were going, too?"

He shrugged. "Nah. I'm going out with Hayner, Pence and Olette."

"Uh…"

He looked amused. "Relax, we're not fighting. We like to have our own space every now and then, you know. Oxygen going into our lungs that didn't first belong to a significant other." He grabbed out a can of deodorant spray, applying it liberally, then sat on the bed and watched as I started to strip. I raised an eyebrow. "See something you like, Rox? Can I help you?"

"Shut the fuck up. I'm not perving on you." There was a brief silence, in which I shrugged and, not particularly bothered since there wasn't a hint of anything lusty in the calm blond, continued with my wardrobe change. "You and Sora," he struck up at last.

"Yes?" I was buttoning my shirt.

"You guys… you're close. Aren't you."

"Yeah. We are."

"Like… how close?"

I smirked. "Close enough that if he comes to you in tears anytime soon, you know whose ass to kick and why."

He nodded. "I see." He watched as I sat, dragging out casual shoes and tugging them on. "You're going to be good to him, right?" he asked abruptly. "It's just… he's never been with anyone before. I didn't think he was into guys, but then you showed up, and it's pretty obvious you're all that there is from morning to night, inside that little pea-brain of his…" I laughed.

"Shut up. Sora's smarter than Axel."

"Actually, he's not." He was speaking honestly, not a trace of irritation in his tone. "Axel's pretty damn smart. You've got to be, to combine explosive materials for this long and still have all your major _and _minor bodily appendages still attached."

I paused, looked up. "That's true," I admitted. I went back to tying my laces. "So, what was your point again?"

He shrugged, still shirtless, leaning back to get more comfortable. "I guess, just, be good to him. I'm not against it anymore. I can see you're an okay guy, and you really seem, I don't know, taken with him." I snorted. He eyed me. "Axel says you said you loved him. That day on the boat. I didn't even hear."

"Axel was making sure I wasn't a homophobe. Remember the scum comment?" Roxas nodded in understanding. "Well, I responded by telling him I was in love with Sora."

"Are you?" He was watching me carefully. I slowed in my actions, then finished the knot and sat up. I looked at him hard, weighing my options.

"Yeah."

"And you were… even then?"

"Hell, Roxas, it was only a week ago."

"Well, yeah, but at least you've had a bit more time to get to know him. Don't you think… maybe things are going too fast? I – I don't think…"

"He doesn't love me back," I said bluntly. "Not yet. But he will, and I'll wait for him until he does. He means… more to me than you know," I muttered.

It felt strange, revealing myself to him. He'd keep it to himself, that much I was sure of. I didn't even think he'd end up relating this conversation to Axel. And… it was hard keeping such a big emotion secret. It was leaking out at the edges. I wasn't going to lie about how I felt for Sora – if someone caught me out, I would just tell them, and let them decide for themselves whether or not I was genuine.

I stood, straightening my clothing. "Anyway, I can't stop," I said blithely. "Kairi's waiting for me. I don't want to find out what happens when her _brother _keeps her waiting. I think I've put myself in for a lot of legal abuse."

Roxas snuffed a laugh. "I know _I_ get away with it," he agreed. I grinned.

"Thanks, Roxas. For talking to me. And… thanks for caring about Sora. And – and for accepting me."

"Shut up, pretty-boy. At this rate, Kairi's going to come _get _you. I don't want to be an incidental casualty, thanks all the same."

I left, feeling about three pounds lighter from the chest upward. I met Kairi cheerfully, grabbing her around the waist and throwing her over my shoulder, shrieking and kicking.

"_Riku! Skirt! Underwear!"_

"Come on, Kairi, you wear a skirt that short and the world deserves a show."

I chuckled as she gasped various death threats, slinging her down at last on the edge of town. She fumed and spluttered and smoothed herself down. She glowered as I laughed.

"Since when are _you _such a happy person?" she asked accusingly. I shrugged.

"What, I can't enjoy my time out with my dearest baby sister?"

"You _do _know what I'm capable of, don't you?"

I turned to her, smiling. "Yeah, Kairi," I said honestly. "I really do. You're tougher than you look."

She looked surprised, pleased, and suspicious, as though I was maybe just yanking her chain. "You always treat me like such a girl," she complained, as we wandered down the street in the blanketing twilight.

"Oh, come on, Kai, you know I love you. You're one of my best friends."

She looked suddenly smug, previous ire, weak as it was, forgotten. "Yeah, _one of. _The other being a certain brown-haired boy who looks like he got his head stuck in a chocobo nest at birth."

"Hey," I said mildly, "don't knock the chocobo spikes. They're cool."

"Yes," she said gaily, linking our arms together. "They are, aren't they?"

We looked like a couple, walking along hand-in-arm, but neither of us cared. Those days were behind us. We had an understanding now, and we each had someone to call our own. We received a great many admiring glances, handsome as we were together, but all we breezily cared about was finding somewhere warm to sit and drink coffee.

"Oh, this place is my favourite," Kairi enthused, dragging me to an establishment called _Olive. _"It's actually more of a restaurant than a coffee shop, it sells such great entrees."

We sat, and accepted the menus offered by our waiter. I asked for just a coffee, while Kairi took some time to peruse the list. She ended up ordering some fish brochettes, whatever those were. We idled away the time spent waiting for our orders with small talk, about classes and homework and who said what about whom. Kairi, much to my disgust, was very up on all of that shit, and when I complained, primly informed me there was nothing wrong with being inquisitive. Better than an anti-social bum, she insinuated.

Our coffees came, along with Kairi's plate of fish… skewer… things. "Fish sticks," I surmised, earning deeply offended looks from both Kairi and the waiter.

"You are so embarrassing." Kairi rolled her eyes. "I can't take you anywhere, can I?"

I sipped my coffee. "So, how are things with you and wonder boy?" I asked. "Has he given me any reason to kick him in half yet?"

"No. He's a gentleman," she said, telling me off with a smile. "And besides, you see us together every day at lunch."

"Please, I'm trying to enjoy myself here. Don't bring up what I've seen you two do at lunch."

"Fine," she smirked, picking at her fish. "Since I'm going to busy eating, why don't you tell me about you and Sora?"

"You really are prime evil," I pointed out casually. She shrugged, sighed, tossed her hair over her shoulder.

"It comes with such pretty shoes, _someone _has to fill them."

I 'hmphed'. "Me and Sora… we're good." A goofy sort of smile floated over my features. Kairi was looking more complacent by the second.

"So…? Tell me all about it."

I cast her a wry look. "Haven't you been speaking to Sora already?"

She shook her head. "Can't talk. Eating." She made a 'go on' gesture with her hand. I sighed, shifting my cup between my hands.

"Well… like I said, things are good. He's accepting me, slowly. He likes me back now. I mean, I think he's liked me pretty much from the start, but in his mind, he's gaining more reason to as time passes. We've been talking a lot. He's getting to know me."

"Each other," Kairi corrected. "You're getting to know each other. There's a lot more to Sora than meets the eye."

"Believe me, I know."

"Oh?" She raised her eyebrows suggestively. I balled up my napkin and threw it at her head.

"There's oil running down your chin, Queen Kairi."

She glared, snatching up the paper and wiping her face.

"So, how come you guys aren't going out on dates yet?"

I hesitated. "Well, I mean, isn't it too soon? He's only known me for a couple weeks…"

"Oh, so _what, _Riku. Honestly, the way you two behave, it's like you were nuns in a past life. You guys don't even hold hands!"

"Well, give him a break, Kairi. I'm his first, like, everything. _And _I'm a guy. It takes getting used to. Stereotypes to overcome and whatnot."

"Please. Sora's seen enough of Roxas and Axel together to come to terms with homosexuality, and the impact _being_ one has on the world around you. I assure you, he doesn't care about that side of things. And it's not like Twilight Academy is full of 'phobes. I can't think of anyone who'd give him a hard time about it, except maybe Seifer, and even _he _isn't a full-out homophobe – he's just an asshole."

I laughed. "Well, we'd already established that much."

She laughed with me, then quickly sobered and persisted, "Seriously, why don't you ask him out?"

I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably. "Jeeze, Kairi… _I_ don't know. I don't want to push him. He'll get scared off if I pursue him too aggressively."

"Hmm." She leaned forward, elbows on the table, wiping her fingers clean with her napkin. "You know what I think?" I gave her a questioning look. _"I _think you're not so much scared of scaring him – I think you're just flat out _scared. _All by yourself. No Sora. Just Riku."

I narrowed my eyes. "Meaning?"

"You're afraid he'll reject you," she said simply, sipping her coffee. "That's pretty much how I see it. You want to wait until you _know _he'll say yes. You'd be quite happy to string this whoooole thing out until he's virtually begging for it, and _then _you'll ask him out. And then it'll be all unbalanced, and Sora will feel like a slut for wanting more than a peck on the first date." She flashed me a half-wicked, half-prideful grin. "You see why you should talk to your sister more often, dear heart?"

I sat in mute astonishment. "…Kairi?" I said after a while.

"Yes, sweetie?" She blew on her coffee.

"Get out of my head."

She laughed delightedly, clapping her hands. "I was right! I knew I was right! _So?"_

"So…? What?" I asked blankly. She gusted out a breath.

"_So, _are you going to use this pearl of wisdom or what? _Are you going to ask him out?"_

"…I…"

"Oh, that's _wonderful _news, Riku. I'm sure he'll say yes. Correction: _I _know he's going to say yes, even if _you're _too chicken to chance it."

"I – I'm not chicken," I defended.

"Pssh. Sure. So prove it."

I sat up straighter. "Fine. I'll do it. I'll ask him out."

Oh, hell, the look on her face. She grinned evilly and whipped out her cell-phone from God only knows where. She slid it across the table, and picked up her cup, crossing her legs. "He's in the address book. Under 'Sora'."

"Oh, really?" I gritted. My hand hovered, then plucked it up and flipped it open. I swung through the address book until I came to Sora's name, then sighed, thumb poised over the call button. "Kairi…"

"Do it, you freak. He adores you."

Adores?

"Did _he _say that?" I asked.

"God, what are you, twelve? Make the call, schoolgirl, or I might have to let something slip during one of my not-too-distant conversations with my dearest best-friend-since-forever."

"You – are such a bitch." She flicked her nails at me to get a move on. I hung my head.

Then I pressed the button.

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Kairi was smirking into her cup. That had to have been the most awkward, embarrassing conversation of my life. Especially with Axel in the background making kissing noises. He'd attempted, "Ohh, Riku, I _looove _you," in a falsetto, but the yelp of pain that caught him halfway through told me Sora had retaliated.

But he said yes.

Now, if I could just get rid of the headache I'd given birth to from freaking out so much, I'd be the happiest guy in the world.

"Oh, Riku? Riku… Shit." She gathered up an unused serviette and threw it at me. "Sweetie, your nose is bleeding. Wow, that must've been some conversation. You did good – it sounded _totally _innocent on this end."

"Shut up," I muttered, feeling a stab of concern. I grabbed up the paper and swiped my nose. It wasn't heavy, thank God. I didn't want Kairi to have to suffer what Pence had. It stopped after a few minutes, but my headache intensified the slightest amount.

If this was what happened when I just asked the guy out, I dreaded to think what kind of state I'd be in by tomorrow night.

------

I woke up the next morning feeling nauseous. I rolled out of bed and padded down the hall to the bathroom, where I collapsed in front of one of the toilet bowls and voided my stomach. Some smart-ass walking past said, "Should've taken the Pill." I flipped him off, weakly. Taking a deep breath, I pulled the lever to flush and dragged myself to my feet. I couldn't be sick today. I had my date with Sora tonight! I'd be picking him up at seven!

I needed to get away the foul taste in my mouth. I bent over the sink, ignoring the bodies passing to and fro behind me, and swished a mouthful of water, spitting it in a stream down the drain.

"Pleasant," said a cheerful voice beside me. I turned my head, glaring daggers, softening slightly when I saw that it was Pence. His eyes narrowed. "Man, you don't look so good. Hard night out?"

I shook my head. "I wish," I said hoarsely. "I woke up this way. Maybe I caught something from someone…"

Pence took a hurried step back, hands held up. "Please, I'm asking you, don't infect me. I'm taking Olette ice-skating today."

"There's ice skating?"

"Oh, sure, you have to take the bus though. It's in the next town over."

"Ah. So, you and Olette?"

"Haha, yeah, I guess. You and Sora?"

I smiled half-heartedly. "Our first date is tonight."

"Ohhh. That's not good. You should go see the nurse."

I snuffed a laugh. "What is it with you and trying to get me to the nurse?"

His mood dimmed at a reminder of that awful night. He touched my shoulder carefully. "You really shouldn't go out tonight. Take some time to rest."

I shook my head, wiping my chin with my wrist. "I can't cancel this. It'll set us back weeks."

He scratched his head, squinting one eye. "Yeah, I'm thinking you hurling on Sora isn't exactly going to endear you to him."

"Well, I really don't want to cancel. I'll be okay. I'll go eat something, that'll settle my stomach."

"Hey, wait for me, will ya? I'm just taking a shower, real quick. I'll meet you at your room?"

"Sure, okay." I staggered out of the bathroom and back down the hall. Roxas was still asleep, so I was quiet. I sat on the bed for a bit, working up the energy to get dressed. I was exhausted, and the day hadn't even begun. My head was pounding worse than ever. "Jeeze," I muttered, rubbing hard at my temples, trying to soothe the pain away, to no avail. I heaved a sigh, making a face at the sourness at the back of my tongue, and pushed up leaning on my knees. I threw on some clothes, ran a brush through my hair, and went to wait for Pence in the hall. He came hurrying along a couple of minutes later, apologising for the delay. "Just let me throw my clothes back in my room, and we'll get going," he said brightly. I followed him down the hall to his and Axel's room. Poking my head in while he went to drop the dirty clothing in a hamper, I could make out the lump of Axel lying in bed, a thatch of his bright red spikes the only visible part of him. I calmly bent and removed my shoe, then threw it at him, hard. There was a muffled bleat, followed by a string of cursing, as the mass on the bed shifted and tried to rise.

"Hey, Pence, pass me my shoe?"

He did so, with a grin, evidently unaware of the occasion, but more than happy to enjoy it.

"_What the fucking fuck?" _Axel had got tangled in his sheets, his voice stifled by them.

"That's for being a jerk when I was on the phone to Sora," I called helpfully.

"_You fucking bitch, Riku, I can't move."_

"Sweet dreams," Pence laughed, closing the door behind us. I felt cheered. For the following three minutes, I even thought I could end up okay by tonight.

Then we stepped outside.

I bent over, clutching my face as a burst of pain ripped through it. The sun was agony through my eyes.

"Whoa, Riku?"

I was panting. I lowered one hand to grip my knee. "S'okay," I grunted through clenched teeth. "Just a headache." I straightened slowly, cautiously opening my eyes. It wasn't so bad this time, but the light, it felt like it was piercing straight through to my brain.

"Boy, that's like a migraine," Pence yapped. "My mom gets them sometimes. Throwing up, bad headache, sensitivity to light – you need to rest up, seriously, Riku."

"I'm fine," I gritted, wiping the film of sweat from my upper lip. "I'll get some pain killers from Kairi. It's not a big deal." Why was it always Pence who had to be around at these moments? I was starting to dislike the boy simply for always being so concerned. But I didn't want it, didn't need it. I just wanted to be left alone.

We made it to the cafeteria without further incident, but by that stage, I was far from hungry. The thought of any food at all made me sick to my stomach. Figuring I could do with the vitamins, I got a little bottle of breakfast juice and a straw, and carried them over to where Selphie, Tidus and Wakka were sitting. It had been a while since it was just us Islanders sitting together. I appreciated the peace that came with it, the quiet that existed between people who had known each other forever. When Pence joined us, it just wasn't the same.

I pulled the wrapper off my straw and lethargically drank my juice, wincing every now and then at the loud noises of the breakfast crowd, the clatter of dishes and trays. I was beginning to realise I should've got something without citrus; the acid was burning my stomach.

The world dimmed a little, around the edges. A couple of times, I was aware of people addressing me, but when I stared blankly at a spot on the table without responding, they left me alone. Pence shot me some worried glances. When Olette asked him what was wrong, he smiled and started talking about ice skating.

Why was he talking about ice skating?

I felt sick. The smells of cooking laced the air permanently, no reprieve, flesh and frying and toasted bread and the sweetness of syrup. My face sank into my hand as I struggled to control the contents of my already emptied gut. Bitter saliva flooded my mouth periodically, forcing me to swallow thickly.

"_..iku?"_

"I don't feel so good," I muttered. I stood abruptly, hitting the table with my thighs hard enough to send everything jumping. "I'm gonna go see Kairi."

The room swam disconcertingly, my head feeling like it could just about float away from its perch on my shoulders. I staggered a little as I walked away, ignoring the amalgamation of noise that sounded vaguely like someone calling after me. I exited into the sunshine, hissed as it dug through my skull, hands leaping up to shield my eyes. My forehead, in direct contrast to the light-headedness, felt like a block of concrete, dragging me forward.

I stomped across the campus, heading vaguely towards where I knew – I mean, thought… I – I was trying to find Kairi. Kairi, she… She had the painkillers. She had some in her purse. I needed to… Kairi…

Gotta find Kairi.

Halfway there, I found myself stopped. I couldn't figure out why, for the longest amount of time, until I became aware of the deep voice drifting through my ears. _Fuckerrrrrr, _my mind pinpointed in a slur.

I unglued my eyes, which had at some point slid closed. "Sephiroth?"

He was close to me, intense gaze boring into mine, startling me momentarily out of my daze. I slapped his hand off my shoulder, bewildered.

"I asked if you were okay," he repeated.

"I'm fine," I snapped. "I have a headache. I'm just going to see my friend to get some pain killers."

"Your friend lives in the music department?"

"What? No, she's in a _dorm."_

"Female dorms are the other way, Utada."

"Huh?" I twisted on the spot, glancing around in confusion. "Oh, I – I didn't mean to end up here…"

Sephiroth was eyeing me with an unreadable expression. "I suggest you turn around then. I'm sure your friend can help you."

I was heating up, finding it harder to concentrate on the exchange. "Oh, right, yeah…"

"Utada, your nose is bleeding."

"Aw, _fuck." _Again, I was snapped back into full consciousness, with enough of my mind alert this time to realise I was a lot sicker than I'd thought. I must have caught something. Or maybe it was a migraine. I remembered someone once telling me about migraines their mother suffered… maybe it was Selphie? I don't think Senna ever suffers them…

I swiped at my nose, trailing a line of shimmering blood along my forearm. Sephiroth was gone. I didn't remember him leaving. I had to find Kairi. She'd be able to help me out.

But my nose kept bleeding. It was streaming down my lips, over my chin, dripping onto my shirt and the grass as I walked, one shaky step after another. Every time I tried to wipe it away, I only ended up smearing it further…

…I somehow ended up curled against the side of a building, I don't know which one. There was ivy tickling my ears, tangling in my hair. My fingers cupped my nose, blood leaking through them and down my arms. It was everywhere. I was whimpering, curling further and further into myself, spots erupting in front of my eyes and stomach twisting as my body prepared to give up and send me back to sleep.

Cool hands touched me, pressing against my face. A soft voice murmured, then something wet was pouring over me, icy cold. I sat up sharply, gasping, eyes flying open.

Cloud was crouched in front of me, the last of his chilled water emptying from the bottle poised over my head. His clear blue eyes showed concern.

"Cloud," I gasped, hair pasted to my face, "what…?"

"It's okay, Riku. You're sick. I'm going to get you some help, all right?"

He pulled me to my feet, wrapping a firm, gentle arm around my shoulders. He had his cell phone out, punching in some numbers. "Leon, I need your car, it's an emergency. Bring your keys to the parking lot, now." He hung up, slipping the phone away and steering me towards the faculty parking. We got there before Leon. Cloud took me to a beat-up brown station wagon, leaning me against the side of the car, reaching up again to feel my head. "You're cooling down a little," he muttered. He peered through the window. "There's a blanket in there. You can use it on your nose."

"I'm not doing drugs," I murmured. He shot me a half-smile.

"It's okay, I know." He helped me lean over, so the blood wouldn't run down my throat. Rivulets of water traced shivery trails down my torso.

Leon arrived at a jog, slowing sharply upon seeing me. He darted a glance at Cloud, tossing him the keys.

"What happened?"

"He's sick. I have to take him to the hospital."

I came out of my stupor, blinking quickly. "What? No! I'm just stressed! I have a date with Sora tonight, you can't take me there, they'll never let me go!"

Cloud turned to me, saying, "I don't care if you're getting married tonight, get in the damn death trap."

"Hey." Leon was mildly offended.

Cloud wrenched open the passenger door and tucked me, arguing but physically weak, into the car. I fumed helplessly, dripping. I was feeling a little better now. The cold water had brought me to my senses and cooled me off. My headache had receded slightly. Cloud climbed into the driver's side, pausing to twist around into the back seat and yank a picnic blanket out from under the bottom of it. I looked at it blankly. I had a sudden image of Leon with a picnic basket, sitting on a hill in the sun. It was… bizarre. Cloud shoved the blanket into my arms, saying, "I know this car's a piece of crap, but Leon loves it, so try not to bleed over the seats or anything." He started up the engine while I grudgingly pressed the dusty cloth against my face.

It was hot in the car, the smell of leather invading every inch. Cloud cranked down his window as we pulled out of the lot, but I leaned against mine, tiredly closing my eyes.

"Cloud, can it please not be the hospital?" I asked. "Make it the doctor, I'll see a vet if you want me to, but I don't want to go back to hospital."

He glanced over, changing gears. "What makes you think they won't let you go?"

"They'll find out about what happened to me on Destiny Island, and they'll keep me for tests. They'll think this is connected to it."

"And what if it is?"

"It's not!" I pulled away from the blanket, opening my eyes to look at him. "Before I came here, I was seeing a child-psychologist, to deal with the stuff that happened and the memories. He's the one that said this was a stress thing. I get blood noses when I get worked up, and I've got a date with Sora tonight, so I'm seriously fucking worked up!"

"So, all this is because of pre-date jitters?" he asked slowly. I nodded frantically, then clamped the blanket against my nose as strings of blood came out.

"Yes!"

"Riku… You didn't see yourself out there. You looked _sick. _Sephiroth told me you looked sick, and he was _right."_

"_Sephiroth?" _

"And you _still _don't look well, even if you're looking better," he persisted. "I'm not happy about you going anywhere tonight. But… " He sighed, slowing as we entered Twilight Town itself. "If you want, I can take you to a doctor. I understand not liking hospitals. But if the doctor refers you on, I'm not going to stop him."

"Fine," I said quickly. "Okay."

"I want you to rethink this date, though. It's not a good idea."

I groaned. "Cloud, you don't understand. I have to go. I can't cancel this. I – I _really _don't want to."

He looked over. "You really like that kid, huh?"

I was quiet. "It's more than that," I said.

"More?"

I didn't reply. He shrugged. It didn't take long to reach the doctor's office. We pulled in, and Cloud shut off the engine. "Come on. Bring the blanket."

I kicked open my door and climbed out, savouring the fresh air. Sweat itched my face where the rough material was pressed. We entered the surgery, and got an appointment for twenty minutes from now, the slot of a recent cancellation. I sat slouched in the air-conditioned waiting room, nursing a dicky cup of water, while Cloud flipped through a magazine with disinterest.

The doctor, when we got in there, listened intently to both Cloud and myself, before inspecting my nose, which had long since stopped bleeding but was crusty and gross. He then listened to my heart and chest, and tested the dilation of my pupils. He cleaned my face and neck with brisk, efficient strokes, using several alcohol-soaked cotton balls, filling a tray with them. My shirt was dark, so you couldn't really see the marks there.

"I can't find anything wrong," he admitted at last. "You seem healthy enough, aside from your symptoms." Yeah, well, that's not saying much. "I'd say that you've suffered a very severe migraine, plus the blood nose, from excessive stress. I can prescribe you some painkillers for the headache, but what I'd really like is for you to get a proper mental evaluation so that something can be done about this problem."

I bristled. "I'm not crazy, damn it."

He patted my leg with condescending reassurance. "It's not about whether or not you're crazy, Riku. The fact is, if we can determine that you are medically incapable of dealing with certain levels of disruption in day-to-day life, we can prescribe a drug best suited to helping you. In time, with the chemical assistance, you should be able to function by yourself again."

I was nearly apoplectic. "I'm _not _fucking crazy, and I _don't _need fucking _drugs!"_

"Riku, calm down," Cloud said sharply. He turned to the doctor. "Thank you for your advice, I'll be sure to contact the boy's guardian and let him know. He's already seeing a child-psychologist, and I'm sure that if there appears to be a problem, it will be swiftly taken care of." He stood, tugging me along with him. He snatched up the script and handed it to me. Cloud signed a form at the administration desk, charging the appointment to the Academy, then yanked me out of the surgery.

"You know, for someone who an hour ago looked like he was bleeding to death against the science and facilities block, you sure have a lot of fight," he growled. I pulled free and stalked ahead to the car, waiting impatiently for him to unlock it. "Hey, princess, we still need to get your prescription filled."

"I don't want it," I snapped. "I don't need anything from that poisoner."

"Riku, stop being a goddamn baby. They're painkillers, not anti-depressants. Nothing wrong with needing an upper when you're down, anyway. I take them, and it helps."

"I don't… I don't care about that side of things. I know that they're good for some people, but… I don't want them. I just need…" _Sora. _Sora makes it all feel better.

"What you _need _is to relax." He came to lean beside to me, studying me. "Let me get this filled, okay? Then we'll go grab a drink somewhere so you can take the pills without anyone asking questions, and then we'll head back to the Academy and you can rest until the big date, which by the way, I am still opposed to."

"I'm not going to cancel," I grumbled.

"Not even if Sora wants you to?"

My head shot up. "What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"It means," he said calmly, "that if Sora cares about you, which I'm inclined to believe, he probably doesn't want you half-killing yourself over a date."

"It's going to happen anyway," I argued. "We could schedule it for a year from now, and I'd probably be even sicker. If I do it tonight and get it over with, it won't be so bad next time."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "Now there's an attitude to go into a date with: the 'in-and-out' approach. I'm sure Sora will feel treasured."

"Shut up," I sulked.

It turns out his idea was a good one. We filled the damn script and went to a smoothie place, where I ordered a slushie and Cloud got a strawberry yoghurt smoothie. We sat at one of the small tables littering the pavement, and I swallowed two of the pills without getting brain-freeze. I was feeling better already anyway, but after about twenty minutes, I noticed the headache clearing slightly, as well as various other aches and pains I hadn't been aware of under the shadow of the greater one. At last, drumming my fingers against the tabletop, I muttered, "Thanks, Cloud."

He smirked. "Wow, that hurt, didn't it?"

We walked back to the car, lovingly referred to as the death trap, and got back in. I shoved the picnic blanket under my seat.

"Should I clean that?" I wondered.

"With what, a bucket of water and a scrubbing brush? You monsters send your laundry out, remember? Forget it. Leon'll survive."

We drove back to school, the car again stifling hot. This time, the smell of leather was even stronger, without the blood to distract me. I didn't know how Leon lived with it, and Cloud didn't seem bothered either.

We pulled into the parking lot, and Cloud pulled out the keys. We sat for a moment in the silence, listening to the cooling tick of the engine.

"There's nothing I can say to change your mind, is there?"

I shook my head. "Not a chance. This is _Sora. _I – I won't let him down."

Cloud was watching me curiously. "There's something up in that head of yours," he murmured. "And I don't mean craziness. Why do you want to give so much to someone you barely know?"

"You think I barely know him?" I sighed, closing my eyes, leaning back against the head-rest. "I can't explain it to you," I said simply. "And besides, you wouldn't believe me if I tried."

"It's far out there, huh?"

"Yeah," I said softly.

"I know a few things about 'far out there'. I might just surprise you."

I laughed softly. He had no idea. I wondered what his reaction would be if I told him about Kingdom Hearts, and his involvement in things – if I told him I already knew all about him… a version of him, at any rate. Because, after all, I was sitting in a car with never-Cloud.

"Get some rest, Riku. If you feel bad tonight, please reconsider. And, if not, well – " He shrugged, pushing open his door. "Good-luck on your date."

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Demyx was falling asleep. It had been a long day, and the blond was exhausted. He was on the bed, his head in Zexion's lap, drifting.

"I wonder how they found out," Zexion mused.

"Phone call," Demyx murmured. "Someone… someone found him…"

"Who?"

Demyx was asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, I've pretty much exhausted this little repertoire. I don't own it, savvy?

A/N: Phew! You guys very nearly had a super-crappy version of this chapter. I wrote it, squirmed with unhappiness, then ripped it apart and reconstructed from about the middle onward. There's still no guarantees regarding the quality, because things start picking up in this one, and I haven't done this sort of writing for ages – plus, I've been getting all-too-comfortable with the elongated romance style that I've developed. Either way, I invite you to judge and enlighten. Much love, dears.

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CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"That was actually kind of funny yesterday. Kairi gets hold of you for ten minutes, and you're asking me out."

I cringed, feeling pathetic. "Yeah, she's uh, persuasive." Or pushy. Whichever works.

He eyed me unsurely. "…You did _want _to, though, right?"

"Oh, _Christ, _Sora, of course!" That sounded awfully… heartfelt. Eyes widening, I lowered my gaze to my ice-cream. Mm. Sea-salt. Weird. Yet another pass-over from the original Twilight Town. I took a hurried bite, Sora smiling beside me.

We were meandering down the main strip in town, not really looking for anything to do, just enjoying the cool night air and the lights. We passed an arcade, its bright, buzzing noises following us for several paces, the sound of voices raised in fun washing over us and away.

"Hey," Sora said, grabbing my sleeve. I looked over. He was grinning, eyes sparkling. "You know a great place to go? The clock tower. It's so high up, you can even see the Academy."

I knew where it was, above Central Station. "Hm. You sure we're allowed up there?"

Sora nodded eagerly. "Sure! It's open to the public. Not many people like to chance it, because the stairs can be kind of rickety, but as long as you know where to step it's fine!"

"Okay, So. Let's do that."

I was feeling better, practically a hundred-percent. I had taken more of the prescribed painkillers before the date; fortunately, they didn't have relaxant. I would have thrown a major tantrum if I'd slept through this. I was having fun – everything was fun with Sora. And that's not just me being sappy, either – it was like he had this internal light going on, and it brightened _everything. _It was just like it had been when we went out at the beginning of the week, only this time, it was just me and him. All that light was for me.

We approached the train station in the dark; it shut down after nine o'clock, staying open later during the summer. This meant that we were leaving the bright lights behind, passing into a world of our own.

I reached out and found Sora's hand in the dark, murmuring, "Lead the way."

I saw the flash of his teeth as he smiled. Hand in hand, we went around to the back of the station, to where an old, solid door barred the way to the clock tower.

"Uh, it's looking kind of… locked," I observed. Sora threw me a wicked grin.

"Come on, Riku, where's your sense of adventure?"

I spluttered. "Me? Adventure? Oh, Sora, if only you knew…"

"See, the trick is…" He was casting about, sweeping his right foot back and forth, feeling for something. He hit it a few seconds later, a square sheet of metal that made a tinny noise when he stepped on it. "Ah!" He picked it up and brought it back to the door. "It's locked from the inside. The guy that unlocks it during the day, he just has this piece of wire that he uses to hook it open, it's a really simple latch." He inserted the sheet into the half-inch gap and slid it up, easily disengaging the lock. He threw the metal aside with a loud clatter that made me jump, dusting his hands against his jeans. "Open sesame," he laughed, pushing the door open. He turned back to me, hand outstretched. Wordlessly, I took it. We ascended the several flights of steps, Sora's voice cautioning me every now and then. It was a work-out; all I could hear was our panting breaths, the hollow thunk of our feet on the wood. The muscles in my thighs were burning by the time we reached the top. My headache was coming back a little, but as we emerged back out into the fresh air, the whole of Twilight Town stretching beneath us, it made it okay.

I was grinning without realising. "Wow," I said, voice cracking from exertion. "This is awesome, So."

"I like it," he agreed, a shadow by my side. "It's a good place to think. I come here to study for exams, even, because it's so quiet."

"Until it hits the hour," I pointed out. He nodded ruefully.

"Yeah. That's the downfall of doing work up here; if you're working with pens, it ends up with a big jumpy line over the page. You kind of have to keep an eye on the time."

"At least you don't have to look far."

He laughed softly. "I suppose not."

He moved over to the parapet edge, climbed up onto it. I jerked forward a step, everything in me speeding up. "Sora, careful!" I barked. His mirth floated back to me.

"It's okay, Riku, I'm not going to fall." He lowered himself to sitting, feet kicking the sheer vertical wall. I edged closer, breathing hard.

"You could've warned me. I didn't know what you were doing."

"There's only one rule to being up here, and it's 'don't throw shit'. I once lost a pen down there, and it missed someone by _this much." _He held up his thumb and forefinger, dangerously close together.

"So it's more a rule of, 'don't be a clumsy ass'," I corrected, easing down next to him, feet screaming a little at the vertigo.

"That's the one." We could hear the ocean, tumbling and crashing beyond the walls of Twilight Town. There was no beach for ages, just steep earthen walls and sharp rocks, but the smell of the sea filled the air.

"You don't find it frightening, having the ocean right there?" I asked curiously. Sora shook his head.

"It's not the same. I mean, I don't like the water anywhere, but it's on Destiny Island that the nightmare takes place. I think Twilight Town's going to be fine."

I was silent, contemplating Sora's certainty. "How can you live your life believing you're going to die?" I asked. He shrugged a bit.

"Aren't we all going to die, eventually? How would you live your life, if you knew that next week you were going to fall off the clock tower? Would you jump now and get it over with?"

"No. I'd just… never come back."

He sighed. "Yeah, it's an option. But it just doesn't feel right. Fate is fate."

"Fate… Fate is you dying early?"

"I don't know that. I've been having the nightmare forever. In fact, I've lived past the age I expected to. In the nightmare, I'm fourteen. Even now when I have it."

"Fourteen," I murmured. A wave of obliteration, destroying Destiny Island – coinciding with the age Sora was when he became a keyblade wielder. When darkness took the Island, and found a willing vessel in me. Strange.

"Maybe it's not going to happen," I said. "Maybe it's a metaphor." Or a memory.

"A recurring metaphor?" He seemed to think it over. "I don't know, Riku. I just don't think about it enough. I'm scared of it. If I think too much, it might come. I don't want it to get me here. I'm safe here." Safe from his own mind. Fearing what dwells within. I could relate.

I had successfully brought the mood of the date to sombre. It wasn't intentional; it had just started off as curiosity, and plummeted from there. We each sat, lost in thought, gazing out over the night-soaked town.

I leaned my head back, enjoying the night sky. The stars were a little different here. They shouldn't have been, but they were. It's like the sky of Twilight Town and the sky of Destiny Island were two different creations. I sucked in a lungful of chilly air.

"Riku?"

"Yeah, So?"

"Why _did _you ask me out?"

I lolled my head to the side, frowning at him. "Uh, how do you mean?"

"I mean what I say." He was staring at me sideways. "Why'd you ask me out?"

"Sora…" I straightened my spine, looked at him more fully, trying to gauge his mood. "If this is about Kairi again, I asked you out because I wanted to."

"Why?"

"Why? Because… I like you. A lot. And I thought you liked me, too."

Panic welled up. Had I miscalculated? Oh, God, was all this just a sham? Had I – had I convinced myself there was something there, when… But, he let me kiss him. He _liked _it. He _likes _me.

"I do."

"Well, then…" I trail off, bewildered. "I don't get it, So. Where's this all coming from? If you want to hear me say I like you, just ask. Don't… don't confuse me like that." Don't scare me like that.

He gazed down at the town. "It just strikes me that this doesn't really feel like a date. It's too comfortable."

I let out a bark of laughter, hearing it echo through the cold, empty air. "Were you expecting it to be difficult and awkward?"

He half-smiled. "I don't know. I was feeling pretty nervous, but now I feel fine. I didn't expect to." He paused. "I like you, Riku. I guess I haven't really said that already. Before, like, a minute ago. When you were busy freaking out."

"I'm glad," I said, smiling broadly. "And I'm happy that you feel so comfortable with me."

He kissed me. I froze, eyes wide, not even breathing. He stayed where he was, lips against mine, for a long minute. When he drew back, he was frowning.

"Did I do it wrong?"

I laughed again, a wild sound, which sent him blushing. I cut myself off with an abruptness that must have sounded odd. "No, Sora, I just – I wasn't expecting you to do that. You surprised me."

"Should I give you a warning next time?"

The giggles that escaped me were like hiccups of air, each one a bubble of my repressed emotions all this time, floating up and away. I was well on my way to sounding insane, but Sora was grinning like a fool, no longer worried by my reaction. Maybe he felt the relief in the air. I gasped for breath. Another silence. And this time… it _did _feel awkward. At least for me. I didn't know what to do next. Was this permission? Could I kiss him whenever I felt like it? I was almost worried – now that the opportunity had arisen, I wasn't sure if I should. I didn't know if I could control myself. That base reaction, the first time he hugged me in his room… It lingered. That desire to be with him in every way possible. And if he was willing in small ways, I didn't know that I'd be able to stop it from going further. My desires were all bottled up; he was the key. I was scared of the flood that might break loose, were he to unlock me.

I hung my head with a small, disgusted sigh. Why could nothing ever be simple in my head?

I turned. "Sora." He was looking nervous.

"Um?"

"I'm going to kiss you." I didn't wait for the response. I caught his lips, my fingers twining into the material of his shirt. It felt strange, feet hanging off into space. This was the first time I was kissing him that he kissed me back. Our lips moved together, hesitantly at first, never-Sora, my Sora, was a beginner, but I was patient. I surprised myself with how easily I allowed him his innocence. It had been a long time since I had kissed him this sedately, this carefully. But to have him here with me was beyond all. My heart was singing, and I could only hope and imagine that it was an echo of his, the pair of them so close, no need for a connection between them when we ourselves already were. I took hold of his face gently, twisting it to one side so I could kiss his cheek, his jaw. His breath hitched as I moved to his neck, the tip of my tongue trailing up to the pressure point behind his ear. He whispered my name. I returned to his mouth, careful not to crush those lips as I lapped at them, and he approved. I was dizzy from lust and the pounding in my chest. And then I stopped. I pulled back, biting my lip, eyes half-lidded with need, but, God fucking damn it, I did it. I controlled myself.

And his smile was beautiful. "Thank you," he said. Seeing my confused expression, his eyes became knowing. "You know why. I appreciate it. I'm, you know, new at this."

I was struck dumb, staring with wonder. He… he felt it. He felt my restraint.

"Our hearts really are connected, aren't they, So?" I said hoarsely, barely even seeing him. His eyes slipped shut.

"I think… I've heard that somewhere before…"

My chest hitched. _"Where?" _I whispered, leaning forward, eyes scouring his face. He laughed softly, eyes still shut, and shook his head.

"I really don't know. But I can feel the truth of it."

I reached out slowly, so as not to startle him, and took hold of the sides of his face. I pulled him forward, and rested our foreheads together. Our breaths intermingled.

"I feel like… I've known you forever," he whispered. I made a small keening noise, jaw clenching. A sudden grief blew through me.

All the years we'd spent together, he remembered none of it. All the games we'd played, the battles we'd fought, the food we'd shared, the love, the kisses, the hot fire – and he 'felt like he'd known me forever'. A little feeling banging hollowly in his chest that told him there was more to us than he knew. But that didn't mean he acknowledged that any of it had even existed. All of it was gone. There was nothing left, but this. And shouldn't that have been enough? _Don't complicate this. Don't ask for more. Don't demand he remember, because he can't. _But I so desperately needed… No name to give it but _need. _I needed him to love me like he once claimed to always have done. I needed more than 'like'. I was being offered pittance; it would grow, surely, but it wasn't enough. I had been given the universe and the heavens to call my own, and now, he offered me an apple. And said, 'eat, enjoy, there's more where that came from, there's a whole tree if you wait for it to grow'.

It wasn't enough.

It wasn't fair. On either of us.

So, what now? Do I walk away to nothing because I can't have everything? Even I can see the stupidity in that. You don't destroy yourself because life isn't what you want.

I'd been there. It wasn't pretty. That was where the darkness lay.

Sora was watching me, our heads still touching, his eyes so close to mine. He watched me fight, and twist, and struggle.

And at last, he said, "It's okay."

I stopped, gasping a little. "What do you mean?" I didn't look at him.

"You're hurting. It's okay to hurt."

"How do you know if I'm hurting or not?" My voice was harsh. My fingers, still lacing his hair, tightened to the point where it must have been painful. His expression remained placid.

"Because you don't just like me." I met his calm gaze sharply. "You love me." I blanched, fingers loosening, his eyes holding me in place. "You said that I am yours, and you are mine, and I'm all there is in any life you lead. Strong words. Honest."

"So – so why'd you act like I was lying the next day?" I demanded.

"I never really thought you were. I just…" He laughed suddenly, right against my mouth. "We've come full circle, Riku. It's back to the nightmare. You know that."

His serenity made me suspicious. I finally drew back. How can a boy who has known me a little over two weeks accept that I love him, just like that? No anger, no fear, no expectation. And to say it so certainly? I looked at him, closely, and he let me, just sitting there in the darkness.

And then I saw it.

"You're… him, aren't you?" I was stricken. "You're… both of you."

His head tilted to the side. "What do you mean? Him who?"

"You're Sora. And you're… Sora."

"You're only just figuring this out?" I almost heard the resonance there, the duality. Hearts connected. Paopu shared, to twine our fates forever. My heart sang a note, and his reverberated to echo it. It was as though… despite what I had gone through, whatever reality had suffered to come to this twisted conclusion of itself, where I was discovered in the water… I had brought a little of the original reality with me. A piece. And Sora was part of that piece. He wasn't just never-Sora anymore. The longer we stayed near to each other… the closer the reverberations grew. My Sora, the one I had lived my life with… and this Sora, the one that liked me, the one that feared the water… They were becoming less separate. I could _see _it now. And he – he could _feel _it.

Again, he said, "It's okay, Riku."

And I think, maybe… I might have fallen off the clock tower.

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"_Aren't we all going to die, eventually? How would you live your life, if you knew that next week you were going to fall off the clock tower? Would you jump now and get it over with?"_

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The hospital lights were garish with the darkness scraping at the windows. They looked like dead, hollow eye sockets. Sora couldn't see the stars, couldn't feel the air. Everything indoors was sterile, and still. White walls, white floors, white roof and white lights. He was a blot of colour, miserable and ragged. He sat alone, head in hands, elbows on knees, just breathing.

Leon and Cloud came in, boots clomping, never hurried, but urgent. "Sora!" Cloud's voice was inappropriately loud in the reverent hush of the world of the sick. He bent down beside the wretched boy, desperately concerned. Sora didn't respond, just stared at the floor. There were tears rolling down his face. Cloud sighed, reached up with a thumb to catch one and brush it away.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

Sora said nothing. Cloud stared at him for a long, hard moment, then stood. He went to Leon. "See what you can find out about his condition. I'm going to talk to Sora." Leon nodded, leaving in search of the nurse's station. Cloud returned to where Sora sat, on the hard green chair in the waiting room. He took the next seat, clasping his hands together, and looked at the boy. "Sora, you need to tell me what happened."

Sora closed his eyes. For a long time, the only sounds were hospital sounds, slippered feet, squeaky wheels, voices fading in and out.

"He fell." Sora's voice cracked.

Cloud stared. "They said you were picked up at the clock tower."

He nodded, a few more tears trailing down. "I – I caught him. He didn't wake up, though… I had to – had to carry him down all the stairs, and… I had already called the ambulance, so it didn't take long… I don't understand," he finished brokenly. He turned his watery eyes to Cloud's. "I don't know what happened to him, Cloud. Why won't he wake up?"

Cloud was wide-eyed, gazing at his knees. "This is all my fault," he mumbled. "Stupid fucking _me." _On the last word, he pounded a fist against his thigh, hard enough to bruise.

Sora was bewildered. "Cloud, what…?"

He sighed. "Sora, Riku got sick this morning. Really sick. I was going to take him to the hospital, but he told me it was just stress, you know, nerves. So I took him to the doctor instead, and the guy said it was just a migraine from getting worked up, and…" He shook his head. "I shouldn't have listened to him. I should've listened to Riku. The doctor, he wanted Riku to start going on medication to help him cope with the stress stuff, but Riku got all angry and – shit. It should've been obvious from the start. It wasn't stress at all – he was _sick. _I'm so fucking stupid."

"C-Cloud, no, it – " Sora's brow furrowed with worry. "R-Riku's sick?"

"They don't know what it is."

Sora and Cloud looked up. Leon stood in front of them, impatiently. "I asked, but no one's saying anything. I don't think they have a clue what's going on." His intense gaze found Sora, and softened. "They told me what you'd said. Sorry about your date."

Sora gave a humourless laugh, dropping one hand to dangle between his knees. "I don't care about the date." He glanced at them both. "How come you guys came, anyway? Isn't this more of an administration thing?"

"I was sent because I was the one who took him to the doctor," Cloud muttered.

"I came because they took my car. And we were kind of on a date ourselves."

Sora's mouth formed an 'o', eyebrows rising. Then he sagged again, closing his eyes and sighing. "I just wish I knew if he was okay. I was so scared… I still am."

Leon shrugged, sitting on Sora's other side, settling himself in for a long stay. "He's in the right place. They might be running around in the dark, but they're trying. And Riku's no pushover. He'll come good."

Sora nodded sadly. "So, what now? Did you guys come to take me back to the Academy?"

"Hell, no," Leon grunted. "I'm not a taxi service."

Cloud smiled faintly. "We're staying as long as you do, Sora. We won't leave til they figure something out."

Sora sniffed, burying his face in his hands. "…He was so heavy," he whispered.

Leon placed a hand on his shoulder, sliding down a little in his chair to get more comfortable. He didn't say anything, just kept his hand in place.

In time, Sora fell asleep against it.

-------

"Sora? Can you hear me?"

"Mmm." His eyes flickered open, bleary. "I'm awake. What's up?"

"We need to get going." Cloud's face floated into view, against a background of white.

Hospital. Shit.

Sora came alert, pushing himself up quickly, then slowed. He frowned, turned to Cloud accusingly. "You said we'd stay until Riku was better." Realisation dawned, hope brightening. "Did he wake up? Is he okay?"

Cloud looked haggard, but he smiled. "He woke up," he confirmed. "They're letting us see him. It was only meant to be one at a time… but none of us is willing to wait, and Leon was forced to get persuasive. We'd better see Riku before they change their mind and call security."

"Security?" Sora's eyes bugged. "Jesus, Cloud, what'd you do, threaten them?" He hopped to his feet, buzzing with nervous energy. "Okay, so, lead the way! Which room is he in? They wouldn't fucking tell me when I asked." He glanced around. "Where is Leon, anyway?"

"He'll be along. Come on. Riku's just along the corridor. They only just moved him out of intensive care."

Sora bit his lips together, some of the bounce leaking away. They found Riku's room quickly. Leon was already there, scowling, arms crossed over his chest. He turned as they entered and growled, "You try. I'm done talking to him."

Sora looked to the bed. Riku was sitting up, agitatedly fingering the needle in his arm. He looked – _fine. _If he hadn't spent the last three hours unconscious without reason, nobody would have bothered with him. Cloud approached him. "Riku? What's this about?"

"I want to get out of here," he declared. "There's nothing wrong with me. I _don't _want to _be _here!"

"Riku?"

For the first time, Riku noticed Sora. His features lightened a little. "Sora. Are you okay?"

Sora took a cautious step towards him. "I'm fine. What about you, though? You're the one in the hospital bed."

"I'm fine!" Riku exclaimed. He grabbed at his hospital pyjamas, shaking them angrily. "I don't need to be here, So. You know that! We were walking around just a couple hours ago. So what if I passed out! It's not a big deal. It's just – "

"Stress?" Cloud snapped. "Is that it, Riku? Just stress, huh? Has it occurred to you that you could have died tonight?" He leaned forward, face close. _"You almost fell from the clock tower. _If Sora hadn't been able to stop you before you were too far gone, you'd be _dead." _He straightened again, looking down coldly."How's that for stress?"

Riku blinked numbly. He turned his bright gaze to Sora. "So? Is that… what happened? I don't…" He trailed off, massaging his left temple. "I don't remember. I just – we were talking, and then…"

"It's true," Sora said quietly. "I caught you."

Riku paused, seemed to recover. "Well, that was just bad timing, then. If I'd been on the ground already – "

"Do you _know _how long we've been waiting?" Leon cut in. "Do you know how long _Sora _has been here? There was no reason for any of it, Riku, that's why everyone's so damn scared for you."

"You don't need to be scared," he argued firmly. "I'm telling you, this was just bad timing. This never happened to me before Sora found me, okay? And that was just over two weeks ago. I haven't, in the space of a fortnight, contracted a deadly disease! Okay, so maybe I'm fucked up. I'll be the first to admit it. Those blood noses aren't fun, okay? But that's no reason to keep me cooped up."

"Then what're you so afraid of?" All turned as one to look at Sora. His head was lowered slightly, looking out at Riku from under his brow, speaking slowly. "If there's nothing wrong with you… why are you so desperate to get away?"

Riku stared. "I'm not… I just…"

Sora frowned. "You were fine on Destiny Island. You were in hospital for days. Why don't you want to here? I mean… Riku, you – you didn't see yourself. You…" A pained look crossed his features. "You just… I tried, you know? I – we were talking, and you just went limp and fell sideways. I grabbed you, but… You weren't responding. I even – does your face hurt? Because I hit you. It was…" He gasped suddenly, sounding like a sob. "It was just like the first time." Riku closed his eyes. "Only this time – there was no one there to… to make you wake up. I – " Sora gave a harsh, strangled excuse for a laugh. "I can never make you wake up, Riku. And you… you want to keep going as if nothing happened? How – how would this be any better if we had been on the ground? I mean, yeah, I got a fright when you just – but the worst part was… you just – wouldn't open your eyes." He was pleading now. "Please, Riku, let them find out what happened. Maybe – maybe this is how you got lost in the first place. Maybe you… passed out in some water, and – and then ended up washed up on Destiny Island, and – " Sora grew angry, hands balling into fists at his sides. "Do you have to lose your memory again for us to figure out there's something wrong? How do you know this isn't what's already happened to you? You don't even remember! You don't know _anything!"_

"I know enough, Sora!" Riku's sharp voice cut through his growing hysteria, Cloud and Leon watching on with wide eyes. "Believe me, I remember enough to know that this never happened before you found me."

"So, what? Is it _me? _Do I do this to you?"

"No! Of course not! Don't be ridiculous, Sora, this has nothing to do with anyone! It's just stress, I swear to you, that's what my psychologist said, that's all it _is!" _

"Well, I _hate it!" _He was in tears, face contorted with some kind of desperate rage. "I _hate _this! Either figure it out, or stay the _fuck _away from me."

He turned to storm from the room, stopped at the doorway by Riku's voice, torn and angry, "Who are you now, anyway? Which one?"

Sora swivelled, tears suddenly gone, throat constricted. "Which fucking one do you even want me to be?"

Riku blinked, and he was gone, the slap of receding footsteps.

His head dropped into his hands. "Please," he said quietly, to the baffled Leon and Cloud. "I'm begging you. Get me out of this fucking bed."

------

"I just…" Sora sat on Kairi's bed, her room mate turfed out, fabricating some reason to be elsewhere. Warm afternoon sunlight filled the dorm. His finger traced patterns on the comforter, creating valleys in the smooth material. Kairi, cross-legged across from him, watched sadly. Sora drew a shuddering breath. "I don't want to be scared, Kai. I can't stand… to feel it. If he can't find a way to stop being sick… I can't – " He closed his eyes. "I know how selfish this seems. But… I don't wanna be scared." He rubbed his forehead sharply. "My dreams are bad enough. I don't need life interfering, too. I just… I want something to be easy. And, ever since Riku, I've just been… confused, and…"

"Sora," Kairi said gently. "This _is _life. Life gets confusing. And scary, too, sometimes. You can't hide from it just because of some dreams."

"They're not just dreams, damn it," he said sharply. "It's… there's so much more…" He sank his face into both hands, thumbs circling jerkily. "I don't even know what's real. And I'm scared that… maybe, Riku doesn't either."

Kairi was frowning, a flash of fear in her wide violet eyes. "Sora, you're not making sense."

He laughed. "I know. Nothing's making sense. I feel like… reality is splitting apart. And in between the seams… there's darkness."

------

Sora turned his head to the side, gazing wearily out of the window, a strange, never-smile twitching at his lips.

"I'm so stupid, Kairi. I have all these fears, and they're never even going to come true. Or maybe they are, and, just like you can't help but fall off the clock tower, you can stop the wave from coming."

"Sora, please… I can't understand you… You're scaring me."

"I'm not making sense, Kairi."

"I – I know."

"That's why you can't understand."

"Sora, stop it."

------

Sora rubbed his face with his hands. "I can't just sit here," he muttered. He raised his eyes to Kairi's, eyebrows shooting up at the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Kairi?"

"I wish…" She was trembling, clutching convulsively at the hem of her dress. She sucked in a sharp breath. "I wish we were little again."

Sora tipped his head to the side, reaching out to touch her face. "Kai… You're doing fine. It's me, I'm the problem. Don't wish away your life, because it's such a good one."

She grabbed his hand, pulled it away glaring. "And what about yours? It's not good?"

"It's… pale."

Her features twisted. "Huh?"

"I feel like an echo of something bigger."

-------

He muttered, "I have to find Riku. I have to talk to him."

Kairi hesitated, violet eyes swimming. "I – I think…" She cleared her throat. "I think he's with Leon. He was going to… retake the entrance exam."

Sora lifted his head, bewildered. "He just got out of hospital!"

"He called me, when he got back… Leon's pissed at him. Making him do it like a punishment."

Sora sighed irritably. "Yeah, like that's going to make him do better than last time." His eyes emptied slowly, right in front of Kairi. Her well-manicured nails dug little furrows into her shin.

"Sora?" she asked shakily. He blinked, but the life was gone.

"I have to speak to him."

------

"Kairi, what're you doing?"

She had risen from the bed, along with Sora. She resolutely said, "I'm coming, too. Sora – " She faltered. "Something's going on with you. And with Riku. You – yesterday, you were both fine!"

"Riku wasn't," said Sora dully. "He was sick."

"Well, on Friday, then. I – Let me come with you, Sora. It's my fault the two of you went out last night. I don't know what's going on, but I want to help! You're – my best _friends." _

Sora shrugged. "Do what you want. I just need Riku."

She clutched his sleeve, determined to not let him get away.

------

------

"Riku, there's been an emergency. You need to meet Cloud in the faculty parking lot."

I looked up from my test, frowning. "What's going on? What's the emergency?" A small silence fell between us. A stab of fear tightened my chest. "Sora?" I demanded.

Leon shook his head. "Sora's fine. You – you need to leave your test and just go."

I eyed him. "Just go… where?"

He gave me a steady look. "Cloud will explain. Go to him."

I looked down at the sheets on my desk, the pen in my hand. "But – "

"The test doesn't matter anymore," he said quietly. "Go see Cloud."

I rose slowly, placing the pen down with a low click. Leon refused to look at me. "Go on, now."

I wondered what I had done wrong. I hadn't thought he was _this_ mad at me for gaining the early discharge. I had called the mayor, and explained what had happened, and the circumstances. He had given permission, albeit reluctantly, and promised to talk to Penumbra.

I made my way to the front of the room, shoes scuffing the worn wooden panels. I glanced back from the doorway. Leon was standing near my desk, looking down blankly at my work.

"Bye, Leon," I said.

He nodded curtly, not glancing up. "Bye, Riku."

I walked across campus feeling disconnected. For some reason, today I had dressed for the first time in the clothes I had drowned in – heavy blue jeans, sleeveless black zip-up shirt, sleeveless yellow vest. It gave everything a not-quite-real quality, as I found myself thinking of that day, wondering what had happened before I had been washed near to Destiny Island. Wondering how reality can be changed so completely.

I emerged into sunshine, running a hand through my hair. The brightness didn't hurt me today, except to remind me of Sora. Sora, who had left me there, not knowing how to make things right. Left me, when I had thought –

Hell, I didn't know what to think. That which had seemed like some kind of revelation the night before now sounded only rambling and desperate. Was I really so anxious to recover the old Sora?

I'd do anything to have him with me, memories complete. But, at the same time, I'd give anything just to have him here, now, whatever the state of affairs between us. When I'd spoken to Kairi earlier in the morning, in Leon's car coming back, she hadn't seen him yet.

I worried.

-------

Clinging to Sora's arm, Kairi stood on her toes, seeking the familiar silver head in amongst the late lunch crowd. "He isn't here," Sora said. He hadn't been in Leon's class when they had gone to check. The door had been open, but the room deserted.

"It doesn't look like it," Kairi murmured. She sighed. "Sora – "

"I'd know," he interrupted calmly. "I can feel him." He delicately touched his fingers to his chest. "Right here."

"That's because you care, Sora… I do, too."

"No, Kai." He shook his head easily. "You can't feel him. He's close, but he isn't here."

"Sora, _please, _don't go off the deep-end again."

"I'm not crazy, Kairi. It's the truth. I didn't know until I almost lost him. There's two hearts in my chest, and both of them can feel when he's near."

Kairi pressed a hand to his chest, frowning into his eyes. "Sora, I'm only feeling one. You can't have two hearts."

"Fine, then. Just one. But they're all connected, whether you realise it or not. My heart has an echo."

"What is it with you and echoes?" She was almost pleading. "Sora, get a grip." He brushed her off.

"I don't need you to believe me, Kairi. I have to find Riku. I have to tell him… I have to let him know who I am."

"Sora…?" Kairi shook her head, grabbed him before he could get too far away, matched her step to his. "Don't leave me behind."

-------

I found Cloud on the far edge of the parking lot, sitting on a rumbling black motorcycle. His eyes lit up with a sort of inner fire when he spotted me. I jogged over, eyeing the bike warily. "What's up, Cloud?"

"Get on the bike," he said flatly. I narrowed my gaze.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't argue with me, Riku. Get on the bike. We're going for a ride."

I crossed my arms, lifted my chin. "To where?"

"Away."

I stilled. "Cloud – "

"Enough," he barked. "On!" I took a confused, defiant step back. He glared. "Fuck, Riku, don't you trust me?"

My eyes turned cold. "I don't trust anyone but Sora and Kairi, so, no, no I don't, Cloud. I'm going back to my room now."

"_Riku! Don't you walk away from me!"_

His tone brought me snapping around, eyes wide. "Cloud, what the fuck?"

The bike backed out sharply. He nearly knocked me pulling up alongside. His expression caused my gut to tighten. "Riku, there's no time to fuck around, okay? I'm deadly serious. We have to leave the Academy."

"…Will I be coming back?"

"…No."

I sucked in sharply, then started uselessly, desperately, glancing around. "I want Sora and Kairi," I blurted. "I'm not going anywhere without them."

"They're staying, Riku."

"Why?" I barked. "What's going on?"

"There's no _time," _Cloud reiterated, frustrated.

"If there's time to argue," I snapped, "there's time for me to get my friends." I started walking, feet crunching across the gravel. Cloud let out a growl audible over the idling engine, the bike a second later cutting in front of me. I changed my course sharply, slipping between the cars. Cloud cursed loudly.

"Okay, fine!" he yelled. "Come the fuck back, I'll tell you."

I turned on the spot, arms folding. "And then I'm getting Sora and Kairi."

"Fucking _fine, _would you hurry up and get here? But I'll have to get Leon's car while you find your friends. You'll have ten minutes, clear?"

I quickly returned to the side of the bike. "Okay," I said intensely. "Tell me what's happening."

He punched me, a blinding blow to the jaw. He snatched the back of my jacket as I fell and manhandled me onto the bike, half draped across the hot engine, half across his arm and lap. A feral cry ripped the air. Sora, a streak of brown and blue, tore out from seemingly nowhere, lunging and catching Cloud in a vicious tackle that sent the three of us plus the bike tumbling roughly to the ground. Cloud howled, pinned beneath the hunk of metal, while Sora lay into him with his fists. "So, stop it!" I cried, scrambling up and grabbing him away.

"Riku!" Kairi was on the edge of the parking lot, by the link fence, in tears. She waved us over, frightened by Cloud's savage grunts as he struggled to lift the bike off. I dragged Sora with me.

"_Riku!" _Cloud roared.

I grabbed Kairi's hand, and we ran.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **Mmmmeh. Too tired. Square-Enix, I worship thee!

A/N: No, seriously, I am exhausted. You're going to read this chapter, and very possibly not like it, but I have _worked on this all – day. _I have poured virtual sweat and blood into it, and the results are kind of poor. But, that said, I'm also kind of rejecting myself before you all can – I'm nervous now, with the plot actually kicking into action, because I lured you in with the pretext of a romance, and that whole aspect of it is falling to pieces. I'm halfway freaking out – you people are the first besides my best friend to ever actually critically evaluate my work. That's a great many years of only answering to myself. So yeah. Nerves aside, hope you all enjoy it.

-------

-------

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

We slowed, halfway across the quad, as the throbbing roar of Cloud's bike filled the air and faded. He had left the campus. I tugged my two friends forward, keeping us walking swiftly. Kairi was lagging back, trying to get me to stop. "Riku, please – !" I glanced back as she stumbled, giving her hand a tight squeeze.

"Kairi, keep moving, we need to get back to the dorms."

"My shoes, Riku!"

I stopped, looking down at her almost-stilettos, recognised them with a disconcerted stab as the ones she had purchased on our last trip to the mall. "Hold onto me," I commanded, releasing both their hands and bending to wrench the footwear off. She yelped, pressing down on my back as she wobbled. I straightened, pushing the shoes into her hands, then took hold of the backs of their clothing and got them moving again.

"What's the hurry?" Kairi protested. "Cloud's gone now!" I shot a glance at the silent Sora.

"I want us safe," I said tersely. I wanted _them _safe, never mind me. They didn't know how to protect themselves. Sora wasn't a keyblade master anymore, he didn't even know how to properly spar. It was up to me to keep them safe, and I was severely rattled by Cloud's behaviour. He might be gone now, but he would be back, and I didn't know what to expect.

"_Riku!" _I twisted as Leon's voice boomed across the quad, stiffened. I let Sora and Kairi go.

"Sora, get Kairi to your room, okay?"

"I'm not going to leave you." He was bleeding from his forehead, a slight cut weeping heavily, trailing down the contours of his face.

"So, this isn't the time to argue. Leon's the one that sent me to Cloud. I have to go deal with him."

"We're not leaving you alone with him," Kairi said sharply. "So shut up and take my hand again, because I'm scared."

"Leon's twice your size," Sora said, aggravated.

"He's also coming this _way," _Kairi interjected, slipping her other hand into Sora's and jerking him close. I wanted to send them scurrying, but they wouldn't listen to me. I had to protect them. I let go of Kairi, sliding in front of them, fists bunched.

"What do you want, Leon?" I demanded coldly, once he was within earshot. There was nothing threatening in his demeanour, and his expression, at my tone, twisted with confusion and a heavy dose of wariness. He slowed, approaching several more steps, then stopped as I moved forward with obvious aggression, the shield extending backwards almost visible.

"What's up?" he asked, eyeing me.

"You mean aside from the fact that Cloud's lost his fucking mind?" I snapped. "You're the one that sent me to him, so tell me: what did Cloud even want? What did he say to you, Leon?"

His gaze hardened. "Where is he now?" he frowned. "I heard the bike leave."

"That's because," Kairi burst out from behind me, "he tried to kidnap Riku, and Sora stopped him!"

Leon slowly took in both mine and Sora's scratched up appearance, the blossoming bruise on the side of my face. "I think you'd better tell me what happened."

"We just did," Sora sharply said. "That's what happened. If I hadn't been there to stop them, Cloud would have taken him. Who knows what he was planning to do, or where he'd have ended up."

Leon's eyes narrowed to slits. "You're talking like he was going to rape Riku in a quarry. I assure you, Cloud's tastes don't run to schoolchildren."

"So tell me what he wanted. As far as you know," I demanded. "Because I am about five minutes away from calling the cops." I didn't want to. I didn't know what to think about it all. My stronger instincts told me that Cloud was the person he had always appeared to be – the unpredictable change he'd made didn't fit at all. But I had my friends to think of, my sister, my lover. I'd be damned before I'd let them anywhere near the blond again the way things were going, and Leon's reticence wasn't improving my mood.

"Listen, Leon," I bit off, enunciating each word clearly, "Cloud just hit me and dragged me onto his bike, because I wouldn't go with him willingly. If you can tell me in twenty-five words or less a non-crazy reason for it, I might not have to report this fucking bruise that's killing my jaw, because I'm pretty sure that teachers abusing _schoolchildren _is somewhere in the vicinity of illegal."

Leon automatically raised his hand to his face, massaging the bridge of his nose. "I see my boyfriend's tact and diplomacy failed him in this instance. I can see why you're worked up, Riku. But Cloud had a good reason, and it's urgent that we get you out of the Academy right away."

"Not you, too!" I exclaimed, before turning steely. "What's going on, Leon?"

"Why does Riku have to leave?" Sora asked at almost the same time, fearfully.

"Because there are people coming to get him." He spoke slowly, clearly, his eyes never leaving mine. "And if they find him here, none of us, neither of you, will ever see him again."

"What people?" I asked instantly. There was an endless list. I wondered which abomination had crawled out of the woodwork.

"You never lost your memories."

It felt like he'd shot me, the shock burning through my system stealing my voice, widening my eyes, physically swaying me. My fingers jumped out of their fists as I winced.

"What are you _talking _about?" Kairi spat. Sora just stared at me, his hand gripping Kairi's tightly. "Riku lost his memories in an accident of some sort. You don't even know anything about it!"

"That's what I assumed, too," Leon responded quietly. "People lose their minds, it happens. But Riku hasn't."

I was frozen.

"There are people coming for you, Riku. They want to hurt you, to learn about you and your world."

_My… world?_

I started to gasp.

"Cloud hurt you because he was panicking, on your behalf. If you even get away now, I'll be surprised." His voice was dull, calm. I couldn't get enough air.

_But this is home. _I closed my eyes.

"No, you're wrong," I said, strangled. "This is my world. This _is _my home."

"Then why's everything so different? You're from Destiny Island, right? Tell me, before you woke up in the water – did Twilight Academy even exist? Back when your friends actually knew who you were?"

"We've always known who Riku is," Kairi argued, bewildered, seeing my pain but defending me, determined to help her adopted brother.

"These people aren't the people you knew," he persisted, with such cruel certainty. "They're not the friends you loved. You woke up, and nobody knew your name, Riku." I choked on nothing. His eyes ran over me. "I'll bet you were confused. You're not the first this has happened to."

"Kairi," said Sora, as she opened her mouth to fight back, "shut up."

I was lost in a swirl of despair. _Don't tell me it was for nothing. _

"Don't you tell me," I said raggedly, "that I don't love them." I met his gaze desperately. "Don't tell me I'm not home."

"You're running out of time, Riku, in more ways than one. The Turks will be here within minutes. ShinRa will take you. You'll never see home again – any home."

I struggled against tears that shook me so hard I was shuddering. It's funny – my eyes weren't even wet. They were inside me, trapped and waiting to explode, a maelstrom at my core.

"If this isn't my world," I grated out, hissing each breath through my teeth, "how did I get here? Because I don't remember a gummi ship. And I don't recall there ever being a world made up of worlds." Leon went stock-still, eyes going wide. "This _is _home, Squall. Reality just – went – _haywire." There is only one Sora. There is only my Sora. Please, don't let me be loving a shade. _

Leon went into an even deeper state of shock. "That name…" he murmured, momentarily forgetting my plight, my agony. "You – you knew _me? _You know about… worlds…?"

I doubled over, clutching my arms around my stomach, spitting harshly, "Of course I do, I'm a _keyblade master._ Leon, please, don't tell me I'm not home!"

Kairi had backed away, eyes flicking between us. Sora was breathing hard, almost hyperventilating. Leon roared, _"You're a what?!"_

His cell phone went off. He stared at me, then dipped into his pocket and brought it out, pressing it to his ear. "Cloud?!"

Sora grabbed me by the arm, turning me roughly, eyes wide and watery. "That term. Keyblade master. What's it mean?"

"It means you don't have to be scared, Sora," I replied, voice quaking with the force of my pain. "Because you're one, too. You _are. _You're _Sora."_

"No." He looked so sad, so frightened. His fingers tightened on my forearm, his thumb pressing deep. "Not just Sora, singular. I'm… two of me. And… and this is why?" He released me, wiping the tears from his skin. "You're leaving me," he muttered. "You're going away."

"No," I said desperately. "Please, Sora – "

He backed off sharply. "You're leaving me. I'm _not _all there is. Not _me. _It's – _him, _the _other _me."

"There's only _you," _I cried, panicked, reaching for him. He slapped me away, stricken.

"No. I'm just… a memory. These things I'm feeling, you're feeling – they're just – memories of your heart." I lunged for him again, but he danced back. _"Don't touch me!" _he yelled desperately. We locked gazes. "I don't like to be touched," he added in a whisper. Then he turned and fled, pushing past Kairi, who called his name, but didn't give chase.

Before I could follow, Leon's hand grabbed my shoulder and swung me around, throwing me off balance. "We have to go, _now," _he said urgently. "Cloud encountered the Turks on the road in, nearly killed himself getting off the road before they could see him. Riku, he has a plan to get you out, but you have to start _running."_

"Sora," I moaned.

He shook me roughly. "You will never see Sora again," he swore, "if you don't leave now. You will never even see the light of _day."_

Kairi pushed between us, shoving at his chest, shouting, "Let him go!"

He kept his grip firm, eyes boring into mine. "Last chance, Utada."

_Sora_.

"Get me out of here," I said tiredly. It felt like I had already given up.

------

I didn't know who the Turks were. I didn't know what ShinRa was. All I could think of was Cloud's ferocity, Leon's urgency, Kairi's tears as she refused to leave me, clinging to my side as we ran through the Academy grounds, and the look of loss in Sora's eyes, as if someone had torn his beating heart from his body and weighed it down into a lake.

"Where are we going?" I demanded through short gasps of oxygen.

"Forest trail at the back of the school," Leon reported tersely, never letting me go. "We'll head through the cafeteria, it'll cut the distance."

We jogged quickly past the student dormitories, earning curious glances from those who were going places, the grim air surrounding us all too evident. My mind was back with Sora, wherever he was, begging him to listen and believe me.

We headed straight for the cafeteria, like Leon said, pushed through the doors and plowed through the ever-present swarm of hungry teenagers, no matter the hour of the day. Leon's mouth was by my ear, muttering, "Once we get past the teacher dorms, we just need to _run, _Riku, don't worry about Kairi. Cloud will be waiting, and he didn't mean to hurt you."

I was leaving. I was leaving the Academy. I doubted I'd ever see it again. And Kairi? And Sora?

_Please, please don't tell me I'm not home. _

I didn't want to know anymore.

A gunshot rent the air.

Students screamed and scattered, everybody falling to the floor. I lost Kairi, she fell back somewhere along the way, when the rest of the world stopped and Leon and I kept moving. Then, we stopped too. "How the _hell _do you get here so fast?" Leon demanded. The far doorway was blocked off by a tall, cocky red-head with a gun in one hand, and a metal rod in the other, attached to a leather strap around his wrist. He grinned, and said, "Nothing like a bit of distraction to get into position. So, what do you think, Squally? Column A," he held up the gun, lazily pointed at the roof, "or column B?" He gave the rod a twirl. He sighed happily. "Ah, the joys of being mildly ambidextrous."

Leon's fingers dug into me. "What the hell are you doing here, Reno?"

"What do you think, princess? I'm here for the kid, the little silver boy from the land far, far away."

Leon relaxed. "What, this kid?" He loosened his grip and shoved me slightly. "He's in my remedial math class, Reno. I'm a tutor now, remember? Do your research before trying to kidnap innocent idiots."

"Innocent, yes, idiot, it really looks like it…" I quietly bridled at the cavalier insult. "Kidnapping? No, no, _no. _Squally, baby, _no. _Bad you. See, I'm doing the kid a favour." The man focused his faded blue eyes on me. He didn't exactly look like a threat. He only looked to be in his mid-twenties or thereabouts, dishevelled and vaguely skinny. Then again, anyone who had tattoos curving the sweep of his cheekbones had to have some balls stuffed somewhere. I reminded myself, this is what Cloud was panicking about. This man was a… Turk.

"Kid, listen to me, I'm sure _Leon _here has told you a buncha scary stories about me and mine, but seriously, we're here to help. We're your new best friends."

"I have friends already, thank you all the same," I responded coldly.

"Oho – you think you're tough, huh? Okay. Easy way, hard way, makes no difference to _me." _He levelled his gun at the long fluorescent tube suspended above our heads and fired, sending a rain of glass over the shrieking student body. An answering shot came from behind us. I whipped around, blinking through the glittering hard rain, as a short blonde woman came moving fast from the other end of the cafeteria, dressed in a suit like the red-head, only neater. More screams, more exploding lights.

"_Move!" _Leon growled, grabbing my shoulders and getting me running. My eyes widened. He was going to rush the red-head! _We _were going to! The dude with two weapons versus a teacher who probably never even heard the words 'gun' and 'blade' in the same run-on, and an eighteen year old nose-bleeder incapable of summoning the only weapon he knows how to handle. At the last moment, he released me and launched himself at the man. Reno ducked back, laughing, as Leon attacked him with a blinding series of punches. He cracked Leon across the face with the rod, then stabbed his throat with the barrel of the gun. Leon crumpled, while I came in with a lunch tray, smashing the hard edge into the man's neck. He staggered with a curse, while I drove my elbow into his exposed back with enough force and precision to knock a vertebra out of place. Leon was up, snatched the man's wrist and snapped it audibly, sending the red-head screaming. The gun clattered out of his grasp. Leon followed this with an uppercut to the jaw, while I twisted, suddenly remembering the woman.

Her gun was up, pointed straight at Leon. She fired.

Leon halted, staring at me, the bullet embedded into the far wall. Blood blossomed around his chest, painfully bright on the white shirt he was wearing, both front and back. There was a – a sort of silence. It was like the moment went on, and on, Leon's eyes glued to mine. He dropped to one knee, gasping with difficulty. The red-head straightened, face contorted with pain, and said, "Listen, kid, I'll level with you. It wasn't meant to play out like this. We're controlling the road in and out of here. You come with us, no fuss, and we'll let an ambulance through. Otherwise, Squall's gonna die. Look at all that blood."

I looked down, dazed. In all the years we had play-fought, Sora never got badly hurt. When we had fought for real, we had been too evenly matched, Sora's speed getting the better of me, so that, even when I was trying, I couldn't injure him. When we fought together, we destroyed the Nobody Xemnas, but Nobodies when they die just break apart… This was the first time I was watching somebody die in front of my eyes, a slow, messy death. And it was Leon. Stoic bitch number one. He'd helped Sora… he'd helped _me… _

He was bleeding all over the floor, losing coherence so fast that he couldn't even urge me to flee. His eyes, before they closed in pain, begged me to go.

"Okay," I said, voice cracking. "Just don't let him die."

We had never lost anyone. I wasn't going to be the cause of the first to die. The man, Reno, Leon had called him, nodded. He brought up a handheld communication device, engaged it, spoke. "Rude, get an ambulance, would ya? Elena shot Squall, and my wrist is fucking flapping around like a bitch. Tell ShinRa we got the kid."

The sound of gentle sobbing filled the air, from several of the many terrified students.

So. This was it then. Was I really never going to see the light of day again? They seemed… reasonable enough… They weren't hurting people for the sake of causing pain. That counted for something, right? Even with Leon emptying slowly onto the shiny, glass-littered floor, squirming in agony. Right?

I couldn't do anything. I refused to let Leon suffer any further on account of me. Who knew what Cloud would do when he found out… At least I would be where he couldn't touch me. And Kairi? And… _Sora… _

I closed my eyes, concentrated on breathing. Reno said, "Elena, go out and wait for the ambulance, I'll keep an eye on the kid. Wanna make sure Squall doesn't choke on himself before they get here." He snorted unhappily, muttering aside, "Boy, Cloud's gonna be _pissed." _

The blonde woman left in a clacking of sturdy heels. I shivered steadily, shock catching up with me.

There came a click.

"Let him go." Kairi's voice shook wildly, jumping from here to there. When I opened my eyes, her arms and hands were firm, as she extended Reno's lost gun at its owner. Reno cracked an amused grin.

"Hello, little girl. Are you the girlfriend?"

"Sister," she barked. For the first time, even after having his wrist broken, the red-head's cocky swagger evaporated.

"What the fuck was that now? Sister? You guys are related?" His eyes darted between us. He was suspicious. "You don't look anything alike. You're yanking my chain, girly."

Kairi bristled. I dropped my head. _"I _am the daughter of the _mayor _of Destiny Island,"  
she snarled, "and _Riku _is my _adopted_ _brother. _So I don't suppose we _do _look alike. That _doesn't _change the fact that _I'm holding the fucking gun."_

"Okay. So shoot me," he responded casually. Her eyes widened. He stood, from where he had been lounging against one of the tables, and started towards her. "Shoot me, little girl, and your brother goes free. All you gotta do is get a little blood on your hands." He lowered his face to look her in the eyes, a predator approaching. "You want to be a good sister, right?"  
Kairi pulled the trigger.

"_Son-of-a-freaking-BITCH!"_

She burst into tears. Reno was bent over, clutching his shoulder. I grabbed Kairi by the hair, the closest part of her, and tugged her into a run. She cried out, and I slipped my hand from her head to her wrist. We slammed into the doors at the end of the cafeteria, shoved them open and emerged back into the fresh air. I gulped it down, Kairi sobbing it in beside me, clean of the scent of Leon's slick blood. We raced towards the back of the school, only to be brought to an abrupt, petrified halt as Sephiroth emerged, hurrying from the teacher's dorms, hands busily loading a handgun. He saw us, and stilled. "What's happened?"

We panted, hands clutching, saying nothing. He came towards us with long, graceful strides, the gun hanging from his right hand. He didn't suit it. He should have had a sword.

"Well?" he demanded.

"Leon got shot," I said hoarsely.

"The Turks?"

I nodded. He gave me a curt nod in response and continued, Kairi's fingers tightening until he was past. "Keep going," Sephiroth's voice drifted back, though he didn't turn. "I can hear Cloud's bike."

Kairi was tugging at me, urging me onward, but I didn't turn until the enigma that was never-Sephiroth was gone from sight. I renewed my grasp in hers, and we kept going, leaving the school buildings behind. The boundaries of the Academy on this side were unmarked. Neat grass gave way to deeper weeds, saplings and bushes springing up here and there, growing thicker and taller the further we went. I could hear Cloud's motorcycle now. I hadn't been able to when Sephiroth mentioned it. We stumbled onto a dirt track, narrow but defined. "This is it," Kairi gasped, brushing the hair from her face. Cloud was getting closer. Kairi turned to me, anxious and frightened. "Riku… What's going on?"

"I – I don't know, Kai. But… I love you, okay? And – and Sora. Tell him for me. When you see him. Please, take care of him."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, dry-eyed, staring at my chest. "I don't understand what's happening. I don't – I don't feel it like Sora does."

I held her tightly. "Take good care of yourself."

She nodded. "I shot that man. Do you – think they'll come after me?" She trembled.

"I don't… know." It killed me to say such words. Killed me to have to leave her here. We could have run, then – Cloud hadn't appeared yet. We could have joined our hands and fled into the forest, found our way to some town, and then – and then… Nothing. There was nowhere I knew for us to go.

And Sora would be alone.

I could feel it building in her. She was loyal, always, and fierce despite her appearance. She would have stayed with me, if I'd asked her, she wanted for us to run from the danger, escape to other worlds… But there was no way to. And I wouldn't bring any more upon her head than I already had. I squeezed her, tighter than ever, as Cloud came around the bend, eyes obscured by a pair of dark glasses. He rolled to a sharp stop, one leg dropping down to support the bike, the material of his pants torn, a glimpse of dried blood beneath.

"Riku," was all he said. I let Kairi go, dragged myself to the bike, stared at it.

"I don't want to run."

Her gentle hands settled on my shoulders. "We'll see each other again. Sora will be waiting."

I shuddered, climbed onto the motorcycle behind Cloud, wrapping my arms around his waist. He revved the engine, making me tighten my hold, and seconds later the ground was a blur beneath me.

_Please, don't tell me this isn't home._

We left Twilight Academy behind.

------

We rode for hours, until my arms were numb from the cold air, my legs cramped from their constantly bent position. My face was itchy from where it pressed against Cloud's back, the material of his sweater irritating. I was freezing, shivering almost non-stop. The only time we stopped was for Cloud to fill the gas tank.

I stood several feet away, listening to the grating hum of the pump, rubbing my arms and jumping up and down to dispel the buzzing in my everything-from-the-waist-down. It was night time, had been for a while now. The garish, harsh light of the gas station only made it more glaringly dark. I stretched out the tired muscles in my legs, and concentrated on not thinking. Didn't want to. There was too much, and not enough, and it would drive me insane if I tried to wrestle with it all. I still had God knows how long to cling to Cloud, on our way to anywhere. There was an ever-present knot in my chest, and, as yet, I couldn't quite figure out what part of my emotions it represented. All I knew was that it was tight, and made it hard to inhale all the way. My headache was back, and I didn't have any painkillers with me, but at least my nasal passages were being spared the horror of having to bleed over Cloud's shoulders.

I hadn't… told him about Leon yet. I didn't know how. I still – I still needed him, and to be dumped on the side of the road, even in a crowded city, would be like giving me over to the enemy.

I wrapped my elbows in my hands, hunching my shoulders awkwardly, and stared out at the night. I had an enemy again. Not Heartless, not the Organisation, not even a Sephiroth or a Maleficent. My enemy was new, someone I hadn't encountered before, and I was starting to regret my eagerness to repel the known. At least, if I'd fought them before, with or without a keyblade I'd have an edge, some knowledge. To be helpless like this rubbed me every wrong way that I possessed. I wanted to _fight, _needed to be able to defend myself, needed to be able to stand with Sora and hold my own. But in this place… _this world… _neither of us could. We were just a couple of kids without a past together.

I shuddered, not able to stop it from threading through my abused, unused muscles.

So. I guess this wasn't home after all. All the time I spent coming to terms with being my very own Nobody, and it wasn't even my own world. So what did that mean for my future? Would I ever get _back _to my world? Where nothing was a never, where the people knew and loved me, where I had a history and identity?

Would I just abandon this one, if I could? Sora was Sora. But… wasn't there already Sora on my world? What did that make this – this doppelganger? He wasn't just a puppet, he was real, he had feelings, and most of them screamed that he was falling for me. And that night on the clock tower… the two of them in there, gazing out at me…

"_Who are you now, anyway? Which one?"_

"_Which fucking one do you even want me to be?"_

I didn't know the answer to the question.

Two Soras. And neither of them with me. Surely this was my very own version of hell.

I looked over my shoulder as Cloud disengaged the pump and went inside to pay for the fuel. My eyes slipped shut, guilt assaulting me, wondering where Leon was, if he had even survived. I had run away, which I knew Leon wanted, but did that mean the ambulance deal had been voided? Had the bleeding, broken, red-headed Turk cut his losses and left him dying on the floor?

"Riku."

I turned slowly, walked back to the bike, my shoes crunching over the bitumen. "You okay?" Cloud asked, already straddling the behemoth, key in ignition. I didn't respond, just hauled myself back over the bike, hands clutching at the sides of his sweater, and then encircling him as the machine rumbled to life once again. Cloud kicked up the stand, and manoeuvred us out and away.

------

It was another hour and a half before we turned from the freeway, Cloud's bike slowing and sounding softer as he changed gears, from the all-out belching bellow it gave at the high speeds he had been pushing. I scraped my forehead against his back, pushing the hair away from my eyes long enough to read the sign that we passed: Edge. I didn't know it.

The darkness, broken only by the circles of illumination provided by the streetlights, gave way to a city of lights, tall metal structures and busy roads. Cloud's speed now was almost a crawl in comparison to the tearing freedom of the freeway. He traversed the streets and the traffic with expert care, while I found enough breath to be able to pull back slightly and glance around. The noise was incredible after the rush of air in my ears for so long, a confused din of vehicles of every type. A car of teenagers pulled up beside us at a set of traffic lights, and hooted lewdly, whistling and yelling various suggestive epithets. Exhausted, I lay my face against Cloud and stared blankly, taking in their twisted faces, drunken appearances. Fuckers shouldn't have been driving.

We got moving again, peeling away to the left, and I found the time to close my eyes. I dozed, alert enough to cling to Cloud, but too tired and depressed to remain within myself any longer. My thoughts drifted, eyelashes fluttering, to pleasanter places, no doubt with Sora. When I opened my eyes again, everything was quiet. No wind in my ears, no growl of the bike. Cloud had been speaking. I sat up slowly, gripping the fabric of his shirt, struggling to pay attention.

He climbed off, and I sagged, letting him catch me. My head was hurting badly again, a pounding needle of pain extending from one temple to the other, with a spider's web network crawling through my brain. His voice came to me distantly. I was aware of darkness, and then a warm light, a warm everything. I pressed myself into Cloud as he carried me, bridal style, breathing in and, though he smelled like no one I was accustomed to, he was human, and that's really all the comfort that I needed. I heard a second voice, further away, female. Then, for a while, there was just the quiet.

------

I woke up in a bed, and for a long minute, my brain fooled me into thinking I was home. It wasn't the same as the Academy bed, in the room I shared with Roxas. It was softer, cooler, more accepting. My face nuzzled the pillow, but when I inhaled, the smell was all wrong. It didn't smell like my hair; it didn't even smell like Cloud, the last olfactory memory my mind had to offer up. It smelled… childish. Youth has a scent, and this was it. I opened my eyes, to dim afternoon sunlight, which threatened to fall quickly into night.

There was a sound, a constant sound, low and soft, in the background of my waking thoughts. I was lying on my side, facing a window with the curtains mostly drawn. I gripped the blankets and turned slowly, until I could see the rest of the room, hair spilling every which way around my head. My wide eyes took in the form of a little girl with brown hair, sitting on a chair beside the bed, a second bed on her other side, feet swinging as she coloured in a book. Her face was creased with concentration. She had a large pink ribbon in her hair.

"Where am I?" I asked, voice still rough with slumber. She looked up, blinking, then smiled.

"You're awake!" she chirped, sounding surprised. "Cloud said you'd sleep until he came back later."

"Cloud…?" I frowned, closing my eyes again, reaching up to wipe them clean of grit, as if that one action could similarly swipe the cobwebs from my mind. "Where _is _Cloud?" I asked muzzily.

"He had to go back to school," she said earnestly, doodling absently with her coloured pencil even as her large chocolate eyes stayed on me. "He asked me and Denzel to take care of you until he got back, cuz Tifa has to run the bar til late. So I'm your babysitter!" she finished happily. I blinked slowly. I wasn't used to this level of cheeriness first thing. Even if it was nearly night again already. "I'm Marlene," she added helpfully. "And I already know your name is Riku." Did all kids talk this much? She wasn't even babbling yet. You'd think, living with someone as permanently cheerful as Sora, I'd be used to this sort of thing. I wasn't. It wasn't something you acclimatised to. You just had to bear it, and figure that the pros outweighed the cons.

"Okay," I said slowly.

"Do you feel sick? Cloud said you were sick." Her features had arranged themselves into a concerned expression. I considered the question: did I feel sick?

My headache was still there, and yeah, there was some nausea hovering in my stomach, but it was all overruled by the lethargy. I had spent half the night on the back of a motorcycle. I barely wanted to expend the energy it took to breathe.

"I'll go get Denzel," Marlene stated. She slipped from the chair and hurried out of the room, leaving me alone to stare at the large moogle doll sitting on the shelf behind where she had been sitting.

I suppose that the hopeless yearning I had for it all to have been a dream was wasted. It was all real, of course. And now, I was alone, in a bed, with more than enough time to think. But all that occupied my thoughts was Sora. I missed him, hungrily, feeling hollow and light, as if someone had carved out a vital piece of my being. Not my heart – it was all I had to cling to of him. But something big was now missing; I wondered if I was feeling the reverberation of his own emotions. Because I didn't know where this was coming from, or how to make it go away.

I wasn't home.

Even if Sora came tomorrow and took me back, three hours on the train, an hour on the ferry, ten minutes to his house, and lay me down on his bed, his fingers through my hair, his voice whispering in my ear… I still wouldn't be home. Leon said I was from another world. He knew my memories were fine, he knew that nobody had recognised me; he told me I wasn't the first. So that meant there were others like me? Others, who woke up one day to find that their familiar world considered them alien? And did they, like me, struggle to re-insinuate themselves into the new reality, hoping that in time it would all return to normal?

I'd found out that all of that was wasted. This wasn't even my world.

I curled into myself, against the pain that burned. The door opened, and Marlene re-entered, bringing with her a boy a couple of years older. He looked me over carefully.

"Are you thirsty at all?" he asked. "I can get you some water."

"…Okay." He nodded, turned on the spot and walked from the room again, while Marlene came and leaned her elbows on the bed, studying me curiously. I shifted away a little, unable to stop myself.

"Your hair is pretty," she commented at length. "It looks so soft."

I nodded slowly. "My boyfriend says it is."

"You have a boyfriend? So does Cloud!" She seemed excited. "I can't wait until Denzel gets one, too, then our family will be even _bigger!"_

"Do _you _have a boyfriend?" I asked, a small grin ghosting my mouth. She giggled.

"I'm only six! I can't have a boyfriend!"

"I don't know, I kissed my first boy at six." It was Sora, of course, and it had been at a birthday party. Cloud was going to kill me for planting ideas in the six-year-old's head.

"But Denzel hasn't even kissed a boy yet! I can't before he does!"

"Marlene?" Denzel was standing at the doorway, an embarrassed, bewildered look on his face, holding a jug. I couldn't help but let out a laugh at his expression, which made Marlene positively joyful. She gestured violently to Denzel. "Come on, come in, we're talking about boyfriends!"

Denzel entered reluctantly, shooting us weird looks. "Tifa said to let him sleep. You have to come out now, Marlene."

Tifa, a familiar name, now that I had heard it a couple of times. Connected to Cloud, definitely. Sora must have mentioned her once or twice. He'd never said anything about these kids though, and I knew, if he'd encountered them, that I'd have been regaled with stories.

Marlene's little face dropped into a pout. "I don't want to. I like Riku!"

Denzel placed the carafe of water onto a small table in the corner of the room. "Tifa said. I'm Denzel, by the way," he added in my direction. "I already know that you're Riku." Well-informed kids.

"Hi," I said awkwardly.

"You can get a drink whenever you want. There's a cup inside the jug."

"Thanks a lot."

"It's okay. Come on, Marlene." The little girl stole the moogle from the shelf and slouched across the room, glowering. "Bye, Riku," Denzel said, waving. "Hope you sleep well!"  
Marlene brightened. "Bye, Riku!" she echoed. The door slid shut, and I was alone again, but this time, the room didn't feel so empty.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters or settings of anything Square or Disney have ever created. They keep pointing this out to me. As a direct result, I keep bursting into tears.

A/N: Hey there, peoples. This chapter was a god-send after yesterday, it was so much easier to write. I got a really good night's sleep, so maybe that's why. And I'll point out ahead of time: I know the geography of the FF7 world, Riku doesn't – so if you see something in the description that's inaccurate in that way, it's not me, it's Riku being an ignorant bitch who obviously never thought to watch Advent Children while he had the chance. :D Keep the reviews coming, you guys are nectar.

_Note: _I make a habit of reading through the chapter once posted, and I find it's the best way to make last-minute corrections - only problem tonight being, FFnet is taking a while to actually update said corrections. At the moment, there are flaws in the last portion of the chapter that I have actually righted, but it's not showing up that way yet. Maybe in the morning it will, but if/when you see something glaring, know that I'm probably aware of it, and have rectified it. And am muttering under my breath.

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CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I woke up to the sound of heavy footsteps mounting stairs, the slow, deliberate thud of adult feet. I stiffened, breaths quickening, then slowing abruptly as I controlled myself into a state of seeming-sleeping. I lay limp, the blankets pulled up around my face, as the door opened to the bedroom. My eyes relaxed, lips parted slightly, air puffing out to push the strands of hair draping my face. The footsteps entered the room, came towards me and paused, as the owner studied me. A sigh, androgynous, then more steps. I heard the clatter of the carafe and the cup being collected, then the owner of the feet came and, carefully, lowered onto the bed by my legs. The mattress sank with a squeak of springs. I relaxed. "I'm awake," I said, and a slight, feminine gasp reached my ears. The covers were pulled from my face, a dark-haired, chocolate-eyed woman peering down at me.

"You know, you're pretty good at that," she commented, with a slight curve of the lips. I wiped my face blearily.

"Are you Tifa?" I asked. She nodded.

"That's me. Did Cloud tell you about me?"

"No, Marlene and Denzel mentioned you."

"Ah," she smiled, more fully this time. "They both raved about you. Although, Denzel did sound pretty confused, wouldn't tell me why."

I laughed a little, sounding hoarse. "They're cool kids."

"Yeah, they are." She seemed pleased. She patted me through the covers. "So, how're you feeling, anyway? Cloud said you might be feeling weak."

I nodded tiredly. "I'm okay. The sleep has been good."

"Do you feel up to coming downstairs for something to eat? I have some soup leftover, I can just heat it up."

Food sounded really good. The nausea had abated into the empty burn that came with early starvation. I hadn't eaten for, well – at least a day. Maybe more. Breakfast, in the hospital. They wouldn't let me go until I proved I could keep down toast and jell-o. But I was having difficulty tallying in my mind just how much time had passed since then. The events at the Academy seemed far-off and unrealistic in this calm, sedate environment. I sat up, combing my hair into place with my nails, trying to keep it from tickling my eyes quite so much. It needed a good wash. In that moment, all I absurdly wished for was the hair-care products the mayor had bought for me, realising with a stab that they were in the suitcase under my bed. Damn it, it just wasn't fair.

"That'll be fine," I said, answering Tifa's enquiry. She stood, compact and muscular with a hint of willowy, very different to Kairi's slender frame. I could imagine her very easily in conjunction with Cloud, that same under-the-skin strength. I wished I could remember what Sora had told me about her, but I was blank. I had the feeling that he hadn't known her well, anyway. She seemed nice. I drew my knees up, pushing the thick comforter to one side, and climbed unsteadily out of bed. She had moved to the door, waiting for me, but seeing me stagger brought her across the room in three long strides, not quite grabbing me, but hands outstretched, one still gripping the water jug, ready in case I fell. Her face was morphed with worry. "You sure you're okay?"

I shook my head, stabilising. "I'm fine. Thanks. Just been asleep for too long."

"Okay," she said uncertainly. "It's this way." I followed her to the door and down a few stairs. I glanced around, seeing an office through one open door, but the other rooms were closed off. Tifa turned right, leading the way down a longer set of steps into what must have been the bar Marlene mentioned earlier. So they lived above a bar? Axel would approve.

"The kids are asleep in my room," she said to me, moving behind the bar itself, into a small adjacent kitchen. "You've got theirs, in case the giant moogles everywhere didn't already tip you off."

"What time is it?" I asked. Tifa hummed thoughtfully and stuck her head back out, squinting across the room at a clock on the far wall. I turned to follow her gaze.

"Just after two," she said. I nodded slowly. Sora was sleeping. I hoped Wakka was keeping him safe, listening if he wanted to talk. He was so confused. Wakka was a good guy. He'd… he might not understand, but he'd try. I pulled a stool from the counter and gingerly placed it down, taking a seat, listening to the sounds in the kitchen as Tifa busied herself while I glanced around. It looked like a nice establishment, if a bit dull. Of all the ceiling fans, only one was left spinning at this hour. I wondered what it was like, running a bar. There was no one else about; did Tifa do it by herself? Where did Cloud fit into this family arrangement? I smiled a little, thinking of Marlene's enthusiasm at making it larger with the addition of Denzel's future other half. That poor kid, he had a miniature yaoi fangirl on his hands, before he was even old enough to _think _about contemplating his sexual preferences.

Tifa came out to lean on the bar while the soup heated up, a slight anxious expression in her eyes while she attempted a smile. "So, you're one of Cloud's students, huh? What instrument?"

"Yeah. Guitar. I'm not very good, though."

"Did he make you play in front of everyone?" she asked sympathetically. I nodded. "He can be pretty mean, sometimes, like that. He's this really nice guy with an evil streak. I can guarantee you, he was watching you play with this really straight face, but inside he was laughing at you."

"He likes to torment his students?"

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled. "That's our Cloud," she said lightly. She went to check on the soup.

"Are you his sister or something?" I asked when she returned, toting a steaming bowl of something brothy. She snorted.

"Or something, definitely." She placed it in front of me, going to the dishwasher and grabbing me a spoon. "I've known Cloud since we were kids in Nibelheim. He's a lot more outgoing now than he was back then." Cloud and outgoing don't fit in the same sentence. She shrugged. "Obviously, we're not together, since Cloud's gay, but we've always been close. And the kids really love him, so whether he wants to or not, he calls this place home." I got the feeling I had just been served the tip of the iceberg on a platter, but I didn't really care all that much anyway. Polite conversation and all that.

I ate slowly, wary of making myself sick if I inhaled it too fast. "So, Marlene and Denzel are your kids, right?" I asked, to fill the silence that threatened to fall. As nice as Tifa was, something about her was making me feel awkward. Despite her calm, hostess exterior, I got the feeling she was tense, and who could blame her, really? Who knew what Cloud had told her. She didn't know who I was. I still wasn't even sure where I was, or what I was meant to be doing here. There was an air of uptight anticipation shimmering around her.

Tifa smiled at the mention of the children. "They're mine enough. I might not have a blood-claim on them, but there's sure as hell no one who can take them away from me. Marlene's father, a friend of mine and Cloud's, is a miner of natural energy resources, so he's away a lot. Denzel used to be an orphan, but he belongs to me, too, now."

See, nice lady. Generous. She didn't like me; the vibes were building the more alert I became. She'd been exuding them from the beginning, but I'd been too groggy to pick up on it.

I stopped trying, unnerved, focusing on the beef-tasting soup, eyes trained on the dots of oil swimming across the surface. She stayed where she was for a while, watching me with that uncertain, forced smile hovering in place, before excusing herself to clean the stove. I could breathe a little easier with her gone, but not by much. I found myself wishing for chatty little Marlene to be perched beside me, distracting me.

My heart ached for a few heartbeats, making me gasp slightly. I dropped the spoon, splashing a little of the cooling soup onto the countertop, to massage my sternum with both hands. I reached up into my shirt, skin burning, and pressed down hard. I could feel it in there, hammering without reason, each pulse a fresh pierce to my head. It passed, and I slowly withdrew my arms back to lay on the bar counter, either side of my bowl. The headache had shifted, centralising around my forehead and eyes. I thought of Sora, as anything involving my heart was wont to make me do, and couldn't help but wonder if maybe I had just felt a reflection of his own pain. I wanted to cry, wanted to loose my pent-up tears into the remaining shallow puddle of broth. The thought of Sora, of any Sora, anywhere, hurting, was enough to drive a small piece of my being mad. To think that I was the cause of that pain damaged me most of all. He thought I was in love with somebody else… I found it so hard to wrap my head around the concept that I was on another world, where another Sora existed, the same, but independent. I hadn't heard of such a phenomenon, and Sora hadn't ever mentioned anything like it either. I wouldn't have even thought such a thing was possible. Did it mean that somewhere out there was another me? The real never-Riku, not just a reflection of myself? It baffled me. I spared a moment to consider how I'd feel if my Sora got involved with never-Riku – jealousy burned sickeningly in my gut the instant the notion occurred. But… but? But – it would still be me. Because this Sora was still Sora, and… my head hurt from the bewildering convolutions. It's one thing to swear never to lie to yourself, to always admit the truth – another thing entirely to figure out what the truth even is.

Tifa reappeared, eyebrows jumping slightly when she saw me twisted in my own contemplations. "You feeling okay?" she asked. "You look like you're going to faint or be sick or something."

"No," I said, massaging the fingers of one hand through my hair, while the other concentrated on simply holding my head up. "I'm fine. It's all internal. In a… non-physical way." Wow, did I sound stupid. Tifa's expression turned sceptical, but she didn't pursue the matter.

A second later, there was a loud thud from the kitchen. Tifa turned sharply, fists jumping up into a defensive position so lightening-fast I had trouble following the movement. She obviously knew how to handle herself, those lean muscles not for nothing. I had jerked when the noise came, but Tifa's reaction got me out of my chair, snatching up the barstool as a weapon. Her eyes flickered to mine, hardened, and she nodded. She entered the kitchen, me following close behind, trying not to knock anything with the long legs of the stool. The source of the noise came from the other side of a door that obviously led outside, a deliveries entrance. Tifa waited a moment, signalling me back, then quickly unsnapped the lock and jerked the door open, ready to send a fist through any face on the other side.

The face in question was Cloud's. He held his hands up, palms flat, in response to Tifa's aggression. "It's just me, Tif."

"Cloud!" She stepped back, eyes darting over his shoulder, still tense. "Is everything okay?" she asked. He nodded, closing the door, returning her attention to the room.

"It's fine, nobody followed me." She let out a sigh. I lowered my barstool. Cloud's eyes alighted on me, and he nodded in acknowledgement.

"Come on," he said, "we need to talk."

I led the way back into the bar area, returning the stool to its original position and sliding onto it. "Did you see Sora?" was the first question to cross my lips. He pursed his mouth, looked at Tifa.

"Tif, can I grab a drink? Anything's good, just make it strong." She nodded and disappeared behind the bar, the curve of her back visible as she sorted through the bottles underneath. Cloud went to one of the round tables closest to the counter, hooking a chair down and flipping it over, sitting on it, all in a smooth, tired motion. He propped his elbows on the wooden surface and rubbed his face hard. He breathed in slowly through his fingers, then dropped his knuckles to the table, wrists arching, and said, "You didn't tell me about Leon."

I averted my gaze sharply, eyebrows drawing together, guilt dragging a knife from my naval to my throat. I didn't apologise. I didn't think I had the right to ask for forgiveness, and I wasn't going to prostrate myself to Cloud. "Is he okay?" I asked after a long moment. Tifa had straightened, a squat, square bottle of whisky held tightly against the bar.

"What about Leon?" she demanded. Cloud drummed his knuckles a few times against the table.

"The Turks shot him."

She gasped, slamming both bottle and glass against the countertop. "What? Cloud! Why aren't you with him? Is he okay?"

He reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, rub his eyes with thumb and forefinger. "He was in surgery for most of last night. He got through it, but he's critical. It's too soon to say for sure, but they think he's going to make it." He closed his eyes, drew a breath through his nose. "I'm not going to try and hope. I'm just waiting."

"Cloud!" Tifa's voice was sharp, reprimanding. "Damn it, don't you go morbid on me. You might not want to hope, but that doesn't mean you're not, and we both know it."

"Tifa." His voice was gentle but firm. "Now isn't the time for it. I haven't got the luxury of worrying about Leon just yet."

"Luxury be damned," she retorted, obviously upset. "Cloud, how can you sit there so calm when Leon's in trouble?"

"Because there's nothing I can do," Cloud snapped. "Jesus, Tifa, it's not like I'm not scared, but I just don't have _time _for this discussion. Riku needs me more than Leon, and Riku at least knows I'm in the room!"

My head was dipped, eyes staring blankly at my open palms on my thighs. I felt Tifa's glare, accepted it.

"Tif, my drink," Cloud reminded her. She wrenched the top off the bottle, clanking it loudly against the rim of the glass, glugging the alcohol indiscriminately into it. It sure ended up as one hell of a drink. When she carried it over to him, some sloshed onto her hands, then the table as she slammed it down, with far less force than I think she'd either wanted or intended. I half-expected her to pick it back up and try again, but instead she yanked a cloth from her belt and mopped the mess up, face pinched. Cloud murmured a, "Thank you," and carefully picked the tumbler up, taking a long sip. He sighed. "The good news is, they don't know where you are," he said in my direction, husky with whiskey. "They don't know that I was there, because I was already gone when they arrived, so they shouldn't be suspicious." If I had gone with Cloud then, Leon wouldn't have got hurt. "It's good that it worked out the way it did," he added quietly, eyes on his drink. "If you and I had both been gone, they'd have suspected me straight off, probably would've been waiting for us here."

There was a sharp noise as Tifa rammed the whisky bottle back in with its brethren, almost breaking it. Cloud and I both winced.

"At the moment, they're monitoring the trains and roads out of Twilight Town. They think you've gone to ground. The Turks are systematically searching the town. It's only a matter of time before they realise you're not there, and start extending their hunt."

"They'll be here, won't they?" Tifa's demand hung in the air. Cloud was silent, slouched in his chair, hands wrapped around the tumbler. "Won't they, Cloud? You say they're not suspicious, but that can only last so long."

"Eventually," he mumbled at length. Tifa let out a low, sharp exhalation, features drawn in anger, face down and off to the side. She was very obviously controlling her temper, her fears. "But when they do, Riku won't be. I'm taking him to Radiant Garden to see if Cid can't help."

"And then what?" Tifa asked sharply. "Where will he go from there? You think you can jump him from place to place and hide him, but all ShinRa's going to do is play connect the dots, and follow him anywhere you go! Leon's already been shot, Cloud, who else needs to be put in danger before you realise this is _futile?" _She shot me a glance, halfway between guilt and frustration. "Riku, I'm sorry, this isn't personal, but these are my friends he's talking about. I don't want anyone else being hurt."

I nodded numbly. "Me either," I agreed, sounding dazed.

"What would you have me do, Tif?" Cloud asked dully. "Gift-wrap him, maybe? Hand him over to ShinRa labs with an apology for wasting their time?"

She bit her tongue, the deep, helpless scowl distorting her pretty features. I was just fucking up one life after another.

"Leon told me," I said, entering the conversation at last. I raised my head, meeting Cloud's gaze. "He told me about this being another world. Is there a way for me to get home?"

Cloud hesitated, spoke the words I didn't want to hear. "I don't know. It's all pretty risky."

"I don't mind risks," I said, telling myself that these words weren't a betrayal. That wanting to go home wasn't rejecting never-Sora with his two sets of self. Of course, there was always the risk that, having brought some piece of Sora with me to this world, in whatever manner I travelled, I might end up leaving it behind. And, not knowing how I got here in the first place, who knew if I'd ever be able to make it back?

Cloud shook his head. "Riku, it's just not that simple."

"Nothing's ever _that simple," _Tifa muttered from her side of the bar. Cloud sighed, drained half his glass in one long swallow.

"You should go upstairs," he told me. "I know you've probably slept a lot already, but the next couple of days are going to be tough. You need to save your strength. We'll leave for Radiant Garden in the morning on my bike. I told them I'd need to get some stuff from home, that I was going to go stay with Leon in the hospital. That should buy us a little time before they come looking."

"And I'll just deal with them when they get here, huh?" Tifa was glaring at him, eyes glinting.

"Reno won't hurt you, Tifa, or the kids."

"I would have thought that myself, before Leon ended up in intensive care," she rejoined harshly. I closed my eyes. I couldn't deal with the atmosphere anymore. Pitying Cloud with his half-full glass and the angry Tifa to deal with before it emptied, I slid from my place at the bar, took the stairs quietly. I closed the door of the children's shared room, leaned against it, gazing wretchedly at the covered window. I could hear the light patter of rain against the glass, a gentle shower coming down. I sagged, bending almost double in my quest to find a breath deep enough to make the awful churning go away. Leon was in a serious condition. The Turks were going to be here in a couple days, where there were gentle, sweet kids living innocently among the bullshit, unwilling victims of circumstance. All my fucking fault. So goddamn helpless, I might as well be a six-year-old, too. _Please, Cloud, save me, I'm too fucking pussy to do it myself. _God.

I pushed away from the door, went to the curtains and swept them aside, unlatching the window and swinging it out, eyes slipping shut at the swirling gust of air that entered. The earthy smell of rain filled the room. I leaned out, gripping the window sill, wishing I could either fall or fly away.

I heard the voices from below rise, the argument heating up without me in the room to remind them of tact. I sympathised with Tifa. None of this mess belonged to her, yet here she was, hauling more than her share, harbouring me very obviously against her will. She didn't deserve this kind of pressure; neither did Cloud. I wondered how it was that he and Leon knew of other worlds, since they didn't seem to have any firm idea on how to traverse them. I wondered how Cloud had known they were coming for me, and why Leon had sacrificed himself for me. It wasn't martyrdom, he hadn't thrown himself in front of the bullet for me, but he had put himself in danger to help me, and he had known what it would entail. Both he and Cloud knew the Turks, seemed familiar with the infamous Reno. Sora hadn't told me much about the lives of the Restoration Committee before Maleficent ensured the destruction of their world, they hadn't told him enough to relate anything more than sketchy images and theories, so I didn't know how this fit in with their original lives. I just wished that this new incarnation I had been allowed had been smoother. It seemed that no matter how I lived my life, trouble was bound to visit me at one time or another. I had thought those days were behind me, had anticipated a peaceful life with the mirror-image of my heart. Nothing ever works out the way you plan it.

There was a smash as Tifa broke something, or maybe it was Cloud, from the timbre of the yells drifting up. I hoped that Marlene and Denzel wouldn't be woken by it.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe in this room anymore. Every inhalation was choked with an anxious sort of panic. Again, I felt walls closing in on me, felt the need to escape into the open air. With Cloud and Tifa battling it out downstairs, I doubted the path to the door would be free anytime soon; the only option was the window. I didn't even pause to think about it, just pushed the window wider, adjusted my hold on the sill, and hooked out first one leg and then the other. I was standing on an inches-thick ledge in the light rain, glittering from the nearby streetlights. There was a fire escape just a couple feet to my left. I measured the leap mentally, swivelled onto my toes, and hopped across, without fear, just a growing sense of freedom. I was being independent, acting as I saw fit, just like I was accustomed to. It had been a long time since I was at the mercy of someone else; Kingdom Hearts had toughened me, matured me, given me self-assurance in place of arrogant swagger, and I was used to exercising it regularly. To leave that boxy room behind, to be alone in the world, felt like a metaphor, like everything slipping back into place from a previously jarred position.

I gripped the rail of the fire escape, feeling a thrill of liberty, the first sparks of the fire that had always made me such an indomitable fighter. I scaled swiftly to the ground, shirt riding up, belly exposed as I dangled and then dropped the final several feet to the ground, ignoring the ladder. I landed easily, demolishing a puddle with my shoes. I straightened, glanced around, chose to go right, away from the street, the light. The night swallowed me whole.

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The rain increased, cold and driving. I was lost. In hindsight, racing off into the night might not have been the smartest thing I've ever done. I had run for nearly half an hour, exhilarating in the icy air, the water hitting my skin, never paying attention to where I was going, never caring. Now, here I was, so far gone into the darkness I couldn't even see the light anymore, not anywhere. I didn't want to go back to Cloud and Tifa's, a childish impulse, but powerful. I was done with being a victim. I didn't want to look at Cloud, and automatically think of Leon.

…And look where it got me.

I wandered aimlessly, water running down my face, arms, soaking into my clothes, weighing them down. Again, I was hit with a shivery reminder of that first day, flashes of memory of the wet sand and Tidus and Sora. If I'd known that everything was going to end up going to hell, I'd have dressed in something slightly less detrimental to my sanity.

The rain was constant, blinding, plastering my hair flat to my skull, turning it slate. My trembling arms encased me, useless against the bone-deep chill. I couldn't feel the cut when I dug my nails into the flesh. I needed to find shelter, but I had somehow found my way into a seriously rundown part of town; many of the buildings were half-collapsed or boarded up. I saw a lot of homeless people sleeping in doorways or huddled under scrap metal: Edge's underbelly. It was as expansive as the city itself, but crushing.

My headache was back in full force, drilling its way through my skull and down my neck, spreading a fine fire across my shoulders and up into my jaw. When the icy numbness of my face was replaced with a hot pool across my upper lip, trickling down the sides of my mouth, that familiar taste on my tongue, I gave up. I found a doorway, where the rain dripped through steadily, and hunkered down, knees drawn up, arms around them, face buried to bloody my jeans. I didn't regret my decision to leave, only my continued helplessness. It seemed that regaining the fire did nothing to save me. I would have to find a weapon in the morning, something akin to a keyblade, even if it was only a length of pipe. I needed to be able to defend myself, when the Turks came looking. Would they find me here, one homeless person among an army? Would they even think to try?

I drifted in and out of consciousness, my energy long gone. In my moments of lucidity, I wondered if maybe Cloud was right, that I was sick. It was… so cold.

_Riku._

A voice in my head, soft and gentle. I ignored it. It was not Sora. It wasn't Kairi. It wasn't worth listening.

_Come on, Riku, time to get up. I have somewhere dry for you. You don't want to stay out in this, do you?_

I woke up with a jerk, blinking rapidly through cold, wet lashes. "Huh?"

Amusement. _Hi._

I went still. Okay: hearing voices. Never a good thing. Theory: …Insanity has struck.

_Not yet, _the voice reassured.

Still hearing voices. So this was a continuing thing. "Oh, good," I said dully. "Just what I need. A fucking clean bill of health all round."

_My name is Aerith. I'm a friend of Cloud's._

"Cloud hears voices, too?"

_Only when he isn't listening… _

I sighed. I'd had enough. I settled into myself, readied to try and get back to sleep. I wasn't bleeding anymore, so that was something. But my mind was evidently deteriorating. Less positive.

_What, you don't believe in dead people?_

My eyes fluttered open. "Leave me alone," I mumbled, gazing out into the darkness. "I'm trying to sleep."

_Wouldn't you rather sleep somewhere out of the rain?_

"Why? It's so much easier to lose my mind right here. Less walking."

_I know, but wouldn't it at least be a little more comfortable, losing your mind somewhere dry?_

"Look, seriously," I said impatiently, "brain, you can get fucked up as much as you like, but at least let me sleep. You don't know anywhere for me to go, because you are _my brain, _and, crazy though you may now be, you _still _don't know your way around."

…_You are, actually, starting to sound a little unstable._

"I'm fucking nuts, okay? Just to finish off this spectacular little adventure."

_If I showed you somewhere to stay overnight, would you believe that I'm _not _a figment of your imagination?_

"Of course you're not, you're _dead, _that makes far more sense." I suddenly gripped my head in my hands. "Why am I talking to myself?" I muttered. "It's only making things worse."

_I promise it's okay. You're not crazy, but if you stay out here, you'll get sick. I want to help you._

I sighed again, frustrated. "Look, fine, whatever. If I do, will you leave me alone?"

_Sure thing, if that's what you want._

"Fine." I pushed myself up, using the wall for support.

_Careful! _the voice cautioned. _You just had an attack – you'll still be wobbly._

"An attack of insanity, yes, I was pretty much aware of that."

_You've lasted a lot longer than the others…_

"What, the other _dead people?"_ I groused.

_Yes._

"Oh, boy, I love good news."

_Turn left, then take the first right. _

"Yes, ma'am." I saluted the air, while a plateau of my newly crazy brain informed me that, yes, I was off my fucking rocker. I was talking to the voice in my head. This was the end of the line.

I wasn't scared at all, following the directions of the self-professed dead woman in my mind. To be honest, if this was all there was to madness, I figured I could live with it. And… she sounded nice. I was craving unhampered friendliness. I was sure that later, this would hit me a lot harder, but right now I was feeling dizzy, and it took more effort to resist the voice than to co-operate.

She led me through several long streets, to an even more desolate part of town. Eventually, she halted me at the cracked steps of an old, abandoned-looking church.

_This is it, Riku._

I sighed, mounting the stairs slowly, head pounding, sweating slightly despite the chill, hands trembling. "Okay, so now what?" I had grown accustomed to talking out loud.

_Just open the door. It isn't locked, but it can be heavy. It's nice inside. There are flowers._

"Flowers in a dead church," I muttered, placing my hands on the heavy wooden entrance. "Then again, I was sent by a dead _woman,_ so why not?" I pushed, the effort sapping what was left of my strength. It swung slowly inward, and I slipped through the gap, not bothering to shut it behind me. The inside was, as promised, dry, the air still. There was a sweet smell, everywhere, overwhelming in its pervasion. It took a few deep inhalations to be able to breathe properly, after the earthy ice of outdoors.

_Do you like my flowers?_

I looked around, moving deeper cautiously, picking my way through the old, fragmented pews. They came into view gradually, the flowers, impossibly placed in the splintered wooden floor. I stopped, staring dumbly at the spread. No wonder the air was so sweet.

"I do," I mumbled. I shifted closer, feet shuffling over the wood.

_I used to sell them, before I became a scientist._

"They're… very pretty," I offered to the dead woman in my head.

_You should go see Cid. He runs an auto-shop in Radiant Garden, Highwind Repairs. Cloud was right; Cid will help you._

"What was your name again?" I asked the air. "I forgot. Sorry."

_Aerith. Don't be sorry. After all, I did make you spend the last half-hour thinking you were crazy._

"Yeah." I breathed slowly, gazing around. "Aerith?"

_Yes?_

"Why are you in my head?"

I felt a wave of gentleness roll over me, and nearly collapsed under the soothing weight of it. My headache lessened, my exhaustion becoming less of a drain, more a natural sleepiness. I didn't feel so sick anymore.

_Because, this is what I died for. Helping people like you. Even if I never did a good job, even if I'm not doing much for you now, at least I can do something. _There was a pause, in which I sank to the floor. _Don't lie on the wood, Riku, sleep in the flowers. It'll be warmer._

I crawled to them, lay out flat, closed my eyes. They were the last words the dead woman ever spoke to me. I never felt her in my head again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **So there I was, watching Advent Children for the whatever-th time (happy, happy research), and it occurred to me: these people are freaking _geniuses. _Credit where credit is due.

A/N: Today was another slightly tough one, but that was more a series of mini mental blocks than anything – the trickle of reviews that came in were great, it got my mind both elsewhere and back on my work, so if you want me to do better, REVIEW! I actually am quite happy with this chapter, which, in an ironic universe, means you're all probably going to hate it :P I'm not criticising it; sky must be falling!

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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

It wasn't until I woke up that I remembered that name: Aerith. Perhaps, while sleeping among her flowers, I dreamed of Sora, telling me about the gentle, soft-spoken friend of Cloud's.

"_No matter how far away you are... once you find your light... I'm sure it will lead you back here again. Right? …So I'll stay here - and I'll cheer for you - Okay, Cloud?"_

_------_

"Sora?"

He leaned over to kiss me. "Yeah?"

I frowned at my knees. "Will you be my light?" He tilted his head to one side, studying me curiously. "In case… I ever get lost in the darkness. There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel… you know?"

"I know." He was thoughtful. "I don't think I want to, though."

I flinched. "Wh-what?" I met his gaze. He was smiling.

"You are your own light, Riku. Your big problem is that you don't think you're worthy of the light, after giving yourself to the darkness." He touched my hand. "But that doesn't mean it's not there. You just – hide it better than most. You keep it in your heart, where others can't see it." He kissed me a second time. "I don't need to be your light – but if thinking of me helps to open your heart, so that the light can shine out and show you the way…" A third brushing of our lips, sweet and loving, followed by a whisper: "It'd be my honour."

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There were tears in my eyes as I opened them, to coloured sunlight spilling through the several unbroken stained windows. "I miss Sora," I whispered, throat thick with sorrow and longing. Cool, fresh air swept through the church, rustling the flowers that swayed and kissed by my face. I curled up slowly, knees to my chest, and wept. I had left Sora behind, left him thinking that I didn't love him. It didn't matter which Sora he was, or what world he was from – he was still Sora, he would always be _my _Sora. I had broken his heart. I breathed pain, all born from, not my heart, but my soul. It cried out for its brother.

I shouldn't have been just lying there. Aerith had told me to go to Radiant Garden – yet another place belonging to its own world, somehow existing in tandem with all these others. My crying slowed, as I wondered if this church was a piece of one of the many stars I hadn't seen before. If it was, and I found a gummi ship, I would take Sora and fly until we found it. We would live there, and every day we would tend the flowers, and I would tell Sora all the stories he had ever told me in return.

I could have lain there forever, living with Sora in my fantasies, but the gentle silence, filled with the whispering of stems and leaves, was disturbed by the distant growl of an engine. I was reluctantly reminded of my outlaw state. I wondered, with frustration, what sort of resources this ShinRa organisation had at their disposal, to be able to completely seal off Twilight Town, and still have tentacles to stretch out to me elsewhere. I sat up carefully, not wanting to crush the flowers, drying my eyes with the heels of my palms. I looked around slowly. I didn't want to leave this perfect solitude.

The engine sound grew louder. I climbed to my feet, clothes heavy and damp, passing through the coloured light, my bare arms, my hair and face, mottled with rainbow. I felt soothed, stopping to marvel at it. The memory of Aerith would sustain me through many lonely moments, I knew. She was a maternal presence in my mind.

For a while, even as the sound came closer, I held up my arms in front of my face and watched the play of light across my skin. Then I froze, hands aloft, as the engine, which sounded a lot like Cloud's bike, turned towards the church. It still had to be a half-mile away, but in the clear morning air the growl travelled easily. Aerith… She must have told Cloud where I was, spoken when he wasn't listening. He was coming for me. Damn it, I didn't want to go back. I could find Radiant Garden by myself, now that I knew where to go.

The flowers rustled sharply around my calves, softened footsteps becoming fast clunks over wood as I headed for the door. I hesitated as I reached it, pulled it open a little further than it already was, to peer out at the deserted street. The bike approached, out of sight, not sounding like it was slowing. I ducked back, still watching out, wary. It seemed too much to hope for, that luck could be working in my favour after all this time.

The sound reverberating up to the rafters, the motorcycle finally appeared, making me hiss and draw further inward, vanishing from the entrance. It wasn't Cloud. It didn't look like Reno, or the woman Elena, so it wasn't any Turks I knew of. That didn't mean I wanted the rider to see me; I was too ignorant on this world to know who was friend or foe before it was demonstrated.

As I had hoped, the vehicle didn't slow, blurring past the church without pause, but the loud roar of the motor didn't immediately fade; in fact, it grew louder. Urgency gripping me, I shifted quickly away from the door and over to a window on the left wall. Through the rippled glass, I saw the bike make a wide, quick u-turn, circling the area. Its noise became muffled as it passed behind some other buildings, but the rider's focus was obviously on this vicinity. _"Damn it," _I hissed, spinning and ducking down, pressing my back to the stone wall. Not Cloud. Not the Turks. But searching, and I wasn't dumb enough or hopeful enough to imagine I wasn't the target. Had to find a way out, had to escape. Nearby lay one of the crumbled pews, broken to pieces. I darted over and sorted through the wreckage, pulling out a length of wood roughly the same width and span of my arm. Lighter than a keyblade, complete lack of balance, and it had been years since I had even fought with a piece of wood at all, but it would do. It was better than my fists. Against people wielding guns, I really wasn't sure it mattered, but at least I was ready now. At least I could fight.

Right hand gripping the wood tightly, I stayed low, using my other hand for support as I hop-skipped along the floor, returning to the door. I eased it open another couple inches, poking my head cautiously through, knowing the bike was still travelling behind the various surrounding structures. Now was my best bet, if I was going to escape before they focused on the church itself. And there I was, halfway through, poised to pick my moment to flee, when, with a clatter of shoes over stones, somebody appeared at a run, flushed out by the bike.

_Sora?!_

My eyes widened. I stood so fast that I cracked the back of my skull against the edge of the heavy door. He hadn't seen me, was darting for the other side of the road, movements erratic with panic, and I suddenly knew that that bike wasn't here for me. Sora was the hunted.

I didn't know how he was here, or why; didn't remember that the weapon in my hand wasn't a real blade – Sora needed me. Sora was in trouble. I wasn't just some kid on the run, I was a goddamn keyblade master, and some fucker was running down my boyfriend: he was a dead man.

I lunged from the doorway, all-out sprinting towards the side of the stone building, where in seconds the rider would be sweeping past. I heard the sudden burn of the motor which indicated, like the snarl of a predator, that he had seen his prey. I stopped sharply, hair flying around my face, mouth open as I sucked in air, raising my makeshift weapon high, muscles singing that yes, this was life, this was the way. I swung, every instinct in creation telling me that now was the time, we were in battle and the enemy would _fall. _

He didn't see me coming. I was hidden by the corner of the edifice, his gaze fixed upon the spot where Sora had disappeared. His arm broke under the force of the hit. I felt the split-second resistance become give.

I wished it had been his head.

The bike swerved sharply, control gone. The rider fought between the agony of his arm and the sudden danger, and lost. I watched coldly as it snaked from side to side, then tipped and tumbled. He might have been okay, but for the fact that, tense from the pain, he flipped. Together, machine and rider smashed into the side of a crumbling building, sending out an explosion of rock chips and dust. I imagined I could see the blood.

I stood there for a few minutes, watching the wreckage with a cool eye, waiting for signs of life. I didn't approach it; didn't trust him to not be waiting with a gun. The rubble settled; silence fell, almost unnatural in its intensity. Only moments before, the air had vibrated – now, all was still. It was one thing to watch Leon bleeding to death…

Another entirely to destroy the enemy.

_Sora._

I came back to myself with a sharp breath, eyes snapping over to where I'd seen him last, hoping that no ricocheting debris had caught him. I set off at a run, calling his name, fear and agonising hope gripping my heart too tight. I slipped down an alleyway, reached an intersection, darted my gaze anxiously. _"Sora!" _I begged the air. Please, don't let him be gone. He had run so fast, don't tell me I missed him, don't _tell _me he's still out there, and doesn't know I'm near…

"Riku?" Soft, doubtful, tremulous and hoarse with exhaustion. I gasped, whirling, legs turning so weak with relief that they nearly collapsed beneath me.

"_So!" _I ran to him. He was limping, scrapes of blood along his forearm and down his shin, dusty and bedraggled. He was trembling uncontrollably, flinched as I reached for him, but I didn't care, just gathered him up and held him fiercely. My arms wrapped tight, my being complete again with him near.

"It's _you," _I swore severely, _"you're _the one I love, you're _Sora, _nothing but _Sora, _and don't you _ever leave me again!" _

He hitched in a gasp, it sounded like a sob, his throat so cracked and dry. I held him back from my body, jerking him without meaning to. "What are you _doing _here?" I questioned, bewildered, almost angry. "How did you find me? Why aren't you at school?"

His watery eyes met mine, he open his mouth soundlessly, and began to shake worse than ever. A small noise came out, but it was all he was capable of. I cupped one hand to his face desperately, other holding the wooden weapon still, pressing it hard against his shoulder as I gripped him around it. I leaned forward, trembling also, and placed a kiss against his lips. His eyes shut, releasing a tear each. I brought him close again, just held him, trying to cement in my mind that he was here.

It was a long time before either of us calmed enough to hold a conversation. Sora was the worst of us; he was slipping quickly into shock. I wondered, heart ripping with helplessness, what he had been through, what had brought him here, why he'd been chased. The hunter was still near, and not necessarily out of commission, no matter how it had seemed at the time. I had to get Sora away. The church wasn't an option, so close to the scene of destruction. Wrapping an arm carefully around his shoulders, I got us walking, the blind leading the blind through this labyrinth of crumbled buildings. I couldn't believe he was here with me. I couldn't. It was almost too much to bear.

At last, I found us somewhere quiet, in the cool shade cast by an isolated stone monument. I sat down, pulling Sora with me, holding him against my chest and threading my fingers through his hair while I waited for him to recover.

"I… I didn't think I was going to make it," he whispered after a long while of being petted, his voice still holding a tremor. "I don't think he was… trying to kill me, but… What happened to him?"

"I stopped him, baby," I soothed, running my fingers along the curve of his jaw. "I stopped him, you're safe now."

He struggled for a deep breath, I felt the strain shudder through his muscles. "We thought we were okay, but… they followed us, and…"

"Us?"

"K-Kairi, she…" His voice broke, he ceased talking. My fingers tightened of their own accord, voice developing an edge.

"What about her?" I demanded, fearful. "What happened to Kairi?"

He shook his head, crying again, the tears dampening my shirt to my chest. "I-I don't know, we had to split up."

"What happened?" I pleaded softly. "How did you even get here?"

"W-we hitched. I – after you left… I didn't know you were gone, I went looking for you. I f-found Kairi at the back of the school, near the forest trail. She was too scared to go back, be-because she said…" He was shivering again, jittering in my grasp. "…she said she'd shot a man. She told m-me you'd left with Cloud." He pressed his face into my chest, then reared back and knocked his forehead into my sternum, hurting me. "You _left _me." All I could do was lace my fingers tighter into him, bury my nose in his hair, try to silently convey all my emotions in such pitifully lacking gestures. He clung to me. "You left me," he repeated softly. "So I decided to come looking. I – I looked for you, Riku. I didn't know… how not to. My heart… my _heart…" _He tried to breathe more completely. "It wouldn't let me s-stop. It was… calling for you. I don't know – how to be without you anymore." I hissed in a breath, inhaling the scent of his scalp.

"And you," I laughed, in strangled tones, "tried to tell me this was all just a memory of my heart? The heart doesn't have memories, So, just knowledge. Just feelings."

He nodded jerkily, continued with the narrative. "We… hiked out to the road, and got picked up. We didn't know where we were going, but… I just, I just said 'north'. And when it stopped being north, we got out, and we caught a different ride, and, and I said 'east'. It's, there was like this, this _hook _in me, it, I could feel you getting further away." A chill shivered through my veins, unadulterated emotion.

"Then what?" I whispered.

"We ended up in Edge. That was last n-night. And we were walking, following whatever r-road felt right, and then…" He swallowed hard. "It turns out we weren't as clever as we thought," he said quietly. "They'd been following us from the Academy, ShinRa employees. I've… I've heard of ShinRa, it's supposed to be a – a research facility. But I thought it was for different energy sources. I d-don't know what they could possibly want with – with _you."_

I sighed, trailing a hand across his cheek. "I don't know, either, So. They're dangerous, though."

He nodded violently. "I know. They came after us. Maybe because of Kairi shooting that guy. We tried to confuse them by separating, said we'd meet up at the monument in the centre of the city… We came here on a holiday once, with her dad, during some trade negotiation between Midgar and Destiny Island… so we knew where to go. But Kairi, she, she never showed up. And they found me, that guy on the bike, he's been… he's been following me for hours… I was okay, for a while, wh-when I was in Edge, but then he found me creeping around here, I should've stayed in the city… I thought there'd be more places to hide here, but…"

I stroked him some more. "Cloud didn't tell me you had left," I murmured. "He knew I'd try to find you."

Sora went limp in my arms. "Would you have?" he asked dully. My grip tightened. I bit the inside of my lip, hard.

"Yes, I would," I hissed. "Damn it, Sora, why won't you believe in what I feel for you?"

"Because of what Leon said. And because of my dreams."

"What's that nightmare got to do with – "

"Not the nightmare," he interrupted. "Dreams. Of you and me, living out our lives on Destiny Island. Growing up together. L-loving each other. They're memories, I see that now… _His _memories…"

"Memories that belong to you," I whispered into his hair. "You are Sora."

He was quiet for a while. The sound of birdsong came to my ears, swallows nesting in the eaves of the ruins. "I know he exists somewhere," he said at last, still flat. "I'm like a twin. His heart is out there, on its home world, and it's calling to you. Even when I'm here in your arms, there's part of me trying to reach you, trying to bring you back." My fingers twitched. "…You belong with him. To him."

"To _Sora," _I insisted anxiously.

"And what happens when you go back?" he snapped, losing patience with my denial. "He's _waiting _for you, Riku."

My eyes slipped shut, I pressed him to my body. "He's right here. And he knows it."

He sighed into me. I felt him relax, against his will I think, and for a long time we stayed sitting there, keeping each other warm in the shadow. "So what now?" he murmured at length. "If we stay like this, they'll find us."

"I know." I smiled. "But it's nice being like this, don't you think?"

"Nice…" He stared off into space, eyes losing focus. "Yeah…"

"I missed you," I muttered. "Too, too much."

"I'm going to kiss you," he whispered in return. He leaned up, and fulfilled the promise. It always struck me as off in movies how the lovers could find time or energy to make-out after the big fight, during the hideous tension. God knows sex was out of the question. I was too tired and wrung-out, even if Sora had given me a lap dance. It seems like such a ridiculous concept, so grossly biological, to have a libido in amongst horror.

I didn't suddenly understand all that when Sora kissed me; this wasn't a movie, and we weren't overcome with passion. He was just as drained as I was, more so even, since I had actually got a full night's sleep. With us, it was an affirmation. It was a realisation that we were together again. It was a reassurance to our hearts. Lips met, deep but slow, tongues gently touching. Despite what he said, all that time ago, I knew that everything when I was alone was darkness, and that Sora was my light.

He slept for a little bit against me, lulled by my fingers, which ghosted butterfly-soft across his features and through his hair. I could have spent all day just touching him, confirming his presence in my mind. I still wasn't entirely sure how he'd found me… I accepted that he had looked for me; it's what Sora does. But this thing he felt, this hook… It pained me that I didn't share it, whatever it was. He was drawn to me; I was hopelessly in love with him. Put us on opposite sides of the planet, and he'd always come, while I floundered and ached.

Eventually, I knew that I was being foolish. It was dangerous to keep us so exposed, and I had somewhere to get to. I nudged Sora awake, watching silently as his eyes slowly flickered open, awareness returning. He met my gaze, and smiled.

Wherever he was, I was home.

-------

We shifted cautiously back to Edge, leaving what I now knew to be the ruined city of Midgar. Sora was jumpy. From his description of the assailants, I didn't think it was either of the Turks I had encountered, but who knew how many of them there were. They had certainly been sure of themselves, and whoever it was had managed to track Sora and Kairi all the way here, through the various vehicles, a trip which took Cloud and me almost half a night at full speed. Thinking of Cloud, I felt a now-familiar pang of guilt, only for a different reason, this time – by now, he'd know I was gone. He'd have come into the room, or maybe it would have been Marlene, coming to say good-bye, and it would have been empty. The flapping curtains, the gaping window, their only clues to my abrupt disappearance. I hoped he realised I had left of my own volition; I didn't like to think what he'd do if he thought I'd been snatched during the night while he and Tifa had fought. I hoped that Tifa wouldn't feel too bad about the relief. I understood her motivations.

Our plan was to hitchhike as close to Radiant Garden as possible. I had toyed with the idea of retracing our steps and seeing if I couldn't get that motorbike running, but had dismissed it as unfeasible on that grounds that a) I'd never driven one in my life, and b) not only was it probably wrapped around a dead or dying man, but I was pretty sure something vital had come flying off in the crash. The safest way for us to travel was, unfortunately, through other people. All we had to do was avoid the Turks and ShinRa. They couldn't possibly be everywhere, but paranoia was nipping at my mind.

It took us a good portion of the morning to traverse the streets and sights of Edge, as neither of us had any munny and so couldn't even afford a bus-trip. Sora managed to remember his way to the Radiant Garden exit, and we thumbed a ride around midday. We had cleaned Sora's gashes back in Midgar, using the rainwater lying in puddles all over the place, so we didn't look so bad that no one would take us in.

The first leg took us almost halfway, sitting in the back of a pickup truck, cold and painfully vibrating. We huddled low, tucked into the corner of the tray, limbs wound together in an effort to stay warm. For a while, we dozed.

It took us an hour to get another ride from the gas station we were dropped at, this one in the backseat of a college student's car on his way back to school after visiting his mom for a week. Luck was with us: He attended RGU.

"I didn't even know Radiant Garden had a university," I muttered under my breath. He was a nice guy, but far too talkative. By the time we reached Radiant Garden, I was about ready to fling myself out of the moving vehicle, Sora restraining me gently with a hand on mine. We were dropped off six blocks from Highwind Repairs. We walked the rest of the way, my arm twisted around Sora's waist. We just sort of leaned on each other. If anyone gave us weird looks, we didn't notice.

Highwind Repairs was a large garage that claimed to deal in everything two- and four-wheeled. The main mechanic, Cid, also had experience in aerodynamic engineering, according to the plaque by the door. This didn't surprise me in the least; I knew all about Cid. We bypassed the vehicular entrance, pushing through the glass cliental door. A little bell rang above our heads, making us both look up for a moment, then at each other, warily. I had told Sora briefly of my intentions to speak to Cid – he wasn't enthusiastic, but he wasn't going to leave me, either. I had explained little of my various theories, and hadn't mentioned Aerith at all. I figured the best way to go about all this was to say as little as possible. As it was, I wasn't even sure I could explain half the goings-on to myself, let alone voice them semi-coherently for Sora's benefit.

A young man with white-blond hair and facial tattoos that put both Reno and Axel to shame greeted us cheerfully. "How can I help you guys today? It better not be anything much, because we're about thirty minutes from closing." It was close to five o'clock by this time, the setting sun throwing amber light at a sharp angle through the room.

"We're here to see Cid," I said, sounding hoarse, but trying to maintain a professional air. It was difficult, with Sora hanging off me in such a dazed fashion. The poor guy was exhausted, and sore. It wasn't like he'd had a decent night's sleep anytime recently. The guy behind the desk frowned a little, looking down at a small log book. "Do you have an appointment…? No, I see you don't. I'm sorry, but Cid's awfully busy at the moment. If you'd like his help specifically, you'll have to arrange for – "

"Listen, it's really important that I see him," I said firmly, fighting impatience. "I've come a long way for this."

"Well, I'm sorry, but – "

"Is he here?" I interrupted. "I'd like you to tell him there's someone to see him."

The guy eyed me off, like I'd overstepped my bounds. I met his gaze steadily, not giving an inch. Damn it, just that morning I'd attacked a man and pretty much killed him. This obvious RGU student making money between classes was hardly an intimidation. He wavered. "Who do I tell him is here? Do you know the boss?"

"I haven't met him, but I'm a friend of friends. Tell him…" I hesitated. I didn't want to mention Cloud, in case, when ShinRa came looking as Tifa was inclined to believe, they questioned this kid and got it out of him. "Tell him Aerith sent me. I'm a friend of Aerith's."

Sora sent me a strange look, detecting the different tone of voice. He no doubt wondered who Aerith was. The kid shrugged, picked up the phone on the desk, and quickly dialled a number. "Chief," he said a moment later. "It's Zell. Couple kids here that want to see you. They say that a friend of yours called Aerith sent them." He listened, frowned slightly. I listened, tense, drawing small, nervous circles on Sora's back. The guy nodded. "Yes, sir. No problem." He hung up, gave me bright smile. "Well, you're in. He's out the far back, working on someone's SUV that somehow managed to drop its gearbox, Cid doesn't even know how, it's so stupid. He'll be about ten minutes, but he told me to let you wait in his office." He pointed to a single door on the other side of the room that read, _Cid Highwind, Chief Engineer/Mechanic. _

"Thanks," I murmured. Sora smiled his gratitude, and we went over and let ourselves cautiously in. Cid's office was small, a box of about four square meters, with a desk, lockable cabinet to one side, and two chairs for customers. Sora collapsed thankfully into one of the orange plastic chairs, while I distracted myself inspecting the credentials and newspaper clippings littering the left-hand wall. Looked like this incarnation of Cid had had a pretty illustrious career. There was even a clipping mentioning his name in conjunction with some kind of space program that went on five years previously. The guy had definite brains. I was curious as to his involvement with Cloud, and Aerith for that matter, since it was the drop of her name that had got us in. I had thought that maybe Aerith had pulled the information out of mine or Cloud's head, but maybe she'd given the advice in good faith. I hoped so. I didn't know how much more of this blind running around I could tolerate. It would have been fine, if only I'd had a clear line of action to follow.

I shifted the second chair so that it bumped Sora's, and sat, taking his hand in mine, massaging the fingers. He tilted his head back with a heavy sigh, enjoying the sensation, just about falling asleep again. I wished I had enough munny to put us up in a motel for the night. He should have been in bed. He'd already spent the last two nights outside and uncomfortable because of me. He wasn't going to be any use to anyone if it continued.

Minutes later, I heard a loud voice in the reception area, then the door to the office opened with a bang. We jumped, Sora snapping his head down so fast I heard it crack. Cid stood there, glowering, the butt of an unlit cigarette being slowly, methodically worked between his teeth. "Zell, hold my calls," he shot over his shoulder. "Don't bug me for fucking nothing until I say so." Zell responded affirmatively, then had the door firmly shut on him. The little room was suddenly filled with tension. Cid's eyes narrowed, studying us intently, moving from one face to the next. We didn't say a word, just stared. He was holding a newspaper, folded over, open to the sports section.

"So," he said sharply. He sauntered to the desk, kicking the chair out from under it and basically just falling into a sprawl in it. He never took his eyes from us. He nodded his head at me. "I'm guessing you're the one in charge here. Spiky over there looks like he's gonna pass out." Sora frowned, pulled himself up a little.

"I'm not," he protested. "I'm just tired."

"Yeeeaah." His gaze flicked back to me, tongue rolling the cigarette from one side of his mouth to the other. "Talking to dead chicks sure takes it out of ya."  
I bowed my head a little, while Sora just looked confused. "Um, dead chicks?"

"Well," Cid said with a sigh, "now I _know _you ain't the one in charge." His eyes hardened. "So spill it, silver, what the fuck brings you here? Zell said you wouldn't take no for a fucking answer." He flipped out his paper, folding one ankle across his knee, and lay it out across the propped-up leg, paging slowly through.

I took a steadying breath. "My name is Riku Utada. I'm a friend of Cloud's. He was going to bring me to see you today."

"I see," he said slowly, still turning the large black and white pages. "Where is he, then? Because I'm pretty sure the last time I saw him, Cloud wasn't no stink-nose kid."

"Hey," Sora whined. "Will you leave me alone? I don't even know what we're doing here."

Cid nodded slowly, wide eyes on Sora. "Well, I guess that makes two of us, then, Spiky. Now, what about the third?" Pinned again. "And how the fuck do you know Aerith?"

"I – I don't," I said. The last thing I needed was for this guy to think I was crazy. I'd had a hard enough time accepting that fact myself. "I just… didn't want anyone to know I'd been here talking about Cloud."

"Uh…huh." Cid was staring, fingers hovering over the corner of the paper. "Define 'anyone'."

"The Turks."

Cid nodded thoughtfully, returned his attention to the news. "I see. So, let me get this straight." He closed the paper, frowning at the front page. "It was Cloud's idea for you to come here. Cloud himself, though, is not. You used Aerith's name to lure me in, so that when the Turks come, which no doubt they will, and question my fucktard of an excuse of a secretary, which again, they sure as fuck will, they won't get any information incriminating anyone who hasn't already been burnt to ash and scattered – barring yours truly, of course." I blinked.

"Uh…"

"So, tell me." He leaned forward suddenly, folding the paper back up in one deft motion. His eyes glittered, glanced between us. "Which one of you fucking turds is holding the gun?" My eyes widened, while Sora shrank back, gripping my hand.

"Excuse me?" I demanded, stunned. "I don't think I – "

He moved fast, driving the flat side of the paper across my face in a stinging blow. He was out of his chair in an instant, lunging across the desk and grabbing me by the throat, pencils scattering, Sora crying out in shock. I was yanked up and slammed against the wall, one of his esteemed degrees splintering glass and wood into my back.

"You fucking heard me," he bellowed, and brought the paper up again, smacking me with all the strength in his arm. Sora was on him a second later, tugging and clawing. Cid spat out his cigarette, rammed the paper in its place, a good four-inch gag, and used his now-free hand to grab Sora and throw him against the hard edge of the desk. He hit it back-first, let out a strangled yell, and fell to the ground.

"_Sora!" _Until then, I hadn't fought back, and in the three seconds that it happened, I didn't have the chance to defend him. Now I kicked out, snarling, and tried to land a punch, but Cid used his leverage to its full potential, pinning me easily to the wall, fingers tightening around my neck, palm digging into my trachea until I stopped. I glared hatefully, a look matched only by his own. He lowered his face to mine and hissed, "So, how'd you do it, kid? Coz if I know Squall, he wouldn't go down without a fight, and if senior-citizen me can fuck you up in two seconds flat, I imagine it wasn't the most honourable battle from your end."

"_What the fuck?" _I managed to grate. He sneered.

"Haven't seen the papers, yet, huh?" He shoved it, open to the front page, into my face, and I saw… _my face. _I gaped, and maybe some of the incredulous shock showed, because Cid's grasp loosened minutely.

_Twilight Academy Student Kills Math Tutor in Shooting. _

Where the fuck had they even found a photo of me?! My blown up visage smiled out at me, a cocky smirk in place. I faintly remembered posing for my school photo ID, back on Destiny Island, Tidus being a dick in the background trying make me laugh and mess it up. "I – I – " I met Cid's gaze wildly, and, as far as I could, shook my head. Sora groaned, rolling onto his hands and knees. He muttered my name weakly. Cid's expression was sceptical, but suspicious in a way that wasn't entirely directed at me.

"You even got a gun, kid?"

"_No," _I choked. His hand loosened a little further, allowing me room to breathe. Still holding up the paper, his eyes glanced over at my picture, then back to the real thing.

"Who would do this to you?"

"The Turks," I panted angrily. "They're the ones who shot Leon, and…" It suddenly dawned on me. I paled. "Leon's… dead?"

Cid's gaze was diamond-hard. "That's what they're saying."

"Leon's _dead?" _Sora coughed from the floor, horrified.

"But – Cloud said…"

"What the fuck did Cloud say?" Cid growled. "Finish your motherfucking sentence, kid."

"He – the last I knew, Leon got through surgery, and, and he wasn't _great, _but they thought he was going to _survive…" _

It started to sink it. I killed Leon. He died because of me. He is the first to fall, and it's all – my – fault.

Understanding dawned on Cid's face. He let me go, eased away a couple of steps, solemn now. "You need to tell me what's going on, kid. This isn't fucking funny anymore."

_When had it been funny to begin with?!_

I blinked back tears of guilt, of weariness. "They said I'm from another world," I explained softly. "Leon and Cloud found out that the Turks were coming to get me, and tried to smuggle me out. Leon… got shot by a woman called Elena, because he and I were fighting Reno… And I… I got away." I couldn't possibly fit more regret and blame into those three words, even if I spent another year trying.

Cid went over to the door, opened it a crack and tiredly called, "Sorry bout the noise, Zell, nothing to worry about." He closed it again, a lot more gently that the first time. He went to where Sora struggled, and helped him up to his feet, sitting him back in his orange chair. I stayed where I was against the wall. The pain was good. I deserved it.

Hah. Here I thought you could escape the darkness. But I'd accepted darkness into me; it didn't just wash away with the light. It lingered, and festered.

Cid replaced himself behind his desk, fingers steepled, fatigue and grief creasing his face beyond its years. "They want you bad, kid," he said on a sigh. "The second someone recognises you, the cops are gonna take you in, and the next place you find yourself will be ShinRa laboratories."

"How can they control the papers like that?" I demanded desperately. "They shot Leon in front of a whole heap of witnesses! What did they do, kill the witnesses?!"

He shook his head. "Nah. Just threaten them, shut them up, make up some twisted lie to shape their fear like putty. It's not that hard, when you know how. Turks do fear like nobody's business. As for the papers, shit, kid, it's _ShinRa. _I guess you don't know them, but they're powerful, they're this super-fucking-conglomerate, they do whatever the hell they like and no one makes a peep. Not unless," he added, disgusted, glancing down at the newspaper, "they want to find their face exposed to the nation."

Sora had his head in his hands, eyes closed. I reached out hesitantly, lay a hand over his upper back. He twitched, leaned towards me slightly. I was relieved. At least he didn't hate me yet.

"So where is Cloud, anyhow?"

I swallowed. "He's… back in Edge. Or maybe Twilight Town, now… Or…" It hurt so bad to think of Cloud. "I don't really know. He took me to Tifa's, but I left during the night. I – I didn't want… anyone else to get… hurt." A futile, stupid gesture. Cloud's pain was all my fault. Leon was dead because of me. "He mentioned you," I added on a whisper. "He was bringing me here next, to see if you could help."

Cid stared blankly. "Help with what? I can't do fucking anything. I left that scene years ago, along with the rest of 'em. Hate to break it to you, kid, but there's not a goddamn shit I can do for you. One of those 'all that way for nothing' gigs."

I had brought Sora here for no reason. There was nowhere left for us to hide. I had no munny, no shelter, and neither of us had eaten. We were sick, sore, and tired, and not only was I to blame, I was useless against it. This time, it was Sora who reached out to me, touching me carefully. I flinched, hands squeezed between my knees. Cid massaged his forehead. Silence reigned.

"Look," he said at last, quietly, "maybe there's someone I can get in touch with. I don't wanna – this bullshit has spread far enough – but I can't just sit by and do nothing for ya, kid. There might be a safe-house for you to stay at. It might not be ideal, and you won't be able to go out at all, but it'll keep you out of sight until all this dies down, at least. ShinRa might not find you, but that's the most guarantee I can give." He propped his chin on his knuckles. "So how bout it? For Leon's sake, if nothing else."

I let a small, harsh laugh. The man was calculating. He knew I'd rather walk away, leave Sora behind when I could, and just let whatever would happen, happen. But then in comes emotional blackmail: Leon gave his life for you, kid. Don't let it go to waste.

I laughed again, and Sora rested his face against my arm. "Riku?" he whispered, worried.

"I'm okay, So. I'm just… fucking terrific."

Cid watched us sadly. "I'll go make the phone call. I'll make it so they can't trace it too easily, okay? Just… fuck, I don't know. Just don't go anywhere."

Sora held onto me, as if he, too, feared I'd up and run. It's what I wanted most, more than anything.

No, that's a lie. More than anything, I just… wanted to be home.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **If that whole six-degrees-of-separation thing extended to the ownership of gaming rights, I'd so own _everything... _I think.

A/N: Hah! Bet you thought I'd died, huh? A whole day's delay between updates. Whatever is the world coming to? As anyone who reviewed knows, because I whined and bitched about it in my responses, I was incredibly tired yesterday, to the point where I just couldn't focus. TGIF mental collapse, I think. I wrote most of it yesterday, but it simply wasn't up to par, and it was pretty incoherent at some points, which I definitely couldn't afford with this chapter. It's still… mildly crappy, as far as I'm concerned, but I rewrote the last half by hand this morning, which means it's vaguely improved. Still, I await your opinions :D

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CHAPTER NINETEEN

For Leon's sake, if nothing else, I followed Cid thirty minutes later out into the back of the workshop. Sora's hand was wrapped firmly around mine, squeezing tight despite the limpness of my fingers. He was being strong for me, even though I knew the news had broken something in him – his innocence was bleeding away, with every hour he further spent in my company. How was it that I did this to him, time and time again? I did it on my own world, I'm doing it on this world. And he – it's funny. For every disaster, I grew more weary, more desperate, closer to the edge. Sora toughened. He became the stronger of us, became the support. He saw my pain, felt his own, and rose to meet it. Not blocking it away, not raging against it, just… he knew a way to feel everything, as much as it needed to be, and not break under the weight of it. I envied him that. I envied his core.

I was dull, my expression blank, giving nothing. I suppose this was my own strength, in a way – the ability to do what needs to be done, even to the detriment of my heart and soul. No use mourning what cannot be changed; keep going. Keep fighting. And maybe, one day when it's quiet, allow yourself to die a little.

Cid took us to an old car tucked away into the corner of the large workshop, leading us through the various struts and lifts, the dozens of benches, the ordered chaos of the workmen's equipment scattered everywhere you looked. He ignored it all, unconcerned by the various power tools just lying around. He approached the car, pulled a key out of his pocket, and unlocked the trunk, swinging it open. Sora and I watched as he wrapped his hands around the spare tire within and hauled it out, muscles stiffening. He carried it over to the wall and set it down gently, then came back, wiping his hands on a rag, and looked at us pointedly. "Well, fellas, what're you waiting for? The chariot awaits."

"The car's still locked," Sora pointed out uncertainly. I got a sinking feeling at Cid's lopsided grin.

"Spiky, I don't got the keys for that part, it's not my car. I just fixed it up and give it a home. Called the owner, she's coming to pick it up, how's she supposed to know what I might have stored for safe-keeping in the trunk?"

We looked at each other, blinking. "So," I said slowly, sending him a sideways glance, "we're riding in the trunk…"

"Without the owner's knowledge?" Sora was sceptical. "I think she might notice the extra few hundred pounds weighing down the back."

"Let me put it this way, kids." Cid leaned against the car, spinning the key on one finger. "She doesn't see you get in, she pretty much magically doesn't know you're there, get me? If any ShinRa fuckers with mind-reading skills haul her up and decide to check the trunk, she's gonna find some damn fine acting talent she never knew she had, and scream bloody fucking murder."

"I see," I said neutrally. "So she – " I raised my fingers, making air quotes. " – 'doesn't know we're there'."

Sora got it. "Ohhh. Right."

"Smart lads," Cid muttered. Tucking the key away, he plucked a cigarette from his shirt pocket and slipped it between his lips, lighting up. "So, get in. I want to get out of this shit-hole before Christmas, the wife's cooking dinner as we speak."

I bit back my caustic response, and decided that, this being my mess, I'd set the example and climb in first. I gripped the sides and lifted my legs in, sliding my body to follow, and scrunched as far back as I could. It took a minute of squirming and grunting before I had settled myself with room for Sora to join me. Disgruntled and hot, I called, "There's not much fucking room, Cid."

"Ungrateful fucker, shut up and learn to like it. Spiky, move your ass."

Sora, looking dubious, sighed deeply and obeyed. He crawled into the narrow space I had left, elbows and knees sticking awkwardly out. "Uh, Cid?" he tried. "I don't think we both fit."

"Don't give me that shit, I know you two are lovebirds, just cuddle the fuck up, will ya? I ain't gonna point and start singing the kissy song."

Letting out a sharp, irritable breath, I curled my exposed arm around Sora and tugged him against the curve of my cramped body. He was forced to coil up a little further, but in the end, we pretty much melded together with enough room to breathe. There wasn't a spare inch of space to speak of. Cid bent down, grinning at us in a demented fashion, smoke curling away from his lips.

"Hope nobody's claustrophobic," he sang, then belted, _"Fingers!" _and slammed the lid down so hard that we jolted. Everything was black, and stank of grease. A second later, light re-entered, the hinges pulling the lid back up. Uttering another string of curses, Cid grabbed it, obviously aware of its latching difficulty, and smashed it down again, momentarily deafening me. I faintly heard, "Good luck, kiddie-winks!" Then, there was only us, and the gasp of our breaths in the confinement. This time, the darkness was complete, quickly becoming humid.

Neither of us _was_ claustrophobic, but I can definitely say that it wasn't fun. This wasn't how I pictured it when I dreamed of being wrapped around Sora. I'm pretty sure he felt the same, judging by the way he kept fidgeting every couple of minutes, trying to find a position that was vaguely comfortable. A useless effort. It was about fifteen minutes, I think, before the car started moving. It was hard to judge time passage in such low stimulus. The mantra 'Cid's a sadistic fucker who should die slowly and painfully' was on about its seventy-eighth circuit through my mind, when the driver's side door was wrenched open, and the car dipped towards the front. The door was slammed again a moment later, and the engine started up. I clutched Sora tighter, his fingers which rested on the outside of my right thigh doing the same, nerves twisting. Without introduction or fanfare, the driver of the old car got moving, a sickening, vertiginous experience when in the trunk. Without any way to mentally prepare for the various turns, it took us several minutes to solidify ourselves to keep from being flung about. We became even more of a single entity, muscles hard as we placed ourselves more obstructively against our prison's walls. It was really fucking uncomfortable, to put it mildly, and the constant, shuddering vibrations, mingled with the poor shock pads and almost omnipresent stench of exhaust was making me both dizzy and disgustingly ill. I swear, it was the sheer power of my love alone that kept me from hurling the non-existent contents of my stomach over Sora's bent neck. His low, occasional groans told me he wasn't doing any better. Through tacit agreement, neither of us spoke, not that there was much on our minds at this point.

The car ride lasted an interminable distance, until at last, after about an hour, we stopped, and the engine died. I tensed, gripping Sora, not sure if we were safe or not. There was a long moment in which nothing happened, then the car jumped slightly as the driver climbed out. The trunk lid flew up a few seconds later, causing us both to cry out at the sudden burst of light and fresh, breathable air. I gulped it down, only now realising just how stiflingly hot it had become. Then, with another strangled yell, Sora was hauled out, leaving me empty-armed. I groped after him, blinking, confused, and a moment later I was dragged out to join him, thrown roughly to the ground. Incapable at this point of catching myself, I hit hard, scraping my elbows on concrete, teeth clacking together painfully. For the second time in so many hours, I found myself heaved up and slammed against a wall.

"_You!" _a female voice snarled. "You're the one from the papers! You killed Squall!"

I gasped, stars bursting in front of my eyes, didn't respond. She pulled me forward, then slammed me back again, smacking my head painfully against bricks.

"Gimme one good reason why I shouldn't tear out your kidneys and ram 'em down your throat!"

I was being allowed to speak now? "Don't have one," I gasped, blinking rapidly to clear my vision. The woman's face swam into view, short brown hair held back by a black bandana, thin love-heart shaped face with fierce dark eyes, lips pulled back in a snarl of rage. She was strong; small as she was, she had me pinned. Not that I had the energy to fight back. Even Sora wasn't getting involved this time, supporting his shaking legs by leaning tiredly against the car. His eyes, though, were wide with alarm at my answer to the angry woman.

"He didn't do it!" he yelled hoarsely.

"Yes, I did," I said sharply. "It's my fault Leon's dead, so do it, _hurt me."_

Her eyes narrowed, as Sora cried out in anguish. "Riku, _no." _

I met the woman's eyes, burning with fire, silently demanding retribution. Behind her fury, hesitation flickered. "You're the one who shot Squall, aren't you?" she challenged.

"No, he _didn't," _Sora wailed, still too weak to come and try and pull her off.

"I might as well have! It's my fault he'd dead, so _do it, fucking hit me already!"_

Her eyes widened incredulously. "You mean you _didn't _shoot him?" Turning her face to Sora, she asked, "What's going on, kid? Who pulled the trigger?"

"It was the Turks," he explained in a babbled rush, "they did it, they came for Riku and Leon tried to help him, and that's how he got shot! Riku's blaming himself, but he didn't do it, please, please don't hurt him!"

"Shut up, Sora," I yelled. The woman's fingers tightened around me, then dropped me. She backed away a step, head lowered, hands on hips, muttering under her breath.

I hissed, "Damn it," and her gaze flicked up. None of the anger had abated. Before I could flinch, she whipped her foot around and cracked me across the face with martial-arts precision. I staggered, heard Sora's scream distantly, and fell to the ground, nails dragging down the wall.

"_He didn't do it! He didn't do it! Please!"_

Breathing slowly, I didn't try to get up. I decided it was comfortable on the ground, head thrumming, limbs buzzing, cold. I shifted around onto my back, so I could stare at the sky, but her figure filled my line of vision. Her voice was crusted with ice.

"How dare you."

"I know," I said. "It's all my fault."

She kicked me in the ribs, making me groan, Sora sobbing even harder in the background.

"You can stop that right now, buddy!" she said angrily. "You think I'm going to just stand here and let you dishonour Squall like that? He was my friend, and he's dead because of you, and all you can do is wallow in your feelings of guilt. How _dare _you weaken his sacrifice! How _dare _you act as if it's all your fault. He chose his path – nobody, not you, not _anybody, _has the right to take that away from him. So just – just shut up about it, okay?" She was sounding suddenly teary. "He was my friend, and I'll defend his right to die from anybody!" She stepped back, leaving me curled on the ground, and walked away a few paces, trying to calm down.

Sora came over, nearly tripping with every step, and dropped to his knees by my side. He took me by the shoulders and pulled, but I resisted. I really did like it where I was. Sora smacked my arm. "Get up," he commanded, upset. "It's like she said, you've got to stop this, Riku. It's not up to you to feel guilty for what happened, so just – just stop being selfish about it!"

"Selfish?" I murmured. It was laughable – my regret and remorse, they were just indulgence, were they? So _sorry _for being _selfish. _I just can't stand to have the spotlight off me for a _second, _can I? I want to keep all the attention, all the twisted self-loathing, all to _myself._ "Jesus, Sora."

"Come on." He attempted again, and this time, I allowed myself to be dragged into a sitting position. He pulled me over, so that I leaned on his chest, and crushed me, wishing, I know, that he could pull all the negativity out of me and into himself, as if he were some form of emotional siphon.

The young woman sighed noisily and glanced over at us. "Well, I guess we'd better get going again. I just wanted to make sure you two were okay, but then I recognised you from the paper and…" She quickly wiped her fingers beneath her eyes. "I can't believe someone actually got him. It's just – not _fair. _And Cloud! Oh, my God…" She trailed off miserably, leaving shards planted in my heart. Sora's fingers tightened around me.

"Well… you guys better get up. I'm Yuffie, by the way – the Great Ninja, White Rose of Wutai."

Sora yelped suddenly, arms clenching around my body. "You're _Wutai?!" _

"Yes, I _am," _she said, dangerously. "You got a problem with that, kid?"

"What's Wutai?" I asked flatly.

"Um, uh…" Sora didn't know what to say in front of Yuffie, another link in this bewildering chain of identical personalities. Yuffie shot me a weird look.

"Jesus, kid, where you been all your life? You don't watch much TV, I'm guessing." She drew herself up proudly. "Wutai is an underground organisation, we're dissidents of the government, scourge of the capital society, heroes to the underdog."

"They're weapons smugglers," Sora whispered in my ear. "And everything else, too! They trade in the black market, and they're _crazy." _

"What're you saying, kid?" she asked suspiciously. "Spreading lies? In Wutai society, that's the fastest way to get your tongue cut out, so keep a lid on it, will ya?"  
Sora paled. "Where are you taking us?"

She humphed, crossing her arms. "No need to look so scared. I'm taking you into Wutai territory, an old storage place. Don't make that face," she warned, as Sora shrank into me. "It's not like Wutai's gonna be involved, they don't give two shits about you, kid, and if they did, it'd be bad news for you. I'm not dumb enough to let anyone know you're on the run, they'd just as soon sell you to your enemies if the price was right."

"I am feeling more reassured by the second," I chipped in between clenched teeth. "Why exactly did Cid think we'd be safe with you?"

"It's not me, kid, it's my boyfriend. If I tried any funny business, I'd find myself dumped, and I'm not interested in being a single girl again anytime soon."

So we were safe, as long as her marital status remained undisturbed. My faith in Cid dwindled rapidly.

"Vincent's gonna take care of you, a favour to Cid. We all used to be friends, you know that?"

"I got the feeling," I said edgily. I hesitated. "Did you know Aerith, too?"

Her expression closed. "Why, you going to try taking the blame for her, too?" she asked aggressively. "Enough chit-freakin'-chat, you two get up and get back in the trunk. It's still forty minutes til we're home, it's going to be dark, and I _hate _driving in the dark."

Sora pulled me to my feet, led me back to the trunk, helped me to climb in. My motor skills weren't doing great; I felt fuzzy in the head. Maybe she'd hit me harder than I'd thought. Not that it hadn't been hard enough – my whole head throbbed, fit to burst. I settled back into the dark, stinking hole with a stifled groan, Sora quickly slipping up against me, pulling my hand down to his stomach and threading our fingers together.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered, after Yuffie had crunched the trunk lid down with expert ease. I squeezed his hand, pressed it for a moment against his stomach.

"I love you, So," I murmured. He smiled; I felt it. I didn't need my eyes to know his face.

"I love you, too," he said. "Me. The Sora from this world. I love you, Riku."

"I love you, too," I whispered, and, after a few rumbling minutes, fell asleep.

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Yuffie hummed to herself, beating out a metronome on the steering wheel to the song in her head. She peered through the windscreen at the dark house as they approached, pulled into the drive and parked around the back. It helped that the car looked like a piece of junk; Cid kept it permanently shitty, even made a point of smearing it with dust every now and then. Anybody who had met him since he started up his business, and happened to see it tucked into the corner of his workshop, was puzzled. Someone of his renown, a car like that shouldn't have been in the possession of. Cid always claimed that the owner had never come back, probably written it off as not worth the repair costs, so he'd left it to rot, his love of everything mechanical keeping him from just junking it. In reality, it ran like a dream. He knew cars, did Cid, and this one was like a freaking _wonder _machine compared to the dodgy pieces of shit her dad had her driving half the time all over the goddamn city.

She parked the car and got out, popping the hood and pulling out a couple of spark plugs, like Cid had told her. The house looked deserted from the outside, and adding the desolate-looking car just kind of completed the image, somehow. It sure didn't look like a place of any kind of significance. Now, to release the kids. She'd wondered, every now and then, how they'd been able to stay holed up for so long. She was no wimp, by any means – hell, she was a _ninja. _But it didn't mean she wouldn't have gone nuts after spending two hours in the trunk of a car. Quietly nuts, but nuts all the same.

Tucking the plugs into her pockets, she went around to unlatch the lid. Halfway there, she heard a thumping from within, and scowled. What the hell were those two doing? She pushed the button, and stepped back as it swung up.

"_Please!" _

Sora was frantic, tears streaming down his face. He hooked out a hand, grabbed hold of a startled Yuffie, and dragged himself out. It was dark, so she couldn't see it, but she knew the smell of blood. She hissed in, revolted at the overwhelming stench of it. Sora was almost hysterical.

"_He won't wake up! Please, please help him!"_

"Shit. _VINCE!" _She ran towards the house, hammered at the door. It opened almost immediately.

"Yuffie, what's – " The man's face lifted sharply, frowning as, several meters away, Sora broke down in a storm of weeping, clinging the edge of the car.

"_Please!?"_

Vincent strode out of the house, Yuffie jabbering anxiously at his side. He stopped, pulled out a penlight, clicked it on and swept the narrow beam to the inside of the trunk. The silver-haired boy within lay still and boneless, features slack in a dead sort of way, skin waxen beneath the heavy splatters of blood that seemed to coat every surface surrounding his head and neck.

"Yuffie, get the boy inside," he muttered, jerking his head at the panic-stricken brunet. She nodded firmly, went and yanked Sora up, and more or less dragged him into the house. The sound of his wails lingered in the air. Vincent grunted, slipped a hair tie from his pocket and bound his long dark mane behind his head. He clicked off the light and tucked it away, then scooped the gore-smeared teenager out of the car and carried him inside. He was completely unresponsive, deeply unconscious, heavy in Vincent's arms.

Vincent kicked the door shut, and took the boy into the spare bedroom. Yuffie had the other one somewhere else in the house, probably the kitchen, trying to calm him down. Vincent moved quickly. Placing the kid on the bed, he stripped his upper half of its blood-stained garments and used them to mop up the mess as thoroughly as possible. Once the majority of it had been taken care of, he balled them up, dug out a plastic bag from a drawer, tied them up inside. He went down the hall, to the bathroom, and dropped the bag in the bathtub, before going to the medicine cabinet and withdrawing some cloth, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and a roll of bandages. He returned to the bedroom, where the boy had yet to even twitch, proceeding to carefully and efficiently clean away all traces of blood, searching for its source. When, by the end, he could only locate the kid's nostrils as the culprit, he sat back on his heels, and sighed. It was hopeless.

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Sora sat in the kitchen of the rundown old house, at a cigarette burnt table, on a rickety chair. Yuffie, silent, not knowing what to say to the now quiet, shell-shocked brunet, gently placed a steaming mug in front of him. "Tea," she offered helpfully. She gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. "Lots of sugar!" Her hand, when she drew it back, was damp with blood. Eyes widening, the grabbed hold of his shirt, tugging it back to reveal the fine crust that had spread from the back of the boy's head and down his back. "Jesus, kid," she breathed in dismay, "is this all his, or did you – "

"Leave it." Sora shrugged her off sharply. His hands went automatically to the soothing warmth of the chipped mug, shoulder hunched. His eyes followed the curls and undulations of the steam in the cheap lighting. Yuffie went around reluctantly to the other side of the circular table and sat, her own cup clasped tight, watching Sora with a dubious expression. It was ten minutes of silence before Vincent entered the room, just as Sora had taken his first cautious sip of tea. Everything in him clenched at the sight of the tall man's grim expression. "Where's Riku?" The demand leapt from his lips without thought.

The man's dark amber eyes flicked him a glance, before resting on Yuffie while he asked, "What did Cid say?"

In response, Yuffie pulled out a note folded four times and slid it across the table in his direction. Slim, deft fingers plucked it up, unfolding it, his eyes running carefully over its contents. "Hn."

"The old coot made me promise not to read it before you got to," Yuffie said. "What's it say?"

Vincent flipped it in half. Ignoring Yuffie's question, he shifted his gaze to the only blue eyes in the room. "You're Sora?" The boy nodded uncertainly.

"Has Riku woken up yet?"

The man glanced back to Yuffie. "Come with me," he addressed the teenage boy. Sora rose quickly, abandoning the table to follow as Vincent left the room. "My name is Vincent," he rumbled quietly, as an afterthought. Sora nodded tersely, not caring. The house was made up of a long, dusty corridor with various rooms branching off, the last of which held Riku's unconscious body. Sora hitched in a breath, then ran to him, dropping to his knees at the bedside and taking the silver-adorned head gently in his hands. He turned the reposing face towards him, running his fingers frantically over the soft, slack skin, the warm, dead lips. "Riku?" There were tears in his voice. "Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?" No response. He turned pleadingly to Vincent, who stood awkwardly at the side of the dimly-lit room. He started to speak, then stopped with a stunned expression, and suddenly gave a bitter laugh. "I was going to ask if he was going to lose his memories again," he explained dryly to the mystified man. He turned back to Riku sadly, idly sifting through the platinum strands of hair. "But he never even lost them to begin with. That's what Leon said, and Riku… he never even tried to deny it."

"How much do you know of this?" Vincent asked, in his ever-low tone of voice.

Sora shook his head. "I don't think I know anything. I'm so confused," he admitted.

"Hm. Has your friend complained of headaches lately? Chest pains? Irrational nose-bleeds or nausea?"

Sora's eyebrows knitted in consternation. "I – I don't know. Yes. He was taken to the hospital a few nights ago after passing out. Cloud told me then that Riku had been sick during the day, but when Riku woke up, he just kept saying it was stress. He – " Sora came to a realisation. "His psychologist told him that. So… he must have been getting it almost from the start…"

Vincent nodded. "How many days has it been since he was discovered?"

"Days?" Sora creased his forehead in thought, then reached up, frustrated, to massage it. "I'm too tired to think," he muttered. "What's three times seven?"

Vincent stared. "I beg your pardon?"

"Three times... Uh, fourteen, twenty-one. So, like, nineteen days. I think."

The man's eyes narrowed. "Are you… quite sure about that?"

Sora frowned. "Pretty sure. Might be off by a day or something. Why?"

"Because he should be dead by now."

Both males whipped their necks to Yuffie in the doorway, one hand on her hip, the other stretched up the frame. "What are you talking about?" Sora demanded. She shook her head.

"I'm going to bed, Vince. This one's all yours." She flashed Sora a sorry look. "My sympathies, kid."

Sora stared after her. He looked to Vincent, eyes a swirl of dread and despair. "What's she mean? You know what's going on, don't you? What did Cid's note say?"

"I apologise for Yuffie," he said steadily. "She shouldn't have said that."

Sora closed his eyes, ducked his head for a moment, gathering composure. His eyes, when they opened, were on Riku. He would have looked peaceful, if there hadn't been such a lack of expression there. It was as though, at any moment, his pulse would simply pause and never resume. Eyebrows drawing together, swallowing against the pain in his chest, he asked quietly, "Why is Riku supposed to be dead?" Vincent didn't reply for several long minutes. Sora savoured the silence, didn't really need the answer. Nevertheless, he repeated, "Why?"

Vincent rubbed slowly at his right hand. "Your friend… is not of this world. He was brought here, for unknown reasons. Being here… is killing him."

Sora stared dumbly at the silver-haired boy. "Why, though?"

"Our world isn't natural, Sora. It is an amalgamate planet, formed by insane chance, like a series of Xerox's fit together. The laws of infinite possibility govern that there is a limitless variety of worlds in the universe… Ours is a different format of possibility." He shrugged, frowned. "They used to be scientists, a team designed to pull apart the puzzle – Cloud, Squall, Cid, Aerith, Sephiroth, and Zack. They worked with ShinRa labs, their main scientist Hojo, and an other-world woman, a scientist named Lucrecia. They spent five years studying the phenomenon before disbanding. ShinRa funded it all; it is fascinated by the thought of other worlds. ShinRa discovered early on, before Lucrecia arrived, that each world has its own energy field, its own vibration. By whatever means this world was created, each of those pieces of world has brought its own energy. Combined, the vibrations are too powerful for anyone not native to the planet." He fixed his gaze on Riku. "It is ripping him apart at a cellular level."

Sora could scarcely breathe through the fear. He reached out, taking Riku's hand, gripping it shakily. "He looks okay," he said hoarsely. Vincent shook his head.

"He isn't. He's dying. He has lasted longer than anyone, ever. The usual time limit is, at the very most, ten days."

Sora started to tremble, all over, teeth grinding slowly together. He swallowed thickly. "But – " He let out a small keening. "He can't die." He rocked minutely, Riku's hand pressed to his cheek. He shook his head violently. "He's woken up before. This isn't Riku dying. In – in a few hours, he'll be okay. He'll open his eyes."

"There is nothing we can do to stop it, Sora."

"_How do you know?" _Sora barked angrily. "You weren't even one of the scientists!"

Vincent leaned against the wall, fixing him with a flat look. "No, I wasn't a scientist. I was a Turk."

Sora looked up sharply, fearful. "What?"

"I left the Turks at the same time that the others left ShinRa. When Aerith and Lucrecia died."

"L… Lucrecia… She was – ripped apart?" Sora asked in a whisper. Vincent froze. His lips parted slightly, then pressed thin. He lowered his gaze.

"No."

Sora frowned. "But – but you said she was an _other-world _scientist. As in… from another _world, _right?"

The long-haired man closed his thick eyelashes over his dark amber eyes. "That's correct."

"So, then… if she wasn't… how did she _die, _Vincent?" Sora asked suspiciously. "You just told me there was nothing we could do. You _just told _me that nobody lasted for more than ten days. Was Lucrecia like Riku? Did she just survive for longer, or what?"

"…No."

"Then what?" Sora demanded sharply. "How did Lucrecia survive, when everybody else dies? How long was she working for ShinRa, anyway?"

Vincent's face was hard, and static, dispassionate. "Twenty years."

Sora exploded. "Twenty _years?! _How did _she _live for twenty years, but Riku is _dying?" _Vincent didn't speak. Sora leapt up to his feet, fists balled by his sides. "Damn it, Vincent, if you tell me one single lie, I don't _care _if you used to be a Turk, I will _find _a way to _hurt _you." Still the silence. "I love Riku!" he burst out, almost crying again. "I love him, and he's _dying. _Why won't you tell me? I want to know why Lucrecia lived for so long! _Please!" _

"…Mako."

Sora drew back, confused. "M-Mako? That – that old energy source? The one that destroyed Midgar?"

Vincent nodded, eyes still firmly shut. "It is drawn from the essence of the planet. When an other-world subject is infused with Mako… their cells realign. It feeds them pure planetary energy, overwhelming their natural bodies, mutating their genetics. That is how Lucrecia survived."

"She was mutated?" Sora asked, horrified.

"On a vibrational level, yes. It is… how any of them survives. It is how ShinRa keeps them alive."

The teenager's eyes grew wide. "Wait – you're telling me… We've been running from the one group of people… that knows how to save Riku? They can – they can save him?" The hope in the boy's eyes was crushing. Vincent finally opened his eyes. They flashed with something cold and unidentifiable.

"Would you consider it saving when the rest of Riku's Mako-extended life was one of pain, both physical and mental?"

"Wh…" Sora trailed off, tears in his eyes. He looked down at Riku again, felt the pressure in his chest increase a thousand-fold. Vincent sighed a little.

"ShinRa will not be kind to him. They will torture him, under the guise of research. He will never see daylight again. He would live, yes, but it would be a life of slow death." He stared at the torn brunet, who couldn't seem to look away from the unconscious boy. "It won't be long before the Turks find you again, Sora." Sora glanced up, tear-streaked, lips trembling, his expression one of emotional agony. "I suppose," Vincent added slowly, "the choice you have to make when they come, is: do you fight… or surrender?"

Sora bent over the inert boy, weeping, as the dark-haired man quietly left the room, closing the door firmly behind him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: **Disney and Square. Dubious combination – awesome results. And I, unfortunately, can only stand on the sidelines and scream for the next instalment.

A/N: I was pretty distracted today, but I think it came out okay. There's thunder and lightening like you wouldn't believe, right outside my window, so I need to get this posted before the power goes off, or my computer explodes or something. R and R, peoples!

CHAPTER TWENTY

_Water. Water was everywhere…_

_-------_

Three days passed, in which Riku didn't wake. Vincent had been taking care of him, just like Cid had asked him to. Sora couldn't help but wonder, when seeing Vincent tend to the boy with expert ease, if this hadn't been precisely what Cid had had in mind. Not to help them escape the Turks, not to hide them – to allow Riku a shred of dignity while he died, and Sora the opportunity to watch him fade.

He had grown numb from the hours sitting at the beside, head in his arms, listening to the gentle breaths that pushed and pulled from the other boy's chest. The only sensation Sora knew now was the pain; it had become commonplace. To wake up without it would seem alien. It had only been three days, but Sora felt a lifetime go by with every minute that the silver eyelashes remained still on Riku's pale cheeks. He barely ate. He was dehydrated, his lips chapping, his eyes scratchy and dry.

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…_in every pore, filling every orifice._

_-------_

Yuffie did what she could. She coaxed, cajoled and threatened him out of the oppressive room, plied him with whatever sustenance she could, abused him for neglecting himself. And every time she'd cuss him out, he'd just gaze at her blearily, until she got the feeling that he wasn't even aware that she was speaking. Vincent wasn't helping; he just let the kid do whatever he wanted, figured he owed it to him. After all, his love was dying. Didn't he deserve the kind of tenuous solitude that existed between the living and the dead? And Sora… he just waited. He didn't know which was coming first, Riku's death or the Turks. He didn't know if he cared anymore; it seemed that this time, Riku wasn't going to sit up, and be angry that no one believed it was stress. The Turks, when they arrived, would be too late.

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_It flooded my lungs, my eyes…_

_-------_

Yuffie hovered at the doorway, reluctant to enter. Sora might or might not have been asleep; he was, as usual, seated by the bed, upper body laid out across the mattress beside the unresponsive other teen. A darkness filled the air, despite the morning light leaking through the edges of the blacked-out windows. Over the past three days, this darkness had clawed its way through most other rooms in the house, almost tangible, like coils of barbed wire infecting the walls. Yuffie had trouble sleeping at night. No matter how closely she curled herself to Vincent's warm body, the chill that had worked its way under her skin could not be dispelled.

"Hey, kid, you awake?" Her soft voice carried cautiously, wary of disturbing the thick atmosphere that strangled the room, centring around the two boys. Sora lifted his head with a jerk, startled out of a light doze. He blinked dazedly at the Wutai woman. "Yeah?"

"Made you some breakfast."

Sora turned his emptying gaze down to Riku. "Not really hungry," he murmured, lips cracking slightly from disuse. He tongued the split absently, tasting blood.

Yuffie scowled. "Listen, Sora, I get that you're in mourning and all, but the kid's not dead yet, and you're wasting away in the meantime." Sora slowly lay his head back down. Yuffie sighed, wanting to be patient and compassionate, but the fire in her blood told her that the time was approaching when enough would be enough. "You wanna know an old Wutai custom, kid?"

"No," Sora's muffled voice replied.

She ignored him. "The dying aren't allowed near the sick. That's the custom. It's believed that if someone whose spirit is infected is allowed near someone the same, the two will join their afflictions, and eventually die together. I see it happening, Sora. You're dying inside, because he's not waking up, and all you've done is create this – this _vacuum." _She broke off, shaking her head, looking at him anxiously. "Can't you feel it, kid? Can't you feel the air these days?"

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…_surrounded my skin until there was nothing left but the cold…_

_-------_

Sora took a deep, shaking breath. Yes, he could feel it. There was a vortex where Riku used to be; what had once been life had become a maw that devoured all. Every emotion that Sora felt, every tear he spent, was absorbed by the dancing whirlpool of black energy that crawled across the silver-haired boy's skin, invisible, but _there. _And he gladly gave to it, he would give his all to it, feed himself sliver by sliver until it became enough to draw the other from his slumber. He spoke, for the first time, of his dreams, when they were alone and no one was listening, and felt his words being consumed. The long, hot days on Destiny Island as children, the competition that extended to Kairi's affections, even when they had desired only each other. He spoke haltingly of the dreams of Kingdom Hearts, of other worlds, hoping perhaps that, if not he, then maybe the _other _Sora would have the strength to save their beloved. It was all the hope he had left.

"Please, kid, come eat something. I even made you some special Wutai-blend tea. That shit's expensive, don't make me tip it down the sink, Vince'll kill me. He worships the stuff."

"So give it to Vincent," Sora said dully.

"I can't do that, Sora. You know I can't. It's for _you."_

"I don't need tea," he replied, an edge of aggravation in his voice. "I just need to be left alone with Riku. I need to watch him."

"He's not going to slip away while you're gone," Yuffie said softly. "He's safe for a while yet. Vince would know if it was coming to the end. He's seen it before."

"Please." Sora closed his eyes. "Leave me in peace."

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…_the darkness. I didn't even try to breathe; it was already futile._

_-------_

Yuffie left him, fighting tears. Who'd have figured she'd end up so attached. Watching some cute kid kill himself was hurting, and there was nothing she could do for either of them. She was the White Rose of Wutai, daughter of the great Lord Godo, next in line to take over control of an entire underground, illicit society. She had been trained to kill, to steal, to manufacture. She could have anything she desired, anyone, any town, city or country, virtually. And yet, here she was in a dark, dank house, with an ex-Turk that felt like home no matter where they were, and a pair of sick boys she couldn't even try to save. She'd never imagined it could break her heart, to see two people she'd never even met before the beginning of the week, fall away into darkness.

She found Vincent in the makeshift library he managed to cart wherever they went, the roomful of worn, creased books he claimed to be incapable of living without. She paused at the doorway, some of the tension leaving her muscles as she watched him, frowning in concentration, escaping the terrible ambience the only way he knew how. A soft smile lit her features. She entered the room, moving to where he sat, and wrapped her arms around his bare shoulders. "Hey, there, book worm."

"Hi."

She buried her nose into the back of his neck, burrowing through the hair until she came in contact with the skin. Vincent pretended to still be reading, an act she made increasingly difficult as her fingers crept over his right shoulder-blade. The tickling touch became smooth, as she ran her hands over and down his chest, before wrapping her arms loosely around his throat. She sighed into his ear. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

"We're doing all we can."

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_The world was blue of the deepest nature…_

_-------_

"Are we?" she murmured. Vincent cocked his head, back and to the side, turning his dark-lashed eyes to her own chocolate ones, eyebrows drawn slightly.

"You know there's no miracle cure, Yuf. There's no cure at all. The boy is dying."

Yuffie's eyes closed as she held her lover close. "They're both dying, Vince. Sora's giving up on both of them. Have you looked at him lately? He's… less than he was. I preferred it when he was screaming and crying. At least then he was asking for help…"

Vincent returned his gaze to the careworn novel in his hands, eyes flicking over the words, unseeing. "He didn't know then that there wasn't any help."

"Why do you think Cid sent them here?"

Vincent tilted his neck, leaning back against her shoulder, sighing. "I have wondered that myself." Yuffie nodded slowly, cheek brushing his, feeling the prickles of his unshaven skin. She planted a kiss upon the millimetre-long spikes, causing him to close his eyes and sigh. "Cid knows there's nothing we can possibly do."

"Did he just send the kid here to die, then?" Yuffie demanded, angered. "Pardon my language, Vince, but I didn't really think Cid would ever be that cunty."

Vincent smiled slightly. "I don't think I've heard you pardon your language before, especially not where Cid is concerned."

"Yeah, well, he's never earned a 'cunty' before, has he? I hate that word. It's _rude. _But I swear about so many other things, I need something with a little, you know, _oomph. _Otherwise you might not realise just how pissed off I'm feeling right now." She released him, stalked moodily to the bookcase. Hands on hips, her eyes scanned the titles. "It's just – " She whirled around, hands flying with exasperation. "I don't want to keep doing _nothing, _Vince, you know? It's too _hard."_

Vincent closed the book, memorising the page number, and stood to replace it on the messy pile in the corner. It was one of the rooms that the dark feeling in the air had yet to completely taint; he defended it from the infection as voraciously as Yuffie fought for the kitchen, the lightest space in the house.

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…_swirling in a suffocating storm of perfect stagnancy. Through my slitted eyes…_

_-------_

"I understand. But what do you suggest? It's been three days. I don't think he's going to wake up this time, no matter what Sora says."

Yuffie hesitated. They locked gazes across the room, his calm, hers conflicted.

"I injected him with an adrenaline shot yesterday," Vincent said. "To see what would happen. He didn't even twitch. His veins are disintegrating."

"So fast?" She was dismayed. "He lasted for ages, Vince. Why now?"

"Why not two weeks ago?"

She sighed, dropped her face. "I don't get it. Why _not _two weeks ago? Nobody's ever survived this long… And I really think it's better that way. That kid… Maybe if Riku had died two weeks ago, he wouldn't be in so much pain."

"The pain comes, whether or not you knew them well," Vincent muttered hoarsely.

Yuffie looked up sharply, eyes wide. "Sorry," she whispered. He shook his head.

"It's behind me. This just…" She nodded.

"I know."

"What can we do for them, Yuffie? Are you just raging against fate, or did you have something in mind?"

Again, the hesitation. Vincent's eyes narrowed at once. "No," he said. "We will not do that to him."

She gazed at her feet, hands behind her back. "Life is hope, Vince."

"There is no hope in that place," he rejoined harshly.

"There's no hope in _this _place, _either!"_

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…_I could see my hands…_

_-------_

"You can feel it, I _know _you can, Vince – there's something up with this kid, he's sucking the air dry!"

"So your solution is to get rid of him?" Vincent snapped. "Yes, I feel it, but that's no reason to leave him to rot."

"He's _already _rotting," Yuffie stated heatedly. "My solution isn't to abandon him, Vince, it's to try and get him back from whatever space he's dropped into that's _doing _this to him!" She closed the space between them with small, anxious steps, meeting his eyes urgently. "And you and I can't do that."

"What does it matter, when he's dying?"

"He's taking Sora with him, Vince. He's taking pieces of _us._ There's _darkness _in the air, and it starts with him, and it's _spreading to us." _She reached out, grabbed his arms, fingers circling gently around his lean biceps. "It feels dangerous."

He bowed his head, silent for a long moment, before murmuring, "You're worried about me." Her fingers tightened, confirmation, reassurance.

"I'm worried about everyone right now. And I want… I don't wanna see that kid die."

Vincent turned his face to the side. "But… ShinRa will – "

"ShinRa will stop this. They'll give him life."

"It isn't up to us to decide his fate."

"It's not up to him, either," she insisted. "He's unconscious, Vin. He can't tell us what he wants."

"What about Sora?"

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…_in front of my face, floating on the ends of my arms. Silver hair…_

_-------_

"He…" They stared at each other sadly. She closed her eyes, gave a small, bitter laugh. "We can't do this, can we?"

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…_eddied lazily…_

_-------_

On the fourth day, Sora awoke with a jump, stiff and cramped. He sat sharply, breathing hard, looking at the sleeping beauty upon the bed. Riku hadn't moved. Vincent made a point of manipulating his limbs regularly, to get the blood through all the muscles. To watch made Sora physically ill. Riku's athletic build was rapidly wasting away, eaten by his own body as it struggled to sustain itself, as it was shaken apart at its core. There had been two more blood noses. Once, when he had been lying beside the other teen, desperately tracing his face with his eyes, he saw some red leaking from one ear. He had run to the bathroom down the hall, and vomited, his terror overwhelming. On that day, the darkness had grown stronger, moved more aggressively, prowling the house in search of light to devour. Sora had dreamt of it, that same day – had seen it in his mind, the curling tendrils creeping and sliding through the walls. The image haunted him.

He heard a bang from the front of the house, followed by voices. Alarm bells rang out in his head, made him stand for the first time since the previous midday, tottering and weak.

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…_lazily in and out of my field of vision, until the…_

_-------_

He cast one last glance down at his love, before shuffling to the door. He cracked it open, eye to the gap, listening hard. Yes, there were voices. Low, urgent voices, hard, angry, a hint of desperation. A man appeared at the top of the hallway, long red hair tied back, spikes around his head, right hand in a cast, the other holding a metal rod designed to crack skulls almost in half. He looked straight at Sora, who gasped and slammed the door. There was a shout. He grabbed the chair from beside the bed and rammed it under the handle, at the same time that the red-head tried to open it. The door stopped suddenly, jammed. Sora backed away, frightened, as the man hissed out a curse. Seconds later, the handle snapped off as he kicked his large boot against the wood. Sora cried out, scrambled back, leapt onto the mattress and snatched Riku into his arms. The boy's head lolled against his chest.

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…_slitted eyes slid completely shut. There was nothing…_

_-------_

Sora pressed up against the backboard, drawing Riku between his legs, trying to shelter him from the intruder, who looked pissed. "Leave us alone," he croaked, tightening his grip, lowering his face into the silver hair. Frustrated, the man slapped his leg with the metal rod.

"Listen, kid – "

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…_left to see. Nothing…_

_-------_

" – this hasn't exactly been my favourite day, okay?" He paused, eyes narrowing. "I know you. You're that kid that left the Academy, right? Sora."

"I said, _leave us alone!"_

He shook his head sharply, ponytail swaying. "No can do, kid. It's taken far too fucking long to get to this point. We came for your friend, we're leaving with him."

Sora's lips parted in a snarl. "You think you can take him from me?"

The man scratched his head with the rod. "Okay, look, your friend is dying, you know this, right? I want to help him get better."

"Why?" Sora shot back. "So you can experiment on him?"

"Hmm." He eyed the brunet. "You know an awful lot about this, don't ya?" He seemed to be thinking. He called over his shoulder, _"Hey, Rude!"_

"_What?" _came the deep reply.

"_We got room for one more, right?"_

"_Reno?"_

"Yeah, we've got room," he said to himself. He fixed his gaze on Sora. "So, this is how it's gonna happen. You, me, and silver are going away. My buddy Rude is gonna stick around here for a while with your friends, make sure they don't get any funny ideas about coming after you."

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…_left to feel. No more cold._

_-------_

Sora's eyes widened, his fingers digging into Riku. Then he glanced down, at the nothingness on that face, the deep smudges under the eyes that should have been sparkling, the death rattle that haunted his throat with each breath, which Vincent said was a thin but constant trickle of blood. His eyes shot back up, panicked, to meet the pale blue ones of the rumpled man.

"You're… letting me come, too?"

The man grinned cockily. "Kid, you ain't got a choice, but if it makes ya feel better, then sure. Let's pretend I'm doing it out of the kindness of my heart, yeah?"

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_No more darkness._

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…_the choice you have to make when they come, is: do you fight… or surrender?_

Sora hefted Riku a little higher, so that the other teen's nose fell gently against the hollow of his throat. His body was still warm, still alive, for now. But he was dying. There was no doubt about it. Riku was dying.

Sora met the man's gaze steadily, with only a hint of fear. He opened his mouth to answer:

"Okay."

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Bubbles, swift, undulating. A constant feeling of cold, of pressure, of weightlessness. An all-over sensation of tingling. I tried to breathe, but nothing happened. Tried to move, and my motions were lethargic, resistant. The world was blue. My feet held stationary, my muscles slack. My knuckles met a barrier, hand flattening slowly against it. I saw movement, somewhere, some kind of shifting white a few feet away. My brain wasn't working; I couldn't think, couldn't remember. All there was was the present moment, and it bewildered me. For several minutes, I remained conscious, grappling with my surroundings. Then darkness edged my vision, the tingling intensifying. I slept.

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I awoke on a bed, dry and clothed. The ceiling, which I spent a few dazed moments staring at, was unfamiliar. My head slipped to the side, eyes slowly taking in the room. The motion felt sluggish and strange, my muscles warm and loose as if I'd just been massaged for two hours straight. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, but it was odd. I wasn't expecting to feel so relaxed. There was a small, agitated voice at the back of my mind, but it was far away, faint, a pinpoint of discomfort.

The room I was in was cold-looking, white walls, a short set of drawers against one wall, the single I lay on against another. There was a door, shining silver, as though made from steel. A bright light overhead filled the quarters with harsh illumination, no crack left in shadow. I stayed lying there, allowing the ocular information to sink in. A deep sense of displacement settled over me, after a while of silence. I couldn't figure out where I was supposed to be. Eyebrows furrowing, lips pursed, I returned my gaze to the ceiling, wondering what was missing from this. Sleep sang to me, but I ignored it in favour of the mystery. I knew who I was. I knew my age, my place of birth. I knew the names of my best friends, and their lesser friends that I also quite liked. I knew…

Sora.

Where was Sora?

I sat sharply, eyes wild, and was plagued by a wave of vertigo so intense it nearly sent me sprawling to the floor. I clutched drunkenly at the blankets, gasping for air, hair falling chaotically around my face. Suddenly, I knew I was going to be sick. Bending over at the waist, I staggered from the bed, only to collapse almost immediately, legs folding like pieces of spaghetti, skittering off in random directions. I fell with so much force that I knew, had my muscles been more tense, bones would have cracked. As it was, I ended up flush against the cold ground, and vomited almost directly under myself, sending out a puddle of bluish fluid with a bitter tang. It soaked into the fronds of my hair, the neck of my shirt, pooling against the side of my arm.

I lay there for a long time, panting hard, pains gripping my stomach periodically, energy spent. _Sora…! _I couldn't get up. Tears of helpless rage slipped down my cheeks, my limbs refusing to respond to any command I sent. I didn't know where I was! What was going _on? _Where was my Sora?

There was a hiss of air, and the door swung open. There was a low, feminine exclamation of surprise. Shoes approached me, high heels, glinting black. I wanted to ask for help, wanted to demand answers – only a whimper escaped, a humiliating little noise so far from the confused fury that laced my blood.

"You weren't supposed to wake yet," a smooth, husky voice informed me. Strong hands gripped me and dragged me back onto the bed, not without care, but lacking in gentleness. It was – efficient. My eyes moved to the face of my rescuer, her expression bland as she surveyed the mess on the floor, only a hint of displeasure showing as her left shoe accidentally entered it. She could have been my mother, with that colouring; for a heart-rending moment, I thought she was. But she was too tall, too regal, too cold. She was like a feminine version of Sephiroth, beauty the only aspect keeping her from seeming so utterly predatory. Her calm, pale eyes met mine with detached interest.

"You must be stronger than you look."

Something about her repelled me. I lay uselessly on the bed, while she withdrew a pen and a notebook from the deep pocket of her white coat and proceeded to scribble something down. And, uh, what about me? Excuse me? Hello?

"I will have someone clean this up. Don't worry, vomiting and general nausea are to be expected the first few hours. I will inform Doctor Hojo of your return to consciousness."

Doctor? Was I in hospital? She left without even giving her name.

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Where was Sora? The question plagued me, along with the predicted nausea, which came and went in waves. I didn't vomit again, and nobody came to clean up the mess for almost an hour. When the door opened again, a guy with blond hair and no shirt entered, looking nervous. His face twisted at the sight of the blue sickness, a hand shifting automatically to his bare stomach. "Boy, did they ever send the wrong person for _this _job," he muttered. He shot me a glance, eyes widening slightly when he found me watching him. Startled, I realised I knew him. He was… Nine. I remembered Nine.

His head tilted to the side, so we were facing each other on the same angle, and smiled slightly. "I guess it's you, then," he said lightly. "I hear you gave these guys a run for their money – more power to you, buddy, awesome." My eyebrows drew together. I was still incapable of speech, though I tried, mouth working, voice making cracking noises in the back of my throat. He saw my frustration and laughed. "It's okay, you'll be back to normal by tomorrow. You've been soaking in Mako for like, two days straight. Your poor little lungs are _not _happy with you!" His expression grew distasteful, eyeing the blue vomit. "See, this is gross, though. I should _not _be doing this. This is why they need a janitor, but noooo. Top secret organisations can't trust lowly old _janitors! _So they have the _subjects _cleaning up. Do you hear me? I mean, it's crazy, right?" Obviously not expecting an answer, he shook his head in disgust, then went back out. He reappeared a moment later with a bucket and mop. Again, he seemed surprised to see me looking at him. I wondered if he had some kind of short term memory loss. "Whee, you must be tough. I was in and out of consciousness for like, ever, when I first came here. I didn't know anyone stayed awake for more than two minutes." He smiled brightly, seemed to realise I didn't understand a single thing he was talking about. "My name's Demyx. You're Sora's boyfriend, right?" My body jerked sharply. If I'd had the strength, I would have leapt across the room and shaken him by the shoulders. He grinned. "Man, I _love _your boyfriend. If I wasn't taken, and he wasn't taken, I'd _so _be hitting on him right now. And you wouldn't even be able to stop me!" He broke off into delighted peals of laughter, thoroughly entertained by the notion of me lying helplessly while he attempted to seduce the light of my life. I managed to expel a growl, while he wiped away tears of mirth. "Baby, you crack me up," he gasped. "And you're not even speaking yet! I can't wait til we're having actual _conversations." _He remembered his purpose, and stuck the mop into the bucket, swishing it around a few times. His pleasant face folded into a frown as he concentrated on squeezing the majority of the water out of the cloth, before slapping it down and swishing it around a few times. He gagged a little, as the smell of ammonia wafted up, and lifted his gaze to the ceiling. I wondered if he was mentally deficient. I don't recall Nine having any infirmities that way, but Sora didn't think much of him, as far as foes are concerned.

"I hate this," he gulped. "It's a good thing I don't go out and get drunk, I just don't _do _bodily messes. So gross." He smiled, head still angled back. "So, yeah! You know my name now, and I know yours, obviously, coz you're Riku, coz Sora told me so. And then there's Zexy, he's my boyfriend, he's the cutest damn thing since sliced bread, which is pretty damn cute when you _really, really _think about it. At the moment, we're the only ones around here. There used to be others, but for like, four years, there's just been me and Zexy, which really helped the seduction process, since there was no one else for him to crush on. Thank the gods he's gay! I'd have gone _crazy _being locked up with a sexy Zexy _straight _man." He was doing this on purpose. He had to be. I couldn't tell him to shut up, so he just – kept – going. I wished I'd just fall the fuck back unconscious. "Oh, man, is it gone yet?" He spared a glance downward, cringed, stuck the mop back into the bucket to clean it out. "Yeah. It's gone." Then he just leaned against the mop handle and grinned at me. I blinked, eyebrows furrowed slightly. _Please, tell me where Sora is. Please tell me he's okay. _

Amazingly, he seemed to pick up on my train of thought. His beam lessened into a small, gentle smile of understanding. "It's okay, Riku. You and Sora are safe now. No more running. No more Turks." He sighed, leaning down to pick up the bucket. "Of course, things are going to be pretty different from now on, but…" He grew serious, eyes darkening. "Well, you're part of the family from now on. Me and Zex, we'll look out for you guys. You just – gotta look out for us too, hm? We'll all do what we can, right?" He studied me fretfully, then nodded. "We can make this okay." He shuffled over towards the door, glanced back, his features now sheepish, one mood shifting like water into the next. "I probably won't be coming back today. They don't like us getting too social and shit, at least, not til you're under the thumb where they can squish ya. But hey, maybe we'll see you tomorrow? I'd like that. I'll make sure Sora knows you love him, 'kay?" He saw my eyes well. "Don't cry, Riku," he said softly. "Sora did this for _you." _He sketched a wave, and left, the door closing with a firm click. I twisted my face into the pillow and leaked salt water, not even possessing the strength to weep properly.

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I slept, forced myself to. I hoped that maybe reality would be easier to bear if I did, or even, that I would wake up somewhere entirely different.

I opened my eyes to the same white room.

My reason for waking was the man who had just walked through the door, a short, pony-tailed figure with a mouse-like pinch to his face and bright, cold eyes.

"Who're you?" I rasped. Jesus, thank Christ, I could talk again. Scratch one vulnerability.

I was still weak, but struggled up, determined to meet this stranger on his level, tired of being betrayed by myself. His eyebrows shot up, as I dragged myself to my feet, wobbling dangerously.

"You'll fall," he told me crisply, and sure enough, over I went, elbows and knees on the shining floor. He came and crouched beside me, studying me with unnerving intensity. "It would seem that you are a special case, aren't you, Riku? Surviving longer, recovering faster – I wonder why."

I grunted. "Who _are _you? What is this place?"

He stood, not bothering to help me up. "You will call me Doctor Hojo. You and I will be getting to know one another quite well in the months to come." My heart sank. Months…? I pushed myself up to sit back on my heels, exhausted, jelly-like. "Your friend, Sora – " My breath caught, eyes finding his in an instant. "He will be allowed to stay here at the laboratories on the proviso that you both co-operate fully with ShinRa staff at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments, which vary in severity, but which, I assure you, neither one of you particularly wants to experience. We are not cruel at this facility, but we expect a standard of behaviour. If you please us, you will be rewarded. There are two others within this facility the same as you, Zexion and Demyx. They are a prime example of what happens when you are good – they share a small apartment within the complex, and are given free-roaming privileges into certain areas." Throughout the entire spiel, he barely glanced at me, instead turning his attention to a file in his hands, writing quickly even as he spoke. His manner, as much as his speech, struck me dumb. I was… in ShinRa labs. They caught me. _Us_. How? When? What the hell happened? _And where the fuck was Sora?_

He stood, looking down at me. "This was just an opportunity to get acquainted. I won't be back to see you until tomorrow, when you've had sufficient time to recover from the infusion. I will expect you to be well-rested, and capable of keeping food in your stomach." As if vomiting it up would fall under failure to co-operate. I glared up at him.

"I don't understand," I grated, throat rough, sore from the effort. "Why am I here?"

Hojo smirked. "I expect your new friends can tell you, or maybe you'd prefer talking to your boyfriend. After all, he's the reason you're here at all." He tucked his pen away, smoothed down his coat. "Until tomorrow then."

I jumped, startled by the abrupt conclusion. "Wait, when do I – !" The door slammed shut. I whispered to the empty air, "When do I get to see Sora?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: **Squaaaare. Eniiiix. And on occasion, Diiiiis. Neeeeey. Don't make me talk. I'm tired.

A/N: I swear to God, with each chapter, I think I've given up a little chunk of brain. I _hate _daylight savings. I missed a whole hour of sleep. _How _does an hour simply disappear? _How?! _I _don't _like it. This chapter was actually semi-easy to write, in the sense that I didn't have to claw the words from my head this time. Again, I'll stick in my own little disclaimer of 'it might be crap, if you think so, too, tell me why and I'll try to make the hurtness go away'. See? Load of utter bollocks. I'm drivelling. Gimme back my brain cells, leaches. And review, while you're at it. … :)

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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

I suppose the logical thing to do would have been to test my boundaries; namely, try and leave the room. It was feeling more like a prison cell with every human encounter I had, especially now that I knew where I was. But I was simply too weak. My head was in it, urging me to go, to see how far I'd get before they caught me, how they'd react to my impromptu wandering… Two things stopped me. My traitorous body, of course, although I was beginning to forgive it. I didn't know exactly what Demyx had been blathering on about, but from the sounds of it, this had been imposed upon me, and there was nothing I could do until I recovered. The other thing holding me back was the thought of Sora. If they were allowing him to stay on a good-behaviour bond, I wasn't going to be the one to mess things up for us. I just hoped, fearfully, that he was okay. Demyx had said he was, but… I needed to see him. I needed to _know. _It killed me that he was nearby somewhere, and I just couldn't get to him.

After Hojo left, I pulled myself back up onto the bed, nearly screaming in frustration as a wave of exhaustion swept over me. I couldn't _function _like this. I haven't been this physically useless since I was a child! I'm used to being the stronger one, the fast one, using my muscles to their full advantage, and here I was, crawling like an infant!

Sweating and panting, I shoved the hair out of my eyes and lay on my back, glaring at the roof of my containment room. My mind played through the conversation with Doctor Hojo, coming to rest on his parting shot - _maybe you'd prefer talking to your boyfriend. After all, he's the reason you're here at all. _What the heck did _that _mean? Sora was the reason I was here? How did he figure that? I just – I wished I could speak to So. Find out what happened, and why everything was so fuzzy when I tried to remember back. The last recollection I had was Cid's shop. The trunk of the car. The encounter with Yuffie – then nothing. Where had I gone between there and here? Was everyone okay?

I closed my eyes against the sting of angry tears, reached up to rub them away harshly. I was sick of this. Sick of not knowing what to do. Sick of being vulnerable. It didn't matter how far or fast I'd ran, how much effort Cloud and the others expended on my behalf, it didn't _matter _that Leon was _dead – _because in the end, here I was.

All for nothing, then.

I bit my knuckles, and fell into a listless, rage-filled sleep.

-------

There was no sense of time passage, in the manner of day turning into night, as the burning halogen lights never ceased their faint, vacant hum. If I hadn't been so permanently drained, I wouldn't have been able to rest at all. As it was, when I woke up this time, I was feeling distinctly less fresh than I previously had done. The constant illumination was irritating my eyes, seemed to pierce them. I wondered why it seemed brighter than it had the day before… if, in fact, night had been and gone. This was unnatural.

Today when I tried to rise, it was with something relating to ease. My muscles held me, despite the weakness that made them tremble. I held my shaking fingers up in front of my eyes, curled them into a fist so I wouldn't have to face their powerlessness.

Today, I was determined.

I shuffled carefully to the door, not quite trusting myself. I reached it, grabbed onto the wall to steady my legs. I felt a buzz of exhilaration. I was finally _moving, _recovering from whatever the hell they'd done to me. When the door opened a bare second later, I almost fell through it, gasping and catching myself on the frame, sagging. I looked up with wide eyes, to see yesterday's woman gazing at me with slight surprise, and an interested smile.

"I should have known. Doctor Hojo _said _you'd be walking today, and I didn't believe him. It just goes to show, one should never doubt a genius." She brushed past me, holding a tray containing a bowl of sludge that looked reminiscent of oatmeal. She didn't even bother to help me, leaving me to dig my blunt nails into the frame and drag myself back up to standing. I swayed in the doorway, watching as she placed the tray on the drawers, and turned to me. A fine eyebrow rose, as she looked me up and down. "Come over here and eat. Doctor Hojo wants to begin your examination this morning. It won't do to have you passing out or vomiting on him." I just stared, drifting back and forth like some kind of drunk. Her features turned impatient in the blink of an eye. "Come, now, before I grow irritated." It was like – being scolded by a controlling mother. The kind you'd expect to slap her child when it misbehaved, or even, when it didn't. I didn't like her.

"Who are you?" I asked. She eyed me imperiously.

"My name is Yunalesca. I am the Doctor's assistant, and am in charge of your well-being. I also moderate punishment and rewards. I suggest you come and do as I have said."

I hesitated, bit back the immediate mirroring arrogance my pride demanded I thrust in her cold, pretty face, and approached her. I was wary; I couldn't shake the feeling that, at any moment, she might snap and hit me. I wasn't strong enough to defend myself.

"When will I get to see Sora?" I asked.

"If you please the Doctor, I will decide whether you deserve to see him or not. It is all dependent upon you, Riku." It was the first time I had heard her say my name. The way it fell from her lips, it was like I was scum. I was infuriated, felt it building and burning in my chest, but kept it down. _She _was in charge of whether I got to see Sora or not. _She _would decide if I was _deserving _or not.

_He was mine, damn it!_

"Can you – please tell me… if he is all right?" I asked, forcing neutrality.

She sniffed. "The boy is fine, he is of no concern to me. Now, eat. Once you have finished, change into the clothing provided by the laboratory, you will find it in these drawers. Those clothes you're wearing will be disposed of."

"But they're mine," I couldn't keep from snapping. "I don't want them disposed of."

She regarded me coolly. "They belong to ShinRa. ShinRa will dress you from now on."

_Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora._

"Fine," I gritted. She nodded once, then turned on heel and left the room, all the while oozing competence. The door clicked shut. She was going to become the bane of my existence, I could tell.

I suddenly slumped against the wall, gripping handfuls of hair, eyes wide. The weakness in my muscles leached into my spirit, dragging at it with hopelessness. They had me. I was here. I would… I would never see the sun again. Never see Destiny Island, or even Twilight Town… I choked out a sob. I would never get home, to any home, anywhere. I would never see Kairi. Tidus, Wakka, Selphie. Axel, Roxas. Cloud. Marlene.

I would never leave this place.

I sank to the floor, burying my nose into my knees, and let out a howl, muffled, torn. My sanity cracked with desperation and anguish. And _Sora _was here! They – had taken Sora. Oh, my God. Sora would never leave, either. I slid to the side, curling up into a ball, weeping noisily. It was too much. Too much to bear.

_Aerith, _my mind cried. I needed her _now, _not in Midgar, here, right _here. _I needed that soothing presence in my head telling me that it was all going to be okay. But… she was dead. Wasn't she? She couldn't help me, couldn't lead me from this place. I couldn't be saved.

_Sora. _It was Sora I had to cling to. Sora… he couldn't be saved, either. Neither of us could. But… I could be with him. And that – that would make it okay, wouldn't it? Me and Sora – we'd be okay together. I just… I just had to – _behave. _I had to do what they said, and – and eat, and change my clothes, and… and then I'd be with Sora again.

I had started shivering violently, from some inner force. I pushed up onto my arms, watching teardrops fall to the ground, sparkling in the light. I sighed harshly, pinched at my eyes, hissed, _"Shut up! Stop it!" _

I crawled to the drawers, opened the top one and pulled out the cloth within. They had me wearing all white, cotton pants, cotton shirt with a ShinRa logo on the breast. Fuck. I'd look like a ghost in this… I slowly stripped off, peeling each layer of clothing away knowing I'd most likely never see it again. No more jeans, no more jackets. No more worrying about looking good. No more grooming, no more impressions, no more – _anything_.

_Shut up. Stop it. _

I pulled on the ShinRa regulation items, crisp and loose. Against my pale colouring, it made me look ethereal. Slowly, I folded my jeans, running my hands over the rough denim, folded my black zip-up tank, the one that Sora had always said made me look sexy and mysterious, folded up the yellow vest, fighting for air. I held them, feeling their weight, the history clinging to their threads. Then I threw them, with a hoarse scream, wishing they were glass, wishing they were porcelain, wishing they would shatter and fragment and be broken in reality like reality was breaking in my mind. My eyes landed on the tray, the bowl of oatmeal. I snatched it up, staring down at it, chest heaving. Damn it, it was _oatmeal. _Not a fucking symbol of my incarceration, just a bowl of fucking _sludge. _

And – haha. Ha. I was afraid to throw it.

I had to eat it, and keep it down. Otherwise… no Sora.

I retreated to the bed, sat blankly, holding the warm bowl on my knees, the heat seeping through the thin white material. I picked up the spoon with my endlessly shaking fingers.

I ate my sludge.

-------

Evil Bitch number one came back after an hour. She glanced at me, nodded at my attire, inspected the bowl, scribbled something in her notebook. I wondered if I'd just got a gold star beside my name. Fucking _bitch. _

I sat on the bed glowering, which she ignored.

"Doctor Hojo is waiting. You will follow me to the interview room." She left, expecting me to follow, which I did, trembling a little less than before, resentfully acknowledging the food as the reason. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten before it. My stomach, even if nothing else agreed, was happy.

The world that existed outside of my cell was a narrow corridor with steel light fittings and more white walls. I felt spectral, finding it unnervingly difficult to separate myself from the colour scheme and be individual. Evil Bitch led me down a second hallway, and into another small room, identical to my sleeping quarters in dimension, but with a table instead of a bed, two metal chairs, one of which was occupied.

"Doctor, subject Riku is here for the interview," I was introduced. Hojo was gazing at me steadily, already well aware of the fact that, yes, I was in the room. His eyes glinted with something sickening.

"Riku, sit." I felt like a dog. Seething quietly, keeping it far from the surface of my eyes, I accepted the proffered chair and folded into it, hands lying limply on the table in front of me, to keep from forming fists. _Subject Riku. _Fucking – _fucking – _

"Yunalesca, that will be all, thank you. I expect a compilation of your notes by noon."

"Yes, Doctor." The door clicked shut, leaving me in the small room with the oppressive man, his sharp eyes sucking something out of me.

"Well now, Riku," he said, into the growing silence. "I trust you've had time to come to terms with your situation, that which you know of it. How about you tell me your thoughts?"

It was like being with Penumbra, though I'd never thought I'd appreciate the man like I suddenly did in that moment. Back then, there was no fear, only confusion. Even despite that, I had been confident that things would be okay. It was surreal to connect myself with that version of me. As if that Riku were the never-Riku, and I was only now waking up.

"My thoughts…" I muttered. I slouched in my chair, hands clasped between my thighs, eyes averted from his. "I'm in ShinRa labs. And so is Sora. And I want to see him."

"See him you shall, if we are pleased with your progress. I am more interested in your thoughts regarding why you think you're here."

Because I'm from another world and you want to dissect me. "I don't know."

A glimmer of amusement entered his voice. "Now, Riku, no lies. A boy who knows nothing, fears nothing. If you don't know why we want you, why did you run so very impressively?"

"People with guns came and shot up my school," I said sharply. "A lot of people ran."

Hojo appeared to muse this. "Perhaps," he conceded. "But I know of no others, not even your young friend, who ran directly into the bosom of what was once the heart of our research team."

I went cold. Was he trying to make a play on words, alluding to Tifa, or what? Did he think he was witty, or was he just talking about Cloud and the others as a whole? I hoped Marlene and Denzel were safe.

I forced myself to speak, refusing to incriminate anyone. "I don't know what you're talking about." They never saw me with Cloud. Never found me in Edge. He didn't know.

He eyed me, smiling faintly. "You don't? Well, then, I suppose there's no point talking about it." I blinked. He leaned forward, making me sway back an instinctive inch. The sudden twitch in his smile told me that he'd noticed. "Since you have no information for me," he said silkily, "why don't I enlighten _you _a little, Riku?"

My heart beat faster, eyebrows drawn slightly, a deeply unsettled anticipation rising in my gut. He had the look of someone holding all the aces, from both his deck and mine. God, don't tell me anyone got hurt.

He began: "I understand that at this point, you are probably feeling that ShinRa labs are not somewhere you'd like to be. That perhaps there is hope for you – escape, hmm? Or someone on the outside – the mayor of your little island." I jolted. He knew where I was from. "You are thinking that, since you had such a long window of time in which to establish yourself as a member of this planet, there will be people searching for you?" He leaned ever further, upper body bending over the table, dark eyes glittering. "There is no hope." His soft voice bounced off the walls. "None for you. Nobody is searching; they are too busy, mourning your deaths." My eyes widened. "You and your spike-haired friend's. It has been staged, and believed, Riku. As far as the world outside this facility is concerned, you boys drowned three days ago, while running away back to home…"

I stared, parted my lips to utter, "Bodies."

Hojo sat back, folding his hands together, and responded calmly, "Have been arranged."

I blinked. Bodies – had been _arranged? _But…

He watched my dawning horror, nodded slowly in approval. "So you see… Nobody is coming for you. You don't exist here anymore… Not that you did in the first place."

My nails dug into the thin skin of my knuckles. I lowered my gaze to my left knee, struggled desperately for perspective. _Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora…_

"If you try to escape, you will be captured and severely punished. If you do escape, you will be hunted down and shot."

I closed my eyes. _Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora – _

"Did Cloud ever tell you about that part? It doesn't look like he did. Once, he and the others would have been part of this, you know. Arranging your apparent deaths… ensuring you were a prisoner here for life… with perks, of course." He nodded once, closed his eyes briefly, as though I should be reassured. "If you behave, if you co-operate, this needn't be anything more than an extended incarceration." His glinting eyes found mine again. "I don't need to make this place your hell, yet, Riku. Not unless you give me reason to." He allowed this to sink in. "How do you feel about Cloud, now?"

I felt… like he should have warned me when he had the chance. But that was what Hojo wanted me to feel. He wanted me angry, raging, demanding, _why _Cloud didn't tell me, _why _he didn't fight harder for me.

I would not be manipulated. To give him credit, he didn't know that I was both a manipulator myself in many ways, or at least have been, and that I have been manipulated already, by one of the best. This is what comes from never allowing lies to yourself. Truth is seeing through the anger, and knowing what is best.

My eyes ticked up to his, smouldering, hard. Some section of him took note, grew wary.

"What does Cloud have to do with anything?" I asked, voice cutting the air. "He's my music teacher. I don't understand." You sick, disgusting fuck.

He smirked, just a little, and in that moment, I knew that he knew. He _knew, _somehow, that I had been to Cloud's place in Edge. Had the Turks got to Tifa? Had they threatened the kids somehow? It didn't matter. He knew that, before whatever happened after I passed out in Yuffie's car, I had been with Cloud. He knew I was resisting. Did this mean I wasn't behaving?

He seemed to shrug. "Very well, then…" He left the subject alone. The rest of the session was an interrogation, as he drew from me every piece of information I would give about my world, explaining to me in short, succinct sentences the theory behind the existence of his own, the world of the nevers. I obviously left gaping holes, where my experiences in and with the darkness were concerned, and my relation to the keyblade.

I remembered Leon's reaction, when I told him at the school – that wasn't an ignorant, _you're a what? _It was an astounded, freaking-out exclamation. Like maybe, I'd just made things really, really bad with my admission. These people knew about keyblades, one way or another. I wouldn't reveal myself, until I learned more.

Fortunately, the gaps in my narrative were known only to me. He wasn't asking for the story of my life, he wanted to know about the differences between our worlds, particularly since I had got such a close view of this world's Destiny Island before leaving for Twilight Town. I wanted to know more about this patched together world, about the existence of the identical personalities that littered it, as though this had been a _recent _thing, as if someone had made a cookie-cutter of my own reality in the last twenty years or so. Or could lives run so very similarly between us that the same people got together and had children in both realities? Was it just art imitating life?

As I spoke, droning on as best as I could, I suddenly realised – Demyx was a subject here. He wasn't from this world. And Zexion, Six, because there can't be another person possessing that name in such close contact with Nine – he, too, was an other-worlder. So… there were – multiple realities? Six and Nine were dead, much the same as Eight, with Thirteen merged in Sora. Axel and Roxas lived on this world. Demyx and Zexion had come from another world – the same world? Had they come together? No – Demyx had said… I was bewildered. Threads of understanding I thought I held were snapping out of my hand and out of reach. Things were – larger than my mind could handle.

Hojo noticed my gradual distraction, and called a halt to the questioning. For a long while, he scrutinised me, content to let silence stretch between us, while I concentrated on not losing my mind to the limitless possibilities of creation.

"Very well," he said at last, quietly. "I can see that we've covered today all that we're going to." He gathered his collection of scrawled-upon papers, tidying them and slipping them into a folder. He stood. "I feel that we have made progress, Riku. I look forward to working with you again." I stared, unable to quite keep back my incredulity. "I will have Yunalesca come and take you back to your quarters."

"Do I get to see Sora?"

He paused. "You're… very attached to that boy." My nails found my palms. "Yes," Hojo said musingly. "I'm sure we can allow it. After all – the happier you are, the more inclined you'll be to co-operate… Yes, very well. I shall inform Yunalesca." He was gone, the door clicking in his wake, leaving me to my dread, and growing relief and excitement.

-------

Demyx came into my room. My head shot up, eyes wide, as I sat cross-legged on the small bed. My heart wrenched in my chest, first with hope, then with crushing disappointment. "Please… Don't tell me they changed their minds," I croaked. He smiled, hands on hips, yet again shirtless.

"Is that any way to greet an old friend?" He shook his head at my expression. "I'm here to take you to him."

My head dropped, hands covering my face. I nodded once, then pulled myself together and slid from the bed. I took a deep breath. "Please. Hurry."

He went around behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders, and steered me from the room, turning me to the right, the opposite direction to where I had gone last time with Yunalesca. For a few minutes, he pushed me through a small maze of corridors, all identical, until we reached a door and stopped.

"This is where me and Zexy live," he explained. "We're taking care of Sora. He sleeps on our couch!"

Processing this odd bit of information, I stood dumbly as he opened the door, and shoved me in. Their 'apartment' was just like my room, but their bed was a double, and there was a second door leading into another room, and a third door leading to a small bathroom, both adjacent to the main containment cell. The section of the apartment containing the bed was empty. I heard voices coming from the next room over, quiet. Feet moving of their own accord, I paused at the entrance as a soft laugh echoed out to me. Something hard and painful in my chest subsided in that one moment, blown away by a single breath.

I just stood there, staring at the top of his head, his back to me as he sat on the brown couch. Six sat beside him, lounging against the arm as he quietly recounted whatever was amusing my love.

Demyx came and wrapped his arms around me from behind, chin planting on my shoulder, making me stiffen and jerk my head to the side. He pivoted his neck, chin still in place, and smiled at me. "There's our guys," he said softly, then turned to look back at them. Zexion heard, and twisted to look, leaving Sora wondering why he wasn't talking anymore. He turned curiously, and saw me. He froze.

Demyx released me, backing off a few steps. I swallowed, and entered the room, glancing over at Zexion, who nodded mildly at me. I turned my gaze back to Sora, shuffling around to the front of the sofa. His head turned to follow me, his expression locked in place. I hesitated. He didn't look… happy to see me.

All at once, I didn't know what to do. I had expected – more than this. I had expected – joy. He looked trapped. All the words of love I'd wanted to proclaim shrivelled on my tongue, leaving me momentarily speechless. At last, I said, "I'm sorry, So." His eyes widened slightly. "I – This is all my fault, and… I'm sorry."

His gaze fell from my face, head twisting to look forward, staring perplexedly at the wall.

"But…" I watched him, pained, waiting. He shook his head, lips pressed together. Remorse tore at me, chipping pieces from my heart, as tears welled and fell from his eyes. He lowered his face, drew in a few breaths. "But it was _me," _he said, voice small. "This is – it's my fault. I…" His eyes squeezed shut, jaw clenching. "I gave you to them."

I stared. "Sora?"

He bent, elbows on knees, and gently gripped handfuls of hair, tugging. "I gave you to them," he muttered. "You were dying, so I let them take you. I didn't try to stop them. I – _gave _you to him." He let out a sudden, panting sob. "I let him take you from my arms. I – " His voice cracked, broke, finished. Zexion was up, on his way out of the room, his eyes on me. I met them briefly, stunned, and they narrowed at me, his step slowing for a second. He tipped his head curtly at Sora, gave me one last hard look, then went into the bedroom, leaving us alone.

"Sora?" I said again, stupidly, trying to figure out his words. As if it was hard to do. "You…"

"You were _dying," _he yelled, lifting his tear-streaked face, eyes swollen and red. He sniffed loudly, turned to me and repeated, "Riku, you were _dying. _Was I supposed to – would you have preferred – " He broke off, looking desperate, fearing my answer. Would I have preferred death?

"I was… dying?"

He took his fingertips in his teeth, chin on palms, sucked in a breath and nodded. "This was all that was left," he whispered through his fingers. His eyes met mine, reluctant, stricken with guilt. "I'm so sorry."

I went to where he sat, sank down beside him, hands squeezed between my thighs, a careful two inches between us. "What – happened?" I managed to ask.

His breathing slowed, initial panic dying down when I didn't lose control. I wondered what reaction he'd been fearing, how often it had played through his mind. "You passed out in the trunk. You didn't wake up… for four _days…"_

"…Four…?" I was astounded. I had no recollection of that kind of time passage. _Four days?_

"It wasn't stress," Sora said quickly, with bitterness. I remembered his outburst in the hospital, telling me to get better, or stay the fuck away…

"I should have stayed away from you," I whispered. He flinched, sucking in a gulping breath, pain written all over his face. My eyes widened.

"I mean – wait! I didn't mean it like that. Sora…" I lifted my hands, and he recoiled slightly, making me let out a noise of distress. I grabbed him before he could pull away further. "I'm – I'm not going to _hit _you, So." I ran my thumbs up his cheeks, drew his gaze to mine. "I should never have involved you in this. I should have – left you alone like you wanted."

He couldn't stop the laugh that sprang out sharply. "I'd have come looking."

I dropped my hands, taking them back into my lap, and we looked at each other. "I'm sorry I scared you," I said quietly. "They wouldn't even let me see you. If it hadn't been for Demyx…"

Sora chuckled a little. "Yeah. Him and Zexion, they're… they're great. They…" He trembled, forced a smile. "They're letting me sleep on their sofa."

I sighed. "You don't have your own room?" He hesitated, shook his head.

"He will," came a voice from the doorway. We both turned. Zexion leaned against the frame, Demyx hiding behind him. The pair had been listening in. Zexion's unobscured eye held mine steadily. "You have to prove yourself, that's all. I doubt they'll deliberately mistreat Sora."

"I have to prove myself?" Anger curled in me. "How? What the fuck are they planning on _doing _to me?"

Zexion shrugged. "Hojo's got a lot of inspiration. He'll go easy on you at first, but later on..."

Sora's hand came up to my arm, clutched it tightly. "Is he – going to hurt Riku?" he asked, voice low. Demyx gently grabbed hold of Zexion's shirt, tugging him back.

"Uh, look guys, me and Zex are going for a walk, okay? You two need some time alone, without us eavesdropping, so, yeah…"

They disappeared pretty quickly, the realisation that Sora's question hadn't been answered hanging in the air between us. Sora's face was heavy, eyes dark.

"It's not your fault," I said softly. "Don't be sorry."

"Well, it's not _your _fault, either," he mumbled. He settled back into the couch, arms folded. I slid down beside him.

"A-are you okay?" I asked. He nodded quietly.

"You?"

"Yeah. I don't think… I'm dying anymore."

He smiled slightly, turned to look at me. "I'm glad." I touched him, ran a smooth finger down the side of his face.

"So," I whispered, "which one are you now, anyway?"

He turned onto his side, placing a hand on the back of the couch in front of his face, studying me with those bright blue eyes. "Which fucking one do you even want me to be?" he returned dutifully, dubiously. I smiled crookedly.

"You?" I leaned forward to kiss him lightly, an act which he returned with something like desperation. For a long time, we simply clung together, lips and tongues working, each of us begging forgiveness in our own way, each comforting the other. This time it was he who roamed, leaving my lips behind to feather his breath along my jaw, pressing his mouth to the various points on my neck. His hands slid up under my thin shirt, gripping the sides of my waist, thumbs pressing into the dip between ribs. We ended up lying awkwardly across the sofa, which was too short to accommodate the full length of my legs. Sora lay on top of me, returning to my lips. There was a frantic energy to his motions. He moaned low in his throat, eliciting an answering rumble from my own. His tongue flicked my eyelids, hands kneading up to my chest, nails digging cages around my nipples. We were both breathing hard, my mouth yearning for contact with his, with his flesh. He filled it, tongue flexing hard against mine, almost beating me back. The ferocity of his passion startled me. When I felt one of his tears drop onto my face, skating down the skin beside my eye, I pulled back. He tried to follow, but I held him, my hands wrapped gently around his throat, feeling the throb of his pulse under my fingertips. He made a small, needing noise, the vibration running through my palms, sending tingles flushing down through my arms and into my entire body. But he was crying.

"Sora, baby, what's wrong?" I panted. His sorrow was my sorrow. I couldn't bear to see him hurt. "What? Did I – did I do something wrong? I'm – "

"Don't tell me you're sorry, damn it," he said, weeping harder, raining on my face. I blinked rapidly as one came in contact with my eye, stinging a little. "I'm sick of your apologies. I told you, it's fine!"

"Then – why are you crying?" I demanded, strangled.

"You mean aside from the obvious?" he snarled, his voice-box thrumming in my hands. "Let me tell you, Riku. I will, will I? I'll tell you, that aside from the fact that we're trapped – " His legs tightening around me, he straddled me now instead of just lying on me. " – aside from the fact that we're never _leaving _this place – " His hands found fistfuls of sofa either side of my head, pulling some of my hair at the same time, making me wince. " – aside from the fact that… that you're going to get hurt here, and I know that you will – " His anger was gone, he was back to gasping, his nose a bare touch away. " – I'm crying, because I nearly lost you. I'm crying because I never thought I'd see your eyes again, and they're stunning, did you know that? I'm _crying – " _Yes. Yes, he was. " – because I thought you were already dead, and there was _nothing _I could do to save you. And now – and _now…" _He suddenly lost his power, collapsed onto me, face digging into the crook of my neck, leaving me breathless. When he spoke this time, it was muffled by my skin, but no less clear, no less heart-felt. "And now I'm here with you. You smell like you need a shower. Your hair needs brushing. You've gone all thin, and tired, and you walk like you're going to fall over… but you're _here. _And you're _holding _me. And all of those things I just said, their not criticisms, I _love _them. I _love _that I can smell you again, and feel you again, and…" He couldn't keep going. He broke down, as I clung to him. I rolled us over, crushing us onto the small couch on our sides, with me on the outer edge so that there was no risk that he would fall. We were eye-to-eye, our foreheads and noses pressed together, me breathing his exhalations, him breathing mine, finding it harder and harder as, between us, the oxygen started running out. We had to angle our chins back a little, let some fresh air come into it.

"I remember," I whispered, "the last thing you said to me, was that you loved me. At least… at least if I had died then, you would have known that I knew." This pushed him over the edge again, brought on another storm of tears.

"Fuck you," he whimpered, holding me tightly.

"Even if I die tomorrow, if I trip and crack my head open, I will die knowing that you love me."

He couldn't stand keeping his eyes open any longer. They slipped shut, releasing more of his anguish to dampen the neck of his shirt. I traced my fingers along the shell of his ear, used my index to smear the wetness over his skin until it dried away.

"It would hurt you to lose me, but you should know that I'd be dying happy. You are all that I need."

He sniffled, panted, tried to control himself long enough to say: "If I die tomorrow – I die happy – because I know that you love me, too."

I broke our close contact, lifting my face and squirming up, so that my head was propped, neck stiff, against the arm of the couch. I tucked his face into my chest. "Well," I said hoarsely, "we're here now. And if I do what they say, we don't have to be apart ever again. Nobody has to die. This isn't where we want to be, but we're together. And they aren't going to do anything unless we try to escape." There was a long silence.

"I think," Sora said at last, his throat wet from all the crying, "that if there was a way to escape, Demyx and Zexion would have taken it. They hate it here."

"We can be happy, though," I whispered. "Demyx said we can be family, and we'll all look out for each other. And if I'm good, we can have our own place like they have, and you can sleep on your very own sofa."

He laughed, voice raspy, and I giggled a little into his hair. Then, for a while, we just lay there, neither of us needing to move, until Demyx and Zexion, some other world's version of Nine and Six, returned to reclaim their apartment.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: **I'm not makin' no moneeeeey! Whyyyyyyy? Don't you loooove meeee??

A/N: The last section of this chapter fucked me up a little to write, since it brushes on an early experience of mine – mentally it wasn't a problem, but physically, oh boy. I'm not going to complain today! I have turned over a new leaf! No more self-rejection! Just… quiet disgruntlement!! So I'm _not _going to tell you it's crappy – that's your job, if that's the way your mind runs. :D As usual, I'll beg for reviews, because I _love _them, and you guys are getting more into the concrit, which is very useful for me (while not being soul-destroying!)

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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

It was two days before I was allowed to see Sora again.

The day after the initial interrogation, I was woken by a brisk Evil Bitch as she swept in with a tray, more oatmeal and a bottle of water. "Get up," she ordered. "And change your shirt, it's time we started building you back up." I sat cautiously, eyes narrowed. "I will be back in thirty minutes. The bathroom is across the corridor, directly. Use it, eat your breakfast, and change into the other ShinRa issue shirt." She ticked something off in her notebook, and click-clacked back out, without giving me a second glance. Peeling back the covers, I climbed out of bed, toes curling at the iciness of the ground. I was hungry, and the water was calling my name, making me realise with a jerk that I hadn't had anything to drink since I had regained consciousness. They must have, I don't know, hydrated me intravenously or something. Up until this moment, I hadn't been thirsty, but now that it was in front of me, I wrenched off the cap and gulped it down. It was a sudden, raging thirst, making me ill with its intensity. My stomach was bloated by the time I had finished, gag reflex on a knife's edge. For five seconds, it was under great debate whether or not the fluid would reappear. It settled, leaving me feeling uncomfortable, but at least I wasn't hurling. I turned my attention to the oatmeal, ate it quickly. Afterwards, I looked for the other shirt she'd mentioned, and found a white, ShinRa wife-beater. I switched it with the short-sleeved button-up which made me look like an inpatient. Only about fifteen minutes had passed. I thought of what she said about the bathroom, wondered if this meant I was being given some measure of free reign. The prospect excited me a little, much to my disgust. I was like some kind of trained animal. But I guess you adapt quickly to these sorts of situations. Or something. Fuck, I don't know. I hated myself for a brief, flaring moment, then resignedly let it slide, and opened the door. My first solo venture into the corridor.

Across from me was another door. I stepped out warily, eyes flicking up and down the hallway, and tested the handle. It opened, revealing a tiny, gleaming bathroom, with a toilet, a sink, and shower. No mirror. Anti-bacterial soap in a huge dispenser, bolted to the wall. I approached it curiously, wrapped my hands around and gave an experimental tug. Screwed tight. It would have made a nice bludgeon. I sighed – not that I would have the opportunity to bash anyone into submission. That would be throwing Sora to the wolves. I didn't even know my surroundings. I would be lost in half an instant just trying to find him for us to run. I stopped myself, very suddenly. Thoughts of escape already?

I moved to sit on the toilet seat, frowning in thought. Everybody thought we were dead. That's what Hojo said. So – if we _were _to escape – what would they all think, then? Bodies were somehow provided to be _us, _at our funerals, a chilling prospect – say we were to suddenly show up? How could that ever be covered up, no matter ShinRa's conglomerate powers? And, say we told the world in our newly resurrected state that we had been kidnapped by said conglomerate – what would that mean for ShinRa? I was intrigued. Of course, at this point it was all conjecture, but… _someday… _Maybe…?

All that water decided it needed to come out. I used the bathroom, wishing I had time to try out the cramped-looking shower, sluice off some of the smell Sora had mentioned yesterday.

I missed him again. This place was so alien and cold – I wished they didn't have us separated. But I was glad, at least, that ShinRa cared so little about him. It actually made me happy, knowing they had him just sleeping wherever, because it meant they weren't even looking at him. They didn't _care _about Sora – as a result, he was safe.

I returned to my room, spent a couple minutes sitting on my bed, waiting for Yunalesca. She arrived and bid me to follow, taking me down several of the labyrinthine corridors, until… I gasped, head tilting automatically back, as we passed through sunlight. It was a connected walkway between two buildings, a steel catwalk with curved bottle-green glass walls. The light was coloured, and there was no fresh air to accompany it, but I could see the sun, I could see the sky. I wanted to stay here, wanted to camp out and bask in it, wanted to put my fist through one of the large green panels and _breathe, _but I was ushered onward. For a flickering moment, I nearly balked, nearly told her to shove it. Of course, good little puppy that I am, I stopped myself in time, reined in the anger, turning my thoughts to Sora. It was lucky my emotions for him were as deep as they were; if I hadn't been so intent on keeping him comfortable, making it so they had no reason to part us, I would have no doubt found life difficult in the labs. But, oh, it hurt, leaving the light behind, returning to the icy, blank embrace of fluorescence.

We entered a long, narrow room, set up like a gym. I swayed to a halt, blinking around in surprise. There was a fairly decent collection of fitness equipment lining one wall, a long mirror spanning the other. Looked like one of those one-way mirrors, a suspicion which was confirmed when Yunalesca disappeared through a door on the far side of the room, leaving me alone, and a moment later her voice crackled to life from a PA suspended from the ceiling. "Subject Riku, can you hear me clearly?" her dry voice echoed. I nodded jerkily, frowning at my surroundings. She returned, took my wrists and slipped two thin bands around each one, and a third larger one around my neck, pulling it tight so it fit snugly, uncomfortably, around the circumference of my throat. She handed me a hair tie, said, "Restrain your hair and get onto the treadmill." I did as she commanded, eyes following her uncertainly as she disappeared back into the side room behind the mirror, closing the door sharply. Her voice came overhead, "Get onto the treadmill, now." Again, that bite of impatience. I resisted the urge to flip off the mirror, went and hopped up onto the treadmill. Hojo's voice crackled out, startling me. He must have got here before us.

"Test subject Riku, you have suffered muscle deterioration in your time unconscious outside of the ShinRa labs. Mako infusion has improved your state somewhat. Today we begin a regime rebuilding your muscle mass, and testing your physical limitations. At no point may you cease activity."

Excuse me? I'm not allowed to stop _running?_ I glanced with ill-concealed nervousness at the machine under my feet. Its controls were covered by a thick sheet of plastic, closing off the buttons to me. They must have had a remote control in the observation room. Testing my physical limitations?

"In the interests of gauging your base endurance, we will be pushing you quite hard."

Well, that's very reassuring. Thank you. I feel better now. And wait, what was Mako infusion?

"The experiment begins." His voice cut off, and with a hum, the machine started up. A little worried, I started walking, glancing over at the mirror. I caught sight of my dubious expression. Never-Riku didn't look happy. I clamped a mask in place, determined not to give these people any form of sadistic satisfaction. The quick walk became a jog, for twenty minutes or so, the pace increasing slowly at five-minute intervals. Eventually, I was running. And running. And _running. _Sweat ran down my body, heat pooling in my cheeks and around my throat, pulsing at the choker. I ran. Behind the mirror, I was being watched, notes were being made. I kept the pace up, fists clenching. Ten minutes passed. Fifteen. I left my head, mind flowing down into my muscles, encouraging the efficient pump, the tense and release, the smooth motions, concentrating so hard on not going jerky. Knees, elbows, ankles, bare feet. Hair slipped down around my eyes, sticking to the rivers of sweat. Mouth open, lungs grasping at the air, heart thundering. My head started to hurt. The threat of weakness shivered down my body, sending a spike of panic in its wake, adrenaline spurting through my veins, ensuring the second wind which might have been a third or fourth. Twenty-five minutes, and I died, everything collapsed, marionette strings cut before I could blink. I dropped, cracked my head against the whirring treads, felt it tear at my still-bent elbows. For a risky moment, my leg nearly slipped under the machine as it propelled me back onto stationary ground, but I snatched it to me with the last of my strength. Dizziness plagued me, the heat swarming around my head, dragging me dangerously close to fainting. _Don't be sick! _My body had no feeling. Numbness spread like a disease, jell-o for muscles, no strength. I faded in and out, consciousness flickering. It was a long time before anyone came out to me, choking on my own sweat as my chest heaved desperately. My pulse points throbbed painfully.

Water was splashed on me, bringing me back to alertness, gasping. I swivelled my eyes up to Yunalesca, her lips pursed. "It's time to get up. You can't stop yet."

I almost laughed, almost sobbed. "I…. can't."

"You must," she responded coldly. "If you stop now, your muscles will seize. They need to cool down."

"You should've fucking turned it _down _then," I said, voice cracking.

"Get up." She walked away, back to the observation room. Again, the urge to bubble laughter rose into my throat. What was I supposed to do, beg them to make it easier?

My head hurt a lot, result of the fall, and a nasty graze had grated the skin of my right elbow, though the blood wasn't spilling. Breaths short and sharp, I gathered myself and pushed up on wildly trembling arms, positively frail. I glanced up at the mirror, over at the treadmill a foot away. I reached out, grabbed hold of the rail, pulled myself up to standing. My other hand shot out, wrapping around the second bar, locking my elbows in place so that I wouldn't slip. Haha. Ha! Oh, shit, I was going to slip, oh fuck, I couldn't _do _this. The machine, which had stopped when I tumbled, rolled back into motion, gently. I allowed my feet to be pulled along, placing them one after the other. It didn't speed up much past that point. At no point did I trust myself enough to release the rail. After a further fifteen minutes, the machine slowed and stopped. I wobbled over to the bench-press and sat, lowering myself gingerly. I bent over my knees, head almost between them, concentrating on not vomiting. At length, Evil Bitch came out with a bottle of water, which she pushed into my hands. "Follow me, back to your room." She reached the door, saw I hadn't moved. "It is time to leave," she said coldly.

It made me want to cry, the thought of walking, the thought of going back. I was a _keyblade _master. I was part of the reason this woman still had a heart – the Heartless and Nobodies would have found this world eventually. It was hideous to realise that _I _was part of the reason either of these scientists were able to torment me. To be so cowed went against every grain of my being, my ego flooded with poison, deflated. When she called to me again, I burned with hatred. My eyes sought hers, locked on them, glared as slits. She looked a little startled, much in the same way that Hojo had the day before. It was the fact that, I might have looked like some lowly teenager, but I _knew _things, had _done _things, had fought and defeated creatures made from _nightmares_. All of this, in a single look, summoned to overpower the fools that tried to believe they could dominate me. It was the knowledge, the promise, that in my element, I could crush her entirely.

But _Sora. _I couldn't _do _this.

The hate formed a tentacle, found my heart. The second I felt it reach for Sora, I withered, grasping my chest, cringing. I couldn't do this. Couldn't _be_ this way.

I went back to my room, on my best, most browbeaten behaviour.

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I didn't see another human being for far too long. Yunalesca brought me two more meals, lunch and dinner respectively, and more fluids. She told me I could use the bathroom whenever I wanted, but was not allowed to roam the labs any further. To do so would result in punishment. I was aware that, at this point, they were testing their own boundaries, seeing how far I would allow myself to be pushed before I snapped or exploded in a flurry of rebellion. But damn it, I was smarter than that. I wasn't some clueless kid, I wasn't an idiot, I could _see _what they were doing. Maybe, if I'd known the way to Sora without needing Demyx's assistance, I would have tried it, but honestly, how long could I have pulled it off before I was found out? I didn't _know _my surroundings, didn't know what kind of surveillance they maintained. I _wasn't _going to jeopardise this by being a defiant _fuck. _And it _hurt. _So I _used _the bathroom, sometimes just went in there to sit and be out of the bedroom, and I _sat _on my bed, and I nearly went _insane _from the boredom. But, shit, I was such a good little boy.

So, this was my life from now on. Robotic little toy, the controls owned by someone else, to be mashed and manipulated at will. A burning venom lived in me, dwelled somewhere between my navel and pecs, housed behind and below my ribs. It ate me, slowly, licked the flesh and tore strips from my innards. It owned claws, and sharp teeth, and a demonic disposition. It wanted to be me.

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I slept, and when Yunalesca entered again, she had changed clothing, had a different pair of shoes on. It was morning. The process of yesterday repeated itself, with breakfast and a demand to change into the wife-beater. I did so, with a quickening heartbeat, dreading a repeat of the torment. We returned to the exercise room, her heels an endless series of staccato echoes down the long corridors. I was made to wear the wrist and neck bands again, and run. To my relief, it was normal today, warm-up, hard work, cool-down. I was not made to pass out. They had got an idea of my capabilities, and now, as Hojo had said, they were restoring my overall stamina and vigour, bringing me back from my foray to the brink of death.

I was… actually feeling better today. Like, a little bit good. It wasn't hope, and it wasn't a positive outlook on life, but – I don't know. I buzzed a little. The exercise was good for me, good to expel the little demon in my gut, endorphins and all that shit. Afterwards, Yunalesca questioned me on how I felt, as I sat panting on the bench-press, taking notes on my physical state. After that, I was returned to my room, lingering, on the way back, in the tunnel of sunlight, gazing upward longingly. Mildly, Yunalesca called me onward, and I reluctantly left it behind.

"Tomorrow, we will focus on your muscle development with exercises such as sit-ups and push-ups," she informed me as I crawled onto my bed. "Doctor Hojo is interested in your endurance." That didn't sound great. How many would I find myself doing? She left me, left me to stare at the walls, and for the first time, this didn't bother me so much. I had the bathroom across the hall if I wanted a change of scenery. The walls – they were almost entertaining. And the drawers – the way the light circled the shining little knobs, the way, when I tilted my head from side to side, the reflection would seem to slide, following my motions.

A little half-smile curving my lips, I went to sit in the shower recess in the bathroom. It was nice and cool. Even though I had long since lost the burning heat born from exercise, the memory remained, making me enjoy the cold of the tiles. In some corner of my mind, I was aware that this wasn't entirely normal behaviour. I had lost track of time. Who knows how many minutes had melted together as I sat getting chillier and chillier, just because I _remembered _being too hot. It was like, eating beyond capability simply because I remembered being hungry. I hoped this wasn't me cracking up.

A light knock came at the door, jolting me from my drifting state. I was curious. "Come in?" Then, looking around, I blurted, "Wait, I'm in the bathroom!" By this stage, Demyx had already opened the door, was raising an eyebrow at me.

"So, Riku, you like to do it dry, huh?"

I scrambled to my feet. "Are you taking me to Sora?"

He pouted a little, but nodded. "You know, though, I was kind of hoping for a hug or something." I paused, halfway out of the shower, one hand planted on the wall.

"You're kidding, right?" I prompted, doubtfully. Demyx threw his hands in the air, went out to the corridor so I'd have room to move. When I joined him, his arms were crossed, foot tapping. I stared, something stabbing at my heart.

"Kairi…"

Demyx blinked, frowned. "Um… no?"

"You…" I laughed a little, scratched my head. "You look like Kairi when you do that." The expression leaked from my face. Dully, I added, "I don't even know what happened to her."

Demyx was sympathetic. "That's you guys' friend, right? From Destiny Island?" I nodded, an action he mirrored. "Sora told me about what happened. I'm sure she's fine," he said earnestly. "She didn't even know anything! Much… I mean, hopefully."

I gazed at him despondently. Sure, she didn't know much. Only that I was being hunted by Turks, only that Cloud had come to my rescue. She'd only shot someone. I'm sure she was _great. _I sighed. "Sora?"

Demyx nodded. "They told me you could see him again, but only for a little while. You've got a test this afternoon."

"Oh." I felt a twinge of anxiety. "What kind of test?"

Demyx hesitated, shrugged. "Could be any number of things, I guess. Come on."

We went to his apartment again. I noticed that, aside from his initial ridiculous behaviour, saying he wanted a hug, he was a bit flatter today than he had been before. I glanced over at him as we walked. "You okay?" I asked at last. He turned, flashed a bright grin.

"Well, sure! No reason not to be!" As we got to the door, though, he paused, shot me an uncertain look. "Okay, um, just one thing? Zexion's not feeling great today, so make sure to be quiet."

Eyebrows rising, I nodded. We entered the apartment, where again the bedroom was empty. Zexion was lying on the couch, Sora sitting on the ground near his head. He looked up anxiously as we came in, said to Demyx, "He had to lie down, but he couldn't make it to the bed." Demyx nodded, suddenly looking grim.

"Sure, Sora, thanks. I'll take him to bed."

I wondered where he had managed to contract an illness in this sterile environment. "Here," I offered with a frown, "I'll help."

"Oh, that's unnecessary," Demyx started to say, but Zexion cut him off.

"Please. I need to stretch out properly." He didn't _sound _sick. That same quiet, almost flat tone of voice that he had used the last time I was here. But as I rounded the sofa, looking down on him, I saw that his eyes were severely bloodshot, his fingers hooked into claws. He was picking, picking, picking at his long sleeves, a motion that Demyx saw and pounced on, grabbing the hands and forcing them soft again. Zexion closed his eyes wearily. Demyx threw me a pleading look. I came up alongside him, and together we lifted the smaller man. He was… light. Insubstantial. Thin, beneath his dark ShinRa clothing. Just as we got him to the bed, he let out a warning moan, and hiccuped a puddle of blue vomit. I stared. Demyx gave a sound of dismay, shifted Zexion further over, and grabbed a spare shirt from the floor, mopping up the mess. For someone who just the other day had been gagging at the very same thing, he was acting out of character with this brisk competence. I wondered if love made the difference, or was it fear?

Zexion started tugging at his shirt again, making small, frustrated noises. "Get it off," he muttered. "Get if _off _me."

"No, Zexy, you need to leave it on – "

"I'll help!" I chirped, suddenly happy, glad to have something to do. Both Demyx and Sora, who had entered behind us, looked at me blankly. I bent and started plucking the buttons undone one at a time, leaning one knee onto the mattress to reach.

"Riku?"

I finished with the shirt, flapped it open to reveal the slender torso of the older man. From here, he handled himself, shrugging and squirming with short, sharp moves until his arms were free. Demyx yelped. "Wait, Zexy – "

"_I don't fucking care, Dem," _Zexion snarled. "I don't want it _on _me, it's got sick on it, and it's _choking _my fucking _arms."_

"Speaking of arms," I said abruptly, wide-eyed, "what the fuck?" I grabbed hold of Zexion's right arm, twisted it over to run my fingers along the long, twin scars trailing vertically along the soft flesh of his wrist. They extended almost to the elbow. I seized the other arm, saw the same thing. Sora and I stared intently for a long minute, a heavy silence filling the room. Demyx closed his eyes, turned his face away, while Zexion gazed stoically at the ceiling.

"I feel a little better now," he said at last. "I won't vomit again."

"Good," said Demyx quickly, forcing a smile. Sora blinked, shook himself, nodded.

"Did you do this to yourself?" I frowned. Then, before he could answer, added, "You could do some fucking awesome lines between them, like with a marker or something, and they'd look like such fucking, fucking cool railroad tracks."

The room went still. Demyx's face turned red, Sora's eyes just about falling from their sockets, mouth dropping. The only one unaffected was Zexion himself, who merely darted me a sharp glance, then nodded quietly.

"Relax, Dem," he said, before the blond could work through his disbelief and erupt. "He's been drugged."

Sora visibly shook, almost swaying from this second shock in a matter of seconds. "He – _what?"_

Demyx was gazing at Zexion like he was crazy. "Zex, you know they don't start that til – "

"Look at him, Dem," the other man said patiently. I was gripping his arm loosely, looking at them each in concern.

"I – " I cocked my head, twisted to look at Sora, puzzled. "You think it's a good idea, right, So?"

He looked so worried, so scared. "Riku…?"

"Riku." I turned to Zexion. "Let me go."

"Oh!" I dropped his arms, sat back on my ankle, the other leg hanging down to touch the floor.

"Riku, they're slipping narcotics into your food, were you aware?"

"Um… no," I admitted slowly. I thought for a little bit. "They wouldn't make good train tracks, would they? I just said something seriously fucked up."

He said, "Yes, but I forgive you. And yes, I did them to myself."

Demyx had gone pale. "They're… already?" His expression gentled into compassion as he regarded me. He looked to Zexion. "Why would they do this?"

Zexion shrugged. "I guess they want to step things up. They already know how you and I reacted. They're taking him on when he's weaker, seeing what happens."

"They're – slipping him drugs in his food?" Sora asked, voice small. Zexion nodded.

"They'll be monitoring his behaviour and reactions to various situations." He turned his attention to me. "How was your exercise session today?"

"Uh – good," I said. "Easier than yesterday."

"A stimulant then, reasonably mild. Considering his lucidity, I'd say there's an anti-psychotic in there also. They're getting the cocktails going."

Sora seized me sharply, spun me around, cried, "Don't eat anymore! You can't!"

"He's got to, Sora," Demyx said gravely. "They won't stop until they get their results, and they'll punish him if he disobeys."

"How?" Sora demanded, whirling on him, still gripping me. "What'll they do, _ground _him?"

"Sora." Zexion's tone was sharp. "Don't panic. Don't lose your temper. _Don't _encourage Riku to disobey. Punishments vary, but they always hurt. They can torture him, do you realise that? If they choose to, they can lock him down and pull his skin off strip by strip. We are in the harbour of their lenience only for as long as we co-operate."

"You're so beautiful," I murmured, leaning down to brush Sora's ear with my mouth, huffing a hot breath onto his neck. He stiffened, tried to push me away, but I clamped down on him with a whine. "Don't turn me away. I love you…"

"Riku, get off me," he commanded, tightly.

"No," I whispered, and dragged my tongue from the base of his neck up to his jaw. Demyx was there a second later, prying us apart, features pinched with anger.

"Keep off," he snapped. "Bad Riku."

"He's _my _fucking _boyfriend," _I snarled suddenly. "I've left him alone long enough, I _want _him!" Sora moved out of range, making me sad. "Babeeee," I moaned. "I want you. Why won't you hold me?"

He didn't respond, looking scared. "This is fucked up," Demyx muttered.

I nodded suddenly, and, feeling like I was reaching out from the bottom of a well, agreed hollowly, "Yeah, it is."

"Riku, we have a book. Do you like books? There is a book next to the couch. Go read it," Zexion said. Then, "Dem, has he got a test later?" Demyx nodded. "Give him some water, try to get it flushed through."

Demyx drew me to the sofa, sat me down, and stuck the book in my hands, something about something I didn't care about and never would and never _wanted _to, damn it. "I want Sora," I said. "Get him to sit next to me."

"Can't do it, buddy," Demyx replied, pouring me a cup of water from a tall bottle in the corner of the room. "Unrequited molestation is bad."

"So is trying to kill yourself."

His blue eyes shot up to mine, holding a slice of rage. "Just… shhh." He very carefully handed me the water, watched me gulp it down. "More?" he asked. I shook my head. "It'll do for now," he conceded. "Now… How about I get Sora to come say bye?"

"I have to leave?" I asked quickly.

"Yes," he said slowly. "I think it's best if you're alone for a while. You seemed better by yourself."

"Oh." I glanced down at my knees, back up at Demyx. "Where's Sora?"

"I'm here." I twisted, beaming, to see my love coming to sit by me. He hesitated, then leaned across and hugged me tightly. I returned the gesture, frowning slightly.

"Are you crying again?" I whispered. He shook his head.

"No," he said, truthfully. "But I want to. They're hurting you."

I shrugged. "I don't feel the pain." His fingertips dug into me. "I love you," I added.

"Love you, too," he said thickly. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Come on, Riku, time to go," Demyx said. Sora released me, pushed back to meet my gaze, his perfect face sinking with distress. Demyx noticed, comforted him. "It's okay. It won't be like this all the time. Just every now and then. All you have to do is take care of him when it happens."

He nodded miserably. Not looking at me, he said, "Bye, Riku."

I stood abruptly. "See you round, So," I said lightly, as if we were parting at the beach, as if in an hour we'd be meeting for dinner.

I heard him start to weep as we left the apartment, and tried to turn back, but Demyx steered me forcefully onward. "We need to get you back for your test," he explained soothingly. "Sora's okay. He just wants you to be happy."

"Happy?" I said blankly. "How can anyone be happy here?"

He sighed. "We just gotta try our best, right?"

I shrugged. "Sure, whatever."

He was correct in the sense that, away from other people, I calmed down a little. I hadn't been worked up to begin with, but the inanity falling from my lips lessened, the part of my brain which had been processing this whole episode with worry coming to the forefront. I sat on my bed, knees drawn up, shivering, muscles twitching occasionally out of my control. The light became fascinating again. When Yunalesca arrived, I stared at her intently. She stood in front of me for a long time, asking questions about how I felt, physically, mentally and emotionally. I answered as honestly as I was able.

"And where was it that Cloud picked you up from the Academy?" she voiced at last.

I opened my mouth, face falling into a frown before I even knew why. A small sound, the beginning of a word, came from my throat before I stopped. I took a deep breath. "I'm… being manipulated," I murmured to myself. She heard this.

"Manipulated, Riku?" she echoed smoothly.

I nodded. "You drugged me. And now… you're asking me… to see if you can catch me off guard?" Was this right? Or was it my brain playing tricks on me? I scowled. "I wasn't picked up from the Academy. I hitchhiked." Damn fucking straight. Take that, Evil Bitch. High as a fucking kite, and I can _still _beat you down.

She eyed me coldly. "It's time for the experiment. Follow me."

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It's called the water test.

It's where they try to kill you, to see what will happen.

Hojo was already at the tank. As I appeared, he studied me eagerly. Upon realising that I was in the middle of a mind-fuck, his expression dropped into a scowl. Seeing as how he's the one drugging me, I take it that the disappointment was less that I'd got high, and more that, um – I'd got high. Like, he wasn't gonna shake his finger and tell me drugs are bad. He just wanted me to be sober. For the test? Or to solidify his opinion that I was different?

"Riku." His voice echoed in the large space. It was different from the other rooms, more like an indoor swimming pool, the smell of cleaning chemicals in the air, a high ceiling.

And, of course, the tank.

It was more like an aquarium. On three sides, it was fibreglass, the fourth wall being made of thick glass. It was empty, aside from the thousands upon thousands of gallons filling it calmly.

"Where's the fucking fishies?" I demanded, thoughts again growing incoherent the moment I opened my mouth to voice them. Hojo tutted, wrote something down.

"Riku, you are going to show me how you swim. Climb into the tank, please."

Swimming? Well, I could totally do that. There was a ladder for me to climb, which I did with alacrity. I peered over the edge, into the clear depths, shimmering with diamonds of light cast from above.

"Into the tank," Yunalesca snapped. I rolled my eyes, shook my head, and hauled myself up. Moments before I sent myself over, I frowned suddenly, twisted my head so sharply I nearly slipped and said, "I haven't got any board shorts!"

"This exercise requires clothing, Riku," Hojo's voice assured me. Oh. Well, okay, I guess.

I pulled myself up and over, balancing on the edge, before dropping down into the frigid water. The cold shock shook me a little from my reeling state. Gasping, I treaded in place. I couldn't see them anymore; the water level was flush with the thick metal lining the perimeter of the tank. I'd have to dive under to be able to view them.

"Riku, please swim a circuit of the tank."

I complied, shivering, striking out in a vague rectangle, realising with some bafflement that they couldn't see me for the same reason that I couldn't see them. All they knew of me was the splashing.

"Dive under the water, Riku. Swim to the bottom, and touch it."

I did this, catching a wavering view of them. I pressed my fingers to the white base, followed with my feet, and rocketed back up. It was a pretty deep tank. I burst through the surface, gulping air. I wished I hadn't been so out of it when I'd seen Sora. We hadn't been together for two days, and when we were, I acted like a fool. Hell, I acted like I wanted to rape him. I was grateful to Demyx and Zexion, angry at Hojo. This was so ridiculous – what made them think they could mess with someone's life like this?

"Riku, repeat the last action. Touch the bottom."

I huffed a sigh, sucked a lungful, dove down and kicked hard. It took a while for the vibrations that suddenly rumbled through the water to register in my mind. I reached the bottom, scraped my nails along it, repeated the shooting technique that would take me back up. Moments before I reached the surface, I noticed it was opaque. I pulled back sharply, hitting the barrier with less force than I would have, eyes wide. A bubble escaped me. I touched the barricade, felt it slide under my fingers, turned to see it extending over the length of the entire tank. Another flurry of bubbles, as I involuntarily yelled. I kicked out wildly, clawing for the closing gap before it trapped me here. I almost got there. I really did. I got a hand through, yanked myself up, screeched in a breath. It took only a second to realise I wouldn't pull myself up in time – I was going to be crushed between the wall and the extending cover, its mechanics too strong for me counter. I sobbed once, sucked in another lungful, and slipped down into the water. Moments later, the vibrations ceased. The sky was made of metal, and I was going to die. Curling my body up, I planted my feet to the barrier and pushed off hard, towards the glass, slammed into it. I pressed myself against it, desperate, seeing them standing there, blurred. Hands becoming fists, floating back up as my inflated chest buoyed me, I punched at the glass, an act in futility. My lungs burned, head screaming at the betrayal and horror. Instincts took me back up to the cover, bashing and kicking at it, the air so close.

_Not again! Not again!_

My mouth forced itself open, ignoring my frantic commands to stop, and let my wasting oxygen loose. Breathing water in its place, I writhed, choking, vomiting, sucking it all back in. Darkness encroached upon the edges of my vision. My struggles grew feebler as I sank, the metal barrier falling away from my fists. I cried. Deep inside, I screamed, and I cried, because I knew that nothing was going to save me this time. I wouldn't wake up, wouldn't be brought back by Tidus, wouldn't cling to Sora's neck and void myself.

This time, this drowning, it was for real.

Whatever they hoped to gain from this, I hope it chokes them.

This felt so damn familiar.

_Sora._


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: **I'm pretty sure we all know by now that I don't own even a speck of sand near anywhere that made any of the characters/settings in this story. Woe.

A/N: Happy Hallowe'en to those that celebrate it! I personally don't. The extent of Hallowe'en in Australia is one out of fifty kids dressing up and startling people who weren't even aware of the date into desperately trying to find junk food for the hopeful face on the doorstep. However, I do have a packet of Jaffas. I haven't had chocolate in over a month, so this is awesome. And yeah, I think there's a story somewhere below this utterly useless rant, tell me what you think of it, yes? Love!

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CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

The sound in my ears was of someone crying.

I breathed in, felt pain. "Enough," I whispered. I opened my eyes, blinked through tears of my own, saw the ceiling glow above me. "Enough."

Sora clung to me with a low wail, face burying into my neck. For a few incoherent minutes, his sobs filled the air, mixed with torn apologies. My arms moved slowly, stiffly, to embrace him. It hurt to exist, my inhalations loud and stilted. We were crushed onto my single bed, with me against the wall. _"So," _I breathed at last, eyelashes fluttering. "Why am I still alive? Did I – did I dream?"

I felt… wet.

My eyebrows drew together in realisation. "…They tried to kill me."

Sora lifted up onto his elbow, streaked face leaning down to mine, a shaking kiss pressed to my cheek. I turned away slightly, keeping him from my lips, frightened of having my mouth covered. I needed to breathe.

"They – came and got me," he related brokenly. "They said you n-needed me."

Chest filling slowly, I nodded. "I do. Don't let me go."

His head shook violently from side to side. He tried to lie over my chest, but I let out a noise of distress, shifting back. "Please," I begged faintly. "Just let me breathe."

Stricken, he cuddled into my side, fingers grasping at my damp clothing.

They hadn't even bothered to change me, had just – just hauled me from the tank and thrown me in here. Had it been a mistake? Was the cover not supposed to go over? Why else would I still be here, if they were trying to kill me? I shuddered at the memory – at both memories.

-------

_Water. Water was everywhere…_

_-------_

I rubbed Sora slowly. "It's okay," I said hoarsely, aware of the perversity of being the comforter in this situation. Again, he rose up, the expression on his face one of shame, and determination. He wasn't going to allow me this.

"Riku – don't." He wiped his face firmly. He laid a hand against the side of my face. Whatever I expected him to say, whatever wisdom or strength, it was washed away with his softly spoken, "I want them to stop hurting you."

I laughed a little, choked a little. There was still water in my lungs. I coughed hard, leaned over, spittle dotting my pillow as I hacked. I regained my breath, panted with a stupid, cracked grin, "I don't think they care what you want, So. They're not me."

His fingers, which always remind me of earth, stroked my face gently, pushing the wet hanks of hair away, tucking them behind my ears. "We need to get you changed," he said quietly. "You'll get sick if you stay in wet clothes."

I nodded, eyes slipping wearily shut, his ministrations unbelievably soothing. "It's cold, too." I wanted my mother very badly. Or Sora's. Or Aerith in my head. Or Kairi. I needed a maternal presence, to brush the cruelty away and tell me I would always be safe in their arms. It wasn't that Sora wasn't enough, it wasn't that he couldn't take care of me, or protect me – it was just… I needed my mother. I wondered if she even existed on this planet, and for the first time, belatedly, I felt grief at her absence. Perhaps it was being in the presence of someone like Hojo's assistant that did it. She had been my only female contact in days. I desperately wanted some balance in my life.

Sora was digging around in the drawers, pulled out some more whiteness, brought it over to the bed. Carefully, gently, he slipped his fingers under the hem of my shirt and peeled it back. I lifted my arms tiredly above my head, wincing at the pain in my chest, and the clinging material was tugged over my head. Although it was cold, the air on my skin felt wonderful. Sora balled up the shirt and threw it over near the door, where it landed with a splat. I could feel the dampness of the sheets beneath my torso. Sora then removed his own shirt, making me arch an eyebrow. "Don't look at me like that," he muttered, managing a blush even after all that had happened, delighting me just a little, in an exhausted sort of way. "It's dry. I'm drying you." He did, swiping it over my exposed flesh. I wrinkled my nose as it came up to my neck.

"You've been wearing these same clothes since we got here…"

He scowled. "I'll stink before I wear ShinRa." I sobered, nodded. Done with my upper half, he reached for the elastic of my pants, but I caught his wrist, smirking slightly.

"Sora, maybe I should do this bit. I don't think your virgin eyes could handle it…"

Said eyes widened, as he snapped out of nurse mode and realised we were both half naked, and he'd been planning to make one of us slightly _more _naked. I certainly wouldn't complain, under normal circumstances. But this wasn't normal. When it hurts to breathe, panting and gasping isn't advisable.

He twisted his fingers into my free hand, meeting my gaze seriously, shutting me up and wiping the smug look away very quickly. He smiled lightly. "Good call." He leaned forward, hesitating in front of my lips, uncertain if I was going to pull back. I swallowed my fears and kissed him. He drew back with a gentle look of affection and stood from the bed, tossing me his shirt. "Dry yourself with it."

I smiled with sly incredulity. "Are you going to wear it afterwards?"

He snorted. "No," he said, back already turned, smooth back curving as he sorted through the drawers a second time and pulled out a wife-beater for himself, dragging it over his spikes. Watching him carefully, I pulled the remainder of my garments off, dried myself, and pulled on the fresh clothing. "Okay," I said at last. I tossed the soiled clothing over to join the others, but he grabbed his shirt back out.

"What?" he said defensively, in answer to my look. "I'm not letting them have it. It's mine."

"What happened to stinking before you wore ShinRa?" I asked abruptly. A look of dismay crossed his face.

"One of these days, I'll make a vow that lasts longer than five minutes," he promised, pained.

I laughed gently, stood on shaky legs, system still drugged even if the shock had cured my mind. He came to me quickly, caught me before I swayed, wrapped his arms around my back. He held me up. Exhaling softly, I encircled him. "I'm having nightmares tonight."

He nodded. "I'll stay, then. They can't make me leave."

I twitched, he felt it. "If they say you have to leave, just go," I said quietly. "I know it's hard for you, So, but until I know what the hell happened back there, I don't want you drawing any unnecessary attention to yourself."

His nose dug into my breastbone. He knew what I meant. "It's not fair," he whispered, the cry of the victimised throughout eternity. "None of this is fair."

I shrugged. "There's no such thing as fair and unfair. There's just the way things are. That's all." My eyes slipped shut. I felt disconnected and weary, nerves still humming slightly from whatever it was they tricked me into ingesting. No fair. No unfair. Just the way things are. Believing in this was one of the things keeping me sane.

That night, for the first time since the hotel on the mainland, Sora and I slept in the same bed. I don't think I've had such a good sleep in weeks. It's funny that, amidst all the horror, the fear, I could feel so peaceful simply because he was with me. It was like having someone soothe an all-over bruise. It had been too long since we had just been allowed to be together, with no interruptions, no awkwardness. It was like it used to be; like I might wake up and none of this had ever happened. It was easy to pretend that Sora and I had been together for two years, instead of a month.

I spent the time curled up in his arms, my head on his chest, the ever-present beat of his heart providing a sense of completion I had almost forgotten I could possess.

-------

"It's called the water test. It's where they drown you to see what happens."

Sora and I sat on my bed. I had my back up against the wall, with him sprawled between my legs, head resting on my chest. We both stared at Demyx. He had brought my oatmeal and water today. Apparently, Hojo and Yunalesca were otherwise occupied with Zexion, explaining the blond's nervousness as he paced the room, incapable of sitting still for more than a few minutes at a time.

"Then – they did it on purpose?" I asked numbly. "They… drowned me?"

"It's an experiment," Demyx said softly. "They get it over with pretty quickly… it won't happen again."

"How do you know?" Sora demanded, the vibration of his voice passing through his back and into me. Demyx smiled crookedly.

"They do it to everyone, and everyone gets the same result. So there's no need to keep trying, I guess. They just like to test the newbies…"

"And exactly," I growled, "what result are they hoping for? What other result _is _there, aside from _dying?"_

He was quick to correct. "Oh, the dying's not a result, it's part of the experiment."

Again, we couldn't help but stare, confusion and consternation our constant friends. "So you're saying," said Sora slowly, "that they force people to drown – to see what happens after they're… dead?" He stiffened, his hand, which rested on my knee, clutching suddenly. "Riku _died?"_

Demyx was regretting starting this conversation, blinking at the depth of our ignorance. I guess it had been a long time since he had dealt with people not intimate with the workings of ShinRa. I wondered how long he'd actually been here; I hadn't even thought to ask.

"Well – yeah. They – they brought him back though," he added, helpfully, pointing at me. I sank my forehead against Sora's shoulder, finding myself short of breath.

"But – what were they hoping for?" Sora demanded. "What's meant to happen when you're dead?"

Demyx brightened up a little, as the conversation swung back into familiar territory. "Well, they're hoping the portal will open again, so they can figure out a way to get to our worlds!"

My head lifted sharply. "What portal?"

"Oh, jeeze," Demyx murmured, dismayed, glancing at each of us in turn, "you don't know _anything, _do you?" He thought about this. "I guess since it's just Hojo and Yunalesca… It was always Squall and Aerith that explained stuff to me…"

This really got our attention. "You knew Squall?" I asked, voice strangled. Demyx looked stunned, mouth swinging open.

"Do _you _know Squall? Oh, gods, _how?" _

"He – " Sora faltered. "He was our teacher."

"Holy _wow!" _Demyx breathed, sparkling for the first time since entering. "I can _so _see it! Squall would be such a great teacher! He's so patient!"

"He was," I said quietly. Demyx frowned a little, puzzled.

"What happened? Is he okay?"

Sora shook his head slowly, while I let my gaze slide off into the distance. "Leon got shot by the Turks, Dem. He died in hospital."

Demyx's frown deepened. "Leon…" Eyes widened. "Leonhart. Squall – Squall died?"

"…Sorry."

"And – Aerith? You knew Aerith, too?" I asked. Demyx's eyebrows had drawn together, creating a little-boy-lost look.

"Yeah, but I already knew she was dead. I can't believe _Squall…"_

There was a brief silence, while Dem wandered slowly, fingertips trailing the walls. This was the first time in a while that my thoughts found Leon, replaying that day in my mind, gut twisting at the thought of Cloud's grief and, no doubt, rage. Would it be directed my way? Well – he'd never get the chance to vent. I was trapped here. Punishment enough.

"What does all this have to do with the – water test?" I asked at length.

"Wait," Sora broke in, before we could get back on track. He leaned forward sharply. "Dem, are you telling me that Leon was in on this water test thing? He let them do it to people?"

"It's the only way for them to see if the portal will happen again, Sora," Demyx explained earnestly. "And it's not like they're going to ask your permission to drown you. And – and they resuscitate you afterwards."

"Demyx," I frowned, "did they do it to you?"

He hesitated. "Well, yeah. I mean, I'm okay with it now. Because if it ever worked, well, maybe we could all find a way home, you know? It was good that people like Squall and Aerith were involved in it – back then, it was as much about getting us back as it was about the research into other worlds. These days…" He sighed, eyes lifting to the ceiling. "Well, I don't think about going home anymore. It's just not going to happen. Freedom doesn't exist for us."

"So – this portal is meant to be a way home?" I demanded. He nodded.

"It's how we got here, after all. Everyone that comes from other worlds, they drown. They die. And then they wake up here, on the amalgamate."

Memories of drowning… I paled. "I… died." Sora shrank back into me, his breaths short.

"That's how Riku got here?" he asked shakily. "That's why I found him in the water? He drowned?"

"And opened a portal and crossed over, yeah," Demyx said gaily, apparently not noticing the sudden drop in temperature. My hand found his, twined them together, but he didn't reciprocate.

"Then – the other Sora – he thinks you're dead," Sora said softly. I sucked in sharply, grunting in sudden pain. Oh, God.

"I don't think it happens to everyone who ever drowns," Demyx obliviously continued. "Otherwise this place would be overrun. Or there'd be a lot of dead people out there… From what Squall and Aerith said, when people die, time and space, um, kind of do stuff, and that's how you get on to whatever comes next, you know? But sometimes, instead of going forward, people go sideways!" He liked this explanation, beamed at his cleverness. "And that's what happened to us! It only happens with people who die in water, though. Water is – " He hesitated. "Water is the great conductor. It has vibrations on a frequency that travel faster than anything else… that's why it's only drowned people that get across, and not, you know, stabbed ones or whatever. The death causes a rupture in the universe, and the water crosses you over. Because the amalgamate world is connected to so many other worlds, by the oceans. And…" He trailed off, cheeks burning slightly.

Sora, ever more observant than I, asked, "If it's the oceans which are connected, why'd they try to drown Riku in a tank?"

"Oh, it – it can be any body of water," Demyx said. "Sometimes, people have died in pools… bathtubs…"

"Bathtubs?"

I closed my eyes, breathed in the scent of Sora. None of this was helping me. Not at all. All at once, I didn't want to know _anything. _To think of Sora, thinking I was dead… It killed little pieces of me, stabbed me repeatedly, confusing me when I held another Sora directly in my arms.

"The water's vibrations connect all bodies of water, so even if you die… elsewhere… you can still pass through to here."

So what did that mean, when there were supposedly two Sora's within this one? My Sora, never-Sora… I had died, come here, been revived. Did Sora know I was still alive? Was my connection with this Sora providing a link of some sort between this world and mine?

"Maybe that's why," I said dully. The other two jumped at my sudden contribution, so out of sync with whatever they had been saying. I turned my gaze to Demyx. "Maybe the reason we cross over is… because we have a link here. Like – like me and Sora. I died… but instead of – of going on to whatever, I found my way to Sora…"

Sora's eyes widened. He turned sharply, so that we were nose to nose, staring wildly. "You – you mean… _You_ came looking for… me?"

Perhaps. Or maybe, I just felt his pull, the tug on my heart, his and Sora's hearts connected already, drawing me in when I should have been dead, should have washed up onto Destiny Island a corpse…

"That would mean that I had a link here, too," Demyx frowned. "But the only person I've ever known like you know Sora is Zex, and he's from another world entirely!"

But there's always Axel, Roxas… And maybe once Demyx had arrived, Zexion had a reason to come here, too. All of these people, fates intertwined despite the many worlds that separated them then, separate their origins now… Out of all of these connected hearts, three of us died in water. I _died… _

I died twice.

If it meant going home, would I die a third time?

-------

I was high again, and not in a good way. Not even in a dopey sort of way. I was fuckin' bouncing off the walls, punching shit, screaming. It's because of the Heartless. They were _everywhere. _And here was me without a keyblade.

Sora and Demyx were long gone, back to the apartment when Yunalesca finally appeared and ordered them out. I got the feeling the whole reason Demyx had even been allowed to see me was to explain what Hojo himself couldn't be bothered doing. Three hours later found drawers splintered against what was now a locked door, the bedding strewn across the floor, with me whimpering under the naked mattress, springs hooked into my hair, because there were just too many monsters and I was going to be torn apart. I was terrified for Sora, my throat long-since raw and bloody from screaming his name. I had cuts up and down my arms, splinters embedded in my soft feet. My lips had been torn mercilessly by my teeth, the stench of blood as thick as that night with Pence. I don't know if I was having an adverse reaction to whatever I had swallowed, or if this was precisely what they desired in me. Were they outside my door, taking notes? Were there cameras in my room, filming every second of my psychotic insanity? Because I _was _crazy, I knew it. That made it worse, almost. I spent so much of my time, alternately screaming or whispering, _"This isn't real, this can't be real, they're not _here!"

It didn't change the fact that they had me surrounded.

I was trapped in a nightmare.

-------

It's called the threshold test.

It's where they hurt you, to see how much you can endure.

Wrists, biceps and ankles strapped to a chair in a large laboratory. There was a bank of computers along one wall, two of the screens lit up. Several tall cylindrical tanks filled with electric-blue viscosity studded the other side of the room, for the moment silent, but my brief snatches of early memory of my time here told me that they bubbled when they were occupied, and that the inhabitant would inevitably find themselves vomiting that same colour some hours later.

I was panicking, but keeping it quiet, eyes narrow and hard. Unfeeling. I didn't know yet what was coming, but I wasn't hoping for anything pleasant. If Hojo hadn't gone about all this in such a professional manner, I would have said he was insane. But then, perhaps it is more insane for someone to be a torturer with a cold mind. Or at least, something bordering on evil. I couldn't imagine Leon and Aerith condoning _this. _

"What are you going to do to me?" I asked icily. Yunalesca was nowhere to be seen for this experiment. It was the first time I had seen Hojo since the water test, three days previously. I hadn't seen Sora since before my psychosis. I had done two exercise sessions in that time, their plan to rebuild me continuing despite their contrastingly horrific medicinal assault on my body.

Hojo didn't answer my question, bumbling around setting up a tape recorder, making certain the belts holding my limbs in place were firmly buckled, shifting items around on a small trolley with metallic noises. I ground my teeth together. He went to a computer and typed for several minutes, then hit a key. A bare second later, a sharp jolt shot through my body, blanking my mind for a white moment, leaving me gasping. Hojo, watching me, nodded, and came to stand in front of me, hands folded behind his back. He intoned, "Doctor Hojo presiding test Threshold. Subject Riku, present in ShinRa laboratory twelve, at three-forty-five PM on his ninth day of incarceration. Subject is showing minimal signs of Mako withdrawal, is reacting appropriately to all oral enhancements, and is co-operating with ShinRa personnel. Subject is of sound mind and body." He nodded to me. "State your name and age."

I burned. "I am Riku Utada, eighteen years old."

"And your mood?"

_I hate you. _"What do you mean, mood?" I snapped.

"Subject Riku, state the nature of your current state of mind for recording processes," he commanded.

"I'm really, really, really fucking happy."

He eyed me coldly. "Correction," he said to the recorder, "subject is showing signs of resentment and anger, an unwillingness to co-operate with proceedings. This will be taken into account." I went cold. "Experiment begins."

He then slapped me.

Face to the side, cheek and left eye burning, I could only gasp, bewildered. I turned back, only to be slapped a second time, harder, across the other cheek.

"_Jesus! _What are you _doing?" _I yelled, trying to tug free of my bindings.

"Subject is showing signs of struggle, minor."

He punched me, right in the nose, wresting a grunt from my lips. A second later, blood spilled down in a graceful trail.

"Subject is dazed."

I was backhanded, head wrenched to the side, panting through the taste of salt and copper. This was an experiment? This was a test? Hitting me and then describing my reaction?

"Subject is accepting the pain," Hojo said blandly. He picked up a cloth, wiped my fluids from his skin. Then from the small trolley he plucked a razor blade. It glinted in the light.

"Subject is showing signs of fear at phase two damage instrument."

"_Fuck you!" _I roared. "Don't you fucking _touch _me!"

"Subject is aggressive."

"What is _wrong _with you? Why do you think this is okay?!"

He went to the computer, pressed a key. Another jolt shot through me, effectively silencing me in the split-second blindness. I desperately fought to collect myself as his footsteps sounded out dully. His free hand clamped down on my arm, the other slashing the razor down my skin. I let out a bellow, thrashing as best as I could. When he approached me with it a second time, I lunged forward, jaws snapping, forcing him back.

"Subject is attempting to bite me." I wrenched my knees, muscles straining as I uselessly tried to break free. He slapped me again, sliced my exposed neck, drawing a startled gasp at the pain, the sudden threat to my mortality.

"Blade causes more concern in subject than fists."

"How is this scientific?" I cried out, blood welling slowly in the cut on my arm, spilling out once it found itself at the surface. It must have been a half-inch deep, burning numbly.

"Subject," he observed, sounding for all the world as if this was high school biology, "is switching between attempted rationality and retaliation. Sight of own blood does not cause overmuch concern."

He went to the trolley, dropped the razor with a high clatter, wiped his fingers a second time.

He picked up a hammer.

I froze, rigid in the large chair, eyes large and round as he approached me.

"Subject displays great fear at phase three damage instrument."

"Don't you fucking touch me with that," I said between stiff lips. He fixed me with a patient look. My breath caught. Calm fell over me like a gossamer curtain. "You're insane."

"Perhaps," he conceded, a rare moment of addressing me directly. "Science often falls to the less conventional of minds."

I lowered my head, watched from beneath my brows, bangs hanging over my face. He took hold of my left hand, which hung loosely from the end of the chair's arm, smoothed the fingers up onto the wood, neatly straight. My heart thundered sickeningly, dizzying, but I was beyond this. I was a keyblade master.

My lips pulled slowly back from my teeth as Hojo met my gaze one last time before executing phase three damage. I didn't exist here, I didn't exist now.

"Go ahead and break me," I said darkly, voice deep.

My hand, over the course of five silent minutes, interrupted only by the impact of the metal, the dry but interested observations uttered for the sake of the recording, was shattered.

-------

I was dumped outside Demyx and Zexion's apartment, semi-conscious, doped up to the eyeballs with morphine. I guess pain after the experiment isn't as important as during.

Small, involuntary whimpers escaped my lips as I was carried inside, curled up like a baby in Demyx's arms. I was placed on the bed next to a wide-eyed Zexion, who struggled up to sitting, staring down at me with horror. I was dimly aware of Sora's ragged cries in the background of the hazy white world.

"Demyx, get Sora on the couch. Don't let him in until I'm done."

Demyx and Sora were gone, door slammed shut, Sora's voice reaching me even through the steel, growing increasingly hysterical. Zexion hovered over me, forcing me to meet his eyes. "Riku, can you hear me?" I nodded slowly. "Are you in pain?"

"Nope," I said, voice feather-soft, barely a breath pushing through my teeth.

"I'm going to clean your wounds and bind your hand. It will hurt." I nodded again.

"Fine…"

He went into the bathroom, was gone for an immeasurable amount of drifting, intangible time. Then, there was cold wetness on my arm, along my throat, dabbing the long scores in the flesh. "Is… this what hap-pened to you?" I whispered, eyelids hovering at half-mast. I felt like glass. Like heavy… heavy… glass.

"Me? Oh." He glanced down at the marred underside of his arms. "No. I told you, I did this to myself. It's the whole reason that I'm even here. I killed myself in a bathtub. The scars on my left arm are fainter than the ones on my right. I wanted to do it right, never wake up. I did it right, but… the water conducted me to here."

"Ah… Because of Demyx… I re-mem-ber."

"Demyx?"

I lolled my head gently from side to side, dismissing the subject as too difficult. He gripped my chin lightly, bringing my attention back.

"What do you know about Demyx?" he asked intently. "Did he tell you?"

My brow furrowed, eyes slipping shut. "Tell…?"

"He did his best for you, Riku. He lied to them for you. Please don't be angry with him."

"Angry…"

"He wanted you to die free," Zexion said quietly. "Nobody could have known how long you'd survive. He did his best for you."

I couldn't figure this out, frowned and nodded slowly. "Fine."

He hesitated, then continued with his ministrations. "I've never seen Hojo go this far," he muttered out loud, not necessarily expecting me to contribute to a conversation. I swam through a fog, listening to the breaths that filled and flattened me, faintly fascinated by the silver presence of my eyelashes.

For a while, I lost track of things. I felt as Zexion attended to each part of my body, because there would be a pressure, a tugging, and, I think, some form of pain, but it didn't actively hurt yet. My mind embraced this lassitude, wary in the knowledge that pain would come.

The bed dipped slightly. I felt Sora nearby, and allowed my eyes to open again, smiling gently at my beautiful heart's reflection. I reached up with my uninjured hand, touching his wet cheeks. "You cry… so much…"

He closed his eyes, sniffed. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this."

"S'okay, So…"

"Are you in pain?" he asked anxiously. I smiled, shook my head gently.

"I'm okay. I'm pretty… sleepy, though."

"Then you should sleep," Sora said, pressing a kiss to my forehead, the only part of my face that was left untouched by Hojo's scientific savagery.

"Yeah," I breathed. "Lie with me?"

He curled up against me carefully, reminding me of the last time we slept together, making my lips split apart in a slow, loving grin that Sora couldn't even see, his face buried into my side. I fell asleep to the taste of blood.

-------

For a whole day I was left alone by Hojo, staying in the shelter of the apartment. It took nearly that entire time for me to recover from the morphine. Zexion, though pale and weak-looking, still sick, tended to me as best as he could, but spent half his time passed out on the bed beside me.

"What's up with him?" I asked Demyx softly at one point, when he came to check on us. Sora was sleeping on the couch, exhausted from a night of worrying about me. Demyx sat on the edge of the bed, smiled sadly.

"Zexy's… a little fragile. He needs a lot of infusions to keep him going."

"Infusions…"

"The Mako infusions." He saw my blank look, rolled his eyes, poked me in the head. "Sheesh, it's only the reason you're still _alive_ and all. Nothing _too _major, Riku."

"It's not like I've got anyone explaining it to me," I grumbled. I shifted, not moving my hand even slightly from its limp, bound position on the covers. I had, in the hours in which the painkiller had gradually worn off, perfected the art of keeping my left arm utterly immobile.

Demyx beamed. "Sure you do – you've got me! Mako is the planet's life, and when we're infused with it, it adjusts our bodies to the amalgamate so we don't die! If you have regular infusions, you'll be fine."

"How often is regular?" I asked dubiously.

"Well, Zexy has them every four days. That's the most they'll risk, coz they don't want him, like, overdosing or something. I don't know. Apparently there's side-effects." He twirled his hands in an exasperated fashion.

"Side-effects… Such as?"

His eyes flew wide. "That's the thing! Nobody knows! Or, well, I don't know anyway."

"…Right." I turned my head to frown at the slumbering man at my side, his features drawn, silver-blue hair covering half his face. "Why's he – fragile?" Demyx faltered, stuck a finger into his mouth to chew at the nail, shrugged a little. "Does it have anything to do with the way he got here? I mean, he's still got the scars and all…"

The finger came popping out. "He _told_ you that?" He frowned to himself, mumbled something, darted me a reluctant glance. "Yeah. We think so. He lost a lot of blood. I mean, when he got here, the cuts had closed. I felt – They found him in, in a bathtub, unconscious. I don't know, it's like just putting more blood into him wasn't enough. ShinRa got to him in the hospital, stuck him in the Mako tank real quick, but he never got used to this world. He gets headaches and chest pains, and he finds it hard to keep food down. It's like, I don't know. He left his blood in his own world, and it's long gone by now, all washed away, but it connects him somehow. It's like, he's – he's suspended between the two. It weakens him badly."

"Jesus."

"Yeah." He sighed heavily, shooting his lover a frustrated glance. Lowering his voice, he said, "He – he wants me to leave him, you know? Just get out and be free. As if I'd just _abandon_ him."

I frowned slowly. "Why would he want you to leave? It would kill you, right? Without the Mako?" He sucked in a breath, hand clapping over his mouth. He looked so mortified, I was startled. "What is it, Dem?" I asked, blinking.

He breathed, "Fuck, I'm stupid." He sank his head into his hands, using one fist to gently knock his skull in reprimand. Then he folded them under his chin, fingers brushing his lips, swaying his upper body from side to side, elbows on knees. He gave me a sheepish, worried look. "Sorry, Riku. I – I don't actually… need Mako. I'm… you know, kind of, permanently connected to the planet?"

I stared. "You're from this world?"

"Noooo," he said slowly. "Not me. But, the Mako, it kind of – changed me. I don't need another infusion."

I inhaled sharply. "Okay. How did you do it, and how do I do it, too?"

He shook his head. "I don't think you can. I've – I've always loved water, you know? And, and I guess that affinity made the Mako do something to me. I'm connected to the water." That made sense. This was Nine after all. Even if he wasn't a number anymore, and never was.

"Your affinity with water connected you to the planet," I stated, voicing the theory, tasting it. "Because… water is the great conductor. Does that mean you're still partially connected to your home, through the oceans? And that's why you don't need Mako…"

He nodded eagerly. "Yes, that's just it! Zexy wants me to go home, using the water!"

"I, uh, huh?"

"Oh! I mean, never mind. But yes; it's why I don't need Mako anymore. To be part of one planet is to be part of them all, sort of. And while you and Zexy are changed to _suit_ the planet, neither of you is, you know, _connected _to it. Like me. Because of that link, I'm always the first person to know when a new arrival comes!" Again, he hit himself, harder, both hands slapping straight against his eyes with enough force to send him sprawling backwards, bouncing the bed. I hissed at the spikes of pain in my awakening nerve-endings. Demyx curled onto his side, back to me, his bright energy suddenly diminished. For a long while there was silence. Figuring it was probably something I wanted to know, I lay waiting for him to come to terms with what he'd revealed. _I'm always the first person to know when a new arrival comes…_

"You knew when _I _arrived?" I asked curiously. He flinched, as if I'd raised my voice. He sniffled, sparking incredulous concern in me.

"I'm sorry, Riku," he mumbled into his arms.

"…For what?"

"I – I'm the one that told them where to find you." His voice was so quiet, but the room was still. I heard him fine.

My lips parted, head throbbing at the pulse points, some kind of dread building under my sternum. "Dem?"

"It's why they let me stay," he whispered. "I have to tell them when someone crosses over. I can't get away with not saying anything… I get really sick when it happens, so they can always tell. I – I lied for you, told them you were somewhere else. I hoped…"

"You wanted me to die before they found me," I realised softly, remembering disjointedly Zexion's words the previous day in my morphine haze.

"Better than this place," he said, strangled with desperation, honesty. He'd rather be dead than here. And God, he was so scared of what I was going to do. He was the one who told them how to find me.

"You lied to them. So I would have a little longer… Oh, Demyx." I closed my eyes, wished I could move to hug the blond. Very quickly, I was almost in tears, and I was so sick of tears, but the emotion in my chest was almost painful in its intensity. "Demyx, you're the reason I got my time with Sora. If you'd told them straight away, they'd have found me and grabbed me before I even left Destiny Island. It's – it's because of _you…" _I caught my breath, whispered, _"Thank you." _

He had lifted himself up to gaze at me, expression torn, eyes red, ready to bawl if I had started yelling and accusing. He looked confused. "You're not mad at me?"

I laughed gently, ignoring the beginnings of agony in my hand. "No, Dem. I love Sora with everything that I am. He's the reason I haven't just given up and gone nuts. He's, in any world, the absolute light of my soul. So, thank you."

His mouth hung open, a look of utter astonishment on his face. "I – but – you're welcome?" I smiled, eyes slipping shut, suddenly feeling quite content. Insane, but true. "Riku?"

"Hm?"

"Can I – can I hug you now?"

"Please, do," I grinned, holding up my un-bandaged arm, gesturing him over. He slipped down carefully, taking care not to bump my hand. He folded slowly into my embrace, the puzzled look still there, but with underlying relief, and a great deal of joy. Crazy, maybe, but in that cold, hideous place, both our loves unconscious nearby, we found some happiness.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: **I only today found out about Crisis Core. I'm weeping. If I owned any of this stuff, it would all be for PS2. Either that, or I'd get freebies of _everything, _so I wouldn't need to lament my lack of PSP.

A/N: Okay… Can we all say 'garbled and rushed'? Because that's sort of how it feels… I don't know. It's very possibly going to confuse the pants off you, or at least, not make a whole heap of sense. I got slack today; I was reading Uzumaki-sama's 'A Complete 180' between paragraphs – can't tell you how bizarre the contrast was. _Sweet and fluffy, _ANGST-MACHINE, _sweet and fluffy… _Highly odd.

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CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

It's called the sleep test.

Contrary to its name, it is designed to keep you awake until you are hallucinating.

The same lab. The same chair. Only now, the electric shocks kept me from dozing off.

It's been twenty-eight hours.

My hand had been healing for three days, when Hojo sent Yunalesca to bring me back to this place, reintroduce me to the straps. I struggled when I realised where we were headed; instinct made me turn and run. I didn't get far. I had spent all this time moving with a level of grace I had never previously possessed, in order to save my hand, which would be ruined for life due to the lack of proper medical attention, from further pain. To suddenly run was an excruciation I hadn't known could exist.

Yunalesca dragged me there, stronger than she looks, ignoring my dazed and sweaty pleas. They mercilessly crushed both wrists into the straps, letting my howls of pain ring up to the ceiling. I was whimpering, clinging only vaguely to consciousness, when the first shock came, snapping me brutally back. "Please," I moaned, desperately. "My _hand!" _

"Subject Riku undergoing the sleep test," Hojo's voice droned.

"_Hojo, you sick FUCK!" _I screamed, losing control. I got zapped for my troubles. "Yunalesca, administer a codeine dose." The long-haired woman came over and injected me, a pitiful acknowledgment of my agony. I lapsed into sobs, knowing there'd be no reprieve. I was terrified. A sleep test didn't sound good. I wondered if I would ever wake.

At that point, I wasn't yet aware that to sleep and not wake up would have been the next best thing to a blessing.

Twenty-eight hours, with regular codeine shots every four hours, useless. I was a burning, sick, sweating, trembling mess. The physical strain was killing me. My eyelids flickered, heart rate dancing and leaping about, alternating between racing palpitations and a slow, dull, aching thud. It was the slower stuff I learned to fear – the instant my constantly monitored pulse dropped below a certain level, a shock would rip through my cells, bringing me gasping back to earth. I had ceased trying to understand the point of the experiment. At this point, nothing really mattered to me anyway. Not even Sora.

Even hate couldn't reach me – I was happily giving up. I simply couldn't live like this, not for much longer. I contemplated death like it was a Siren's song, wishing desperately I could just let go and be done with it.

At thirty-nine hours, I was vomiting feebly down my chin, system a wreck from the constant electrical interruption. The room swayed and buzzed, strange, disembodied noises flashing in and out of auditory range. Lights would starburst in front of my eyes and take form, becoming a Heartless, antennae twitching, becoming an undulating Nobody, becoming a hooded, ominous member of Organisation XIII. Sometimes I saw Sora, other times I saw myself, and wondered if I had in fact finally let go of this wretched body. Destiny Island shimmered oasis-like around me, only to melt back into the cold, stark lab.

At forty-two hours, I was singing softly to myself, a slur of nonsense words, broken tune. My voice echoed and danced, a rumble in my chest, as, like an infant, I experimented with the ways my voice could rise and fall along a scale. My chin rested on my damp chest, eyes drifting glassily, rolling slowly in my skull. I saw one drop, two, of blood fall to the urine-soaked white of my pants. My lips parted in a noise of curious dismay. My nose was bleeding.

At forty-four hours, after a series of ten jolts, one after another, chest burning, a man appeared in front of me. It took me a little while to hear his voice as he spoke to me, even longer to realise that he was not familiar to me. Those eyes, though…

"Cloud?" I mumbled, frowning, struggling to lift my head.

"…_ow Cloud?"_

"Cloud?" My brain became fixated. "Cloud?"

"…_need…blade? Are…"_

"Cloud."

The black hair turned blond right in front of my eyes. It was Cloud, it really was. Grief coursed through my veins, hot and fierce. I began to weep, jerkily, pathetically.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Cloud. I didn't mean for Leon to die. I'm so sorry."

"…_loud, kid… How long…? Hojo – "_

"Please, Cloud. Kill me."

"…_Shit."_

Cloud left me there. He hated me, so he left me there to die on my own time. I passed out, at long last, body jumping all around me, mind too far gone to be able to pull itself back out of the void.

-------

I woke up back in my room, utterly weak. I couldn't even move. It was like the first day, all over again. It was difficult to breathe properly; my chest perpetually ached. My heart still gave feeble little leaps every now and then. I didn't know how much time had passed, but I reeked of refuse and blood. Nobody had bothered to clean me up.

I had been given another morphine shot. I hoped it would overwhelm my stressed system and kill me, because this life was too hard to bear.

This time, there was no Sora to scoop me up and change my clothing. I didn't want to see him anyway. I considered briefly dragging myself up and at the very least pulling off my soiled garments, but in the end, I let the world go dark.

The darkness was the nicest thing, I think, that I've ever seen.

-------

-------

"Riku?"

"Hm?"

"Do you ever miss the darkness?"

I looked over, feeling a clutch, frowning slightly. "What kind of question is that?"

Sora was wearing his wary face, the one I had seen every now and then in the months since we had returned to Destiny Island. It only existed for me. "It's the kind of question I feel like hearing an answer to. You don't need to get defensive."

"I wasn't being defensive, So." I got up, stalked across the bedroom, pyjama pants slung low around my hips. There was nowhere to go, though. I got to the closet and stopped, scowling at the slatted white wood. "Why should I miss darkness?"

"You were in it for a long time. You – you let it change you."

I whirled around, seething. "Only to save _you, _Sora. Do you think I _enjoyed _being mired in that – that – for a whole year?"

He scrambled off the bed, suddenly worried. "No, Riku, I just – "

"You just what, Sora?" I demanded impatiently. "What, you think I'm some kind of addict? I spend a year in darkness, so that must mean I actually want to return? Jesus, Sora, you – you have no idea." I shook my head wearily. "The darkness… I only did it for you. I only did it to – "

"I'm sorry!" He tried to hold me, tried to hug it away, but I wasn't interested. I shrugged out of his grasp, grabbed my shirt from the floor and slipped it over my head.

"I'm going for a walk," I muttered, heading for the door.

"Riku, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to upset you, I just _wondered – "_

I turned, eyes blazing, quelling any further explanation. "Maybe you need to learn how to trust me a little better, Sora. Don't _wonder. _Don't ask. Just trust that it's never going to happen again. Darkness is a poison, Sora, and I've already been sick on it once. I plan to live the rest of my life in the light. Even at night, I'll have the stars to guide me. So just shut up about it, okay? In answer to your question," I threw over my shoulder as I left, "No, Sora. I don't miss it."

-------

-------

The man with Cloud's eyes was in my room, on his knees beside the bed. At the exact moment that my eyes flashed open, he looked at me, and we froze. My gaze ticked down to the syringe he held, needle stabbed deep into my arm. After a moment, watching me carefully, he slowly injected me with whatever was in the canister. I flinched.

"Is it drain cleaner?" I asked hoarsely. His eyebrows lowered.

"You actually want me to kill you?" he asked quietly.

I didn't really know anymore. I chose not to answer the question, let my eyes slip shut. "So what is it?"

"It's a general anaesthetic. Your hand needs to be splinted."

"It's already splintered," I said, a ridiculous play on words that amused me blackly.

"Zexion's no doctor. Hell, I'm not either, but I'm closer than he is."

I frowned faintly. "Who are you?"

He slipped the needle from my skin, swiped away the dot of blood with his thumb without pressing too hard; the nerve damage extended up to my shoulder. "I'm a scientist here. The name's Zack."

I studied him closely. "How come I've never seen you before?"

He shrugged a little, looking tense. "I don't work in this part of the facility, generally. I take care of other factors, don't usually have any excuse to find my way here."

"Oh." My eyelashes fluttered onto my cheeks. I was brought back with a light slap to the cheek.

"Don't pass out on me, kid. I need you awake a little while yet."

"Why?" I sighed.

"Well, first, you've been in here for twenty-four hours and this is the first time I've had you coherent. Other than that, I want to know some things about you. You can talk while we wait for the anaesthetic to kick in, how about it?"

"I don't feel much like talking…"

Zack thought for a moment, tapping a finger to his lips. "Okay, let's play the yes-and-no game then. You want to use your voice, or a code of blinks?" I blinked, uncomprehending, which he took for my answer. "Okay, I guess that makes one blink for yes, two for no. So, let's test it out, first of all. Is your name Riku Utada?" Tiredly, I gave a blink. "Yay, I win a new car. Are you a chick?" Lips pursing slightly, wondering if this was a slight against my long hair, I firmly blinked twice. "Okay, it looks like you've got the hang of this. I'll hit you with a tough one – be ready now," he warned, hands held up, palms out. "Not allowed to wimp out on it, either. Okay, kid, the million-munny question today is: _are _you a keyblade wielder?" My eyes widened dramatically. Sucking in a deep breath through my nose, I stared at him. He watched my reaction shrewdly, nodded to himself after a moment. "I guess we'll take a no-blinker to mean 'fuck yeah, Zackary'. I need to think of more of those ones, kid, your expression is priceless."

Helpless fear and rage crashed over me. "You told Hojo," I strangled out.

He affected mild surprise. "I did? Well, _that _was stupid. The crazy fucker must've got me drunk when I wasn't looking."

I looked at him in confusion. "You… didn't tell Hojo?"

He smiled indulgently. "Now, Riku, why would I do a thing like that? I hate that cock-head. If I knew it was raining Bunsen burners, I wouldn't tell him unless I thought there was a damn fine chance he'd get burnt or knocked out by one."

I struggled with his casual attitude, casting him a worried, doubtful glance. "You – you're really not going to tell? If he… I mean," I switched tacks ridiculously belatedly, "what makes you think I'm a keyblade wielder? Whatever that is." Completely stupid. Such a dork.

Zack agreed. He fixed me with a pitying look. "Come on, kid, it's a little late for that, don't you think? And besides, I've got it on good authority that you _are, _in fact, a little knowledgeable in the keyblade industry."

I eyed him suspiciously. "What authority would that be?"

"Your boyfriend's a chatter-bug."

What… the _fuck? "Sora _told you?" I demanded. Sora, he…? Why would he do that? Tell a complete stranger, in _this _place no less, that I – ?

"Hey, now, don't be angry at the kid. In fact, don't bring it up at all, you'll only start an argument, and seriously, you need all the moral support you can get," said Zack earnestly.

I blazed. "What the fuck do you even want?"

He shrugged. "Right this second?" He held up a tightly rolled bandage and a splint. "I want to help you get better. Otherwise you're going to have a permanent claw."

"_Who fucking cares?" _I snarled. "It's not like I'm ever leaving this place!"

"No?" he answered, blandly, reaching for my arm. "Well, I have to say, I expected more of a plan of attack from a keyblade wielder."

I closed my eyes at the sudden pain, for which he held no apologies, quietly going about unravelling Zexion's efforts and replacing them with his own. _Sora? _Was he really that naïve? Okay, so Zack was no Hojo, he even professed to hating the freak, but that _didn't _make him _trustworthy! _

Small, involuntary grunts and whimpers escaped me while he worked. I was trying to figure out how this person so suddenly figured into my life. "So, what did you do to deserve this kind of treatment, anyway?" he asked after a long silence. I blinked a few times, brow furrowing.

"I – it's just part of the test."

He snorted. "Oh, really? Hojo's sure taken things into his own hands… If this was six years ago, you'd be living a pretty peaceful life right now. Sheltered, but peaceful. And your hand would be whole."

"Six years ago…" I murmured. "Before Aerith and Leon died."

Zack's hands stilled. "You know about Aerith?"

"I, uh, no. She just… I…"

"She was my fiancée, you know," he told me softly, resuming his work. "Back before she died, things here were pretty decent. There was me, Cloud, Squall, Aerith, and Cid. We took care of people like you."

"Hm. I heard all about your version of care," I said coldly. "I don't think of the water test as caring."

He accepted this. "Back in the day, the sleeping test lasted for a total of fourteen hours, in a regular room like this. One Irvine Kinneas holds the record for that one. Of course, he's dead now." He paused, eyes drifting. "Back then, we hadn't thought that someone would want to hurt themselves. Irvy pulled a Zexy, slit his wrists in the shower, hoping to be transported home. He was a mercenary, couldn't handle the dull life. Stupid reason to die, but there you go, sometimes these things happen." He shrugged, frowning, concentrating on my arm.

"You know about Zexion, too? Didn't he come after all you scientists left?"

"I never left," said Zack quietly. "I just don't get involved in the experiments anymore. I'm not allowed near Hojo."

I arched an eyebrow, interested despite myself. "Not allowed?"

He nodded, gave a thin, bitter smile. "I told you. I hate the fucker. You put me in a room with him for five minutes, and I can't help but try to nail his intestines to a wall."

I rolled my gaze up to the ceiling, thinking. "But then, why are you here now? You – you came in the middle of the sleep test. Wasn't Hojo there then?"

"Hojo was _not_ there. He was off dealing with a friend of mine who's come to visit. I chose the moment to see how the newest recruit was going, and lo and behold, he's just about dead after forty-five hours in the chair." His fingers went tight around my arm, his ministrations rougher. "You know what that chair used to be for?" he hissed with sudden anger. "That was for people with psychological disorders. People who freaked out, tried to kill everyone. There was a few of them that came through, one after another, and we had to find a way to calm 'em down. It was designed to send enough power through the body to interrupt the synapses and cut off the hysteria before it grew into a fucking psych-off. Now look what he's done to it." He sighed, realising my pain, gentled immediately and added, "Look what he's done to _you. _I'm sorry, kid. Part of me can't help but feel responsible for your woes. If I was better at controlling myself, I could have stuck around to make sure shit like this didn't happen."

I closed my eyes, refusing to imagine what life _could _have been like. "Why did it all change?" I asked hollowly. "Why did everyone leave?"

For a second time, Zack paused. He said, darkly, "Hojo."

I turned my face to him. "Hojo? You mean, he wasn't part of it all along?"

He laughed dryly, humourless. "Oh, no, he's been here since the beginning. Hojo's been working on the Water program for nearly thirty years now. Only thing is, no one knew that for fifteen of those years, he was raping Lucrecia, our other-world scientist." His eyes darkened, expression falling into sadness. "Aerith was the one who figured it out. Way too late, all the damage was done long before she tried to help, but once she knew, she couldn't hold back."

_Even if I never did a good job, even if I'm not doing much for you now, at least I can do something._

It was like Aerith had given me her own eulogy.

"No one but Aerith ever figured out the full extent of what had gone on between Hojo and Lucrecia. So much of it happened before we were even involved in the program. From what I know of him – it must have been torture. No woman in her right mind would want to share a bed with that man, no matter how smart he is. He doesn't know this, of course," he added, disgusted. "Little freak with a God complex, he's a fucking megalomaniac."

"What happened to Aerith?" I asked softly.

"She died." Zack sat back on his heels, my hand finished now. His eyes, so like Cloud's in their brightness, lowered to the mattress. "She and Lucrecia were both shot by ShinRa guards. They tried to escape, Sephiroth set off the alarm, they refused to submit, so they got shot. It was… so stupid. They didn't need to die. Just – some trigger-happy fucks of Hojo's going too far." He was quiet for a little bit. "He doesn't have trigger-happy fucks anymore. After everything that happened, ShinRa launched an inquest. Every member of the team had figured out what happened, from what they saw or heard. I told ShinRa what Aerith had told me about Lucrecia, but… they didn't want to get rid of their best scientist because of hearsay. Hojo stayed. Everybody left but me."

"Even Sephiroth?" I demanded coldly. "I'd have thought he'd be happy with the way things turned out."

Zack's blue eyes widened, shot up to meet mine. "Venomous," he observed. "You've been talking to Cloud, I see. Seph didn't mean for them to die. He didn't wait to see what was going on, just alerted security that there'd been a breach. Afterwards, he was a wreck, kid. Lucrecia – she'd been like a mother to him. She always nurtured Seph for some reason, when everyone else just thought he needed to yank the rod from ass. Except me," he amended. "I always knew he was a good person." He huffed a sigh. "He left, because he didn't want to work with the man who'd repeatedly raped his mother-figure. He also left because of the guilt. Him, Cloud and Squall ended up teaching at the same school – but you already know that much."

I didn't care. I didn't trust Sephiroth. Cloud obviously didn't either, from what Zack had just said. Sephiroth was an asshole. I didn't _want _to see things from his point of view. Zack saw my disgruntled determination and shrugged. "Well, kid, your hand has a better chance now, at any rate. You'll have to suffer the pain for a while, though, I checked the log of what they're dosing you with, you've been pretty fucked up lately. You need a while to detox. I can get you some water, make sure you drink it all. I'll stir some sugar into it or something. That sounds gross, I know, but it'll help you out."

I scowled, suddenly annoyed by his compassionate presence. "How long are you even planning on staying?" I snapped. "I don't need five minutes of kindness, damn it – if you care at all, get us out of here!"

His face grew shuttered. "I'm afraid I can't do that," he said flatly. "But I'll help you while I can, Riku. Stay here. I'll be back with something from the kitchen. Try not to move."

He left me.

-------

Two days later, Zack was still around. He'd called a stop to my exercise sessions, to allow me to recover from the last week of heinous treatment. I hated it. I hated _him. _I wouldn't allow myself to talk to him any further, simply lapsed into silence the minute he entered my room. How did he wield this kind of power over Hojo? Why was it that the moment he arrived, the frantic nightmare subsided into some echo of what it might once have been…?

I hated him so much.

Zack brought Sora to me, a wide smile lighting his features as they entered my room together. I gazed coolly, making Sora falter. Zack didn't seem to notice. "I have good news for you, kid," he said happily. I slouched against the wall on my bed, glowering down at the blankets. "I pulled some strings, now the two of you get your own apartment! No more dicky little box room, no more ugly brown couch! How's that sound to you, Riku?"

"It sounds like you should fuck off out of our lives," I growled. Sora flinched.

"Riku, I thought you'd be happy…" He attempted lightness. "I get my _own _couch, now, just like you said."

"You might as well take the bed. The whole bed. This is my cell, and I'm not leaving it."

Sora deflated sharply, turning his face away so that I couldn't see how much I'd upset him. Zack was looking pissed, trying to smother it.

"See, I don't get you, kid," he said impatiently. "There's not many people who'd turn down a chance at better treatment, yet here you are, telling me you don't want this. It's because you've been here so long, don't you get that? You and Sora deserve a little bit of your own space. It isn't _meant _to be a prison sentence."

"Doesn't change the fact that it is," I said tightly. "Or that it's going to stay that way. I'm happier here. Leave me alone."

"Damn it, don't you want to get comfortable?" There was an edge of anxiety in Zack's voice. "This way, maybe Hojo won't go so rough on you. This is a permanent arrangement, kid, so you might as well settle down. If Hojo thinks you're co-operating totally, he won't hurt you so bad."

"That's what you think," I bit off. "But I'd rather not build make-believe palaces and pretend Sora and I can be anything close to happy here. If I'm going to waste away in this shit-hole, I might as well do it properly."

Zack's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You know what?" he said abruptly. "Fine, Riku. If you want to sit here like a little kid and sulk all day, I'm not going to stop you. But I _don't _understand this attitude. And you shouldn't be taking this little angst-fest out on Sora, either, he's a good kid who deserves better."

"I agree," I said sharply. "Since you're so clever, get him out of here. There's no point to him staying, he belongs to this world. Instead of pulling strings for me, do it for him. Maybe then I can have some _real _peace and quiet. At least," I added frigidly, "until the nightmare resumes."

Sora was crying silently. A-fucking-_gain. _Damn it, couldn't the idiot keep moisture in his body for more than ten minutes?

"If you think I can get anyone out of here," Zack said quickly, "you're very wrong. I'm not a hundred-percent sure why you hate my guts, Riku, but don't do this to Sora. He's the only person you've got here. Demyx and Zexion have each other. Do you really think you'll do any better on your own?"

I cut a cold glance to my love. "Perhaps I would."

Zack bristled, while Sora leaned heavily against the wall, cupping his lower face and shutting his eyes.

"I think you need to think very carefully about what you're saying," Zack said with controlled anger, "before you regret this conversation even more than you're going to."

I'd had enough. How dare he try to dictate to me?

I _hated _him!

Lunging from the bed, eyes slits, stalking forward, I hissed, "What I _need _is for you – to _FUCK OFF!" _I shoved him with my uninjured hand, kicked at his knee. _"Get out!" _I screamed. "Everything you are is a _lie!" _He caught my hand as I swung again, so instead I reared back and rammed my heel into his thigh, digging deep into the muscle with all my meagre strength. His grunt gave me savage gratification. Sora was yelling, grabbing at my shoulders. "Riku, _stop!"_

I whirled on him, wild-eyed. "You shut up!" I cried hoarsely. "I don't want to _hear _you, Sora. You fucking _told _him, how long before it's _Hojo _you go running to with all my secrets, huh?"

Perfect bewilderment. _"What?" _

"Riku, _no," _moaned Zack. "Shut _up." _My attention diverted back to him, I kicked him again, and he let me, which was even _more_ infuriating.

"Get _out!" _I went to the door, ripped it open – and gaped. Standing there, eyes wide from the yelling, wider now that they were taking in my generally battered appearance, was Sephiroth. Instincts launched me backwards, feet slipping on the spilled bedclothes, feet skittering on the shining floor. Zack caught me before I hit the ground, kicked the sheets out of the way and settled me back on my feet. I let out a belated bellow of pain, my entire left arm engulfed from the sharp motion. My eyes flicked up, panicked, to Sephiroth's intimidating frame as he stepped into the room. Sora let out a gasp, backed away sharply. I wrenched myself from Zack's grasp and quickly insinuated myself between Sora and the silver-haired deceiver. Shaking, sweating, my free hand forming a fist, I demanded, "What are you doing here?"

Sephiroth's round green eyes found Zack, a wordless question. Zack shook his head with irritation, shot me a hard look, scratched the back of his black-spiked head. Sephiroth's gaze returned to me, slowly taking in my ragged state. "Hojo did this to you?"

I snarled, shoulders hunching aggressively. "You're _part of this. _I should have known you couldn't possibly change." I realised, turning to Zack with a cynical laugh, "This was the friend visiting Hojo the other day? I should've known when you _defended _the bastard." Sephiroth frowned. "Both of you," I panted, angrily, "get out of my room."

"What about Sora?" Zack asked.

"_Sora's mine!" _I roared, spitting flecks. "You keep away from him!"

"I don't understand what's going on," Sephiroth's smooth voice cut in.

"Ah, you're all here then," came the sneer from the doorway. Hojo stepped into the room, hands behind his back, eyes glinting at me in particular. My abdomen tightened, my breaths suddenly short. Sora, my scathing words and rejection momentarily wiped away, came and took my free arm, clutching me tightly, a frightened glare in place.

"And I see that you and Sephiroth have reunited, Riku," he smirked. "Sephiroth was so terribly helpful in obtaining you. When Demyx lied, we ended up almost on the other side of the _planet… _And then, our dear prodigal son returned to us, so helpfully whispering in ShinRa's ear about the amnesiac, sick little boy with no home…" He gave Sephiroth what was almost an affectionate glance. "And now here he is to check on your progress, Riku! Aren't you going to say hello to your old teacher?" Sephiroth tensed, as I swung my head towards him, glassy-eyed. Sora's fingers were almost digging holes through my bare arm.

"You…?"

Sephiroth. He's the one that told Cloud about me being sick. He was right there, when Leon got shot, hanging back in the teacher dorms, not appearing until too late… He let me go, though, even though he'd had a gun. He hadn't turned me into the Turks. Because of Kairi? Yes – she'd have been a witness. It's one thing to spirit away a boy from another world, another to shoot and kill the daughter of a political figure, on school property. This was – all because of Sephiroth. Those last days before I passed out in Yuffie's trunk – those could have just been spent with Sora. I'd have got sicker, and died – but I'd have died peacefully. Sora would have mourned me and moved on. We were stuck in this breathing grave because of _him._

The shrill scream that tore from my throat didn't sound like me. It didn't sound like anything a sane man could utter. I was moving before anyone could think to restrain me, snatching free of Sora and grabbing the knob of the top drawer of the new set I had been given after my psychosis. I slid the drawer free and swung around, heaving the makeshift bludgeon high, that hideous, terrifying keening still issuing forth.

Zack leapt for me, wrestled the drawer loose, while Sephiroth wrapped an arm around my waist and twisted my wrist behind my back.

"_It was you," _I cried piercingly, voice cracking. Zack watched with wide eyes as I twisted and struggled with little force. Sora flew to me, took me in his arms, wrenched me free, took us both stumbling over to the bed.

"_Get out!" _he yelled. "All of you! Leave Riku alone!" His eyes found Sephiroth, a confused expression there. "I thought you were okay! You were always mean, but - !" He paused, drew a breath, face contorted, and screamed, _"Get out!" _

Zack, pale, and Sephiroth, shocked, followed Hojo as he ambled back out, looking vaguely pleased with himself. The scientist facade was being chipped away withevery sick experiment, revealing the sadist within. The door clicked shut, leaving me to howl with pain and dangerous hysteria. I could feel my mind slipping away in that moment, shivering on a razor-edge. Sora just held me and rocked, rocked us both, a hard, frantic movement that spoke as much of his own state of mind as any desire to comfort me.

Perhaps I didn't miss the darkness, even if at times I had longed for its numbing touch. But no matter – it had followed me, and engulfed us both now. The light that we once owned was flickering and dying in this place. I don't know what made our experiences so much more difficult than Demyx and Zexion's, but neither of us was going to last much longer.

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"Excuse me for a minute," Zack said tersely, breaking away from the trio as they walked down the corridor. Hojo smirked. The black-haired man stalked down several hallways, before coming to a stop outside one shining metal door and knocking rapidly until it was answered. Demyx was annoyed, curious, and more than a little wary. His expression melted into a frown upon seeing the visitor. "Zack?"

"You've got to go see Riku and Sora," he said, low and urgent. "Riku's lost it. I'm scared for his sanity."

Demyx's blue eyes widened. "Why? What happened? Is Sora okay?"

"He is, but I don't know how long it'll last," Zack murmured. "Please, go see if you can calm them both down. They've had a shock, and Riku's been weird for a couple days. They need taking care of."

A torn look came into Demyx's eyes, as he glanced over his shoulder. "Zexy needs taking care of, too."

"Zexion will survive, damn it, Demyx!" He threw an agitated hand through raven spikes. "Thing is, most of this is my fault, okay? He doesn't trust Sora because I said something stupid, and I'm worried about what's going to happen to them both now. I can't do a damned thing, because the kid hates me to hell! _Please, _Dem, I'm begging you!"

Demyx nibbled his bottom lip, obviously conflicted. "Okay," he whispered at last, desperately unhappy. "I'll go. Just give me a minute."

Zack nodded. "Sure, fine, whatever. Just _hurry." _Then he looked around, uttered a poisonous, _"Fuck." _He sent Demyx a regretful look, shaking his head. "I gotta get going, Dem. Take care, please, of everyone." He hurried off, leaving the bewildered blond behind to grapple with his crushing responsibilities, rejoining Sephiroth and Hojo a tortuous minute later. He was jittering with nervous energy, and being in the presence of the most heinous fucker on the planet wasn't doing his blood-pressure any good.

"It is surprising," Hojo said mildly, as they began walking again towards the main lab in Building C. "Subject Riku was showing signs of a regular mental stability before you became involved, Mister Fair."

"He was fine until you introduced Sephiroth," Zack growled in return.

Sephiroth inserted himself into the conversation, saying, "The boy will simply have to learn how to deal with such disturbances. He is obviously weaker of spirit than we first thought, if he's cracking this early on."

"It's true," Hojo agreed thoughtfully, shining black shoes sending sharp noises echoing in their wake, white coat flapping gently with each step. "I must say, I had high hopes for Riku. I have been hard on him, hoping to discover the core strength that kept him alive for so long before the Turks _finally _managed to obtain him… I expected his mental stamina to endure as his physical state has. I am," he sighed, "quite disappointed with his overall progress. The degeneration is far too rapid."

"Maybe if you stopped trying to _destroy _him," Zack muttered acidly, "he'd have a better chance."

"If they are not thorough," Sephiroth snapped back, "they'll never figure it out, Zack. If there's some secret to this boy, we need to know what it is. If we can extend the base life-span of other-worlders, less Mako needs to used in the long run, saving ShinRa industries a fortune. I am here for precisely this _reason. _It will not do to molly-coddle Utada; he needs to be revealed for what he is, and have that advantage reproduced. If we pursue aggressively, the Doctor will have a greater period of time in which to achieve this. Your ideals have no place here."

"Precisely why Professor Fair is no longer working in the experimental regime," Hojo offered smugly. Zack stopped sharply in the hallway, fists clenched, teeth gritted. Sephiroth restrained his ire with an elegant hand to his shoulder.

"Honestly," he sighed. He gave Zack a slight shake. "Zack, go and finish sorting through the Doctor's file reports. The last thing we need is more arguments and hysteria."

Face dark, Zack turned on heel and branched off down a separate corridor. Hojo stared after him, frowning, before resuming on his way, Sephiroth matching each step.

"It puzzles me that you keep such company, Sephiroth. How can someone so staunchly opposed to this line of work stand to be loyal to another who practically embodies those distastes? He isn't angry with you for subjecting the boy to this, yet it is undoubtedly entirely your fault he is here at all. ShinRa was prepared to search Balamb Garden for another week, if only to take possession of what was by then assumed to be his corpse. If not for your phone call, the boy would have died in Twilight Town, and we may never have recovered him at all."

Sephiroth shrugged his large shoulders, a lazy smirk in place. "You said yourself," he murmured, "he is loyal. That is the keyword in all this; it is easy to fool someone as blindly dedicated as Zack into remaining an ally. A few remorseful words here and there, and he believes me to be as unhappy as he is. Men like him are the easiest to use as puppets."

Hojo nodded, black eyes glittering slightly. He pursed his lips. "Ah, yes. And yet, I still cannot help but wonder…"

"Wonder, then," shrugged the silver-haired man. "It makes no difference to me. I am only here to collect your data for presentation. Rufus is interested in what's been going on. He wants more progress on Water, and this boy may hold the key to that."

"Yes, fine," the scientist irritably spat. "He will have all he needs in due time."

They continued on to the lab.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: **Not only would I own the _game _of Crisis Core, but also the soundtrack. Then I wouldn't have to be all weird and obsessive, and have the CC website on all day so I can listen endlessly to the theme tune…

A/N: Ohmygod, tiiiiiiired. What happened? I should've been done _hours _ago. Good news, though: for some ungodly reason, the plot's been extended by another, say, two chapters. It just developed in my head at some point today, and it's not even mentioned vaguely in this chapter. I don't know where it came from, must've been the muse fairies, but it fits beautifully, and really rounds out the whole storyline. So I figure, at the current rate of progress, we've got about four more night together, lovelies. After that, I find a new hobby…

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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

It was two days later that I killed Yunalesca.

Inspired by my attack on Sephiroth, I bludgeoned her to death with the top drawer of my dresser, with all my waning strength, fifteen hours after she poisoned me.

Sora had not been present, but when I turned up at our new apartment for the first time, dripping with blood and pale as a ghost, he figured out that things weren't right.

He yanked me inside, forgetting, I think, how to breathe. He looked like he was going to be sick. "What'd they do?" he demanded frantically. "Where does it hurt?" He sat me on the bed, pushed me down, ran his hands up and down my body in search of the wound, never realising I didn't have a scratch on me.

A little of my own blood did trickle from my nose, though.

I passed out for a while, the venom from my oatmeal still coursing through my veins and organs. I had stopped vomiting several hours ago, after even my bile supply had been exhausted, but the sweating, hazy feeling remained, the clutching pains that made me arch off the mattress. Sora lay beside me, quieter now. My face was too clean for all this to be a mere nose-bleed. He was wondering exactly where it all came from, and why I seemed so disturbed. I wrapped myself around him automatically, desperate for comfort. I was shaking, the after-effects of such brutal, primal violence.

It hadn't been a battle. And she hadn't been a Heartless. Yes, she was my tormentor; yes, she was a bitch. But now I had killed her. I won't say it was in cold blood – my rage was all-consuming. I knew that it had been her; it was the first time since Zack's arrival that she brought me breakfast.

My hatred for Zack had almost torn strips off me while I gripped the toilet bowl. He had destroyed every mask I had made for myself! Without even trying, he managed to break me down like not even Hojo had. If he hadn't come along – !

If he hadn't, I wouldn't have had to hope.

I wouldn't have thought that maybe it takes more than one person's light to reveal the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't have imagined that the abyss I had fallen into _was _a tunnel. I'd have just withered, gradually, and coped. Sora and I could have been tragic lovers forever.

But instead, Zack had made us both see that this wasn't right. This wasn't how human beings, no matter the world, were meant to be treated. He was trying to make a difference, for the brief amount of time that he was here, never imagining that his pulse of light would only make the darkness seem all the more blacker once he faded away.

He broke me with his kindness, with the faith I saw rekindled in Sora's eyes.

That's why I did what I did. Things… had to change. I wouldn't be a good little boy anymore. I wouldn't destroy myself for this place. Instead, I would destroy all that I could manage to touch, and find myself a battle plane. I didn't need a keyblade to still be a fighter. I would destroy them all, if I had to, until there was only Sora and I, lone heartbeats among the corpses.

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Sora waited until Riku was sleeping more peacefully, the violent trembling that wracked the platinum-haired teen's body subsiding into shivers. He sat up, blue eyes on the fingers of Riku's unharmed hand twitching and clutching at the sheets. His jaw ached as he unclenched his teeth to breathe deeply. Demyx had been following the grinding of his teeth with fascination for the past two weeks, placing imaginary bets on how long it would take for the enamel to be visibly grated away.

Demyx. Demyx would know what to do.

Sora slid carefully from the mattress, eyeing the many blood-stains patching Riku's white apparel warily. He got the feeling that maybe something very bad had happened. Riku hadn't said a word, had just whimpered from the pain and stared into space until falling at long last unconscious. There was a heaviness to his features that Sora – any Sora, in reality or dreams – had never seen before. His eyes were just about sinking into their sockets.

Quietly, fearfully, Sora left the apartment, easing the door shut. He only hoped he would be back in time for when Riku woke up.

His bare feet carried him quickly through the corridors, having long since memorised the path to Zexion and Demyx. It had been three days since Zack had secured them the apartment from ShinRa. Sora had been excited, stupidly enough. He couldn't believe he'd ever been so blind to it all. Of course Riku wouldn't want this. Zack wanted them to appear more settled in the labs – why should they want that? Why would anyone want to start thinking of this place as home? Riku's reaction had made it clear to him. That, and Sephiroth's appearance. The betrayal of it all burned at Sora like acid, made him rub his arms at the spiking tingles that shivered through his veins.

He reached the silver door and knocked. It was Zexion who answered, surprising Sora.

"Zexy! You're up!" Zexion's visible eye rolled quietly.

"He's infected you," he muttered, before stepping back to allow the brunet entrance. Sora stepped inside nervously, spotted Demyx, lounging on the bed with a bright expression.

"Hey, Sora, what's – " His expression fell in an instant. He scrambled off the bed, seized the teenager by his upper arms tightly. "You have blood on you!"

Zexion came close, frowning. He touched the stained sleeve of Sora's ShinRa shirt, rubbed the mark between his thumb and forefinger. "It's fresh, Sora. What's going on?"

"I – I don't know. It's Riku," he fretted, hands twisting together. "He came to our apartment covered with blood."

Zexion let go, slowly rolling the slickness between his fingers. "Has he been injured? Was it a test of some sort?"

Sora shook his head, a confused motion. "I don't know. He didn't say anything, but – he's sick, I know that much. He's in… a lot of pain. They must have been hurting him again. I just – I got worried. The blood's… not his."

Demyx jumped, eyes wide and blinking. "Well, uh – whose is it, Sora?"

"Perhaps you should take us to him," Zexion said, wiping his hand absently against his cotton pants. "I want to see Riku for myself. Between us, Dem and I have suffered all of the tests. We should be able to figure this out." He reached out, placed his clean hand on Sora's shoulder and squeezed. "You did the right thing, coming to get us. You know we'll help you and Riku any way that we can." Sora forced a small smile, nodded shakily.

"I'll just… lead the way, then."

The trio exited the apartment, setting off for Sora's. "How's he been?" Demyx asked softly. "Is he calmer now?"

"He's been… quiet," Sora murmured, eyes low. "He won't let me talk to Zack, and he won't tell me what I did wrong."

"He doesn't own you, Sora," said Zexion sharply. "If you want to talk to Zack, you can. He's a good man, he's doing what he can for us."

"I _know, _Zex. But Riku hates him. I – I don't want to turn against him."

Demyx snorted angrily. "You know, I like Riku a lot, but that's just stupid. What happens if he decides he doesn't like _us _anymore? Does that mean we can't see you, either?"

"It's not like that," Sora mumbled. "He needs me, that's all. I made him mad somehow, and the last I want is for him to hate me."

"Sora," said Zexion gently, as they reached the door of the apartment, "Riku doesn't know how to hate you. He loves you too much."

Sora twisted his head to the side, eyes hooded. "Yeah, okay."

He opened the door, letting them through. Riku was still asleep, sprawled across the double, his injured hand held close to his body. Zexion took charge, moving over to him, bare feet making soft shushing noises as he walked. For a while, he stood with his arms by his sides, head cocked at the same angle as Riku's, and studied the boy.

"He doesn't look well," he stated at last, making Demyx roll his eyes over by the wall.

"Well, _I _can even see _that." _He grew serious, chewing his lower lip anxiously. "What do you think they did to him?"

"Hm." Zexion leaned forward suddenly, ignoring Sora's warning squeak, and brushed one knuckle against Riku's right nostril. Pulling back, he examined the small amount of shining red with disquiet. "They haven't given him his second infusion yet."

"What?" Sora blanched. "Why not? He'll start breaking down again."

"Yes." Zexion stared at the wall thoughtfully, adding that blood to the smear already on his pants. "I believe he's already started to."

Sora eyes widened. Demyx caught hold of him, slung an arm around his neck as he went weak. "But… what's that going to mean for him? Are they just…" He turned desperate blue eyes up to Demyx. "Is Hojo letting him die?"

"No, he can't do that," the blond soothed. "It's okay, Sora. This is just… another experiment, probably."

Sora's face lowered, eyebrows furrowing, a pressure building in his chest. "This is all – so _sick." _

Zexion nodded, blandly saying, "That it is. I often wonder what will become of us all, many more years under Hojo and his whore. If it wasn't for Zack's occasional interference in the proceedings, both Dem and I would likely be dead by now."

"Not me," Demyx said morosely. "I'd be suspended in Mako. Then when someone new came in, he could let me out, find out about them, and shut me back in." He tilted Sora's chin up to meet his eyes. "But everyone else would be dead, just like Zexy says. You can trust Zack, really, Sora."

"Speaking of which," Zexion muttered, "perhaps we should go see him. He might know what to do about Riku."

"No!" said Sora instantly. "You can't! I told you, Riku _hates _him. We can't ask him for help, you guys."

"You don't have a choice." Zack stood at the door, a strange expression on his face. He looked over at Riku, and closed his eyes. "Shit."

Sora moved fast, blocking Zack off before he could enter the room. "You often open doors without knocking?" he bristled.

"Kid…" Zack took a deep breath, eyes flashing open, fixing Sora with a worried look. "You have no idea."

"What are you after, Zack?" Zexion came up beside Sora, resting a hand on his back. "You're here for Sora?"

"No. I wish." Zack lowered his head, rubbed a gloved hand over his face, pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look…" He exhaled sharply, lifted his gaze, said firmly, "Sora, you need to get Riku out of here. There's a bunch of rooms not being used. Find one, hole up."

"Why?" Sora demanded. "Is Hojo coming?"

"Hojo. Seph. ShinRa. All of the above. We think Riku killed Hojo's assistant."

Sora blinked, straightened as Zexion's grip became hard, Demyx joining them in the doorway with wide eyes. Zack just looked tired, and regretful, his bright gaze averted.

"What the hell, Zack?" Zexion spoke coldly. "What on earth makes you say that?"

"Look at the kid," Zack said, gesturing weakly. "He's covered in her blood, man. She's in his room right _now, _growing cold. He got her with the same drawer he tried to get Seph with. The kid _did _it."

Sora started trembling, little, involuntary noises coming from between his lips. "Riku…" he whimpered, trying to look over his shoulder. Zexion held him firmly in place, his spare hand sweeping aside the hanging bangs of his hair to glare with both eyes at the other man. "What's your role in this? What do you intend to do?"

"Well, we're meant to be finding him," Zack explained, running both hands through his spikes. "And when we do, we're meant to knock him out and drag him off to the chair… but Zex, it's still got his piss on it. I'm not putting him in that fucking chair again. This whole thing, killing the assistant, it's way overdue." He met Sora's gaze urgently. "Sora, I don't want to see them break him any further, and they _will. _Hojo will destroy him in the name of science. ShinRa will let him."

Zexion smiled suddenly, a chilly, humourless expression. "He's pushed your hand, hasn't he?" Zack stared blankly, hands freezing on his head, spikes sticking out haphazardly from between his fingers. The slender, Mako-infused man nodded, as if confirming something in his mind. "You need time to regroup before they decide to lock him away."

"Regroup? What?" Sora was baffled, frightened. He gripped the older man's sleeve, tugged on it. "Zexy, what do you mean?"

"There's no time for this," Zack interjected resolutely. He reached out, grabbed Sora's arm, bent to be on level with the shorter boy and met his eyes intently. "Sora, you need to get Riku and hide. We split up to cover different sections, and it's a damned miracle I'm the only one who knows about this apartment so far, because otherwise you'd have had them both at your door in an instant." He straightened, gazed steadily at Zexion. "So maybe you're right. Find me some time, then. Keep the kid safe." He hesitated, then added, "Both of them. Who knows what Hojo would resort to, to lure Riku in."

Zexion nodded curtly at this, disappeared back into the room, murmuring, "Help me with him, Dem." The blond followed, and together they paused at the bed, darting each other communicative glances. Zack returned his attention to Sora, frowning with concern.

"Take care, okay? I'm trying. Just… keep away. Keep him hidden." He leaned forward, gripping Sora before the boy could instinctively jerk back, his breath warm on the brunet's ear as he whispered, "Don't give up; this isn't the end." He released his hold, backed off a few steps, nodded once, grimly, and set off at a jog down the corridor.

In the apartment, Zexion and Demyx had Riku sitting up, dazed from being woken, a line of white tracing his lips. "Wh-Sora?"

"I'm here," Sora said gently, anxiously. "Riku, we're going to find somewhere quiet to rest for a while, okay? Somewhere we can't be found."

Riku blinked sharply, holding his eyes squeezed shut for a moment. "So? What?"

"It's okay, Riku," Demyx said reassuringly. "Just come for a walk, okay?"

They had him halfway to the door before he realised he was standing, shaking them off and taking an abrupt step back. "Wait," he said commandingly. His teal eyes shot from one male to the next, coming to rest with confusion upon Sora. "What's going on? Where am I going?"

Zexion touched his shoulder carefully, so as not to startle him. "Zack told us about Yunalesca. We're finding somewhere for you to hide until he figures something out."

If Riku had been pale before, now he was utterly drained of colour, the dull sheen of ocean-green the only break in the white. "I…" He looked at Sora dizzily. "She poisoned me, So. It's why I'm sick. I got… angry." Then he shook himself, silver brows meeting irately over his nose. "Wait, Zack? Zack's figuring something out?"

"Riku – "

"I don't need it," he hissed, sliding back a step, wrenching himself out of range. "Anything that man provides, I don't _need."_

"But Zexy thinks he has a plan to break us out!" Demyx cried, before smothering himself with his broad hands and knocking his head into the wall.

Zexion hissed, "Shit, Dem," and smacked him over the side of the head. Riku was in between them a second later, snatching a handful of Demyx's shirt, shaking him once, hard, and breathlessly demanding, _"What _did you say?"

"Get your hands off him," Zexion snapped, breaking them apart. "Damn it, there's no time for this, Zack left ages ago, and we're _supposed _to be finding a room somewhere in his section to stash you two. Now, let's think for a brief moment, shall we?" His burning gaze dared anyone to argue, sending even Riku into a disgruntled silence. "Thank you," he said, more sedately. "I think we should find a room in B-section. That's most likely where Zack started out, since it's near his temporary office and extends this way. Sephiroth and Hojo will be investigating deeper into the complex and closer to Riku's old room. We want to avoid them at all costs."

"Especially Sephiroth," Riku said sharply. "You guys – you don't know what he's capable of. He's the most dangerous."

"I beg to differ. It's Hojo we need to watch for," corrected Zexion mildly. "He will most likely be in a rage over this, and you haven't seen that man when he's angry, Riku. He carries a gun at all times to ensure his personal safety. I can't imagine a man of Sephiroth's proportions fearing the likes of us – as a result, he is likely unarmed. Now let's move. I have a place in mind."

The four of them piled out into the corridor, each set of eyes and ears straining for signs of life outside of their own panting circle. "This way," Zexion said quietly, after deliberately engaging the apartment's lock, giving the door a final exploratory tug. He led them down the right hand hallway and into the maze. Both he and Demyx were at ease with their surroundings, while Riku and Sora couldn't help but be bewildered by the dazzling series of twists and turns the group took. They passed between buildings, through one of the green, sunlit tunnels, and Sora stopped dead in his tracks. Demyx, bringing up the rear, hesitated at Sora's expression. "Sora?"

The brunet was gazing around in quiet awe, a glaze of moisture in his eyes. Zexion and Riku up ahead paused and turned, frowning at the hold-up.

"So?" Riku called.

"…The sun…"

The other three drew sharp breaths, while Sora wiped his eyes with a slow, wistful smile. "I'm sorry," he rasped. "I just…" Riku came back, circled the boy's face with one thin hand, long fingers brushing the bangs from his eyes.

"I know, So," he said quietly. "I'm sorry it's been so long."

Sora shook his head, lips never losing their curve, even as they trembled. "It's nice to feel warm."

Riku nodded seriously. "I know, baby." He lifted his head to Zexion. "Zex – you think there's a chance to this? You think Zack's trying to get us out?"

"I'd rather not speak of it here. This hallway is exposed," came the neutral response. Riku hesitated, nodded, turned back to Sora and took his hand. "Let's go."

The room Zexion had in mind was a dusty storage space, obviously disused. "Old janitorial equipment," Zexion explained in a murmur, as they filed in, the door clicking shut behind them. The room was cluttered with objects and old newspapers, like an basement full of junk. It was dark in the room, and cool, the only illumination seeping in from under the door, casting small, harsh shadows. "Take a seat, somewhere not immediately evident from the door," the bland man advised, taking hold of Demyx and tugging him to a teetering pile of papers at least a meter high, several stacks thick.

"Hey, Riku! Riku!" Demyx sounded excited all of a sudden, his voice startlingly loud in the hush. "Remember when we first met? This is where I got the – "

"Quiet, Dem!" Zexion reprimanded sharply, effectively cutting the blond off mid-word.

"Sorry," came the sheepish whisper several ringing seconds later. The other three let out sighs of relief. Still gripping hands, Sora and Riku pushed through the stagnant chaos into the corner of the room, where, if the door were to be flung open without warning, a collection of old and broken vacuum cleaners and mop buckets would hopefully obscure them from view. It took some minutes to get settled. Once everyone was in place, silence reigned, all ears listening hard for disturbances from out in the corridor.

"Do you…" Sora cleared his throat as his voice died. Whispering, he repeated, "Do you think we'll be safe here?"

Zexion's low, comfortingly sensible voice drifted across the room. "We have a better chance here than we did in the apartment. And Dem and I are safest hidden away, too. Like Zack said, there's no telling what Hojo would stoop to, to get hold of Riku."

There was a long pause. Demyx asked softly, "So, Riku, did you really snuff her?"

Riku stiffened next to Sora, who only held him tighter. When he didn't answer after a few beats, Zexion sighed. "It's okay, Riku. We understand. It'd just be nice to know exactly _why _we're hiding in an abandoned storage room."

Riku let out a slow breath, his shaking fingers running slowly over the knuckles of the hand that gripped him close. "I – I just…" His head dipped low, only to be gently kissed. He nodded, though the other two couldn't see him, and Sora's arms enveloped him. "I killed her," he said softly. "She put something into my breakfast, and it made me so sick. I got… angry. I felt so – _weak. _I snapped. I killed her. I – "

"Now all you need is to rinse and repeat with Hojo," Zexion commented dryly, "and maybe two decades of pain and torment can find vindication."

"If it hadn't been for Zack," Riku muttered, "I wouldn't have touched her."

"What's all this about getting us out of here?" Sora asked, frowning over in the general direction of the others, while he stroked Riku's matted hair. The question was met with silence.

"Oh, come on," Riku snapped, with as much irritation as he could fit into such low audibility. "You got me here nice and easy with whatever it was Demyx blurted, now how about you try backing it up? Is Zack worth anything, or was I right all along, and he's just a breath of hot air?"

"Hey," Demyx whined quietly, "Zack's helped us heaps over the years – "

"So I _am _right." Riku's voice was icy, hard. "He's had years to break you guys out of here, why should he start trying now? He's _useless," _he hissed.

"For someone who's useless," Zexion said, "he's certainly going out of his way to help you, Riku." There was a pause. "I don't know why he waited until now, but yes, we believe Zack has plans on getting us out of here. All of us."

"But won't that mean death for you guys? You need the Mako," Sora pointed out.

"There's a second lab, though," Demyx chimed. "Zack told us about it. It's where Aerith was taking Lucrecia, when they ran away. It's in a place called, um…"

"Icicle. There's an abandoned lab there," Zexion supplied. "We think, if the power can be restored, that – "

"_Ssh!"_

Dead silence, aside from the thunder of heartbeats. So quiet it was deafening.

_Footsteps._

Breaths were collectively held, hands tightening.

_Just keep walking!_

The door was opened. Light filled the room.

-------

_-------_

This was all my fault.

Sora and I huddled low, clutching one another, as a draught swept through. We hadn't had a chance to see who filled the doorway, and could only hope it wasn't Hojo. Hearing that he held a gun at all times made me feel faint. I knew that Sora was the one in the most danger if Hojo appeared.

Hojo – he knew, by now, how to hurt me.

One boot clopped slowly, followed by its mate, as the figure entered the room. Sora's exhalations warmed the inside of my ear, soft and silent. I could feel the tautness of his tense body under my hands. A sick, icy shudder traced its way through my muscles, renewing the fine sheen of sweat across my upper lip and forehead. I didn't regret what I'd done, the blood on my hands. I only wished that the others hadn't been dragged into it, too.

I lifted my head slowly, eye finding a light-filled gap among the mess.

_Sephiroth. _

There he stood in all his leather-bound glory, long hair drifting around his body with each cautious step. He looked wary. Perhaps, like I suddenly could, he felt the foreboding in the air, tasted it. He reached out slowly, hand finding the light switch, and flicked it on. The overhead halogen light sputtered and hummed to life. I hoped to God Demyx wouldn't do anything stupid.

Sephiroth ventured further in. Crushing silence. Sora and I sat frozen in place. I suddenly felt so exposed. Sharp jade eyes swept the room. I heard the creak of his boot as he shifted his weight. Another shooting pain wracked me, bringing a low exhalation from my lips. Sora's fingers tightened.

"I know you're here," the silver-haired man said at last, calmly. He reached back with one heel and kicked the door shut. No one spoke, no one breathed. "You think you're being quiet…" He took two lazy, relaxed steps into the middle of the room, a curious expression on his face. "But I can hear you…"

Here he was. The reason for my presence in this hellish place. Right in front of me. I had already killed one of my tormenters today. What was keeping me from finishing this?

I glanced around quickly, gaze coming to rest on a nearby, dust-covered bottle of bleach. Savage anticipation shivered through me, revenge and hatred boiling into a desire to cause the kind of pain I had endured for too long – because of _him. _It was too easy, the thought of burning that cold face into nothingness.

I moved as swiftly and smoothly as possible, snatching up the half-filled bottle, feeling the slosh of its innards, ignoring the blinding agony in my left arm as I used the bandaged fingers to unscrew the cap. I was up, Sephiroth was already moving, but my attack of choice was unexpected. I heaved the bottle at his head, watched the clear fluid ribbon out towards his flesh – he was too fast, moving before his mind could possibly even understand what I had done, knocking the white bottle with his forearm and sending it spinning across the room in a spray. Demyx got hit by the scattered drops, jumped up with a yelp and started brushing himself off, the acrid smell an alert to the danger. Sephiroth dodged the wave that had been flying toward him, the splatter as it hit the ground harmlessly wetting his boots and heavy pants. Snarling, several stinging spots on my face and bare arms, I dove for the taller man. With the exact same motion he used for the bleach, he hit me aside, sending me sprawling painfully onto my back into a clatter of brooms. Sora was on his feet, running forward with a roar, and was snatched up, both arms instantly twisted behind his back. He let out a cry of pain, I yelled a desperate, _"No!" _and we found ourselves a stalemate.

Sephiroth held my boyfriend, who struggled and grunted, casting hateful looks over his shoulder at the smooth, placid face of our once-teacher. Zexion was with Demyx. He had found a bottle of distilled water and was squirting it liberally over the blond's chest, angry blotches already appearing across the flesh. Sephiroth tightened his grip until Sora's defiance subsided into sharp stillness.

I climbed to my feet noisily, setting several things falling over, breathing hard. I watched with helpless anger as Sora hung from his merciless grip.

"Okay," I strangled out. "Fine! You've caught me; now let Sora go." Sephiroth shook his head, sending silver hair rippling in the harsh light. "No?!" I cried. "You don't _need _him, Sephiroth, just let him _go!" _

"I can't just yet," he replied evenly, his hard green gaze locked on mine. "I have no guarantee that you'll co-operate, and you've already shown you're more than willing to kill to free yourself. Did you really think you'd get far?"

"I wasn't trying to escape," I snapped, fury bubbling up, held at bay only by my fear, equally as strong, for Sora. Sephiroth arched a delicate brow.

"No? Then why kill her?"

I didn't respond. I couldn't articulate my reasons, not so long after the fact. All I knew was that at the time, it had been the only option. The blinding rage, the venom demon that was born by these experiences and lived within me, had demanded blood. I lowered my head, and shook. "Do I need to handcuff myself to convince you?" I muttered, low and frantic. "I'll fucking do it, just let Sora _go." _

Sephiroth was eyeing me narrowly, lips pursed a little. Then, in a snap decision, he released Sora, who stumbled forward a few steps, then whipped his hands around and started massaging the bruised wrists, all the while backing hurriedly out of range. I seethed upon seeing the marks, turned to him with the rage preparing to let loose. He extended an arm sharply, and shook his finger a few inches from my face. "Uh-uh, Utada, a deal's a deal." He smirked at my disbelief. "Now, I don't happen to have any handcuffs on me at the moment… must have left them in my _other _pants… So." He straightened, becoming serious, and shrugged. "I suppose you'll just have to go free."

An entire minute passed, in which perfect silence reigned. Nobody moved. Sephiroth just stood there, a still expression on his regal features, waiting for my reaction.

My eyes narrowed. "Bullshit," I whispered. "You're not letting me go that easy." My voice rose. "You're the whole reason I'm _in _this mess!"

He nodded once, retorted, "I'm also the whole reason you're still alive. Ever think about that?"

I grappled with words, blinking incredulously, cradling my injured arm close to my stomach. "But – you hate me! You – you've been an asshole to me since day one! And you – you told ShinRa where I was!"

Sephiroth sighed impatiently. "Do I need to start repeating myself, Utada?" He glared at my continuing scepticism. "I'm also the one who told Cloud when you were sick. _I'm _the one that picked up on the fact that you were dying. I'm the reason that Leon's still alive, and the reason that I'm here in the first place is to get you and Sora _out. _Believe me _yet?" _he added with a sarcastic edge.

"_No!" _I yelled, panicked, heart beating a mile a minute. "I don't!"

"I'm the reason Zack is here," he challenged. "We've spent the last week in this shit-hole planning on getting you out, and now you've messed all that up by killing Yunalesca."

My brain caught up, as a second later I blurted, "Leon's _alive?"_

"Yes, Leon is alive," Sephiroth said coldly. "No thanks to that idiot Reno, who wouldn't know first aid if it beat him with bricks in a pillowcase. I expected better from a Turk." He grew determined. "I saved Leon's life; now I'm here for yours."

"But the newspapers!" Sora cried from his edge of the room. "You're lying, we _saw _the headlines."

"Why should the story be any more true than the accusations behind it?" the man returned sharply. "The Turks had Twilight Town secured, it was simple to seal off Leon's room and print the false allegation. Anyone who protested found themselves on the receiving end of ShinRa's hospitality, and anyone with half a brain in their skull knows to keep their mouth _shut." _He glowered with frustration, entire body thrumming with it, the stench of cleaner powerful in the air. "I've had enough with your arguments, both of you. Zack and I are working _together _to free you – isn't that enough? If we can get you away from here, then ShinRa won't be – "

"Oho _ho." _

Sephiroth turned to stone, while everyone else became ice, that sick, amused voice muffled by the door. The handle turned, the door swung open, and there again was Hojo, forever entering uninvited. And there, in his hand, even more unwelcome than his own slippery presence, was the aforementioned, ever-present handgun, black barrel peering hollowly into the room. Sephiroth spun quickly, a mask falling sharply into place – or was it falling off, revealing the true self? A sneer was in place of his previous earnest annoyance. "Hojo, good of you to finally turn up," he spat, with obvious dislike. "You'll find it easier than I to hold the boy in place, seeing as you saw it unnecessary to equip me with a weapon."

Hojo's expression was sly, a smile twitching at one corner of his mouth, the sort I saw flicker in and out of existence as he shattered my hand during the threshold test. It was enough to send me doubling over, retching emptily, distracting them both momentarily.

"Indeed, Sephiroth," Hojo said after a moment, his eyes fixed upon me, "you've certainly done well. All the children hiding in the broom closet, how naughty of them." His voice lilted, the gun remaining steady, Sephiroth still well within its sights. His eyes shifted to the silver-haired man. "Now, what was that _interesting _story I heard you telling the children, Sephiroth? Truly an adventurous tale."

"It's called a ruse, Hojo," Sephiroth said dryly. "It's what those who are outnumbered use to gain the advantage in a situation."

Hojo snorted, eyeing the assembly derisively. "You fear these subjects, Sephiroth? I am surprised at you."

"It's you that holds the gun, Doctor," Sephiroth pointed out mildly, causing the black-eyed man's grip to tighten on the trigger.

"Quite right," Hojo agreed thoughtfully. He shot Sephiroth, the noise deafening, sending us all screaming to the ground at the shock of it. Still standing, only just, Sephiroth lunged forward, to be shot a second time. He fell, hands into the shining puddle of chemical on the floor. I darted past him, a tin bucket in hand, and slammed Hojo in the face with it. The blow stunned him back a step, finger pulling the trigger an automatic third time. I felt a fire erupt along my right side, hit him again, taking it in both hands and smashing it forward. Blood appeared, shining and beautiful, and I hit him again. He never released the gun, but he stopped shooting, and I pressed my advantage, crushing his face with brutal ferocity, my left hand no longer feeling, no longer in pain, no limitation on me because I was fuelled by raw fury.

When Zack appeared, and finished the job for me by cracking Hojo across the skull with the same sort of metal rod that the red-headed Turk wielded, I wanted to turn on him, wanted to continue with him, for daring to take away my kill. Sensing my intent, Zack quickly knocked the bucket out of my hands, kicking it out of reach. He jammed the rod across my chest and drove me back into the wall, breathing hard.

"Riku!" he said sharply, digging the metal into me for emphasis. "Calm down!"

"_Ffffuck you!" _I roared back, control slipping away like water between my fingers.

"_Seph!" _Zack called, grunting as I struggled. Then, more impatiently, "Seph, damn it, I need a hand here!"

_Sephiroth…_

I slowed a little, sense returning enough to gasp, bewildered, "He got shot."

Zack froze against me for a second, then was gone, leaving a sensation of pressure in his wake. I rounded the doorway, breathing hard, to find him lifting the large man's limp frame from the bleach. "A little help?" he snapped. Demyx leapt forward, pale, and Sora, too, went to assist. Between the three of them, they managed to carry him from the room. I shifted to let them pass, watching mutely. Zack led the way down the corridor.

"W-wait!" I called with sudden realisation. "What about Hojo?"

"He's not going anywhere," Zack snarled over his shoulder, before disappearing around the corner. I looked dazedly down at the unconscious man. Whose blood was that on the floor? His, or Sephiroth's? I turned to Zexion, who had come to stand quietly beside me, gazing down with a deliberately calm expression at the monster that paraded as a man.

"You did good," he said at last, not removing his eyes from the still form. "I almost envy you." There was a pause, before he added, "You got them both."

"…What do you think happens now?" I asked hoarsely, staring blankly at the growing puddle of redness coming from the scientist's head area.

Zexion shrugged. "I suppose that depends on your old teacher, and Zack. Perhaps this is the day we all gain our freedom. Or maybe, ShinRa will come and write us off as a dangerous mistake."

Such a violent day.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: **Nothing doing.

A/N: Sheeee… Quarter to eleven, late in my books, because I need _lots _of sleep to function, as you all know from my incessant whining. I seriously didn't think I'd be getting this one out today, that it would be another like last Friday where it took the full two days to complete. I did two pages this morning, and didn't touch it again until half-four, since my brain was in terminal non-thinkage mode. I had given it up as a two-dayer. Then, lo and behold, I'm sitting down writing. And the results, you have before you!

To those who have been sending me death threats the past couple weeks for if I dare to stop writing after Water concludes, good news: This afternoon, I got my AkuRoku plot. So now, I'm not scared to finish Water, because I don't have to stop writing :) I'm really looking forward to it, it's going to be _fun. _Slightly lighter than Water, but still with a hefty dash of me.

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CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Sephiroth didn't die from his wounds, and I wasn't sure yet if I was pleased or disheartened by that fact.

We were in a sort of common room, very dim and dusty, with Sephiroth laid out across one sofa, me half stretched over another as Demyx cleaned and bandaged the graze along my side from Hojo's third bullet, and Sora and Zexion sharing a rug on the floor.

Zack was bent over Sephiroth's inert form, the silver-haired man's long coat and shirt discarded in a pile on the floor as he tended to him. There was small kitchen tucked into the corner of the room. Zack had filled a plastic bowl with hot water, found an old, unused dishcloth, and was gently sponging away the blood from his friend's torso. My half-lidded eyes followed the rising steam, ghostly in the darkness.

"This place," Demyx said softly to me, as he worked, "it used to be where they all came to relax at the end of the day. They used to invite us to join them sometimes." He gave a little snort of laughter, reminiscing. "Before he died, Irvy convinced them to do an 'alcohol test' on us one night." He gave a small, pitying groan on behalf of his past-self. "I was so sick."

There was a faint snuff from the other couch. "Dem wasn't too great at holding his liquor," Zack muttered, a small smile visible in the shadows of his face.

Sephiroth took a deep breath, and I could swear I saw the corners of his mouth twitch up. "Juveniles, all of you," he whispered, before letting out a small grunt of pain. "You did that on purpose," he mumbled, Zack grinning wickedly. The cloth was dipped into the bowl of water, turning the fluid pink, laced with veins of red as the blood soaked out.

"Who was Irvy?" Sora asked softly from the rug. He had his elbows on a low coffee-table, blinking sleepily, looking adorable in the post-adrenaline hush.

"My friend," Demyx said proudly. "That was before everyone left, and Zexy came. Irvy was the first other-worlder I felt cross over."

"The terrible two," Zack murmured wryly. "He was an awful influence on you, Dem."

"I wish I could have met him," Zexion said, wearily amused. "A drunk Dem would have been an interesting experience."

Demyx blushed. I saw the burn on his cheeks as he bent over me. "Um, no, I think it's probably a good thing you didn't see me then," he said sheepishly. "A drunk Dem is a horny Dem."

"A very horny Dem," Zack agreed. Seeing Zexion's grimace, he grinned and added, "For the whole five minutes he can slobber over people before passing out, that is."

Demyx let out an embarrassed whine. I chuckled breathily, feeling more than a little sleepy myself.

Hojo had been dragged, between Zack and Demyx, into one of the empty containment cells and locked in. He had been stripped down to his underwear, to make sure there were no other weapons hidden, and to rip apart the man's normally smug demeanour into something hopefully humiliated and humble. They say nothing makes a person vulnerable like nakedness, but apparently the prospect of seeing a full-frontal Hojo was more than either of them could bear.

There was silence for a while, interrupted only by the gentle sounds of water. Zack let out a low grunt, said, "Tweezers." Demyx reached over me, plucking them up from the coffee table and passing them across. I winced, and seconds later Sephiroth gave an almost-whimper, as Zack located the second bullet and dug it from his friend's body. The first one had passed straight through his shoulder, the other becoming lodged in the tissue above his hip. It was a barbaric method of removal, but the best he could hope for, without leaving the metal slug inside. The man had insisted, in strained tones, that it be done. I wasn't surprised by the stoic determination of him, but still had difficulty believing he was anything but a universal danger. My anger at Zack had now fully abated, leaving a hollow wariness in its wake. I had become a little like Sora, I guess – not trusting life to deal me a decent hand; viewing any positive occurrence with the resigned expectation that it will, in its own time, curdle.

There was a low, dull clatter as Zack tossed the smashed slug uncaringly across the room. He swished the tweezers around in the water, then set them on the arm of the couch to dry. Demyx finished with my injury by applying a large sticky bandage over the site. Zack had found them in a cupboard, all of these things just left behind when Aerith and Lucrecia were killed. It was an unpleasant reminder of how things had changed. You could almost feel the spectres in the air, and I couldn't help but think endlessly of Aerith.

I sat up carefully, Demyx's hand on my elbow. He flashed me an encouraging smile. "Well, you're all healed up now, Riku. Just don't start dancing anytime soon, and you'll be fine. Sora!" He twisted to my love, mock-possessive. "Get out of my seat! _I'm _the boyfriend, I get to sit there!" And in his goofy, grinning way, he gave Sora the place next to me. We folded in on one another, and fell into a doze almost at once, while Demyx settled in beside Zexion on the floor.

Zack pulled out a small sewing kit with a sigh, while Sephiroth blinked grimly at the ceiling. He shot a blue-eyed glance our way. "You guys should get some sleep. Me and Seph have got a ways to go before he's in the clear. If you like, there's some rooms down the hall, grab some beds and clock out for a while."

I roused myself with effort, to ask, "What's going to happen now?"

There was a brief pause. I had voiced the question on everybody's mind. Four sets of eyes turned expectantly to the raven-haired man. He huffed out through his nose, threading a needle with dental floss. He thought for a moment, while he concentrated. "Hojo sent out the message about ten minutes after finding Yunalesca's body. I figure ShinRa officials will be here in two hours, probably by chopper. _Hopefully _by chopper. Our main plan now is to grab a pilot and make him take us to Icicle, where there's an old lab set up. No one's been to it in about ten years, but I'm certain that the Mako tanks are still fully operational, if we can get the power back up. Aerith wasn't stupid, she knew what she was doing when she picked that place out."

"What if the helicopter isn't big enough for all of us?" Sephiroth asked dully.

"Then we steal _two_ pilots," Zack answered easily. "You and I take one chopper each to keep them in line, and the guys split up into their respective couples for the flight. You forget, Sephy, the death of a ShinRa employee in this line of work is no simple matter. They're not sending a health inspector to slap our wrists, you know? In fact, we'll be lucky if it's not a whole team sent to neutralise the threat." I groaned, while Sora tucked his head against my neck. "Ahh, relax," Zack said. "Just go get some sleep, and it'll be fine. I'll finish up on Seph, we'll go make a battle plan – " His eyes shone through the darkness, taking us in one by one. "Who knows?" he continued softly. "Maybe this time tomorrow, you'll be free men."

-------

Sora and I found a bed, and crawled into it. There was no need for words, no need for reassurances, just – a need for each other. We just held each other, our lips touching but not active, breathing in one another's scent and life, and slept. Sleep should have been impossible after such an insane day, after the horror and the violence, the death of the long-haired assistant, the echoes of the gunshots wailing in our heads; but our bodies were in control, brushing our minds aside with ease and taking us away for some desperately necessary recovery.

Time passed in a desultory fashion. Although two hours is such a short amount of time, in our drifting, semi-alert state, it stretched for longer. When Zack finally came to rouse us, I actually felt a little refreshed. I sat up with a jerk as he touched me, blinking owlishly in the darkness.

"It's me," he said, voice low. "ShinRa choppers are nearly here. We need to get moving."

I nodded, rubbing at my slack cheeks. Sora, yawning loudly, used me as a climbing post, clawing his way up my upright torso to hang over my shoulder, frowning sleepily.

"How's Sephiroth?" I asked. Zack shrugged, nodded.

"He's getting there. He's a big boy, he'll be fine. Once we get to Icicle, he can rest."

I nodded. Now that things were actually happening, now that I knew the status quo had died along with Yunalesca, I found myself trusting Zack, even liking him. I realised, now, that things weren't going back to the way they were. Zack wasn't just leaving me behind.

"What about you? What's the pain situation?"

I blinked, actually surprised. I had been feeling pain as a part of life for a while now. Today's woes were pretty simple. "I'm fine," I said. I couldn't help the small smile from stretching my features. "I'll be better once we're out of here."

Zack nodded firmly, his own smile broad. "That's the spirit, keyblader. Head over to the common room while I go grab the others."

Sora and I climbed out of the warm bed, into the still air, keeping our arms wound around each other. It hurt, every time I had to let him go. Now that we were so close to some sort of salvation, the thought of losing sight of him, even for a second, sent cold shivers down my spine.

Our fumbling feet took us into the common room, where Sephiroth, fully clothed again, sat on the couch with his long hands dangling between his knees, looking exhausted and lined. His emerald eyes lifted as we entered. We came to a standstill. For a long minute, we just studied one another.

"Is it true that you're a keyblade wielder?" he asked. I tilted my head to the side.

"Did Zack tell you that?"

He laughed, very shortly, and grimaced afterwards at the pain. _"I _told _Zack _that. Leon told me, as he was being taken away. The Turks were too busy to listen in. Zack and I are the only ones that know; I told Zack because I trust him implicitly. So is it true?" he repeated, curiously. Something in me relaxed, very abruptly, soothed away.

"Zack lied?" I said, not answering yet. "He told me it was Sora that told him."

Sora jerked, twisted his head in surprise. "He said that?" Then he scowled. "That's why you were mad at me. You thought I told." His troubled face swung away for a moment, before I brought it back with a light touch.

"So. I'm sorry," I offered. "But I'm very happy that you didn't."

He met my eyes for a disapproving second, flicked away, mouth pursing slightly. Then he sighed, nodded, and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "Okay. Next time you decide I'm stupid, come ask me, okay?"

I nodded guiltily, then returned my attention to my former teacher. "Yes," I said simply. "It's true. Why? What does that mean to you?"

For a long minute, he stared at me, before a smile lit his features, the first genuine one I think I'd ever seen on him. All of a sudden, he didn't feel like a threat anymore. Crazy Sephiroth, the never-Sephiroth before me now – two different men.

"You are a mythical creature, Riku," he said. "We have only ever read about your kind…" He shook his head. "I am amazed."

"It's Sora who's the real keyblade master," I replied, giving the boy at my side a gentle squeeze. "The keyblade chose him before me."

Sephiroth was startled, gazing at Sora with new interest and faint bafflement. "Sora?"

"Not me," he said softly. "The other Sora."

"Sora," I said firmly, not differentiating between them. "He embodies everything that keyblades represent."

Sephiroth hesitated, then agreed. "Yes. I can see that."

"…So," said Sora after a moment. "Leon really is alive, isn't he?"

"Yes. The last I knew of him, he was making a full recovery."

More happiness. More relief. I wasn't used to such light emotions. They almost made me swoon. Sora, laughing a little, held me up as I grew heavier. Zack, Zexion and Demyx came in, and Sephiroth rose to his feet. He pulled out a boxy handheld contraption that had been nestled against his thigh out of sight, and checked its small screen. "They're near. About five minutes away."

"Well, then!" Zack clapped his hand together, rubbed them with enthusiasm. "Gentlemen, I do believe the skies are calling to us."

-------

The ShinRa choppers had arrived. We moved quickly and silently through the corridors, Sephiroth and Zack in the lead, Sephiroth's ear glued to the electronic device. The faint hiss of static radiated for an auditory foot, before dying out. Nobody would hear it, unless they were close, and then I think the clomp of two sets of boots followed by four pairs of bare feet would be more perceptible. It seemed to be picking up on the soundwaves of the visitors, Sephiroth eavesdropping on their communications.

"It's the Turks," he said at last, the static subsiding. "Just one helicopter. Reno, Elena, Tseng. They're not expecting any trouble."

"Does that mean your favourite person is manning the chopper?" Zack laughed.

"Reno." Sephiroth spoke with distaste. I could understand his opinion. Moving on to the matter at hand, he said, "We have a short window of time in which to achieve this. They are entering the facility at the north entrance; we are exiting by the west. By the time they realise the place is deserted, we will have commandeered the chopper. They won't be expecting it, I assure you. As yet, they're unaware of mine and Zack's involvement in this, so we have the element of surprise."

"What's going to happen to you guys when all this is over?" Demyx worried, moving at a half run to keep up with the long, urgent strides of the rest of the group.

Zack shot him an appreciative look, grinned, and shook his head. "We'll be cool, Dem. Don't you fret yourself over me and Sephy; we've got a plan of our own to set into action."

It was night as we left the compound, via a simple door. I felt like there should have been more ceremony, more difficulty to the whole thing – I was leaving a lifetime of nightmares behind, an eternal struggle – shouldn't there have been battles to fight? Grand speeches made? A series of electro-magnetically sealed doorways to trick into releasing us? No. Just the one door, at the end, accessed by a code Zack punched into the keypad, and the world was presented to us.

At my side, Demyx suddenly whimpered, and hung back. Zexion was holding onto him tightly, murmuring in his ear. The blond's eyes were wide and frightened, darting about, gazing at the doorway as if it was the path to his doom.

Zack turned after several steps, sensing the delay. He frowned, then looked incredibly sad. He looked at Sora and I. "You two go ahead with Seph," he said, walking back inside. "I'll take care of Dem."

Sora ignored the order, followed a couple of steps, calling concernedly, "Dem?"

I drew in a breath. "How many years has it been?" I wondered in consternation. "How many years since he last stepped outside?"

Demyx heard me, met my gaze, lips trembling, almost hanging from Zexion and Zack as they fought to calm him. "S-seven," he replied, voice carrying on the cold air with a crack. Seven _years? _Seven years since he had last seen the world. Seven years of only memories to remind him that an outside world even existed. I couldn't imagine it. Didn't want to. This same time yesterday, that was my future.

Sephiroth made an impatient noise, raised the device to his ear again to listen in. "They know things aren't right," he called in frustration. "We need to get going, _now. _Zack, just carry the boy. He can panic on his own time."

Zack obeyed, scooping the blond up with a yelp, carrying him bridal-style from the building, out into the clear air. The doors swished shut behind us all, locking audibly. Suddenly, I had trouble breathing too – here we were, back out in the wide world, so amazingly close to freedom. I threw my head back as we hurried, and saw the stars. All those other worlds. I remembered the last promise I made to myself in Midgar: to find a Gummi ship and take Sora in search of the world of the church. Now, more than ever, I knew that to be possible. If I could just find a way off this planet, I'd never need another Mako infusion. Sora and I would be free. We were both sucking air hard, and gripping hands tight enough to hurt.

For the first time, I was seeing the world around the labs. It was an overrun sort of place, obviously out-of-the-way, with a lot of vegetation bordering the paths and buildings. No doubt pretty in the daytime, a lovely, peaceful diversion from the hell that existed within the man-made walls.

Demyx was letting out sounds of distress, clutching Zack's shirt as though the man was carrying him over boiling lava. Zexion kept a hand on his head the whole time, scratching gently at the blond locks, doing his best to keep Dem functioning. It was a several minute walk to reach the flight pad, Zack's and Sephiroth's boots crunching loudly over the gravel walkways.

At last, the great machine came into view, sitting dormant on the tarmac, the side sliding- and pilot doors both hanging open. We grew cautious. The footsteps became quiet almost instantly, even with Zack holding all the extra weight. Demyx had buried his face into the black-haired man's chest, and was weeping silently.

"I see him," Sephiroth murmured, his voice carrying softly along the breeze. I peered sharply, and yes, there around the front of the chopper, hands in pockets, no doubt stretching his legs after the journey, was Reno. I was torn instantly back to Twilight Academy, his cocky appearance, his swagger, his wit. The way he shot down the lights. The way Leon bled – but that no longer tore at me. Leon was alive. He was safe.

It seemed that, bit by bit, the many troubles and nightmares that had been piled on me were being quietly lifted away. Soon, I would be able to feel light again. I was thankful that Sora was still with me, for when I did.

We paused at the edge of the illumination flooding the helipad, and Zack let Demyx down, where the blond immediately folded into Zexion's waiting embrace. I admired the fact that his upset was so hushed. Despite whatever it was he was going through right now, he still realised the needs of the group. Demyx was a wonder. I couldn't imagine him without a heart, no matter how hard I tried.

"Stay here, all of you," Zack muttered, the wind rustling his spikes, sending threads of silver into my blinking eyes. "We're going to grab him and kill his communications. You all sit tight until we call, got it?"

We all nodded, even Demyx. He motioned for us to crouch down behind the foliage ringing the pad, and a moment later, he and Sephiroth were gone, melting into the shadows. I felt a thrill of anticipation, nervousness. Reno was right there, wandering around in a slow circle, looking bored. A couple of times over the next few minutes, I heard snatches of his voice, a couple of laughs, as he obviously talked to whoever was in the complex. I took it as a good sign that he wasn't looking tense. They hadn't found reason to worry yet – I wondered what they'd do when they found Hojo. If, that is, the man was still alive at that point. It goes without saying that nobody bothered to clean him up or tend to the split in his skull. If we were lucky, he'd either be dead or permanently brain-damaged. One way or another, I'm pretty sure I got some of his front teeth.

Reno wandered around to the other side of the chopper, stretching his arms high, and letting out a yawn that echoed all the way over to us. I sunk lower, watching intently. All I could see was his legs. And then… a second pair of legs. Moving fast. Coming from behind, silently. A second later, there was a strangled yell, a third set of legs, sounds of a scuffle. A minute passed, of grunting and sharp noises. Then, sounding amused, Zack called out to us. "It's all good, guys, come meet our pilot."

We exchanged glances, then rose from our hiding place, picking through the foliage, twigs catching on our pants, cracking under our feet. The tarmac was icy cold, rough as we swiftly crossed to where the chopper sat.

I paused, glancing down at the small pile of crushed electronics that must once have been Reno's method of communication. We'd have to move fast; they'd be alerted by the sudden silence. Zack held Reno in a tight grip, arms twisted behind his body, grinning wildly. The red-head was looking distinctly pissed off. Sephiroth came last, smirking and holding Hojo's gun. Reno's blue eyes fell on me, and grew wide.

"Silver – holy fuckeroo, what happened to _you?"_

"What?" Zack said dryly. "Did you think we were doing all this for shits and giggles?" He released the man's arm, knowing that Sephiroth had him well within bullet-range, and patted his shoulder. "Think of this as your slice of redemption, Reno – you're helping these boys find a better place in the world."

He was sceptical, but couldn't find it in himself to tear his gaze from my hand, my still horribly-bruised face, the long scabs along my arm and neck. Then there was thin, sick-looking Zexion, pale-skinned Demyx, Sora looking utterly bedraggled and exhausted. Reno nodded to him for lack of anything better to do. "Kid. It's been a while."  
Sora shrugged. "I guess I made the wrong choice," he said dully. I squeezed his hand, and he smiled tiredly.

Reno's eyes narrowed at me. "Is it true that you killed Hojo's assistant?"

I lifted my chin. "Yes."

He let out a startled bark of laughter. "No fucking kidding? Good one, yo, cool. She was a frigid bitch."

"Hmph. Typical Turk," Sephiroth drawled. "Now, as entertaining as this reunion no doubt is, how about we all get in the chopper and leave?"

"Aww, come on," Reno complained. "You weren't serious about that, were ya? I just fucking flew here! Do you know how hard it is to find a _park _at this time of night?"

"Stop being a smart-ass stalling for time and get in," Zack said, rolling his eyes and shoving the red-head towards the open door. Reno scowled.

"Foiled," he muttered. "Do I _have _to?"

"I killed a woman," I said dispassionately. "And bashed Hojo half to death with a metal bucket. What's there to stay for? Unless you'd rather I ended up dead, too."

A stunned expression crossed his face. "Hojo, too?"

"Well," interjected Zack, averting his eyes with false, bashful modesty, "that one was a group effort."

"Holy…" Reno blinked several times, frowning slightly. His gaze ticked over to Zack. "Rufus isn't gonna like this."

"Oh, I don't know," the other man said lightly, taking Reno by the arm and steering him forcefully to the side of the chopper, "I'm pretty sure there's going to be a few parties in ShinRa after all this gets out."

The red-head's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Waddaya mean, 'gets out'? Are you gonna squeal to the papers or something?"

"That's no concern of yours," Sephiroth cut in, voice diamond-hard. "Into the chopper. All of you," he addressed us with a flick of emerald eyes, "into the back. I'm in the front with Reno."

"Aw, fuck," Reno muttered, as he clambered up into the cabin and plopped into the pilot's seat. Sephiroth climbed effortlessly after him and swung the door shut, while Zack piled the rest of us through the side door, into the cramped compartment, and slid the door shut with a metallic bang. A wall separated us from the cockpit, but a button was pressed allowing the voices from the front to filter back.

"Zack, can you hear me?" Sephiroth's deep voice crackled.

"Loud and clear, Sephy. Everyone's buckling up, so let's get this bird in the sky!"

A smirk in his voice, Sephiroth said to Reno, "You heard the man."

A loud, dramatic sigh. "You know, I'm only doing this because of silver and the kid."

"What?" Zack smiled sardonically. "A Turk with a conscience? I thought you people quit once those pesky things developed."

"It's not a fucking conscience," Reno yelled. "It's a soft spot!"

The machine rumbled and vibrated as the rotors got moving, picking up speed with each passing minute. We had crammed ourselves onto the two narrow benches lining the inside of the cabin, and belted in. It was cold, and uncomfortable, but I had never been happier. This was happening. We were escaping. Sora sat on my left, incapable of taking my hand or even holding my arm tightly, but he held an excited clutch of my shirt. Demyx sat across from us, shoulders shaking, face buried into Zexion's chest. I don't think he was crying anymore; just terrified. Zexion for his part was showing not a hint of emotion, his face a perfectly schooled blandness. I wondered what churned beneath it.

When the vibrations reached a fever-pitch, there was a sensation of effort as the helicopter lifted off. We all leaned slightly, feeling gravity's tug. Then there was a surge of power, and the chopper broke free. The earth was left behind. Hojo's lab was obscured from view, and I would never see it again.

-------

The flight to Icicle was a long one. Sora fell asleep on Zack's shoulder, his hand never leaving my hip, his fingers curled into my shirt even as the soft snores issued forth. Demyx and Zexion had followed suit, dozing against one another. The only ones still conscious were Zack and I, bobbing with the mild turbulence, feeling the icy rush of air from the air-conditioning unit Reno insisted, possibly out of spite, on using at full-blast.

Zack's fingers tapped against his knee, in random patterns, as he stared at the wall with a bored expression. I spent a while watching him over Sora's brown spikes, his lack of irritation as my love opened his mouth and let out enough drool to leave a damp patch on the man's shirt. He looked down, vaguely disgusted, then went back to staring, his only acknowledgment to pat Sora gently on the head.

"Don't take this the wrong way," I said at last, quiet so as not to disturb the others, "but I can see why Aerith loved you."

He blinked, eyes shooting wide, looking at me incredulously. "What?"

I frowned, not meeting his gaze, working up to it. "I met her. You don't have to believe me – I won't blame you if you don't. But… when I was lost in Midgar, and my nose was bleeding, and I was sick… Aerith found me. I heard her in my head." Zack just stared at me. Not like he thought I was out of my mind, but… I couldn't read him, from the glances I took from the corner of my eye. I took a breath, continued what I'd started. "She led me to a church, to get out of the rain. It had… flowers. She said that, before she was a scientist, she sold the flowers that grew there." Zack's expression went still, his head turning slowly to face forward, chin tilted down. "She helped me because she could," I added simply. "The same reason she helped Lucrecia. She wasn't trying to be a hero, she just… it was the best she could do. She died for people like me. She told me." I sighed. "I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy, but you can think that, if you want."

He was breathing slowly, nostrils flaring minutely with each exhalation, his tapping fingers limp on his knee. A long pause developed. I waited, not knowing if he would even answer.

"Did… Did she mention me?" he asked, almost inaudibly. I felt sad.

"No," I said, hesitantly. "She mentioned Cloud, though. She said – he hears her, when he isn't listening."

A small smile curled his lips. "That… sounds like Spike, alright." He lifted his eyes to the ceiling, let out a long breath of air through his mouth. "I don't hear her," he said. "Even when I'm not listening. Because…" The smile again, a little wider this time, wistful. "She knows I'm okay." He turned to meet my gaze. "Thanks for telling me. I don't think you're crazy at all. If there's any spirit out there who can help people, it's Aerith. She'd give up everything for others."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. I think so, too." A pause. Then, "Zack?"

"Yeah, Riku?"

"Thanks for saving us."

He grinned, reached over to ruffle my hair. I suppressed my irritation in favour of the moment. "No problem, kiddo. Anytime you need some help to overthrow a multi-million-munny facility and commit grievous bodily harm on its psycho scientists, I'm your man."

I laughed. The chopper continued through the darkness.

-------

Reno's voice came over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen," he drawled, "we are currently flying towards the icy town of Icicle. The time is four-forty in the morning. Winds are fair, and the sky is clear. Destination landing estimated for twenty minutes from now. So wake your lazy asses up and prepare to leave my _fucking _chopper."

My eyes cracked open, Sora's shoulder warm beneath my chin. I wet my lips, and pressed a kiss to his neck. He yawned widely, pushing up from his pillow of Zack, one hand scratching the back of his brunet spikes. "Morning already?" he muttered.

"Morning, precious," I whispered into his ear. He sent me a sleepy smile, twisted to kiss me on the lips, sweet and loving.

I grinned. "Freedom tastes like morning breath."

Letting out a quiet squawk of indignation, he flipped a hank of my hair into my eyes and retorted, "It _looks _like it needs a hairbrush and some two-in-one shampoo, stat."

"Two-in-one? I'd rather _die." _

"Nearly did already," he said quietly, pressing his nose to mine. We each breathed deeply, feeling the warmth of the other's body so close by. I twisted my head after a few minutes to watch Zexion and Demyx as they woke up, bodies contorting to try and get rid of the kinks caused from sleeping while sitting. Demyx looked whiter than usual, dark under the eyes, unnaturally grim. Zexion leaned in close, an arm around his waist, whispering into his ear. The blond's eyes slipped shut with a careful nod and a sigh.

"Morning, guys," Zack croaked from the other side of Sora, looking like he'd been hit over the head by a length of wood. There was a general mumbled reply. He checked his wristwatch, dragging his fingers down the bags under his eyes. "Mmph. Sunrise is in a couple hours. Guess we timed it pretty good."

"I told you I was a genius," Sephiroth stated came from the cockpit.

"Huh," Zack snorted. _"Hojo _was a genius, too. Big_ was."_

"A low blow, Zackary," came the crackled response.

"Shut the fuck up," Reno grumbled, sounding equally tinny. "Some of us haven't had a wink of fucking sleep since yesterday."

"And being Reno," Zack sympathised, "he needs all the beauty sleep he can get."

"Hey, _fuck you. _I've got a photo-album of chicks that says otherwise, fucker. _Your mom _is in it."

"Ever the lady," Zack sighed. "Dear old mom."

Demyx scrunched up his nose, momentarily distracted from his misery. "Ewww. Did he really…?"

"Zack's mother is dead," Sephiroth informed us dryly from his detached seat in the proceedings. "Has been for fifteen years."

"Reno, you sly dog," Zack hooted, while the rest of us pretty much just went 'ick'.

Reno, apparently, agreed. "I think I'm gonna be sick," he muttered.

At least it drew Demyx out of his shell a little.

True to his word, almost twenty minutes exactly later, Reno brought the chopper touching down in Icicle. There was a thump, sending a jab of pain through my left arm and right side, then the sound of the rotors powering down. Zack unbuckled his safety harness, leading us to follow suit. When Reno slid the door open from the outside, letting in a gust of bone-chilling air plus a swirl of snowflakes, it was a group of dazed males that climbed out. My bare feet cried out upon touching the ground. I stayed stoically still, along with Zexion, while both Sora and Demyx hopped quickly from the ball of one foot to the other. "Mother_fucker," _Sora whined, hands chafing his bare arms.

"Yep, that's our Reno."

The red-head shot Zack a glare. Sephiroth stood back a little, keeping his weapon trained on Reno. "So, now what?" the red-head demanded crankily, obviously cold himself. Frigid winds whipped at us, flapping our clothing. The landing site, a clear patch of land that might have been an old farm, was swept with ice and snow. It looked like the middle of nowhere.

"Now…" Sephiroth pointed the gun calmly, making Reno freeze up, blue eyes wide. "We find someplace warm to sit down for a while. I believe you were tired, Reno."

He scowled, lips pressing thin. "Come on, you've had your fun with me. You gonna let me go or what?"

Zack clapped him on the back. "For the moment, it's a big fat 'or what'," he reported cheerfully. "Come on, Reno, are we stupid or are we stupid? You know it's dangerous to drive tired."

"Over there," Sephiroth said, gesturing to the little farmhouse in the distance.

"What about the chopper?" Reno worried.

"Eh, it's fine," Zack reassured. "It's not going anywhere. Just ease up, man, you're _tense." _

Muttering, the loose suit fluttering around under his tightly crossed arms, he kicked some snow and prepared to move with the group. We trekked up a short hill, moving at a brisk jog to spare those without shoes as much as possible. The house, I saw as we approached, was just about falling down.

"It just screams 'ramshackle', don't it, kids?" Zack observed dubiously. "Oh, well. Beggars, choosers, etc. I'm freezing my ass off. Let's get inside."

It was easy enough to get in. It was no warmer inside than out, though, due to the many animal holes puncturing the walls, the rotten wood half-disintegrated.

"Now what, ya fuckin' clowns?" Reno snarled.

"We're out of the wind, aren't we?" Sephiroth pointed out mildly.

"It's still fucking _cold."_

"So we huddle," Zack said brightly. "Find a dry corner, and everyone get ready for a group hug."

"What about the – " Zexion hesitated, shooting Reno a quick glance. "The you-know-what."

"You mean the place with the thing?" Zack grinned lop-sidedly. "We'll get there. But not til later. It's too hard to find at night."

"So we're stuck here?" Demyx asked in a small, dismayed voice. He huddled further in on himself.

"Only for a couple hours, Dem," Zack said, dropping the wise-guy act. "Then we'll leave."

"Until then, we have to group hug?" Sora supposed dubiously.

Aaaand it was back.

Big, shit-eating grin, insanely cheery disposition, blue eyes alight. "Oh, totally. I'm gonna grope all you gay boys. You know you like it."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, because I know _I've _always wanted to be felt up by a perve almost twice my age."

"See? Riku's got the Christmas spirit. Everybodyyyyy – huddle!"

"Fuckin' fuck _fuck," _Reno spat.

I took hold of Sora, and we crossed the cold house, my arm around his waist. There were some pieces of furniture sitting around, but not many, and those that were, were broken. We ended up, like Zack said, finding a corner. It was cold, sinking down onto the ground, clinging to each other, shivering. The others came to join us at length, Zack taking over gun-duty from Sephiroth, to allow the silver-haired man some rest after the long flight.

Demyx and Zexion joined our knotted bodies, the four of us clumping together. Then came Reno, who virtually flung himself across our laps with a demand to keep him "warm or else", and finally Sephiroth and Zack. Sephiroth took one edge, Zack the other, to keep Reno in line.

We whiled away the predawn hours curled together like puppies.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: **I have a cat. My cat has fleas. Fleas are versatile fuckers – I'm sure some of them have been in the general vicinity of Japan recently, maybe sucked on the blood of a Square-Enix employee, or… Yeah, this isn't going to work, is it? I don't own it.

A/N: It seems I can't quite get through the weekend without blowing off an update :S My thanks to Futile Faith, for the assurance that she, at least, wouldn't come after me with a pitchfork if I failed to post in time :). Not wanting to give anything away, but since in ten minutes time you'll know all the details of the chapter anyway, just figured I'd give a heads-up about smut! Slight smut, at any rate. First time I've written any, and I was seriously surprised to not feel like a pervert :P Hope you guys approve. Tell me if it seems too randomly placed.

_Note: _It's been pointed out to me that I don't know shit about the cold :P I ask you all to pretend it's accurate, for my sake. :D

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CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

"Shit!" I felt the warmth of sweat turn to the heat of blood trickling from my nose. I sniffed sharply, swiped at it with my knuckles, and came away shining. Damn it. The process was repeating. I still had a while yet – no headaches so far, and the blood was flowing at a reasonably slight rate – but I hoped we'd find the old lab soon, and that the Mako was operational. Unfortunately, that was the major flaw in our plan, one which no one had dared to address yet: what happens if the Mako _isn't _okay? I mean, does the stuff have a shelf-life or what?

Currently, we were fanned out, combing the countryside. Reno had begrudgingly allowed us to crack open an emergency supply of clothing stored in the chopper, and we had split it up to try and protect ourselves from the raging cold, which didn't abate with the sunlight. So I was wearing a shoe two sizes too large on my right foot, and had a white shirt and a coat wrapped several times around my left. The other three had the same arrangement, only with Sora and Demyx having pairs of pants instead of a coat. It was weird, but effective enough. It ensured that no one would be getting frostbitten toes anytime soon.

We had woken an hour after dawn, exhausted and drained. Reno's weight had sent my lower half to sleep. It was then that Zack explained that the exact location of the lab wasn't a hundred-percent known – making it a good hiding place, I suppose. The town of Icicle was unaware of its existence. Since neither he nor Sephiroth had been part of the Water program ten years ago, when this lab was still operational, neither of them could point us directly there. However, they did know the general region, and claimed there was a beaten path that could be followed through the forest to the site.

So, here I was, sweating despite the frost, pushing my way through thick forestation in search of a meandering, ten-year-old track. We were all within calling distance. Sephiroth, once again in possession of the gun due to the fact that Reno seemed a lot more uncomfortable when he was, had paired up with the red-head. Apparently, he couldn't be trusted to not escape. Although the keys from the helicopter had been firmly confiscated, there was no guarantee he wouldn't board himself up in the town and send out a distress signal to the other Turks, who by now would know that we had left, and taken Reno with us.

I sighed irritably. One of the reasons it was a good thing it hadn't been _me _searching for _Sora _all that time ago, is I'm an impatient s.o.b when it comes to looking for things. I lose my temper quickly. I want it found, damn it, and right _now. _Frustration was building up in me, not helped by the appearance of my blood. I growled softly to myself, holding my splinted hand tucked close against my stomach to prevent it from being knocked by the snaring fingers of branches and prickles.

I could hear, snapping and crashing through the clear morning air, Demyx on one side of me, Sora on the other. The blond was slowly growing more confident, but he wasn't sure he liked the snow. It was made of water, yes, but even when he'd lived in his own world, he'd never seen the cold white. He was like a sensory-deprived child, proceeding with overmuch caution through an environment he was entirely unfamiliar with.

At long last, after who knew how long of searching, I heard a cry go up, Zack's voice, triumphant. It sent a spark thrilling through the ranks. A second later, Demyx threw his head back and howled in reply. Laughing, I tossed my hair and joined in, hearing Sora join the cacophony a moment afterwards. It was the sound of victory, of hope, of relief and raw excitement. This was it. This was our new start. This was our liberation, once and for all, from the clutches of ShinRa.

We all hurried over, converging on the black-haired man, to see the battered, faded trail disappearing through the trees.

"Are you sure this is it?" Sephiroth asked, eyeing it with interest. "It could be an animal track. It's very narrow."

"I'm sure of it," Zack said, eyes shining. "It's _meant _to look like an animal track. The vehicle entrance is around the other side, through the mountains. This is where they used to come, through Icicle itself, disappearing into the forest without a trace… this is _it." _Another shiver passed through me, the certainty in his voice ringing clear.

Reno arched an eyebrow. "So, where exactly does'it' lead to?"

"You'll see soon enough," Sephiroth said flatly. "For now, let's get going. No one's noticed us yet, but the chopper might not remain unseen for much longer. We want to be gone without a trace before that happens."

We fell into a single file along the ice-crusted trail, following its meandering path through the woods, eyes straining against the snow-bright sunshine. At times, the going was difficult, steep in some places, rocky in others, perpetually freezing. Breaths puffed smokily into the air, heavy and ragged. I started wondering, after the first hour, if there even a point to this… maybe it _was _just an animal track. I expected something to do with ShinRa to be more clear-cut and authoritative.

And then, when hope was waning low, we found it.

-------

We climbed down what was almost a cliff-face, but not quite, sending showers of snow and stones clattering down into a ravine. The cliff itself was covered over by a long metal catwalk, spanning the hundred-foot gap with rickety assurance. We gathered, panting and tired, at the mouth of the walkway. I gazed over at the lab on the other side, a collection of buildings with bulbous rooves to keep the snow from gathering.

"Why was it abandoned, anyway?" I asked, voice raw and shaky from the chilled air.

"It was too expensive to maintain," Zack explained, squinting over. "Too difficult a location. In the last decade, ShinRa has grown at an astounding rate, from a governmental counterpart to a control in its own right. They could afford to simply leave this here, and rebuild somewhere more convenient. To pull it down would have drawn more attention that they could, at that delicate political time, afford. And then," he shrugged, "it was forgotten. It's still in the database, but it's buried. Aerith was in charge of subject files and development. She had the lists from the early subjects, when they lived here. That's why she knew about this place, when no one else bothered to remember." He smiled crookedly. "It's a good thing ShinRa was so keen to forget it."

"I'll say," Demyx chattered, shivering, blond hair blowing around. He was looking over hungrily at the collection of buildings, obviously longing for home. It struck me as a depressing notion that he considered a science facility, cold and stark and impersonal, as native soil.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Reno grunted. "Am I allowed to go first, or is that against the rules?"

"Please, by all means," Sephiroth replied smoothly. "After all, if it falls under your weight, we'll know to circle the mountains and use the other entrance."

Reno flipped him the finger, and, impatient with our dilly-dallying, grabbed both rails spanning the catwalk and set off. A few feet later, he hissed, _"Fuck!" _and snatched his hands up, rubbing at them quickly. "Use gloves or something," he called back without turning. "The metal's like fucking ice." He continued, footsteps loud on the brittle steel, kicking the path clear of ice and debris. It took him about two minutes to reach the other side and disappear into the shadows cast by the sloping roof. He reappeared quickly, shooting a thumbs up. A collective sigh was released. Sephiroth was the next to cross, the heaviest of us, the one to keep Reno in line. When the walkway still didn't crumple, it seemed like it wasn't going to. My nervousness abated as I crossed, the echoes of my footsteps odd with just one shoe. I concentrated on fighting the urge to grip the rail. I didn't feel like getting stuck to the metal, feebly suspended over a ravine. I reached the shadows with relief, joining the two men standing under the overhang, their attention focused on getting the door open. Reno was frowning, forefinger punching at various buttons on the keypad, an older but similar technology to that at the other lab. As Sora came to stand beside me, I wrapped an arm around him, keeping him close to try and steal some of his natural heat. One by one, we were filled back out into a group again, Zack being the last to arrive. He joined the other two men in their efforts with the door, while the rest of us shivered and watched on.

"What's the problem?"

"Who said there's a problem?" muttered Reno. "We're just enjoying the fresh fuckin' air, yo."

"We can't access the key," Sephiroth explained, slightly more helpfully. I gaped.

"Can't access – what? What's that mean? We can't get _in?"_

Just call me panic merchant. Demyx's eyes shot wide, the colour draining instantly from his cheeks. Sora clutched me, while Zexion massaged his forehead with irritation.

"The power is cut off, correct?" he asked. "Since the doors run on electricity, doesn't that mean that they can't be accessed anyway?"

"The doors run on an independent energy source," Zack assured us, moving to the front. "They've got their own long-life batteries, slow-release power. It's cool, guys, this won't take long." He shoved Reno aside and started punching in various codes, each one unsuccessful. For five minutes maybe, we stood there growing increasingly worried, as each of the three men tried their hand at getting the door open.

At last, losing patience entirely, Reno elbowed his way back in, said, "Fer chrissakes," and punched the keypad sharply, twice. Prying away the dented cover, he twisted his fingers into the wires and tore them all out of place. _"Shit!" _He snatched his fingers back, jammed them in his mouth, sucking on them. "Goddamn shock," he mumbled. Zack bent down and twisted a couple of the broken wires together, and a second later, a light came on above the door, glowing green. It clicked open. Thank God.

We trooped through, out of the biting winds, into still, musty air. The door sliding closed behind us felt like being shut in a tomb. You could feel the years hanging in the air. Suddenly, our breaths were loud, our footsteps hollow. In layout, this laboratory was very similar to the last one – just… very dark. Zack brought out a small, hissing flashlight, its glow overly bright, casting white light over the walls for a three meter radius. He threw a second one to Reno, saying, "Make yourself useful." Reno grunted, got the light going, and moved to lead with Zack.

It was cold in here, but less so than outdoors. This was more a steady temperature, caused by lack of heating over such a long period of time. It was so heavily sealed that the weather had barely touched its innards. We trailed down the initial long hallway, pausing every now and then for Zack to open a door and peer in. We turned down several corridors, until Zack finally found what he was after, and led the way into a large, dead-looking lab. Chunky Mako tanks lined the far wall, reminding me uncomfortably of Hojo's lab. But that time of my life was done now. I'd be okay. This place… was not _there. _  
The fluid in the tanks looked dark from here. Zack moved closer, holding the light high, illuminating the pale blue sitting still, looking solid. He tapped the glass with a low tink, squinting through the reflected glare. We came to stand by him, a little way behind, watching tensely.

"Well?" Zexion asked after Zack hadn't spoken for a while. "Is it alright? Will it be okay for the infusions?"

Sephiroth, at the back of the group, had his head tilted to the side, studying the line-up of cylinders carefully. "It looks fine from here."

Zack nodded, frowning, peering into the viscous depths. I don't know what he was searching for, what Mako does when it's not suitable anymore, but he was making damn sure that whatever it was was absent. I wondered what Mako would do, if it were no good. Finally, Zack nodded and said, "Yep. Looks fine."

Demyx threw his arms around Zexion with a squeal of glee. Excitement sparkled in his eyes. "We're gonna be okay! We – we're gonna be _free _and okay!"

I turned to Sora, grinning broadly. He drew me down for a kiss, sending my heart into a burst of activity, tongue scraping my lips. This was _it. _We were _here. _He released me, and for a long moment we just stared at each other, bright and happy.

"Ah, cut the crappy love-fest," Reno grouched. "Okay, so you're not gonna be tortured anymore, and you don't have to put up with Hojo's ugly mutt of a face day after day, but what happens when ShinRa figures out where you are? Because they're going to, and not just because I might or might not tell them."

I wrapped my arms around Sora's shoulders, tugging him against me, scowling at the red-head. "Why should they ever find us here?" I demanded. Pale eyes rolled.

"Come on, kid, you think they're just going to let you fade out of existence? They'll think of this place eventually. Not to mention you need food, fresh water, enough power to light and heat the joint along with keeping the Mako bubbling. Sure, the place is illicit enough to have its own energy feed, just like the other one, so no one comes sniffing around when ShinRa's footing the bill, but they're gonna notice, ya know?"

"By which time, we will have built up sufficient evidence of gross mistreatment of charges in ShinRa's custody," Zack argued sharply. "So maybe the rest of the world doesn't know about them, but that doesn't mean ShinRa's just going to let them rot and die. It hasn't been that long since Rufus took over from his father – once he's aware of the full extent of what's been happening since Water broke down after the inquest, he'll sanction this."

Reno was sceptical. "You think so, do you?"

"Why do you even think we've been at the lab this whole week?" Zack persisted. "We've been gathering as much information as possible, just for this reason. At that point, we weren't aware that Riku was being tortured almost to death, but that just made our case even stronger for when we submit it!"

Reno frowned, thinking this through. "Okay," he said slowly, "I can see what you're saying. But I got one question: why do this now? I mean, why did you wait until after silver and the kid joined up? Just so there's more people to save, or what?"

Zack hesitated, darted Sephiroth a glance. "Well…"

Sephiroth sighed quietly. "Riku is someone we weren't willing to abandon." He lifted his jade eyes to mine, then glanced over at Zexion and Demyx with a flicker of – was it guilt?

…Guilt that they were not enough by themselves to earn the right to live their own lives.

I have to admit, it twisted my gut, too.

Sora lowered his head, while the other two looked confused. They swung their eyes to me, Zexion's faintly calculating, Demyx just innocent. "Riku? How come? Is he someone important?"

Reno's eyes were narrowed, taking me in anew. "So, silver's the reason then. Like blondie said, how come?"

"He's a keyblade master," Zack said, with a touch of resignation. "I don't expect you to know what that is, Reno…"

"I know," yelped Demyx. I blinked over at him.

"Really?"

He nodded violently. "Really." I was suddenly nervous. Was he having some kind of flashback connected to his – his other self? The Nobody Demyx? I slipped a hand over Sora's stomach, pressing him ever so slightly behind me.

"I remember you guys talking about keyblades!" He had turned to Zack, shaking a hand at him earnestly. "And – and – I thought it was just a story." He frowned, glanced back at me. "Are you really a – uh, one of those?"

I hesitated, nodded confirmation. "Yeah, Dem, I am."

"Oh." His eyebrows lifted. He smiled. "Well, that's cool."

"So," Zexion broke in, slowly, "the whole reason we were rescued is because of Riku?"

Silence met his words, enough of an agreement. Reno let out a low whistle.

"Boy, did you guys luck out," he said to Demyx and Zexion. Demyx looked startled, as if the idea had suddenly occurred to him that, yes, without my presence in it all, nobody would have come to the rescue. Slightly worried, he said, "Yeah, I guess we are." He looked over to Zexion. "Right, Zexy?"

"Yes…" He said nothing more than this. I felt myself growing tense.

"Well, I don't know about anyone else, but _I'm _in the mood for a story," Reno hinted.

"Maybe some other time," Sephiroth said, sounding bored. "Right now, it's slightly more important that we get the generators up and running. Zexion and Riku need their infusions in the next day or two, and we don't know how much work it will take to get the machines going again."

"True," Zack said, with a firm nod. "And Reno, you're going to help us."

The red-head forgot me and my apparently mythical origins. "Whaaaat? I don't know shit about mechanics."

"You know how to fix the chopper when it breaks down, don't you?" Sephiroth deadpanned.

"Well, _yeah, _but – "

"There you go. Mechanics."

"First let's find the guys somewhere to rest," Zack suggested. It was an easy enough task. Just like Hojo's lab, this one had containment cells dotted around the place. However, due to the power failure, Demyx was afraid to be left. He insisted we all sleep in the same bed, claiming he was scared of the dark. Sora and I exchanged glances, and reluctantly agreed. I had been looking forward to some time alone with him – alone with no Hojo or Yunalesca to fear, no helicopters to commandeer, no injuries to nurse, no tears to cry. Demyx was adamant though, and, still feeling guilty for some reason, I was inclined to cave in. We all settled onto the one dusty bed, crushed together, with me on the edge so my arm wouldn't get hurt by the squeeze. I was asleep, I think, before any of the others, before Zack had even left the room, with Reno's whining echoing in my ears, and Sora's breath against my neck.

-------

I woke slowly, a few hours later, blinking sleepily at the wall. For the first time in a long time, there was no reason to rise. The light was out, and the sounds of breathing issued forth in varying degrees at my back. I shifted slightly, felt Sora behind me, his arm draped over my hip, hand brushing my stomach as he twitched in his sleep. The warmth was beautiful, the sensation of safety. Maybe Reno was right, and this arrangement wouldn't last forever, but right now, forever I didn't need. It was enough to be here, and feel this peace, and know that Sora was going to be okay. The Mako tanks would start up, I'd be infused again, I wouldn't keep breaking apart… Sure, we couldn't return to civilisation just yet, but… I was here with the person I loved. Nothing else really mattered to me.

I drifted back to sleep.

-------

The lights came on with a flicker and snap, waking us all simultaneously. I heard the gasps, the heavy breathing as everyone thought, for a brief, desperate moment, that the nightmare was still reality.

Then Sora realised. "The – power's on?"

I sat up sharply, gazed around with wild eyes. "It's on?"

Zexion pushed himself up, smiling slowly, while Demyx attached himself to his waist with a joyful wail. "We don't have to go back!"

Zexion snorted. "Dem, even if they hadn't got it going again, we'd never go back there."

"Damn straight," I muttered. "I'll fall apart first."

"But now you don't need to!" Sora climbed into my lap and wrapped his arms tight around my neck, face into my chest. "It's all okay now!" He pulled back, expression dropping minutely, then smiled softly. "And just in time, too." He peeled off his shirt in a quick motion, and pressed it into my face before I even knew what was going on. The hell? Sora was stripping for me? I pushed away his hands, removing the material from my eyes, bewildered, figuring, hell, if he was going to show off, I'd damn well be the first to – oh. Nosebleed. He smirked a little, and pressed the shirt back against me. No fair.

I felt the material growing wetter, and bunched it further up. I didn't feel sick, or dizzy, and my head didn't hurt yet, so I figured I was in the clear. Nothing too terrible just yet.

We all climbed out of bed, and Demyx led the way to the door, opening it up and peering out into the corridor. "I don't see anyone." He turned to grin over his shoulder at us. "What do you say, fellas? Up for a little exploring?"

"I'm in," Sora chirped. Zexion smiled his agreement, and I added my own muffled voice to the mix. Demyx took a moment to laugh at me.

"You look so stupid, Riku," he said happily. I glared and flipped him off. Sora kissed my cheek, but missed and got the shirt instead. It might have smelled like Sora, but this shirt really wasn't my friend right now.

We ventured out, looked around. "I'm pretty sure they went left," Zexion mused in remembrance. This being as good a direction as any, we followed the hallway along, before coming to another intersection.

"Dem," Sora said, poking the blond's bare biceps, "you're the one who knows these places. Where do we go for power, you know, stuff?"

"Hmm." Demyx propped an elbow on his hand, tapping his chin with one finger, deep in thought. "I never really knew that side of things… but I can take a good guess. Oh!" He snapped his fingers. "I remember where the boiler room was! We can start there."

"After that, can we eat?" I pleaded. "I haven't eaten since… Jesus, I don't even know when, but I'm pretty sure I puked it back up."

"Please, don't talk about that," Zexion muttered, his arm looped through Demyx's. "I'm not feeling too great myself." Demyx was instantly worried.

"We'll get you straight into one of the tanks, okay? Just as soon as we get Zack to get them going."

Zexion gave him a reassuring sideways hug, murmuring, "Sounds good to me."

We found our way, due to Demyx's skills, to the boiler room, and realised that this wasn't anywhere near anything we wanted. It was just a boiler room, and a dormant one at that. Demyx pouted for a while, while I complained some more about a need for food. It was decided that we'd find a kitchen, any kitchen, and try to find something to eat.

Now this, Demyx could do.

I was digging through a cupboard, relatively dustless, trying to find something not quite so decade-old. "You think the coffee's okay?" Sora wondered, having pried the lid off a tin from the counter, peering in. I heard the granules shifting back and forth, a nice sort of sound, until Sora made a face and poked at it. "Maybe not. Half of it's solidified."

"Not exactly how I take my coffee," Zexion murmured in agreement, crouched down a few feet away, sorting through some boxes. I pulled down a container of pasta spirals, gave it an experimental shake.

"You think spaghetti lasts okay over ten years?"

"I just realised something." Demyx leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest, a startled look on his face. I shot him a questioning glance. "This must have been how it was with our lab. When Aerith and Lucrecia were killed." He flicked a hand, gesturing to the uselessly filled kitchenette. "Everything just… left behind."

Sora shrugged. "Maybe it happened ten years ago, too. Maybe someone died and there was an inquest, and _you know what?" _His eyes narrowed dangerously. He looked over at me, anger building in the air around him. "I'll bet if it did, _Hojo _was involved."

A general chorus of, "That fucking bastard," and a lot of nods.

"Oh, well…" Demyx looked blank for a moment, then added, "Hopefully he's dead."

"Yup. Hope-ful-ly." I left the pasta on the counter, went searching for something more.

"Packet soup?" Zexion suggested.

"What flavour?" Sora demanded, pulling back from the small pantry in the corner.

"There's a couple… Chicken. Tomato?"

"Don't eat the chicken," Demyx advised. "First," he ticked off a finger, "I'm vegetarian." He did a random, hilarious Reno impression: "Don't feed on faces, yo. Second," he reverted to Demyx, "after ten years, I don't care if there's not even chicken _in it – _it's got salmonella."

This felt so indescribably good. This was – it was _normal people _talk. We were goofing off, saying the first thing that popped into mind, just so relaxed, so casual. All the tension, all the angst, it was gone. The memories were there, for sure – but for the first time since my nose-bleeds became scary, I felt like I was living normally.

"Do we need to boil water for it?"

"I know where there's a kettle!" Sora went diving back into the pantry. "There's a toaster, too!"

"Oh, great, now I know what to do with the ten-year-old bread I found in here," Zexion muttered. "Mother always told me to only use stale bread for toasting."

"We can just cut off the mould," I grinned.

"So, we're toasting _air _then?" Sora resurfaced holding appliances, placed them on the counter, let out a short exclamation of triumph upon locating a power socket.

"Whoa, hang on, So!" I darted across, grabbing his wrist. "Let me do that, okay?" He gave me a weird look, then shrugged and handed over the plug.

"It's all yours."

I steeled myself. I figured, if there was an electrical surge of some sort, better me than him. All my fears were unfounded; I wasn't shot across the room by a sudden shock. But at least Sora was, one way or another, safe. I flicked the socket on, and took the kettle to fill in the tiny sink.

"Jesus, run the water for a while first, okay?" Zexion said, straightening up with four packets of powdered soup. He eyed the faucet distrustfully. "It might be gross for a couple minutes."

I did as he said, got it running, and yes, it was kind of foul. Brown water is never a good thing, not when you're planning to ingest it. "I found some cups for the soup!" Demyx declared, hooking them out and placing them on the countertop. He made a face at the rust- and dirt-filled water. "I hope the tank supply isn't like that."

"It'll just be the pipes," Sora said, peering over briefly. "I've seen it before."

"Oh, you have, have you?" I teased, poking at his shoulder. "A man of perpetual mystery. I just don't think I know you anymore, So." I gave false, shuddery sigh. He smirked.

"I am very dashing and debonair that way," he admitted.

Demyx was peering intently at the flow, his head held sideways, nose about an inch away. I resisted the urge to cover it with my fingers and send it spraying into his eyes. There might've been grits of sand in it. "It's coming clean," he said suddenly. I looked.

"It's still the same," I pointed out. He shook his head firmly.

"No, it's coming _clean." _Sure enough, twenty seconds later, it gave a hell of a bang, scaring the shit out of me.

"What the fuck was that?!"

"Air bubble," Demyx reported, not having moved. The flow spluttered and popped a few more times, letting out three loud bangs one after another, before turning utterly clear and smooth. Demyx straightened with a smile. "See? All clear. You can fill the kettle now."

"Oh, right." I stuck the stainless steel pot under the water, filled it three quarters of the way, and shut the tap back off. I carried it over to its base, settled it into the correct grooves, and flicked it on.

Nothing happened.

I frowned, lifted it and placed it back down, flicked it on again. Nothing. "There's supposed to be a light on, right here." I pointed. "So we know it's boiling. But there's this distinct lack of light."

Zexion came over to inspect it. "Maybe it broke," he offered. "Not many appliances last for a decade… at least, on my world they didn't."

"Oh, this world, too," Sora said, coming over. "I don't know, though. It doesn't look broken."

"Maybe something died inside it?" Demyx suggested. I groaned.

"Don't tell me we have to go back to looking for food?"

"_There _you all are!" I twisted, to see Zack in the doorway, looking greasy, sweaty, and amused. "I've been looking all over. Hungry?"

"Yes," I said sullenly. "But the kettle's broken, so we can't boil water for the soup."

"Ah, about that." He rubbed his forehead, the creases that had formed there when he raised his eyebrows. "We got one of the emergency generators going, which is why the lights are on, but there's no power to the rest of the area. The main energy feed is busted, so we're working on the backup, seeing if we can't get it going. So, there's no real power yet."

"Oh."

Zexion stared at the wall, frowning. "Zack?"

The other man took a breath, nodded. "I know, Zex. I told you, we're working on it. Don't worry, it shouldn't take too much longer."

"How long has it been?" Demyx asked, concerned. "We were asleep for ages."

Zack grimaced, checked his watch. "Uh, say, seven hours now. Shit. Actually, we need to go on a break. Time sure flies when you're fixing stuff." He flashed us a sympathetic smile. "Sorry about the inconvenience, guys, but seriously, once we've freshened up, things ought to get done pretty soon. Reno's a better mechanic than he looks." He entered the little kitchen, looking at the array of dried products we'd littered the counter and floor with. "Anything edible yet?"

"Only the soup," Sora said gloomily. "And now we can't have it."

"There's water, though," Demyx pointed out brightly. Zack shot him a rueful grin.

"Only you, Dem, would be happy with water and no food." He shook his head. "Okay, are there any bottles I can fill up and take down with me?"

We hunted through and found him a couple of flasks, filling them with the clean, clear water. He gave the room a general, weary smile, then left, heading back towards the generators.

"You know…" Zexion said softly, pressing his fingertips to his forehead, "I think I might just go lie down until they're done."

"Okay." Demyx looked over at us, flashing a tight smile. "You guys? I'm going to take Zexy back to bed. Just keep looking if you want, or whatever. And, uh, try finding another bed, okay? Just while Zexy's sick. He needs some space."

"Sure, Dem," Sora answered for us, backed up by my affirmative nod.

"Take care of him," I offered. He smiled again, a little more warmly, and hitched Zexion closer, his arm across his shoulders, Zexion's circled around his waist. We watched them leave, and were silent for a while, lost in thought.

"What about you?" Sora asked quietly. I met his gaze inquisitively. "Are you alright?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine, for now," I said. "I'm definitely better than Zexion."

Sora nodded, came and slipped his hands behind my back. He rested his cheek against my chest, and I kissed the top of his head. "I love you," he whispered. I smiled into his hair.

"Love you, too."

"…Yeah?"

I frowned, ran my hand down his bare back, making sure to touch each individual vertebra. "Yeah, So," I insisted. "I love you."

He sighed into me, kissed my chin. "Good," he said softly. I swept my fingers up to his shoulder, playing with the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck, listening to small, contented sighs that came out as I stroked him. He nuzzled into my breast bone, and, very gradually, I became aware of the fact that, for the first time in a very long time, Sora was half-naked, we were alone, and nobody was going to disturb us.

My hand stilled, as heat travelled through me. I lowered my face, and kissed his right temple, touching my tongue to the skin. He smiled, murmured approval, eyes slipping shut. I lifted his chin, and pressed our lips together, gently at first, but with growing need. I felt his surprise at my sudden ardour, but he kept up the pace, melting up against my body. I kept my uninjured hand always moving, sliding the knuckles against his face, the pads of my fingers down his ribs, earning a shiver and a voiceless moan. My breaths were speeding up.

I was reminded of the first time that Sora hugged me, the way I threw him off with such fear. I was scared of how much I felt for him, how much my body always reacted to him, what he would think if and when that became obvious, when he so obviously hadn't a clue who I was. I had actually surprised myself over the weeks, with how disconnected I had managed to keep the wooing process from my hormones. The desperation to have Sora emotionally had cut the need for the physical gratification almost to nil. But now… here I was… here he was… And just how fucking long had it been since I'd had sex?

I swept a thumb over one nipple, grinning through the fusion of our mouths at the little jump he gave, the obvious pleasure he got from that one touch. He was drawing back slightly, uncertain of where this encounter was going, but I followed relentlessly, sweeping the hand up to the back of his head and pulling him back, clutching him close enough to cut off his air supply. Our tongues pressed together, slid along each other, flicked into the cavern of the other's mouth, and my hand was roving again, down his chest, along the soft skin above his pants, teasing the small of his back. Again, he gave a small groan, a little louder this time. His fingers tightened, fistfuls of my shirt in his grasp, and just that small motion through the cloth was enough to send tingles through my flesh.

I had to decide how far I was going to take this. I knew his every button, knew how to turn him into a puddle of gasping Sora with just a few quick words and touches, and _Jesus Christ, _had it really been _that long _since I'd fucked him? Of course, fucking was out of the question this time – making love, whatever – because this Sora was a complete and utter virgin, and the kitchenette in an abandoned science facility wasn't the best place to get laid the first time. But he was so goddamn sexy, and I was so intimately deprived, that I knew this was going to be a struggle.

My hand strayed further south, kneading the front of his pants, making his eyes shoot open with a gasp. I saw hunger there, lust… but underneath it, a trace amount of fear. I had to ask myself, before the haze fell and blinded me completely, which Sora was in there right now, which Sora was feeling the desire…?

"Oh, my God," he muttered, and fell back against me. The kisses grew desperate, but this time, he wasn't crying, this time, he wasn't eaten by guilt. I could feel that he wanted me, and I damn well wanted him, too. I lowered my hand around and cupped his ass, drawing his hips against mine, grinding us together with a low groan. His face broke away from mine, thrusting into my neck as he panted, the sweat from his forehead slick against my skin. His chin jolted up, his lips fixing against my throat, sucking. My head lolled back of its own accord, sucking in a breath of ecstasy just from this small amount of attention.

All the attraction, all the tension, everything gathered into this one moment, in this one room. I rubbed myself against him, eliciting another volley of moans. He whimpered against me, "Ri-Riku…"

I dipped my face, nudging his jaw with my nose to push his head to the side, answered into his neck, _"So." _His hips jerked against mine, an involuntary action, but oh, so fucking good. "Holy shit."

"_I love you." _

I choked, blinked rapidly through the sweat, lowered my unfocused gaze to his, and there were two of them again, two of them looking out, two anxious, yearning Soras professing their love, burning with need. Then he was kissing me again, eyes squeezing shut to lock them away, left leg lifting instinctively over my hip, pressing our arousals together. "Oh, my God," I nearly sobbed, "I love you too." I unbuttoned his jeans, slipped my hand under the denim, the silk of the boxers he refused to let go of, washing them repeatedly in the small bathroom of Demyx and Zexion's apartment, fingers brushing the hot, hard need. He bucked with a moan. I wrapped my hand around him and set up a frantic pace, no longer even thinking about myself, just desperate, desperate to get him off, to hear him cry out my name. He did cry out, again and again, as I jerked, rubbed, massaged, brought him to the edge. I attached my face to his throat, feeling the vibrations as he got closer, closer, and then peaked. I felt like I was drinking his life, like it radiated from his flesh, like I'd never need food or Mako or _anything, _if I could just devour this heat that poured from his skin.

He came into my hand, against our clothes, whole body stiffening, then slumping against me. I gave a few more pumps, then released him, tucking him back into his jeans, shaking fingers fumbling to do them up while he panted over my shoulder. I wiped his cum onto my pants, not caring about the stains, not caring if anybody saw it later or not. I wrapped my arms around his limp, sweating frame, and held him close, smelling his unique sex scent, that which so often took me gently into slumber so many nights and days of my life. I leaned back heavily against the wall, waiting for us both to regain our senses.

When at last he had quietened, I felt him tremble, face digging deeper into my clavicle. "Are you okay?" I asked huskily. He nodded quickly, not pulling away. I felt dampness on my skin, but it was just sweat. I was thankful. The last thing I wanted was for him to regret, to get upset. To be honest, I think he was just overwhelmed. This instance bore a striking resemblance to the _other _first time he orgasmed. I guess history repeats itself. Either that, or I'm a one-trick pony.

"Wh-what about you?" he muttered against me. "You – you didn't…"

No, I didn't. But I wasn't hard anymore, either. I'd gone down the instant I saw the duality in his eyes, heard it in his voice. Not that it stopped being hot, not that I suddenly hadn't wanted him anymore, but, just like how I hadn't needed sexual release while getting him to love me, again the emotional intensity had interrupted my physical circuits. I hoped this wouldn't be a regular occurrence, or I'd be fisting myself for the rest of eternity. I couldn't look at a desirous Sora with anything _but _overwhelming love.

"I'm fine, baby," I whispered. "I love you. And you love me, too. So I'm just great."

He kissed me, just a little, his lips shifting against my collarbone. "I'm not… hungry anymore," he murmured. "Can we just go to bed? I'm sleepy…"

I smiled softly, held him closer than ever, wished I could simply pick him up and carry him there. I'd find the furthest room away that I could, just to watch him fall asleep in my arms. "Sure thing."

I found an old dishcloth to wipe off his stomach and my clothes, then wound my fingers through his, and took him to bed.


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: **When I start the AkuRoku, I'm just going to do a general initial disclaimer. I don't think I can make up another twenty-seven different ones. Not _again. _

A/N: Hmm. Okay, so, this is the second-last chapter, or thereabouts. I was going to make it into a mammoth one, with the conclusion as the next chapter, but then it felt like I was trying to cram things in, so I ended up slicing some off and posting it as is. Tomorrow, I won't be updating, since it's my sister's 8th birthday, and I simply won't have time to write up the ending. So – Thursday, precious ones. A fitting date, since it'll be our ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY! WHOO! This has been such an awesome month, simply because of writing this, and talking to you all. :D Sappy moment! Awww!

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CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Sora was blushing profusely, the stain reaching down his neck and into his shoulders, as we made our way, hand-in-hand, to the lab with Zexion and Demyx. He wasn't looking bashful, or guilty or anything… his expression was pretty much the same as ever, just with a new level of self-consciousness.

Only a few hours previously, I'd had him moaning my name, and now here we were, walking down a corridor like nothing happened. I knew he was finding it bizarre that, not only did everything seem the same as ever, but neither of the other two were paying any undue attention to him, utterly clueless as to what had transpired. It's like he expected a neon sign to have burst into existence above his head, screaming, _I Just Orgasmed in the Kitchen. _For lack of sign, his body was making up for it with the blush. Eventually, someone was bound to notice it, and when they questioned him, he'd have a breakdown. I found it hard not to laugh.

We entered the large room, bright now, the Mako tanks almost inviting with their electric-blue salvation. Everything was looking alive again. Zack, Sephiroth and Reno were gathered down the end of the lab, waiting for us, Reno set slightly apart. He had somehow acquired a pack of cigarettes, and was sucking one down like his life depended on it, the tip almost constantly flaring orange. He had the packet out, flipping and shutting the lid with an anxious air, and I saw that there was already three butts littering the floor. A cloud of smoke hovered around his head, lazily drifting upwards.

We approached with smiles. "Hey, Zack," Demyx waved happily, his other hand squeezing Zexion's tightly. Zexion just looked haggardly relieved.

"Can I get in now?" he asked bluntly, as we halted in front of them. The three men exchanged dark looks, and suddenly, I realised that nothing was going to be okay.

Zack sighed, got to the point. "Listen, guys – this isn't going to work out. We can't get the generators going. They were deliberately sabotaged when this place was evacuated, and…" His eyes swept over us, filled with pain and anger. "There's no way any of us has the expertise to fix it."

"So find someone that does," I said sharply, not letting their hopelessness settle. "It won't be difficult. Someone from the town will be able to do it."

"No. They won't," Zack replied flatly. "This isn't some dinky little gas generator, it's a fucking behemoth of technology, even if it _is _a decade old. It was hard enough getting the emergency lights going, and that was a hell of a lot simpler than the real thing." He grew pleading, eyes desperately flicking from one of us to the next. "We tried, we really did. But it's _beyond _us. None of us knows what half that machine even does." He shook his head slowly, sadness and regret stamped all over him. "There's nothing we can do, boys. I'm sorry."

"So then we go back," said Sora, determinedly. "We return to Hojo's lab, and use their Mako. So what if they want to look into what Riku did, it's not like they're going to kill him." A long pause, in which he grew worried. "Right?"

"Actually," Sephiroth said quietly, "that's exactly what they'll do. Dangerous subjects aren't allowed to live."

"What about the evidence you collected?" Demyx demanded. "That's gotta mean something, right? That'll clear Riku's name – _right?"_

"No." Zack looked like he might cry, his head so heavy it hung slightly, even though he was trying to keep it up and steady. "No, Dem, it won't. That's why we had to run like we did. The Turks were sent to kill Riku. If we go back, they won't even hesitate."

"But you guys are on our side!" Sora cried desperately, my fingers going numb in his crushing grasp. "Doesn't that count for something? Won't that make everyone wonder?"

"We _have_ to go back," Demyx snapped. "We can't let them do this to us. They've had a few days to realise things aren't right, they _can't _just kill him on sight now, they _can't."_

"They will." Reno dropped his spent cigarette butt to the ground, crushed it with his toe, kept his eyes down, scowl in place as he dug out another one, lit it up with the lighter from his pocket, inhaled deeply of the toxic comfort. He muttered, "A Turk does his job. That's all there is to it."

"You're a Turk," I challenged, lifting my chin. "So why aren't _you _trying to kill me?"

"You mean other than the fact that I have a gun pointed at me?" he snarled. I looked over, but Sephiroth's hands were empty.

"It's not pointed at you anymore!"

He threw the packet at me, shouting, _"Shut the fuck up, silver!"_

"Zexion, then," Sora said stubbornly. "Send Demyx and Zexion back. Riku and I will find a way to get him a Mako infusion, there's still time, we know people who can help."

"You mean Cloud and the others?" Sephiroth shook his head pityingly. "Don't you realise? They already did the best they could, and all that comprised of was juggling Riku until he could die out of ShinRa's reach. If they knew a way to an independent Mako source, they'd have found it."

"Midgar!" Sora yelled angrily. "Midgar was fucking _destroyed _by the stuff, I'll bet there's heaps of it left over!"

"Not the kind Riku and Zexion need, kid," Zack said sharply. "Please, I know this is difficult, but everybody just _calm down." _He turned his eyes to Sora. "The Mako that blew up Midgar was being used as an energy source. You try dipping Riku into that, and you'll be lucky to fish out his bones afterwards. Mako has to go through a _process _to get like this." He slapped the side of one of the useless tanks. "It doesn't just rain from the heavens."

"So then Riku is going to die _anyway," _he screamed, frustrated. I grabbed him, tugging his violently shaking form close to me, scared by his behaviour.

"Sora, stop it," I said sternly. "This isn't going to solve anything."

He flung me off, spitting, _"Nothing_ is going to solve anything!" But then, just as swiftly, he threw himself into my arms, ignoring the pain it brought me, and clung to me. "You can't die! You can't! I won't _watch _that again!"

Holding him tightly with my free arm, I met Zack's gaze over his head and argued, "Look, like So says, it pretty much seems like I'm screwed no matter what happens from here – you need to get Zexion and Demyx back to the lab at least. They didn't have anything to do with the murder, it was all _my _fault. Zexion needs an infusion, just _look _at him, will you?"

All eyes, aside from Sora's, swivelled to take in the slender man's sunken features, sallow skin, one dull eye visible, the other covered by a hank of brittle silver-blue hair. His lips were cracked and white. He looked like he was dying.

"No," he said.

I blinked, frowned. "No, what?"

Calmly, he answered, "No, I won't go back."

And, taking advantage of the stunned silence, he walked out of the lab.

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"_Zexy!" _

Demyx chased, feeling like he would never catch up, even though the other man was walking only a little faster than usual.

Zexion didn't stop at his lover's call, didn't hesitate, just kept moving. He didn't have a clear idea of anywhere to go, but with the decision made, he couldn't find a way to keep still.

"_Zexy, please!"_

Why was Demyx pleading? He was already right there in front of him.

"Demyx, I'm not going to change my mind." His voice was quiet, absolute. It left no room for doubt or argument. It was a calm decision, a true one. Demyx looked like his heart was breaking second by second.

"What's going on?" he demanded tearfully. "Why did you say that back there?"

"Because," Zexion responded, pulling the blond's hands from his narrow shoulders and returning them to their person, "I don't want to go back. I won't."

The blond drew back a step, hurt, bewildered, afraid. "But – Zexy, you _know_ what will happen. You won't survive. You – you – you'll…"

Zexion was silent for a moment, head dipped slightly, a thoughtful frown on his features. "How about," he said at last, "we don't talk about this here? Let's go back to the room."

Demyx nodded miserably, looking lost. Together, they walked to the room that the four of them had initially slept in. It was Zexion's new sick room, just like the apartment at Hojo's lab had always been a hospice.

Demyx threw himself onto the bed, crawling up to the wall, and twisted around into a cross-legged position, eyes seeking Zexion's, confused. "Okay," he said, shaky but determined. "So, talk."

Zexion leaned against the wall, his eyes turning distant. "Dem… you know how I got here. I killed myself."

"So what?" Demyx snapped. "You had a shitty life back there, just about anyone would kill themselves after that."

"And then," Zexion continued, as if he hadn't heard the blond, "I ended up here. Alive. Sick." He met Demyx's gaze and smiled gently. "With you. That makes me happy. It was worth it, all that pain, the dying, to have had this time with you." The smile grew sad. "But I'm still barely even alive, Dem. Don't – " He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. "Please," he whispered, "don't take this the wrong way, but… I – kind of want… to just let go." Demyx was silent, staring at the bedspread. Zexion hurried to explain: "It – it doesn't mean I don't love you, nothing like that, but…" He released a sharp breath, ducked his head, scowling. "All these years, you've had to take care of me. All these years, you've had to get hurt for _me. _You could have left me there, but you stayed to take care of me, because God only knows if it had been up to Hojo, he'd have recorded precisely how long it took me to die, and what _fucking _bodily functions failed, first until last." Zexion was angry suddenly, breathing hard. "You could have found a way to leave, Dem, I _know _you could've. You knew that place inside out. You knew it from when people like Squall and Aerith and Zack were there showing you _around." _He lifted his blazing eyes. "You gave yourself for me. _To _me. And now – "

"Now you're going to throw it all away." Demyx's tone was dull and distant.

Zexion deflated. "I want you to understand this," he said tiredly.

"Understand _what, _Zex?" Demyx demanded, eyes shining with sudden tears. "Understand that after all this time, you're finally giving in? Understand that you'd rather kill yourself a second time than put up with me taking care of you?"

"It isn't like that, Dem," he said desperately. "It's just – I _never _feel okay. I feel like I'm always on the edge of death. Ordinarily, I'd just put up with it to be with you, Dem, but – but don't you _get _this?" He jumped onto the bed, grabbed the blond and shook him roughly, once again growing angry. "Don't you understand what this could mean for you?"

"For me? Aside from losing the person I _love?" _Demyx cried.

"_But you could be free!" _Zexion squeezed his shoulders hard enough to leave marks on the bare, fair skin. His eyes flickered back and forth between each of Demyx's blue ones, eyebrows knitted, willing him to realise. "You could finally be _free, _Demyx. You're out of the lab, Hojo can't touch you, _you don't need Mako." _His hands slid down, gentle now, down to his elbows, thumbs drawing small, quick circles there. "You could be free, Dem, for real, forever. You could disappear into the world, find a place by the seaside… I – I can't do this anymore," he whispered. "I can't hold onto you, when my life is just a misery. This whole situation is unfair to us _both."_

Demyx was glaring through wet eyelashes, refusing to look up. "And wow," he said bitterly, "isn't this just the perfect opportunity for you give up."

Zexion's shoulders slumped a little. He shook his head slowly, gaze locked on Demyx's down-turned face. "No. It's not. This isn't me _giving up, _Dem, it's me _letting go."_

"…And if I hold onto you?" The words were almost inaudible, the resentment strong.

"You've… already held me for too long, Dem… I like to – " Zexion lowered his head, cleared his throat, finding it difficult to speak. Softly, he tried again, "I like to think of it this way… I let go, once, and it brought me to you. And I've never been happier. If I let go twice, then…"

"Who knows?" Demyx said flatly. "Maybe you'll find a new world and someone better."

"That's _not _what I meant!" Zexion roared.

"_Then what did you mean?" _

He was in a rage, features contorted. "I want to be _dead, _Demyx, it's all I ever wanted! You made me happy, but it doesn't mean I want to live! If it weren't for you, I'd never have known that happiness was even _possible_,and at least this way, I die because I'm sick, and _this _way, I die knowing that someone, _some-fucking-where, _will mourn me and _remember _me, Dem!" Zexion was weeping now, his voice still strong though, his will still strong. "Demyx, I don't wanna go back! I don't wanna be sick anymore! I don't – I _don't…" _He gasped for breath. "I don't want to – _want _to live, because in the end…"

Demyx was watching him quietly. "In the end?"

"In the end, I'm just – going to die _anyway_, Dem. I don't – want – this – life." He hung his head at last, shamefacedly. He found the grace to murmur, "I'm sorry."

Demyx shifted slowly along the bed, pushing his legs down, so he could lie with his head on the pillow. They had only been here a while, but already, it smelled like them.

It had been… four years since he felt Zexion cross over. Three years and nine months since the man had let him into his heart. All this time of extended life, for a man who hadn't wanted to live in the first place, and no longer had the means to destroy himself. Perhaps, like he said, Hojo would have let him die, and turned it into a science. But Demyx had been there, had always been there so keep him alive, his head above water… so to speak.

"You don't want to go back." His voice was quiet, unnaturally calm. "You'd rather stay… and die." He looked at the slate-haired man, the visible eye studying Demyx intently, committing him to memory. "It'll hurt you. A lot."

"Only for a little while," Zexion agreed softly. "It's not like I last very well, even with the constant infusions. Four days leaves me weak. What will a full week give me?"

"I think… a week will do it. A week will finish you." Zexion nodded slowly, eyes on Dem, fixed in place.

"That… sounds right."

"You should know, though," Demyx said casually, "that it's not so easy to get rid of me."

Zexion groaned, cupping his lover's face with thin, paper-skinned hands. "Dem, I don't _want _to get rid of you, it's not…"

"Not like that," Demyx interrupted curtly. "Yes, you said. If – if you'll excuse me…" The blond removed Zexion's hands, slid off the bed, spine stiffly straight.

"Dem, wait," Zexion called, worriedly. "Where are you going?"

Demyx paused at the door, turned his head slightly. "I just – have some thinking to do, Zexy. I won't be long. Maybe, then, we can sleep for a while. Okay?" He twisted, flashed a tight, unfeeling smile. Then he left, just as Zexion had before, leaving _him _to fear.

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I sat on the cold ground, my back to the base of one of the Mako canisters. So close to my saving grace, destined to die within reach of it.

Fuck.

Sora had long-since fallen asleep, his head on my lap, my fingers sifting through his hair absently. Zack, Reno and Sephiroth had gone to find rooms, exhausted after working for so long. They'd been on the go almost non-stop for about forty-eight hours. It amazed me they'd lasted as well as they had.

Demyx and Zexion had yet to reappear. I still wondered what the hell Zexion was thinking, saying shit like that, and in front of his lover. I pitied Demyx; the shock and sudden, tearing grief on his features had been painful to witness. I was lucky to have Sora.

I lowered my gaze to him, face peaceful, clear of the fear for now, my fingertips tracing the beauty. Our time together was now officially limited.

The news had come as… perhaps, not a surprise. I know he felt the rip in his chest, just like me, but when our eyes met after Zexion's departure… there was an understanding there.

Sora wouldn't watch me die. I'd swear it on my own grave.

I closed my eyes briefly, listening to his breaths, feeling the warmth of his cheek through the material of my light cotton pants. This was nice. Just being here, the two of us, the rest of the world sealed away… There was peace in this loneliness. It was a suitable place to die.

Zexion would go before me if he stayed, he was sick already. I felt so bad for Demyx, worse than I did for Sora. Sora, I knew was strong. And, well, Demyx was no weakling, but I knew that this would shatter him, if Zexion stuck to his foolish little outburst from before. Idiot.

But then, if given the choice, would _I _return to that place? I had sampled only a few weeks of Hojo's treatment, but it was intense. Several years worth of pain? I didn't know.

No, I would never return there.

Even to save myself?  
To return there… Perhaps, without Hojo…? I didn't know. Yes, I suppose I would. If I knew I wasn't going to be shot on sight, I'd return, for Sora as much as anything. To save him that experience a second time.

But the fact was, I couldn't go back, even if I wanted to. I couldn't get to the Mako. I could try, I suppose, see how far I got. After all, it would be better than getting sick and breaking down, wouldn't it? It's not like I'd get to spend any extra time with Sora if I took the slow path. I was going to send him back, with or without his consent, when Reno returned with Zexion and Demyx. I'd knock him unconscious, if need be. Then I'd either return here, or find something more immediate to solve my troubles. Maybe, if I found a way to kill myself in some water, I'd find my way home again. I'd pull an Irvine, and hope it came off as a Zexion. The difference between Irvine and myself being that this time next month I'd be dead anyway.

It's a strange experience, contemplating your own death like this. Calmly, coolly. As if watching from afar, even though you know that the cells are breaking down with every breath you take. It really… wasn't so hard to think of. Not after all this time. I had been… waiting for this blow. I should have known, when Sora and I were in the kitchen – things were too good, too easy. Something like this doesn't have a happy ending.

It was just as I'd feared with Zack's appearance – the light only shows how black the darkness is. Funny, that I don't feel worse about all this. But then, I've always had an affinity with darkness, even if it was reluctant.

Sora stirred a little in my lap, a small, sleepy, nonsensical noise coming from his lips. I loved him. So much. Soon, it would all be over.

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You know who I was going to miss most? Senna. She thought I was dead already. She thought we were _both _dead. ShinRa had procured bodies to masquerade at our own funerals, and now she'd be a grieving, childless mother. The last time I saw her was at the docks, before getting on the ferry. I never got to tell her how much I loved her, my very own second mother, she who, in another world, called me her son-in-law.

That thought was what, in the end, got me crying.

Thoughts of Senna passed to Roxas, Axel. _Kairi, _Jesus, I didn't even know if she was alright. Who knows what happened when she and Sora split up in Edge?

Then there's Selphie, Tidus, Wakka… My mother, I'll never even know if she existed here. She and my dad, who knows if they're even together in this world, let alone parents?

_God._

Tears flowed thick and slow, head tilted back against the glass, making sure they don't drop and wake my slumbering love. I closed my eyes, and exhaled, and felt one more heartbeat of my life escape me.

For a long time we sat there, and I was almost drifting off into a doze, when light, soft footsteps reached my ears. I peeled my eyes open, gummy and sore from the weeping, sniffing sharply, automatically wiping my cheeks of the dried trails. I had to blink a few times to clear my blurred vision, to see Demyx standing a few steps away, his face creased with worry, hands on hips, staring down at us. My voice was hoarse when I said, "Demyx. What did Zex say?"

He shook his head sharply, not answering, instead saying, "You and Sora need to come with me. Right now."

I frowned. "What's up? I…" A thought occurred to me, eyebrows rising. "Are you guys going back already?"

_No. _I couldn't let Sora go yet! Not yet… Give me a night with him, let me hold him just one more time, _please, _fuck, _don't take him away from me._

"No. Something else. I… I've been thinking. And you… you two, you're part of the thoughts."

Now, I was just puzzled. "Dem, I don't understand."

He made an impatient noise. "Just wake Sora up and come with me."

Uncertainly, I gazed at him for a moment longer, then shifted my legs from their stretched-out position, buzzing and unfeeling. The motion lifted Sora, stirring him awake. He scowled deeply, turning over onto his back, a pout in place as his eyes very slowly cracked open. He mumbled for a minute, before saying, "Riku?"

I couldn't help the kiss I bent over to plant on his forehead, smiling through my pain at the love and light of everything I've ever been. "Time to wake up, baby. We're going for a walk."

He was confused, then scared. He grabbed me, lifted himself up and deposited his weight into my lap, clinging to me tightly, face jammed into my shoulder. "No! I'm not going _anywhere!_"

"Sora, it's okay," Demyx said calmly. I watched him, eyebrows drawn in disquiet. He was seeming very – un-Demyx-like. None of the bounce, the happy charisma, the clueless sweetness. He looked… like a man. Like he had aged incredibly in the hours passed, looking down at us like the mere children we suddenly were in comparison. His tranquillity was unnerving.

Sora jerked back, eyes puffy, turned to see Demyx, wondering, "Dem?" He twisted on my lap, bringing his legs around to stretch out along mine, using my chest for a backrest, my arms moving unthinkingly to clutch around his middle. "Is everything okay?"

Demyx let out a brittle laugh. "Everything is fine, Sora. I just want you guys to come with me for a while. I want to tell you something."

"Something like what? Why can't you talk here?" I wasn't comfortable, old instincts stirring to tell me that things weren't right with Nine. Demyx glowered.

"Just get up. Okay? Up."

I tensed, exchanging a look with Sora, and then slowly, I helped him off my legs, and we stood. Hands still gripped together, I said, "Okay, we're up, Dem. Now what?"

"Follow me." He was already walking away. We had to hurry to catch up. My mind was working quickly, assessing the situation warily, wondering what could be used as a weapon, the fastest way to find Zack in the event that Demyx flipped out on us, taking my physical vulnerabilities into account. All of this, calculated in the blink of an eye. I was ready for whatever he had to throw at us. None of us was armed, and it would be me and Sora against him, so we had the numbers advantage, even if he had health and size over each of us. Zexion I didn't really count on; he was too sick. We could do this.

Dem led the way to another replica room, very similar to the common room in Hojo's lab. It was like they had basically just Xeroxed this lab's blueprints and recreated them elsewhere. Hmph. A study in irony.

Zexion was waiting for us all in the common room, sitting on an old, dust-filled couch, looking frail and ill. Seeing him brought an element of reality into the situation. Demyx wouldn't do anything to put Zexion in danger, I was sure of it. So, diverting my attention at last from the blond, I frowned at the other man. He looked exhausted.

"Zexion, what's going on?" I asked him, thinking perhaps this was to do with him. He shrugged, gestured with his head to his lover.

"Ask Dem. He won't speak to me."

"No, I won't," Demyx said sharply, with a sniff. "You don't deserve to be spoken to."

Sora and I settled onto the other sofa, huddled close. "Don't tell me," I scowled, "that you're actually not leaving?"

Zexion glared at me. "I have the right to choose my own path. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"And what about Demyx?" I demanded. "You're just going to let him watch you die?"

"What about Sora?" he shot back, a low blow. "Are you going to let _him _watch _you _again? It was damaging enough the first time!"

"I won't let him go through that again," I snarled. "I love him better than that!"

"Guys, shut _up!" _We broke off our argument, to blink at Demyx, who towered angrily over us. "Jeeze, this isn't a competition over which dying boyfriend is the shittiest, okay?! Does no one realise that _I _called this meeting? It's about me! None of you!"

"You said you wanted to talk to us, though," Sora reminded him.

"Then let me fucking speak, assholes!"

This was, like, a foreign Demyx. He might as well have been talking a new language, from the way we gaped. Dem's never been a big curser, and he's pretty much as a rule not angry, and never insulting, not in a genuine manner. Taking our stunned silence for submission, he snorted quietly, calmed himself back to his original state, unnatural though it obviously was, and took a deep breath to explain.

"Zexion's not going back to Hojo's lab."

"You fucking _moron," _I spat, before Demyx seized a chunk of my silver hair and yanked my head back to face him. "Ow!"

His eyes blazed down at me. "Keep quiet, Riku," he said softly, an edge threading his words. "Okay? Ssh." I nodded slowly, and he let go, smoothing the mussed locks back into place. He stepped back. "Okay. No more outbursts. Not from anyone." He gazed at each of us, checking for dissension, before continuing. "Zexion's not going back, like I said. You guys know how sick he gets, and apparently, he'd rather it just ended now rather than dragging it out over another five years or more." He lowered his head, biting his lip a little. "When he first told me, I was really, really, really… angry. And sad. And hurt. Because, you know, when your boyfriend tells you that your love isn't enough to keep him around – that's – that's gotta hurt, right?" His voice wavered momentarily, before levelling out. "So. Okay. I've – I've dealt with it. I know that there's no… talking him out of it. And, really…" He frowned at the coffee table. "I mean, what right do I have to demand it, anyway? Why should he have to live all sick, just because I don't want to let him go… you know?" I shook my head in frustration, earning a sharp, warning glance from the blond. I kept my opinions to myself by biting the inside of my cheek. "So, Zexion's going to die." He stated it so baldly, so matter-of-fact. I fumed quietly. "We figure, a week from now, he'll be done. No more pain, ever again." He sent over a weak smile to the other man, whose eyes were closed, a tight expression in place. Dem sighed. "Thing is… I'm not sure I want to keep going, either."

_That _got our attention. Ignoring his previous threats, we opened our mouths and let forth a barrage of astonished outrage.

"_Dem, _what the _fuck?"_

"Dem, you can't be _serious?"_

"Demyx!" Zexion seethed. "Don't say such utter _rubbish. _You're not going to be an idiot on my behalf!"

"No, you're right, I'm not." Demyx surveyed us, that preternatural composure firmly in place, with just the barest hint of intimidation. "Firstly, because I don't consider what I'm about to do an idiotic venture, and second, it _won't _be on your behalf, Zexy. It'll be for Riku, and Sora."

Confusion. Just – just complete confusion. "Demyx." I leaned forward, trying to figure him out, willing him to enlighten me. "I'm afraid I don't understand what the fuck you're talking about."

"Don't cuss at me, asshole," Demyx replied serenely. "I didn't think I'd have to spell it out for you guys this much, but, long story short, I'm killing myself."

"No, Dem," Sora moaned, distressed. "Please, don't say things like that. _Please." _

"I have to say it, Sora," Demyx sighed. "Otherwise, you won't know what I've got planned, and it'll be a stupid, useless suicide, instead of an awesomely martyr-istic sacrifice."

"Demyx." Zexion's voice was cutting. He was curled into himself, sick, furious. "What are you _talking _about?"

"This isn't my world," Demyx said flatly. "Okay, so I can survive on it, but I don't want it. This – " He gestured broadly to our surroundings. _"This _is all I know. It's all I _want, _do you guys understand that at all? I can't go out there, into the world, and live like I'm normal! And I _won't _go out and live my life like Zexy never existed." He shot a venomous look at his lover. "I don't want the type of life where I have to mourn you, Zex. I won't do it. I refuse to feel that pain for the rest of my life. You don't seem to realise it, but I _love _you, with absolutely _everything, _and when you're gone…" His face emptied slowly of expression, becoming dull and lifeless, as if Zexion were already buried, and the pain had sucked him dry. "I already feel like I'm dying anyway," he said dully. "I won't live without you, Zex. You can't make me."

"You don't need me to survive," Zexion argued desperately, tears rolling down his face, his distress awful.

"No, of course not," Demyx snorted suddenly. "My body will be fine, it doesn't need you to survive, not at all. But _I _do. I'm not my body. I'm just… me. And Demyx can't live without Zexion." He shrugged. "That's all there is to it. If I don't do this now, I'll just end up dying of a broken heart, anyway. Better to do it this way, and then maybe, Riku can go home."

Sora sucked in a sharp breath, clutching me tightly. I stared at Demyx in bewilderment. "Get me home? I – I don't…" I became very suddenly aware of Sora at my side. My jaw clenched. "Demyx, what do you mean?"

"Me and Zexy can do it," he said calmly. "We can open a portal. We can send you home, Riku."

"You can – _what?" _I rocked back, stunned. "Demyx… _What?"_

"Are you serious?" Sora demanded sharply. "You can get him home?"

"No," I said, staring wildly. "Out of the question."

He whirled on me, incredulous. "What? Why not?! If Dem could get you home – "

"_I won't leave you!" _

We stared at each other for a long minute, the other two momentarily forgotten. I wouldn't leave him, not again. I couldn't just go off, and, and leave him here. Living the rest of his life knowing – knowing I chose… the _other _Sora. Same person, sure, but – different worlds.

"He already thinks I'm dead, So," I said softly. "He's grieved me, and he'll move on. I want to stay with you. I won't leave you, I swear it."

He smiled slightly, eyebrows knitted in pain, and shook his head. "But you'll die."

"I…"

He bent his face closer. "I lose you either way. So… might as well get you home, right? At least then, I'll know that you're happy, and somewhere _one_ of me is happy…" I gasped in a breath, chest burning, eyes blurring. I pressed my lips together, shook my head violently. He reached up to touch my face, stilling my anguish with his warmth. "I want this," he said. "I want you alive." He turned to Demyx, the curious half-smile still in place, and simply asked, "How?"

"Zexy's already halfway between worlds," Demyx said, business-like. "I can talk to the water, get it to move you to Riku's world, hopefully. It'll conduct you as I see fit. With Riku there, in the water, it'll have some direction, and the portal will lead the right way."

"But – it requires _death," _Sora recalled, frowning.

"Me and Zexy are gonna drown, Sora." He was… smiling. He was goddamn fucking _smiling._

"_I refuse!" _I leapt to my feet, breathing hard. "No! Never, no _fucking _way, you are _not _giving yourself to me!"

"Then I'll _kill _myself with Hojo's fucking _gun," _Demyx snarled. "I'll sneak in while Sephiroth's asleep, and I'll blast my fucking _brains _to kingdom come! Then the slimy fucker will have won after all, he'd love it if it was _his _bullet to take me out. You'd prefer _that, _Riku?"

"No!" I wailed. "Why can't you just learn to live without Zexion?"

"Why should I have to?" he demanded coldly. "I don't _want _to. Seven years as a subject, four of them the best I've ever lived because of one sick, suicidal man, who makes me feel more than I ever felt in my own world or this one. This is how it's going to _happen, _Riku, so don't bother raging against it."

Sora had gone quiet behind me. I was almost sobbing, my head so messed up, my heart pounding at a million miles a second.

"_But – "_

"It's Dem's choice," Zexion said suddenly, softly. I turned on him.

"No! You _can't _allow this!"

"Allow?" He arched an eyebrow. "That's got nothing to do with it, Riku. This is what Demyx wants. I won't argue with him. I can see that nothing will change his mind. So…" He lifted his gaze to the blond. "We'll die together."

Demyx grinned. "Yeah. We will."

I gripped my head with my right hand, snatching a handful of hair and tugging so it hurt. "You're both insane!" I shot them a fierce look. "You expect me to accept this?"

"It's how it's going to be," Demyx responded. "Either that, or Zexy wastes away for a week, and then I shoot myself. Or maybe, I can just shoot us both, since Zexy wants to escape the suffering. It'll be clean, quick – we'll be together – it really doesn't matter, either way, except that _my _way gets you a one-way ticket to somewhere that doesn't destroy you for existing."

I turned to Sora, desperately. "Please – So…"

"I think it's a good idea," he said, voice surprisingly strong. "You of all people should know that Demyx is only doing what his heart dictates. You think you'd be okay if I died, Riku? You think your heart would survive it? I know how much you love me. It's because of how much you love _him, _and yes, we're basically the same person, you and I haven't known each other all our lives like you and _he _have, but you really…" He faltered, glanced down at his hands. "You really think you could watch me die, and not need to follow?"

I had my hands clamped to my ears. "Don't talk like that to me," I growled. "I don't want to hear you speaking like that."

"It's true, though."

I was nearly hyperventilating, until Demyx touched my shoulder gently, pulled my hands from my ears without resistance. "You get it, don't you, Riku?" he asked, tenderly. "You get that I want this, right? I want to take you home. You – you _get _that… _don't _you?"

I fell against him slowly, arms wrapping around his middle, crying loudly, no longer able to keep the agony in.

I was going home.

-------

It… wasn't as hard to convince Zack as I'd thought it would be. He was shocked, sure, and – and scared. It was such a – a _crazy _idea, but… Demyx was certain it would work, and certain in his decision. Zexion was now backing it a hundred-percent. He was smiling, touching Demyx every chance he got, small brushes, a hand to the shoulder, a light kiss with cracked and dry lips, all of which Demyx delightedly responded to. They were… happy like this.

Sora, though – he looked like he was breaking. A small smile permanently pasted in place, he followed us around, from Zack to Sephiroth, who agreed to the venture, apparently pleased that the keyblader wouldn't have to die after all.

I knew there was a reason I didn't like him.

We went to Reno next, to get him to – to fly us in the chopper. See, we were going back to… Destiny Island. Demyx said it had to be where I'd crossed the first time, so that I'd wash straight back up onto the shores of home. And this way, there was a better chance everything would go okay. Because, of course, there were – risks involved. Nothing was ever guaranteed.

Reno agreed. I didn't understand him very much, even after having spent time with him. He was a Turk, he was one of the reasons I had ever gone to Hojo in the first place, and he was on direct orders to shoot me dead for killing Yunalesca, but here he was, more than willing to try and find me a way home. Even though it would mean the deaths of Demyx and Zexion.

Was this programmed into our fates? This cycle of life, encountering one another, and then their subsequent deaths? Sora would live. I would live. Nine and Six would die.

I guess history really does repeat itself, in a twisted, convoluting, heart-rending sort of way.

Zexion collapsed, nose bleeding, and it was time to go.


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: **I'm pretty sure it's obvious by now – this ain't no G-rated game for the kiddies.

A/N: Happy Anniversary! One whole month, from start to finish. To those who haven't reviewed before now, please just take a moment to tell me what you think overall of the fic, and to those that review faithfully, I nervously/eagerly await your reaction to the finale. To anyone interested in my next fic, either stick me on author alert, or check in later on in the week to see if I've started it yet. Shouldn't be long before I do. All that aside, thanks for all the encouragement, support and love you guys have given me these past four weeks! I appreciate it endlessly. Lots of love to you all!

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CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

I developed a headache during the flight to Destiny Island, and had a nosebleed of my own. Zexion was drifting quietly in and out of consciousness, leaning heavily against Demyx. Maybe we had overestimated, giving him a whole week.

The bleeding was pretty heavy this time, and by the time we found something to staunch it, my clothing was blotted with red, along with Sora's hands. I had one of Reno's spare white shirts wadded against my face, my head hanging, elbows on knees, breathing slowly.

This was like some kind of nightmare.

They were just… sitting across from me. And every mile that took us closer to Destiny Island, was a mile closer to their willing deaths. I felt sick.

There was this perpetual inch of space between Sora and me. It's like he was scared to touch me, at the one point in time that I was terrified to let him go, even for an instant. I didn't want to leave him. Not ever. Logic didn't come into it. How could you be logical about something like this? Sora tells me, at least one him will be happy. Oh, sure, my childhood friend Sora would be ecstatic – but this one wouldn't. This one would be left behind. And was it really meant to make me feel better, that I would be waking up to a happy face, only to be reminded like some haunting spectre that elsewhere, he was waking up alone? Did he think I was that shallow, or was he just trying to find a bright side to it somewhere, anywhere?

"I don't want to leave you." My voice hovered just above a whisper. I didn't look at him, but my hand, which wouldn't let him get away no matter how hard he squirmed, tightened on him. He didn't respond. I turned to him, a trace of desperation in me as I asked, "Did you hear me?"

His eyes slipped shut, pinching, a frustrated expression on his face. "Riku. Just because you don't want it to happen, doesn't mean it won't."

This… felt familiar.

_-------_

"_I won't be going anywhere you don't want me to, So. I promise."_

"_That's… a pretty big promise. Don't say if you don't mean it, Riku."_

"_Who says I don't mean it? We're best friends. That means we don't run away from each other."_

"_Going home to your family… that's not running away… It's normal. It's what's going to happen."_

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"But – it doesn't have to happen at all."

He snorted, eyes flashing open to reveal cerulean scorn. "Riku, the only other option is for you to die. You're going to die, Zexion is going to die. Nobody can do anything about either of those things. Demyx is choosing to die. And I'm… I just…" He lowered his head, refusing to let me see the emotion that brewed there. "I want you to live. You – all you're doing is thinking of me. This is the one instance that you shouldn't be using your heart. Use that… that massive brain of yours." He managed a crooked grin. I smiled weakly back, without feeling. He was right, of course. Sora's always right, most of the time. It was just that this time, him being right was hurting us both more than I thought I could possibly bear. I was just… leaving him here. Leaving him to live my life, and love, while he – he what? Was he going home now, or what? How would that play out? 'Hi, mom, guess what, I'm not really dead? Oh, but don't expect Riku over for dinner anytime soon, because, uh, um, no, wait, he _is _dead, so, yeah, he won't be coming over any more?'

"Zack. What about Sora?"

The raven-haired man lifted his face from its encasement in his hands, the position he'd been in, elbows touching between his knees, since we had taken off from Icicle. He frowned in weary confusion. "What _about _Sora?"

Sora let out a husky, bitter laugh.

"Well, I mean, ShinRa made it seem like we're both dead," I said. "So, what happens to Sora now?"

Zack looked utterly, utterly blank. I half-expected him to say, 'Jesus, kid, I don't know'. But he was better than that, I guess. He thought quickly of the boy it seemed that everyone had overlooked, between suicide-pacts and otherworldly portals. "I suppose…" he said slowly, "we find a way to get him home. I mean…" His brow creased, he massaged it. "Shit," he mumbled, "they set up a funeral, didn't they? I – ah – "

"I don't think I want to go home," said Sora softly. I blinked, scowling over at him.

"What do you mean? What about Senna, and Kairi?"

"We don't even know if Kairi's still alive, Riku," he said, irritably.

The voice from the front crackled over the intercom, "What, the little red-haired chick?"

Both our heads whipped around. "Fuck!" I exploded. "You're the one she shot, holy shit – Reno, do you know what happened to her?"

"Sure. She was picked up in Edge by Cloud."

"By _Cloud?"_

"Apparently he was driving around, looking for someone, and he found her near the, uh, you know the monument? Yeah, there."

We looked at each other in astonishment. "She's okay," Sora whispered, a smile twitching at his lips. The relief was astounding. I could have burst into laughter, if at that moment Sora's expression hadn't wiped abruptly clean. "I don't want to stay on Destiny Island."

"Why the _fuck _not?" I demanded angrily, slamming the wall beside his head, startling everyone in the cabin. "What about your mom, So?"

"She thinks I'm dead," he said harshly. "It's not like me disappearing is going to cause her any more pain than she's already feeling."

"Don't tell me _you're _going to kill yourself?"

He smirked briefly, a strained look, and shook his head. "I'd really rather not."

"So then what?"

He looked over to Zack. "I was… hoping you might know somewhere for me?" he said. "Maybe… with Vincent and Yuffie? Or – or whoever." He sighed. "I don't want to be around people I have to pretend with. It's not like… I'll ever be the same again."

"But… _Kairi…" _I attempted.

"I'm happy she's safe," he said quietly. "But I just can't face that life right now."

I turned away, facing front, slumping. So, after all this, he wasn't even going to get his life back. God, why could nothing in this go _right?! _

Zack, meanwhile, was cradling his chin, a hooded look to his eyes, very watchful. I noticed, narrowed my gaze at him. "What?" I asked. He looked almost startled at being addressed. His thoughts had been deep, and now… now he looked guilty. I persisted, "What is it?"

He sighed heavily, ground the heel of his palm into the bridge of his nose. "I – Sora… you can't stay with Yuffie and Vincent. It's… out of the question."

Sora scowled. "Why? Why can't I stay with them? They liked me, they helped me once – why not a second time?"

"It's not that I don't think they wouldn't," he said, a hint of anxiety in his manner, his eyes refusing to look at my boyfriend. "It's that, well, it's just not a good idea. Yuffie's going to rule Wutai someday, and… you'll be wanted man. ShinRa isn't going to give up on you, Sora, even if Riku's no longer around… They can't – risk – having someone they framed as dead, with so much information, just… wandering around."

I glared. "And this has _what _to do with that Yuffie chick?"

He fidgeted. "She might not want to," he said reluctantly, "but in the end, she'd have to turn you in. To her own people… so they could sell you back to ShinRa."

"She's not like that!" Sora said angrily. "She cared about me, _and _Riku. And don't forget about Vincent – Vincent wouldn't let her just ransom me off."

Zack shook his head, running his hands through his spikes in frustration. "No, see, Sora, Vincent, he's a good guy, and sure, he keeps the little ninja in line most of the time – but Yuffie wouldn't have a choice in this. She couldn't knowingly harbour you like that. She'd owe it to Wutai, to her father. It'd… give them so much leverage over ShinRa. I – " His eyes closed briefly, the expression on his face regretful. "I..." His voice went soft, almost inaudible in the noisy chopper. "I wouldn't be able to let you."

I grabbed hold of Sora, for this moment the pair of us again united. _"Let _him?" I echoed coldly. "What's it to you if ShinRa goes down? You're not exactly helping them right _now, _are you?"

"I still work for them, Riku," he argued, without fervour, only contrition. "I'm no turncoat, okay? I wasn't going to stand by and let a – let you guys be hurt…" He meant to say 'a keyblader', before realising how fucking callous that was going to sound in front of the suicidals among us. "…and I'm helping you all I can with this, but – " His eyes flashed to Sora. "That doesn't mean I can just blow them off entirely. I'm still loyal to ShinRa… and I can't let something that potentially damaging be set up."

"So, wait," said Sora slowly, piecing this together, "does that also mean that, if I _wanted_ to go home…"

Zack closed his eyes, lips tightening. "I couldn't let you do that."

Sora fell silent, as the rest of the cabin exploded into angry incredulity.

"How can you say that, Zack?" Demyx demanded furiously, clutching Zexion close. "I mean, what gives you the right to stop Sora from seeing his family?"

"They think he's _dead," _I said heatedly. "And you won't even – _fuck." _I snarled, slamming back against the side of the chopper. "What a fucking joke."

"So, what then?" Zexion asked, having been tracking the conversation, frail, but no less incensed than I was. I might have loved Sora as a boyfriend, but both Demyx and Zexion had got to love him as a friend and roommate these past few weeks. Neither of them was prepared to just let him fade away into ShinRa's dark belly. "What's meant to happen? You're just not going to let him go? Going to offer him in Riku's place, Zack? Eye for an eye, all that _shit."_

"_No!" _Zack was distressed, offended. "Jesus, I thought you knew me better than that!"

"Better than _what, _Zack?" Demyx asked tightly. "I thought I knew you better than it taking someone more important than us to get us freed, but that turned out all wrong, didn't it?"

Zack froze, eyebrows shooting together, a look of utmost remorse on his face, useless and too late. "I – Dem, I wanted to help you, but… there was nowhere…"

"Aerith told you about the lab, Zack," the blond replied flatly, cutting off the excuses with a curtness I hadn't seen him exhibit before now. I guess he really was put out by the fact that, without me, he and Zexion would still be whiling away their years under Hojo. I had assumed, because of his general nature, he was okay with it, not really bothered – but how could he not be? He'd just not let it become a topic of discord, until now. "That was years ago. You knew where that lab was all this time, and you didn't care enough to try and save _us, _because you didn't want to be near Hojo, and because we weren't enough by ourselves, _were _we? It took the hero of a story to bring you out, make you deliver us from the hell we'd been enduring all this time."

Zack was at a loss. There was no apology he could give that would make what Dem had said any less true. Helplessly, he said, "Dem, I…"

"Shut up." Demyx shook his head, made a cutting motion with one hand. "This isn't even what I want to talk about. That has nothing to do with this, except that I'm adding it to what you just said about Sora, and I _really _hate to be disillusioned. I thought you were a good guy, Zack, but all this time, you were just another Turk, doing his job."

The other man's face was turned down, a fierce, bitter scowl in place. He couldn't even try to defend himself. Truth hurts like nothing else, when you've been sinning and calling it life.

"Fact is, I'd just like to know what you've got planned for Sora, if anything. Didn't think that far ahead, when you agreed to let me and Zexy fuck ourselves over for your darling keyblade wielder?" I flinched. Demyx saw this, and softened. "I'm not mad at you, Riku." He even managed a smile, a genuine one, reassuring. "I'm happy I can do this for you. _You're _not using me."

"Demyx, please," Zack muttered desperately to his shoes. The blond's face whipped back to him, cold again in the blink of an eye.

"Sora?" he demanded. Zack drew in a shuddering breath.

"Sora… will have to come back with us. He'll be given a home in ShinRa. He won't be hurt, I'll swear to it myself, but I can't let him leave by himself, and I won't trust anyone else with him…" His head fell even lower, as he growled, in utter self-loathing, "I'm sorry."

Sora had gone completely blank. There was no expression there. None. A life with ShinRa – he'd never thought that chasing after me from Twilight Academy could lead to the end of existence as he knew it.

"Don't bother," Zexion sneered at the man. "You're destroying Sora's life – sorry doesn't change that."

"I'll be okay," Sora whispered dully. Something in me snapped.

"No," I said, angrily. "You won't be. You'll wither and die in an environment like that, So – you were barely surviving Hojo's lab with your spirit intact, and at least you had me then, and Dem and Zex. No, nobody could be okay with that. You're not. I won't _let _you be."

"What do you propose?" His voice didn't change. "Should I just throw myself out now and be done with it?"

I shivered. Sora – he should never adopt that tone. Not ever. It signals an end of days.

I shook my head firmly. "God, no, Sora, not ever. You're coming with me."

Demyx beamed, as suddenly and brightly as the sun coming out from behind the clouds. Zexion smiled and closed his eyes. Sora was looking at me in shock and disbelief, and Zack just looked perplexed.

"You… can't," Sora breathed, frowning. "It's impossible, Riku. There's already a Sora there, I _know_ he's waiting."

"So he'll find himself a twin," I replied with a grin. When he shoved me, I wasn't prepared, and hit the wall hard, seeing stars.

"Shut up!" he cried angrily. "Don't talk like this is all just some big joke! You don't know what you're saying, Riku, it's just not going to work."

"I don't see why not," I snapped, blinking away the daze. "Maybe we don't know what'll happen, maybe we don't know what life'll be like, but if you think I'm just going to let you go to this bullshit little fate, think again. Sora, I won't leave you to that!" I cast a baleful look Zack's way. "At least if I'm here," I added sourly, "I know you'll be taken care of."

Sora's eyes rolled in exasperation. "Yeah, for like, _a week, _after which you'll be kind of slightly _dead, _Riku." He let out a noise of frustration, scuffing his hands through his hair. "For God's _sake, _what'll it take you to stop trying to be the hero?"

"You," I replied quickly, "with me, coming home."

"_I am home!" _There were tears in his eyes, helpless. "This is where I was born, it's where I belong. We don't come from the same _world, _Riku! You've just got to let me go, and go to your _own _home! I'm not meant to live the life of your Sora, I'm meant to live _my _life, and that doesn't include you! It doesn't include my mom! I just have to _deal _with that." He turned to Zack. "I'm coming with you!"

"_No!" _I snarled, snatching up his wrist, fingers hard enough around his flesh to leave a ring. "You're coming with _me. _Damn it, Sora, you don't seem to understand that I won't leave you like this. I told you I wouldn't, so I _won't. _If that means I have to die, then _no one _gets me, and you end up alone with ShinRa _anyway."_

"But that's so stupid!" he wailed.

"_I DON'T CARE!"_

He winced under the force of my bellow, my voice ringing in the confined space. "Do you care about what your Sora might think?" he demanded, face twisted.

I gripped his chin, brought us together hard enough to bang our foreheads, and hissed, "There is no 'my' Sora, except for the Sora I claim as my own, and you are _part of that. _Sora will understand. You need to stop being stupid and just _agree with me."_

"And if I don't, you'll stay and just _die?" _His mouth was curled down, lower lip jutting out, not in a cute pout, not in anything halfway adorable, just this awful pain and conflict, the struggle to not break down completely. His will against mine. His breaths were short and shallow, mouth incapable of closing all the way because of its contortion.

"That's exactly right, So," I said softly. My thumb caressed his jaw. "So what'll it be? You really want to watch me die one more time?"

His eyes squeezed shut, a choked sob escaping. "You're _manipulating _me."

I inhaled the tortured air, pressed him a little tighter with my fingers. Voice low, I asked, "And is it working?"

Zack saw him cracking, and felt the need to intervene. I cut my eyes to him in a vicious glower, as he said, "I really don't think this is a good idea."

"Shut the fuck up, Zack, no one really gives two shits what you think right now," I growled. Sora's eyes flew open, new hope within grasp.

"I do! What's wrong? Why shouldn't I?"

He shot me an apologetic look. "It's just… I'd love nothing more than for that to be an option, but – two people in the same place, at the same time… the _same _two people… it's an anomaly. It's dangerous."

"So's this whole fuckin' world, Zack, you see me complaining?" I snapped back. "This place is a living, breathing fucking anomaly, and you're trying to tell me that one more to the mix is going to hurt?"

"Riku, you can't just – "

"The hell I can't!" I roared. "Damn it, Zack, if you're not with me right now, then you're against me, I don't care _what _you've done for me – if you screw this up, and make Sora stay, I will stay _also, _and I will _find _a way to summon the keyblade, and I will _hunt – you – down. _Sorry, Aerith," I added in frustration to the general air, in case she was listening.

Zack hunched over, tense, lips pressed thin. I don't know if he was thinking about my argument, or letting those last two words run through his head, wondering about her, wondering what she'd do in the same situation. It occurred to me that almost all of her sacrifice had been in vain – Lucrecia wouldn't have been able to use the Mako, either. She'd have died. Perhaps she'd have preferred that, to the nightmare Hojo had made her twisted life into.

Sora was poised on an edge, a thin, straight line. To fall to one side would mean a life he would hate, an invisible existence under ShinRa's watchful shadow. To the other, the unfamiliar, the unknown, his only true fear being his mirror-image that dwelt there.

I would drag him down with me, to my side.

"Sora's coming with me," I said, in a tone that would brook no argument. I didn't even look at him to gain approval. I knew that he would fight with every small amount of leeway that I granted. The time had come to take charge of this dispute, and crush his protests without a second thought. I glanced over to Demyx and Zexion. They were going to die for me, to get me home.

I was going to make damn sure that once I got there, I had no reason to want to come back.

"He's coming with me. And that's all there is to it."

-------

The sun was hot, a direct contrast to the ever-present chill of Icicle. To stand here on the beach, feet sinking into the soft sand, the smell of the ocean filling every sense, was like feeling hope springing anew, eternal. I gripped Sora's hand hard.

The chopper was still going, several meters away, the whirlwind it created whipping up a sandstorm that lashed us even at this distance. The four of us, Zexion, Demyx, Sora and myself, faced the other three. A solemn air had descended upon us all, as we faced one another for the last time. We were on the play island, where I had first washed up all that time ago. It was empty of people, due to the lack of youth on Destiny Island at the moment. We were isolated, alone, preparing to tear the laws of physics apart.

Zack was crying, silently. No drama, just tears trickling down. Sephiroth was as unreadable as ever, and Reno looked calm.

"So," the redhead said, the first to break the tension. He stepped forward, held out his hand to Sora. "You did good, kid." Sora hesitated, shook it, giving a jerky nod.

"Thanks."

He winked at me. "Silver," he acknowledged. Then he flipped a wave to the other two, turned, and returned at a lope to the chopper.

"I'm sorry," Zack said hoarsely, voice raised over the noise. "I – I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry," he repeated, mournfully, to Demyx.

Demyx just smiled. "It's okay, Zack. I'm not mad, not really. And remember, this was our choice. Don't be sad for us; Aerith wouldn't want that."

Zack closed his eyes, nodded shortly. "I just…"

"Zack." Zexion had regained a little strength from spending the last several hours resting. He stood on his own, arm around Demyx, a peaceful expression on his face. "You should go now. People will notice the helicopter."

The tears came a little faster, his eyes flashing open. He stayed for another long minute, not speaking, studying us one by one. Committing to memory what he could. At long last, he nodded. "I'll miss you guys. I hope – I hope things get better, wherever you end up." He turned to me in particular. "I hope you get home, Riku. And – take care of Sora, okay?"

I drew my boyfriend close, holding him against my chest with one arm, and replied, "I will, Zack. You know I will."

He lifted a hand to his mouth, bowed his head, and leaned into Sephiroth. The older man took his shoulder gently, shot me a small smile, and led Zack away. We watched, we couples, as they climbed into the machine and closed the door. I could see a flash of red in the pilot's seat, my last glimpse of Reno.

The rotors kicked into a higher speed, the noise and wind becoming intolerable – then the chopper lifted off, and, within minutes, was gone into the sky.

This was it.

I turned to the other two. "Okay," I said, frowning. "They're gone. This is your chance – if you want to change your mind and run, they're not going to stop you."

Demyx glanced over at Zexion, rolling his eyes. Zexion just sighed and shook his head. "We're going swimming."

Demyx let Zexion go, and came over to us. He enveloped me in a hug, reached out and drew Sora into it. I was surprised when, a moment later, I felt one of Zexion's trembling arms touch me. We stood there for a while, the four of us, a lump of humanity saying good-bye.

When Demyx pulled away, his eyes shone with moisture. "You two take care, okay?" he said, voice shaking a little. "You know we love you, and you know you love each other, so everything is going to be fine."

Sora wept. He reached for them both, and hugged them tightly, his friends throughout this whole despicable ordeal. Demyx allowed the embrace to linger, eventually gently disengaging from him, tugging Zexion along. "We need to get going," he said softly. He wiped his eyes, and gave us each a loving look. "You guys stay in the shallows, okay? You'll know when it's time."

We all walked down to the water. Sora and I stopped where the water lapped at our thighs, while the other two continued, swimming once it got too deep. We watched them go, listening to their splashing grow distant.

"Are you okay?" I asked Sora. He sniffled, shook his head.

"I don't want this to happen. I don't want any of it to happen."

I drew him to me, wrapped him up in my arms, ignoring the pain in my shattered hand. "I know, baby," I murmured into his hair. "It sucks. All of it." I gave him a squeeze. "Are you alright with the water like this?"

Sora laughed harshly. "It's a little late to say I'm scared, don't you think?"

I tucked my chin down, pressed our cheeks together. "I guess it is."

For a while, we closed our eyes, and listened to the sea, the remote cry of gulls, the wind rustling the paopu leaves. "Soon," I whispered into his ear, "we'll be home. And there won't be any ShinRa. We can live peacefully, forever. I promise you."

"Do you think Sora will be mad at me?"

"He can't be mad at himself." I kissed his temple. "I told you. It'll be like you're twins. We'll just tell the world you are, and no one will bother you. I'll take care of you both."

He nodded against me. I straightened with a sigh, turning my head to find Demyx and Zexion. They were a fair distance out, circling lazily around each other, exchanging kisses. To look at them, you'd think they were any pair of lovers at the beach on a fine day. You'd think they were exulting in their lives, rather than verging on ending them.

They dipped below the water.

A wind started to blow, the smack of the paopus becoming louder. I heard the wooden wind chimes Kairi got for her eighth birthday clonk faster. Zexion, suspended between worlds and dying, Demyx, one with the water even when hidden away in a secret laboratory. Both of them, they gave themselves to me.

Minutes passed, and they never resurfaced.

The waves around us surged suddenly, sucking at our pants, tugging at our feet submerged in the wet sand. Sora gave a little gasp and held me tighter. I whispered soothingly to him, rubbed his back, but I, too, felt a spark of nervous fear.

"Riku…"

"It's okay, baby." Demyx and Zexion would never come up again. "It's okay."

The sea swirled, churned, and drained away. The water level dropped, as the air went suddenly still. I was pulled from Sora, staggering under the force of the current. I stumbled to my knees in the suddenly shallow water, hands sinking fast into the sand, the bandages on my hand becoming soaked and useless. Brine splashed up into my eyes, stinging, briefly blinding. I gasped, pushing the hair from my eyes, the water flattening it to my head, and clambered back up.

There was a silence hanging heavy in the air. As I tilted my head up, I saw a wave coming, a wall. Terror spiked, awe. It was coming this way. A – a giant wave. A nightmare. I twisted to Sora, who was locked in horror, eyes wide, watching it come. This… was his nightmare. It was true, after all.

I did what I knew I needed to. I walked forward, towards the towering water, the sand wet, depth gone, sucked away to feed the monster. When it should have been around my neck, it sloshed at my calves. I turned to Sora, saw he had yet to move.

"_So!" _He tore his gaze to me, terrified. I extended a hand, urging him to come. "This is it, Sora," I bellowed, over the growing hiss-roar of noise. _"Take my hand!" _

He lurched into motion. The tidal wave kept coming, tearing along. This could be nothing else but the portal. _"Sora!" _

He was running, stumbling in the wet sand, reaching for me. I lunged for him, an endless shadow falling across us. I fell to my knees, and grabbed him, dragged him to me, the roar filling everything, it was everywhere, the world had become noise and darkness, it was being devoured. I felt the first few flecks of water hit me, stinging, hard. It became rain, light, powdery.

Then, it became a train, slamming into me, breaking me. Sora was torn from my grasp.

We were ripped away into nothingness.

-------

_Water._

_-------_

Darkness. Emptiness. Nothing.

Sora.

-------

Sora.

-------

_Sora?_

_-------_

"_Riku!"_

-------

Air. I opened my mouth, let the fluid vomit from my lungs, an endless supply of it, the agony all-encompassing. Head pounding, body throbbing, arm afire. Hands pressed at me, held me up, scraping the hair from my face, a voice screaming my name over and over.

I collapsed to the sand, cheek against it, sucking in grits of it as I gasped and screeched at the oxygen around me. I was coughing, choking, sick beyond measure.

"Riku – _Riku – _Riku, answer me, baby, are you okay? Riku, _speak, _say _something, please!" _

My arm snaked out, wrapped around the nearest thing, a neck, a neck holding me up, keeping me from smothering in the wet, wet sand.

"Keep your eyes, open, baby, please hold on, we're going to get you to the hospital – "

"_No!" _I gasped, pushing away from the neck, the voice. I fell onto my back, started gagging on the water that hadn't come out yet. He came after me, crawling across the sand, picking up my head, leaning me forward despite the pain, my sound of distress.

"Riku, it's okay, you're home, you're back, you're _home." _I looked sideways, eyes torn open, and there – there was Sora. Brown, tear-streaked, blue-eyed Sora. I hitched in a breath, let out a sob, threw myself on him, wrapping him tightly, tightly so I'd never have to let him go again. He clutched me harder. "It's okay. You're going to be fine. I'll take you home, you can sleep. You're going to be okay." His voice was fierce, strong, broken. He felt… dry. I let out a startled noise, clung even harder.

"_Sora?" _

"It's me, I'm here, it's gonna be okay."

I closed my eyes tight, inhaled him sharply. He – smelled like home. I jerked back, took his face with my hands, dug the fingers in hard enough to hurt, my eyes darting frantically over his features. "I'm – home?"

He nodded tearfully. "You made it. I – I had dreams… they all wanted me to believe you were dead, but… I knew – you'd never leave me like that."

"Never," I vowed savagely. Then I realised we were missing someone. My resolve was blown away by a breath of fear, insides tightening. "Sora!" I released him, whipped around sluggishly, eyes wide, searching. _"Sora!" _

Sora's arms looped around me, yanked me back to his chest, wet from the waist down from where he'd pulled me from the water. "Ssh," he whispered into my ear, voice thick. I struggled, but he held me tighter. "You're home now. Shush, Riku, please."

"I have to find Sora," I said wildly. "He came with me, he crossed, too, I have to _find him!" _

"It's okay, baby." He was crying against my neck. "He's okay now. He made it across."

My heart leapt. I halted, demanded, "Where is he? Is he conscious? Is he alright?"

Sora's arms tightened on me, he drew me closer. He cried harder than ever. "He's dead, baby. He drowned. He came with you, but he died."

I stopped breathing. My heart… stopped. "No," I said.

"I'm sorry," he wept.

"No. He can't be!" I tore free of his clinging, fell forwards onto the sand, staggered to my feet. I spun in a clumsy circle, seeking, scouring the bare sand of the play island. I saw a blot along the beach and started running. Sora called after me, chased me.

I let out a scream as I got closer, close enough to see his white pallor, blue lips. I threw myself to the ground, clawed my way over the sand, reached him and seized him. Hair plastered to his flesh but drying in the sun, chest still, not moving, not breathing. I leaned down, pressed my ear to his heart, heard only heavy silence. "No," I groaned, pulling back, punching his chest, parting his lips to breathe into him, to breathe into him, to breathe _into_ him, and not once did he breathe back. The lips were cold and rubbery. His eyes were cracked open blankly. I drew a breath, wrenching his sandy head up, bellowing into his ear to wake up. Sora reached me, tried to pull me away, got punched for his troubles. Then I punched the Sora in my arms. _"Don't you leave me!" _I shouted. I threw him down onto the sand, shook him roughly, and this time when Sora tugged at me, I fell backwards into him, wailing, my cries drifting up into the ocean breeze, to be swept away.

"He crossed first," he whispered brokenly into my ear, "he came first, and when I pulled him out, it was like he'd been there for hours. He's dead, baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

I sobbed into his shirt, felt a piece of me break off and die, lying with the body of my love. I was home. I was home, and Sora was holding me, telling me I was going to be okay, and all I could do was stare at his counterpart, and feel that nothing could possibly ever be okay again.

-------

It was night. I lay in Sora's bed, on my side, his warmth curled behind me, arm over my waist, fulfilling the promise I had drawn from him to never let me go. All the lights in the house were off. Senna was at the funeral parlour, weeping for the son she had never known.

There had been no way for us to explain the anomaly of the other Sora. I didn't even try, and neither of us wanted to just… just push him back to the waves. He would have hated it. Hated to be left to sink below that which he had spent his whole life fearing.

The Nightmare. Capital T, capital N, death by water. It had all been true. Since his birth, he had been dreaming of his death. It hadn't even happened on his own world.

They were burning his body. There was nothing else to do. No one could figure out the doppelganger, and I refused to allow this to become a media phenomenon. Upon seeing my hair-tearing distress, it was quickly agreed to. No doubt, someone would regret this some day, but it didn't matter. Nothing… really mattered to me.

All through that night, neither of us slept. Sora just held me, and cried with me, the two of us exhausting ourselves, but not enough to sleep. He told me of the dreams he'd been having since I disappeared that day during the storm, washed away on a fool's errand when I should have been safe, right here. He told me how he had been there on the clock tower. How he had caught me when I swooned, and started to fall.

"I was there that night," he whispered, his voice thin in the darkness.

"You were never not there," I replied, hollowed-out and sore. "You were the same heart."

"Yes," he agreed quietly, "we were. The same heart, made twice."

"And both of you loved me."

He buried his face into my neck, murmuring, "How could we not?"

-------

Morning. An hour before dawn. Senna had returned with the ashes in a porcelain box, and stood at the door of the bedroom until we noticed her presence. We rose quickly, and stopped, upon seeing the container. Senna looked half-dead herself, her eyes never leaving her son, as if afraid to. I knew, when I told her my plans, that she wanted to stop Sora from coming with me, wanted to lock him away, wrap him in cotton, and never let him leave again.

But she didn't. She let us go, and took herself away to get drunk and pass out. It would happen again, after that night, for several days running. But then, when Sora burst into tears and accused her of caring more for the dead son than the live one, she would slap him, and never touch alcohol again.

For now, though, we descended the stairs, emerging into the hush of pre-dawn, when the birds were only beginning to cheep. The air held a bite of cold, the ground beneath our bare feet icy without the sun to bake it. I cradled the porcelain box in both hands, afraid to drop it, and spill him over the road. My left hand had healed in the crossing, but much like Zexion's remaining scars, the bones hadn't miraculously straightened and become pristine. There was no pain, but there were strange lumps under the flesh, and a slight hook to my fingers that couldn't be straightened out. Zack's efforts had saved it for the most part, but Hojo had been thorough. I doubted the hand would ever come right. I guess it's good that I wield the keyblade with my right. At least, if the occasion ever called for it, I would still be able to fight.

I don't know, though. My soul was wearying of that sort of life.

We walked to the beach in silence, listening to the gentle hush of the waves, the breeze through the trees, paopu and otherwise. Neither of us had bothered to dress much; I had discarded my ShinRa clothing, and wore an old pair of black shorts that belonged to Sora. Despite the differences in our physiques, they hung loosely on me, evidence of the ruination of my body. Sora had on shorts, and a sweater he had thought to pull over his head before we left.

As we reached the sand, Sora slowed, drawing back, allowing me my space. I don't know if I was crying anymore – it seemed like maybe I had no tears left. All I knew was the dull, heavy weight in my chest. It dragged at me, though I fought it, knowing that Sora wouldn't necessarily want me to be scarred by this. It was hard to remember.

_-------_

"_If I die tomorrow – I die happy – because I know that you love me, too."_

"…_Nobody has to die. This isn't where we want to be, but we're together. And they aren't going to do anything unless we try to escape."_

"_I think that if there was a way to escape, Demyx and Zexion would have taken it. They hate it here."_

"_We can be happy, though. Demyx said we can be family, and we'll all look out for each other. And if I'm good, we can have our own place like they have, and you can sleep on your very own sofa."_

_-------_

I waded out into the water, felt the coldness and ignored it. I went as deep as I knew Sora would be comfortable – only up to my knees, so that the waves as they rolled in licked at my thighs. My shorts swirled and swayed in the calm ocean. I took a long moment to stare at the horizon, waiting for the sun to come peeking out. Sora had been neglected of the sun for too long. Even when we were out in it, he hadn't been allowed to bask and enjoy it. He hadn't enjoyed much for a long time.

I saw it come, the red-golden tip of the arc, which would eventually become a blazing yellow ball. By that time, I would be back in bed, and I would sleep, and for a while, I wouldn't be feeling this pain.

I looked down at the box in my hands, cream and light rose pink with silver filigree, one of Senna's favourites. The sea swayed around me, making docile, wet noises, kissing my skin through the material. Gently, I pulled back the porcelain lid, revealing the meagre remains of the boy who embodied light and love. I tried, but couldn't bring myself to love these ashes. I would stick to the memory, and the reality, and do him justice that way.

I took a few more steps, going in up to my hips, then held out the box, and tipped it.

I scattered these ashes, as broadly as I could, the closest I could get him to home.


End file.
